Oh Fuck @sandwichcrackwhore - Tumblr Blog

McGregor’s very first satisfying 69

I don’t agree with blowing people up, I just want to drink raw milk

Eat some fish and fucking relax

Hey no one, bad news, they changed the version of ‘Honky Tonk Badonkadonk’ that’s on Spotify to something terrible

We don’t have to ROB him, just borrow it permanently

Maybe my experience with international airports is too little, but there is nothing fun about Heathrow

Want to motivate yourself to clean the entire house in an hour? Invite your mother over for lunch

Somehow the Webster Dictionary has become my most visited social media page but have yall watched their videos they’re great

“I’m not sleeping” is his favorite sleep-talk phrase which is super confusing because he also talks a lot of nonsense when he’s awake

(HERO) Drink a White Monster.

-OR-

(DARK) Become a White Monster.

Life is about the balance between light and darkness

Crazy Monet wasn’t a ninja turtle

Asparagus don’t pee

Denver is the Vegas of airports I’m just wandering with a martini chattin up the hotties

SH e e ps

Why is the Colorado River like SO exclusive

Can’t the other rivers be considered the same

“Cured meats aren’t good for you”

Okay they’re good for my feelings so

We are BAR TV

Oh Fuck