Each breath,welded by chains

Beyond broken boundaries.

[thingsxflxre-deactivated2016081]

                             The sight of the stranger rouses no reaction for a split second and Jiayihai has to remind himself to smile at the other, lest he scare the man off. Or, worse, scare him into violence. He would very much like to avoid a fight today – he only has one gun with him, after all.

Stepping back some, he moves the box in front of him with his foot and nudges it forward slightly, a little hum vibrating in the depths of his throat. He knows it’s possible the other won’t accept his assistance – whether it be due to pride or simply lack of trust, but there was no harm in trying to help. If the kid denied him, then he’d leave the box in the hall and go home. See if he’d come out once the ‘threat’ was gone.

“Heard you an’ some boys’re in need of supplies,” he responds casually, offering the faintest tip of his head towards the box. “Got food, some clothes and basic stuff for you. Consider it a gift from a friend.”

[sanguineshadedtruths]

— They have never been offered anything like this before. Not from a stranger. It has Yoongi’s lips twisting before he shuts the door, breathes slowly as undoing the security chain before pushing it back open. It’s a risk, he knows it is, but he’s not about to refuse help either: as long as it’s honest. But he does have questions. “Who told you about us?” His voice is hoarse, still carrying remnants of exhaustion. 

   He knows what names to listen for, which ones that are wrong and which ones that are right. They have friends in all kinds of places, eyes and ears that help keep them safe. Rumors too, to keep prying eyes away from the real sources of help. Yoongi rubs at the back of his head, bites back the yawn that sits in the back of his throat. This is not the time to reveal how tires he actually is. 

   As tempting as it is to accept the offered goods as soon as the content has been mentioned is difficult to resist. Their little group is really using up every last penny they have to get by these days. They’re stuck in the transition between two months, and nobody is getting any money out in at least a week and a half. It’s always the same, and they never get any better at getting by. Perhaps because there’s many of them and not all have time to work. 

  Please, please be a friendly source. 

[thingsxflxre-deactivated2016081]

<팬더> Bills and the most recent Japan Crate! <팬더>  Lots of Japanese candy to try I’m excited <팬더>  Try using a hot pack???  😢😢 <팬더>  But I’m okay, it’s cold though. My heat shut off earlier for some reason when I was sleeping and it’s only now started working again

[sanguineshadedtruths]

< 파이로 > :  Oh that sounds like fun! I’m jealous! < 파이로 > :  I’m only getting by with the cheap stuff right now. Hyung says we need to hold onto our money for a while.  < 파이로 > :  I will, I think. If it doesn’t get better at least. Ah but it works again now? That’s good at least. Wrap up in blankets and wear several pairs of socks! And long sleeves! Your body’s heat receptors are located on your wrist, among other places, and if you keep your wrists warm you will feel warm too!   < 파이로 > : Sorry for babbling! haha!

[thingsxflxre-deactivated2016081]

( @sanguineshadedtruths )

                              It’s a rare thing for Jiayihai to do things for free, especially for complete strangers, but after hearing of a group of seven’s plight to survive together… well, it reminded him some of he and his sister’s struggles in China. He could not simply ignore them, knowing the things they were going through. So after some snooping around, mostly gathering names and how old they were (younger boys ate more, after all), he ends up gathering a little box of goodies.

Different types of food, much of it ramen and cheap stuff – things he could get in large quantities. Some clothing in variant sizes; if pieces didn’t fit, they could use them to patch holes in other clothing. And then toiletries, for obvious reasons. It took almost a full week to get everything he thought they might need and some dodging from his sister so he didn’t have to explain himself to her. 

It’s a chilly Saturday morning when he finally knocks on the door of the dorm he was informed the group was staying at, the large box next to him. Hands are tucked deep into his pockets and his hat is perched neatly atop his head, gaze fixated on the door. He’s impatient; it’s quite cold out and he doesn’t necessarily want to stand there all day.

[sanguineshadedtruths]

    — He is always the first one to get up.  Always: Because Yoongi never sleeps particularly well. Always restless, always dreaming of things he wants to forget. As if his past is desperate to cling onto him like a stubborn plague. He hates it, but never mentions it to anyone. Not even to Hoseok, even though they share everything with each other. Or well, Hoseok shares everything with Yoongi, who shares what he feels is needed in return.  Although he is more than sure that the other one knows exactly what lingers inside his head. They are after all, twin souls: part of the same symbios.

   Surprise is the first emotion to wash over him when there’s a knock on the door, subtle enough to allow the rest of the boys the sleep they need. Whereas Yoongi lets go of the cup he has kept in his hands: smell of fresh coffee fading a bit more with each step he takes towards the door. As always he is cautious. Living like they do, hunted by various people for various reasons, there is no telling who might show up.  But there is still a slight optimistic streak, fighting to stay alive within him and he’s not about to let it die either. So when he stops by the door, security chain still attached, he peeks out at the male on the other side. 

   “Yes?” 

   His voice echoes briefly, dark hues lingering by the male’s frame, observing features and posture. He doesn’t seem all too threatening, no evidence of hidden intentions present. But there’s no real telling, is there? 

[sanguineshadedtruths]

{ — Note to new followers: This is a sideblog, meaning the follow you’ll get isn’t from this blog but form this one! Just so you don’t think I’m ignoring you or haven’t seen you! Thank you! }

[thingsxflxre-deactivated2016081]

<팬더> Jimin! <팬더>  Sorry for the wait, I was getting the mail <팬더>  How have you been?

[sanguineshadedtruths]

< 파이로 > :  No worries! < 파이로 > :  I’m happy you’re online! Anything interesting in the mail today?  < 파이로 > :  I’ve been good, back is troubling me a little. And you? 

[sanguineshadedtruths]

<---- Log in completed---->

< 파이로 > : Haeil?  Are you online today?  < 파이로 > :  I know you sometimes leave your status as invisible to keep people away, so I’m not sure.  < 파이로 > :  I’m here at least, finally. If you want to talk! < 파이로 > :  :-) 

[sanguineshadedtruths]

                                                                  ▲ Falling is easy ▼

                                      “  Į͙͉̤̰̗̹̮̹͕ ̡̭͇̩̜̗̻̗̻͜h̨͈̟̬͓̲̝̞͜͜e̢̤̦̪̖͎̰̘͕ͅa̡̟̹͎͔̜̤̖͚͜ŗ̢̨͎͇̘͚̣̳͇.̜̬̻̘̦͙̠͔͈͜.̩͍̙͎͓̜̰̭͖ͅ ̢̢̦̲̞̠͓̗͍̺I͈͓͇̜̦̦̣̳͉͜ ̡̘͈̮̭̖̰͍̫͜h̰͉̟̯̹̙̥̥͈ͅe͉̞̞̱̝̹̲͎͙͜a͔̹̰̟͚̮̙̜͓̳r̢͖͎͈̘͈̜̰̻͖ ̲̜͎̩̜̭͙̣͖ͅt̬͔̣͕̯̰͚͈̗̘ḩ̹͍͙̫̤̯̥͇ͅȩ̗̘̘̪͓̜̖̜̲m̨͈͔̬̜̙͉̙̼̫ ̡̼͈̠̯̤̲͇̯̤s̡̡͚̬̘̻͇͉͜ͅç̡̣̺͕̮̲̺̻͜r̟͉̬̖̜̫̩̞̭͜e͖̭̜̝̗̣͉̱̞̻ą̝̭̹̮̗̣̞̺͇m̤̟̘͚̖̯̹͓͜ͅi̤̙̱̘̝̲̺̗̹͜n̡̖̞͖̩͖̭͕̺̩g̢̖̝͚͙̭̝̪͖̝  “

ǫᴜɪᴇᴛʟʏ.

                                                             sǝpɐɥs uı sǝɯoɔ ɥʇnɹʇ

                                                           Of bittersweet sanguine. 

                                           ▲ Saving no one but yourself is easier. ▼

                  ▲ Yoongi \\  Hoseok \\ Jungkook \\ Taehyung \\ Namjoon \\ Jin \\ Jimin  ▼

                   We have been dead from the start, but it means nothing until we let it.

[sanguineshadedtruths]

Name : Kim Namjoon

Birthdate: 05/01/94

Height: 181

Weight: 64

Bloodtype: O

Bonded : ▲Jimin & Seokjin▼

“I don’t think there’s ever been a moment in life where people haven’t asked me who I am. Where I come from or what I do. I guess I understand them though. I’m not the most common figure you can lay your eyes on, really. I’ve been unordinary from birth, still am and always will be. Even when I’m six feet under. And that’s exactly the way I want it to be too. Everything matters to me, even the smallest shifts. Because I remember every single thing I see, no matter how long ago I saw it I can’t forget it. Yeah, you guessed correctly. I have photographic memory.  Or well, eidetic memory of we’re supposed to use the official, fancy terms.

It did affect my childhood a lot, mostly because I never really had to try as hard as the other kids to get good grades, and damn they got furious from time to time, when I aced tests and they didn’t. Although they knew I spent more time out and about than at home with my books. I only read things once, after that it stuck. I didn’t really know what it was when I was a kid, i do now but still… it was cool to think that you had superpowers for a few years. Even though they weren’t as badass as Spiderman’s or Superman’s. But still, I was happy. And my parents were too.  Oh right, I should mention them too? Okay. Well there’s not really much to say, I was born in Jeju City. Have spent my entire life along beaches and water with sand between my toes. I’m great with watersports and dad always wanted me me to surf more than I did, but my real passion has been something else all along. Alongside the taekwondo classes my mom set me up for, I never quit them though because I knew how much it meant to her.

I my own thing pretty well, the first few times I went to take classes, spending the little money I had managed to collect over the years. I’m not a spender, I’m a saver. I think I was around thirteen years old, the first time I set foot in a dance studio. It was a glorious first impression, with the mirrors and the other people. And then the movements, the flow of the rhythm in my muscles. I can’t really describe it properly even if I wanted to. It’s just… extraordinary. Really. Of course dad ended up finding out after about six months. Just about when I started to run out of money. But he wasn’t angry at me for it, like I thought he would be. He encouraged me, was proud that I found something to be passionate about. And that I showed enough dedication to pay for it myself, even though I was low on money. Saving your allowance for a while doesn’t get you very far after all.

High school was a bitch though, not gonna lie about that. I spent more time at the studio than in school, and well… it wasn’t the best choice I’ve made. I kept my grades up, sure but I didn’t really have that many friends my own age. Most of the people I knew were older and much more talented than me. Although they did say I had potential to go far, guess they were right too.

I struggled a lot for a few years, with myself and the pressure of becoming the best. I started competing with ym moves, developed more of a personal style, adapted and took home prices. I even went out of my own city to compete in other Korean cities, abroad once too. This is also when I met Jimin and Seokjin for the first time. I was competing in the us, against some really really good dancers and well… . It was pretty hard on me, it was my first real loss, or I thought it would be. When I was about to lose my confidence and give up, they were both there. Jimin with his cocky attitude and Jin with his comforting words. I managed to turn it around. I turned it around and I placed second. That is huge. To get to an international competition and place second, I don’t even think people can grasp it. I still can’t.

Things did get a little nasty when I came back home though, when the rumours of my dancing spread and the older guys in school started to… let’s just say they didn’t treat me all that nicely. But I got my revenge, that one time they tried to beat me and I ended up sending them running. Once again, thank you mom for forcing me to take taekwondo for so many years. Oh well, onwards with the story yes?

Many things have happened since back then, and I’m the one who hasn’t been put at risk that much. Sure, Yoongi and I barely outran them the first time, but still… we managed. We did and that is all that counts. I applied for university of course, taken in on full scholarship for my dancing. So I do believe I’m as talented as people thought. School is much more fun when you get to do what you love, and as much as mom and dad support me I know they’re a bit disappointed. They’d been happier if I had stayed with them in Jeju City. But they also know that I need to spread my wings and fly. Otherwise I’d never know my full potential, would I?

Now when I live together with the entire cluster it really feels like I’m at peace, right where I am supposed to be. Even though there’s a constant threat and we’re all in danger I know we can make it. We always make it. Nothing is going to bring us down because we have each other’s back and we always will. “

[sanguineshadedtruths]

Name : Park Jimin .:. Park Seokjin  [Twins]

Birthdate: 05/01/94

Height: 175 .:. 179

Weight: 60 .:. 60

Bloodtype: O

Bonded : ▲Namjoon▼

“It’s always like this! We never get to share one story each, it’s always ‘our’ story. Not mine and not his. Ours. Oh well, we can just as well start I guess? And since I am the older twin and also the taller one, I get to talk this time. Because Jimin tends to babble everything away either way and we don’t want that to happen now do we? At least you don’t want that, with your questions and notepad. You never really told any of us who you are, but I guess that is alright. For now. See? I get sidetracked too. We’re very much alike, I guess. Now now, onwards with the real thing, right?

Alright, so, I guess it’s pretty obvious what we are, born on the same day, ten minutes between the two of us. Now when that’s done, let’s talk about our parents. They were very loving people, I know so. It was very obvious back during our childhood. But the one issue would be, dad’s overprotective tendencies. You see, our mom was really sick when we were kids. And the fact that she made it through her pregnancy and then our birth without greater consequences is still considered a miracle. Especially since both Jimin and I are pretty healthy, or well not entirely but mostly. We both have Anemia, from genetic causes. But it’s not that bad, it really isn’t. Being a little tired here and there is the most prominent symptom and we’re used to the pills and shots by now. We’ve had it since we were kids. So it’s really no biggie. We think so at least, but nobody ever agrees. They always turn super careful… oh well I won’t get side tracked again.

Anyways. Since we were diagnosed pretty early with this, we’ve always been under more protection that we needed to be. Always supervised, either by dad or someone else. Even at school. We were always in the same classes to teachers could keep an eye on the both of us, and so that we could keep an eye on each other too. Because honestly, nobody could tell better than we ourselves, if someone wasn’t on top of their game. But as if we would let this little disadvantage drag us down. Or well, not Jimin at least. I think I struggled a bit more. I’ve always been more fond of books, whereas Jimin is pretty athletic. So while I got good grades and studies hard, found interest in nature and its many mysteries, Jimin did track and field and soccer. I was a bit jealous when we got older and he started to get a lot of muscle, while I was still lanky. His skin had a really nice glow to it too, because he spent so much time outdoors. I was almost sickly pale. Sitting indoors in combination with anemia isn’t always the best thing. But at least I collapsed less than he did, which isn’t really a thing to even use like that. I’m sorry. And I know, we’re the cliché opposites right? We get that a lot.

Not only have we had to get treatment for our condition through our entire lives, we also have a strict diet to stick to. To make sure our bodies function well between shots. And since we’re doing good, have been doing good for so long, we barely have to take any shots at all. If it gets worse, we just use pills for a while and it usually helps.

But back to our school years. Right, I was a nerd and Jimin was a jock. Jimin had girlfriends and I… I had my books and papers. I learned how to draw and recognize different types of flowers while he spent his nights somewhere else. But it was also around these times when things started to get a bit strange. We were just thirteen when we started exchange emotions, sometimes even thoughts. First we thought we had this psychic connection that many twins joke about. But we soon realized that it was something else. Because it wasn’t only the two of us, all of a sudden. Our connection with the rest of the guys awakened a little earlier than theirs. Probably because… either Jimin or I should have been bonded with an eight member of the cluster. But he died around this time. Which makes us believe our bonds were shook enough — alerted. But first it really just was the two of us, but then there were other’s. Unknown faces of people we could see, even speak too. Jimin is more experimental and dared many more things than I did, but thankfully he tugged me along most of the time.

We both met Namjoon when we were sixteen, as everyone else we mean that moment when you first see and feel someone. When your first true connection is made. And this is pretty important so you really need to listen. Because Namjoon has saved us both. Jimin with his somewhat cocky attitude managed to agitate the members of a rivaling team, and when they could get to him after the game.. let’s just say it was about to end badly. And I don’t know what would have happened if Namjoon and his… somewhat scary Taekwondo moves hadn’t been there to help. Help as in slipping into Jimin’s head and making him move properly instead of just avoiding hits.

My saving is a bit less dramatic, I guess? I don’t even want to talk about it in the end, it’s sensitive but not very dramatic so let’s not… let’s not go into detail there. Please let me skip that part…

I guess this leads us up to us graduating… and well now… now we live in Seoul.With the rest of the cluster and it finally feels like we’re all at peace. Because we have each other at arm’s reach, whenever we need it. And I’m quite happy to take care of most things in our little dorm-like apartment. When I’m not working, of course. I do part time as a florist in this small shop around the corner. They say I’m skilled and it makes me kinda happy. Because I’m finally good at something. Jimin was on scholarship for his soccer talents and he did well, for a while. At least until reality caught up with us. It’s about one and a half year back now. These people always pinpoint the moments when we’re not protected by the rest of the group. I don’t know how they do it, but it’s always the same.

Jimin was just walking through the corridor, heading to class. Like any other day, really. Nothing strange about it. He doesn’t remember where they came from, not even what they looked like. Just their eyes and the way they grinned at him. They have this… large panorama window on the second floor of the building, which my brother was walking past that very afternoon. It was winter and I remember it pretty clearly. The bond was strange that day, as if it was… vibrating a little. Warning signals, we’ve learned later. We were both there, Namjoon and I, in time to see Jimin’s frame break that particular window. In time to see his desperate attempts to grab onto something but failing. And then he fell out. It was over in a second and I was so sure that he was dead. That terror, that consuming emptiness, it’s the most horrible emotion I have ever experienced. Luckily he survived, with a miraculously small amount of injuries. Or well… a spine fracture. It’s all healed up now and he can walk, he’s fine he really is. But he can’t play anymore, so he lost his scholarship. And I can see the way it eats away at him. It also worries me.

Jimin isn’t allowed to strain himself or his back, not at all. And it puts him more at risk than the rest of us in the end. There’s not a day where I don’t worry about his safety. I hope he’ll find another goal in life, instead of just sitting around at home. But he has gotten really nifty with computers and he does a lot of good when he needs to. But he’s not the same anymore.

But even if we both change a lot, we’ll still be fine. Because we have each other, and Namjoon and the rest of the cluster. In a world where loneliness is nothing but fiction. 

[sanguineshadedtruths]

Name : Jeon Jungkook

Birthdate: 07/21/94

Height: 177

Weight: 61

Bloodtype: O

Bonded : ▲Taehyung▼

“Who are you and who am I? Those are the regular questions right? For most people at least. I’ve never really asked them. There hasn’t been any real reason to do that for me. Not considering the way my life has treated me. No, I haven’t exactly had the proper grounds to complain over my own situation, at least not in the eyes of most people. But who really wants to live as the neglected child of parents who are too busy ‘living’ to take care of you? And whenever you try to tell them just that, you’re met with defensive words and sometimes even something more… physical? Is that really the wish of anyone? Because I surely don’t fucking hope so. Because if you wish for something like that, you probably don’t even know what you’re talking about.

Money has never been an issue, for my parents at least. I never really saw any of it. Or well, at least I never got any of it myself. Sure when I was a kid I had good toys, good clothes. Everything every other kid in the world could want, but honestly? I’d rather have my mother look me in the eye and tell me she loved me… or hated me for that matter, rather than any of that. I’ve been handed off from nanny to nanny throughout my first eleven years. Years I rather spent at school or with my friends. The few I had at least. The thing is, when your parents pay for exclusive schools with other children from rich families many people think it’s an easy thing to fit in. For me it was a constant battle. I had to build my front, pretend like everything was fine with my situation at home to make sure my family name wasn’t you know, shamed.

Although having to go back home after classes had ended was one of the worst things I knew. I think the one time where I actually had a chance to meet my parents were at dinner, every other day or so. Weekends were exceptions because they spent them at home, but not with me. Not even with each other. My nanny told me she heard their marriage had been arranged, and stupid as I was I didn’t know what that meant back then. But I do now, and after researching a little, I’ve found out that their marriage was nothing more than an insurance for a perfect business deal. Decided by their parents, without any room for protest. They stayed together for principle, nothing more and nothing less. They had me because it was demanded of them, but neither of them really wanted kids.

I think I’m only alive because of my grandmother’s incessant nagging about grandchildren. Luckily I don’t have any siblings

Around the time when I turned fifteen, that’s when the physical violence got worse. One step out of line was instantly met by a slap to my cheek. Surprisingly enough, perhaps, from my mother. I used to run as fast as I could whenever this happened. Not only because the hurt it caused but because I didn’t want her to seem me cry either. Pretending that I was stronger than I actually was. I was just a kid, what would you expect?

High school was a tough time for me. I managed to keep my grades up but at the same time I thought I was going crazy, with the sudden flow of emotions that I couldn’t recognize and the people I could see by the corner of my eye from time to time. The voices, that echoed in my head when nobody was talking. It felt strange at the same time as it made me feel comfortable of sort. As if nothing about it was entirely wrong. It’s difficult to explain. But that doesn’t really mean I handled it well either. I fought against the connection at first. And not a little bit either, I fought hard. I tried my best to shut my mind off to the foreign streams of thoughts and whatnot, but in the end I suppose I failed. I’m glad I did too, I wouldn’t have discovered how beautiful life actually can be if I hadn’t.

I had one of those really bad nights with my mother when I was sixteen or seventeen, I don’t remember it very clearly. Perhaps because I don’t want to. I don’t even know what I did wrong, but I remember the bruises and the busted lip. I remember the tears and the ache in my legs when I just ran and ran and ran. I come from Yosu, so I’ve always lived close to the coast. And… it does matter a lot.

Whenever I’ve had these bad run ins with my mother, I have always managed to run towards the water. Either the pier or the beach. Because it calms me. The waves are fascinating and watching them crash against land is mesmerizing. That night, when I was sitting in the sand by myself, I decided to die. Just like that. No second thoughts, not a single contemplation. I had nothing to live for, nothing I really gave up either. And my parents didn’t care about me so why should I care about them? I remember stepping out into the water, I remember the thrill of it when it chilled my aching muscles. I remember the sensation of floating and then…. the pain in my lungs when I could no longer breathe. It was peaceful, to some extent. Until my subconscious began to tell me to fight for my life instead of whatever I was doing. That’s the first time Taehyung really appeared. Something clearer than just a produced image. He was there, I could see him and I’m pretty damn sure I could have felt him too, if I had reached out to touch him. It’s also the first time he slipped into my head. At first I was angry with him for saving me when I didn’t want to be saved. But when he stayed with me like that, to make sure I was okay. That I would be okay, it all just melted away. Because for the first time in my life, I felt genuinely cared for. I really did and that means more than anything to me ever will, I think.

He even came to see me, for real. As a surprise. One day he just stood there, waiting for me when I got out of school. And I don’t think I’ve ever been so surprised and happy and whatnot at the same time. I couldn’t talk at all for almost an hour. It must sound pretty hilarious. But meeting the one person that saved your life when you didn’t even know you wanted to be saved is a very special thing.

When I finally moved to Seoul with the rest of the group a few years later, it really felt as if everything fell into place. Every single piece of my life was there, and there weren’t any more open spaces — no cavities to fill. I do study now, because it was the only way to get my parents to give me financial support. But I did lie about my major. I don’t want to study business, I don’t want to become like them. So to be at least a little bit rebellious, I study art. Perhaps that will be what I’ll do when I’m older, i don’t know really. Whatever opportunities life will bring me, I’ll take them. I’d rather try to fly and then fall, instead of not knowing if I could soar. And whatever life throws at me, I can make it through. Because I have six other people to back me up. I’m not alone, neither of us are.”

[sanguineshadedtruths]

Name : Jung Hoseok

Birthdate: 06/11/94

Height: 177

Weight: 59

Bloodtype: O

Bonded : ▲Yoongi▼

“What’s it like to be me? That’s a bit hard to put into words just like that, isn’t it? And I am more than a little bit sure that the real answers you want me to give, are the details of my life up to this day. Isn’t it? Luckily for you I have nothing to lose by doing so, I guess. Everything is already lost anyways, isn’t it?

I was born in Busan, and it’s also where I grew up. My mom was never really in the picture, all I know was that as soon as I had been born, she left me and my dad on our own to pursue her dreams, or whatever it was. So I can’t really tell you all that much about her. I know she’s still alive, I know her name and address and she has contacted me a few times now when I’m older, to apologize for running away like she did. But that never really meant anything to me. Neither does she. She was never there during my childhood and hadn’t dad told me about her, I don’t think I’d ever reflected over her existence.

So, it has always been just my dad and me. And I’ve been totally fine with it too. Life hasn’t even been difficult, really. We lived together with my grandparents and when my dad worked, my grandma used to take care of me. She taught me a lot, that old lady. And I am thankful for many of those things even today. She taught me patience and strength. How to endure the difficulties I as  child didn’t understand. Like when dad lost his job and we started to go low on money. I was  maybe 10 years old at that time, and I remember how I sold as many of my toys and other possessions as I could just so we could scrape up some money to get by on. Dad cried when he found out, praised me for being such a kindhearted kid too. We stayed up until early morning watching the stars together while he told me stories of far off countries and how perfect our future would be. Because good people always get lucky in the end. And I believed him, I really did. Nowadays, I somehow wish I hadn’t.

I was still pretty lucky as a kid, because my grandparents helped pay my tuition fees, because getting educated has always been an important thing. And they wanted me to do well. So I tried my best. When I was eleven, after falling behind a lot in school, I got diagnosed with dyslexia. It was a bit of a backlash but I handled it well, or so I have been told. Dad explained to me that it was nothing to worry about and I gave him a toothy smile and said that I’d conquer the world anyway, because I was still a good person and good persons always win.  Now when I can actually think back to that moment and pick it all apart in a different manner, I recognize that sad little glint in my dad’s eyes. Mixed with pride. It makes me wonder if he knew what was coming for me. Really.

But I managed to get myself back up on my feet, I passed my exams and get into a really good high school. I was determined to do well from day one, but things spiraled downwards from there. The first issue was my economical situation. That rumour spread like wildfire and ended with harsh words and bruises. I didn’t fit in, I knew. And when people found out my mom abandoned me as a kid, it got worse. I don’t think I’ll ever forget the way it feels to have your back slammed up against the wall with an almost terrifying grin just spreading across lips as eyes stare and stare and stare but nobody does a single thing. But I’m still the better person, because I never hit them back.  Or well, not me as in the real me.

I had seen them before, by the corner of my eye. We talked, we shared things. It was strange, those years. Before I realized who they were and how things worked. Most of them varied in presence, but Yoongi was almost there frequently. Watching from a distance. He has told me later that he wanted to see how life had been like if his family hadn’t been so torn. Little did he know he didn’t choose the best example.

I was sixteen years old, that day when things got a bit more violent than they usually did.  I don’t really know why it turned out like that, honestly. Perhaps they were just having a bad day and I had always been an easy target. I never fought back after all and they knew that. It wasn’t just the usual pushing and pulling this time, I really thought they were going to kill me. With the way their eyes looked and the continuous punches the very well could have, I guess. It’s the first time I remember having Yoongi in my head, feeling him being there. He fought back for me, and it actually felt good for once. He must have seen things happen before, because he really moved as if he knew exactly what they were going to do. And to see them cave for once, is probably one of the most satisfying things I have ever seen.

Though of course I wasn’t in the best state either when it was finally done, when they decided to run away instead of staying. I remember that as soon as Yoongi slipped out of my head i had to sit down. Because it felt like my knees were about to give out at any second. I remember how he stayed with me for a while at least, until I made it back to my front door. I thanked him probably about one hundred times for what he did, and he just waved it off. Telling me that they got what they deserved. Whether it was by my fist or his. I soon learned about his living situation, as our visits grew more frequent. And on the nights where he couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t sleep either. We ended up visiting each other’s bedrooms to sit on the bedside and just talk. About anything and everything, really.

Yoongi lost his mother about eight months later. And I’ve never seen him so devastated. I hope I’ll never have to see him like that again either. We were all there that day, every single one of us. perhaps because the waves crashing into our own heads from him, through the bond, were so strong nobody could avoid it. And for me, it wasn’t easy either. As dumb as that sounds, but to some degree I share the emotions he holds, and just those faint vibes back then were enough to drag me over the edge too, for a while.

I saved up as much money as I could after that, I sold as many of my things as I could and pocketed all my lunch money from my grandma instead of actually eating at school, please forgive me grandma if you hear this, but it was for a good cause okay? So, I got a hold of as much money as I could, as quickly as I could. I got in touch more with Taehyung, Seokjin and Jimin. Taehyung actually lent me some money for this, because he knew I didn’t have enough and how sad it actually made me. I met the three of them before I met Yoongi. Because we made sure to time our trains and meet at the station in Seoul. Taehyung had arranged with living space for the four of us and I.. well I paid for as much as I could.

We all went to Seoul for Yoongi’s mother’s funeral. Because somehow we all knew he needed us to be there. And when he realized we weren’t just there in spirit, but physically too, you could see that little spark of hope in his eyes. I think I hugged him for ten minutes straight, just mumbling how thankful I still am for all the things he has done for me. And he thanked me too, for being there for him when he needed me the most.

Obviously he didn’t really have anywhere to go after this. He didn’t want to stay with his own grandparents, fearing it’d remind him too much of how things used to be. And even though I wasn’t in the best situation, neither my family, I brought him with me to Busan. For a while at least. Grandma knew who he was, obviously. I babble a lot with her alright, because she’s the best friend I’ve ever had aside from Yoongi. So she welcomed him pretty happily, talked some sense into dad too when he started to ask questions. Those two years were some of the best times I’ve had in my life. Because it was like finding peace in a different way.

Yoongi worked a lot, with the same type of job he had had back in Seoul. I think the transition was hard for him at first, to try and fit in with me and my family but he did well. He didn’t say much about them though, and somehow I wonder, if being there with them and me was painful to him, somewhat. Perhaps because he never really had anything like that in his life.

I’ve been side tracked, I know. I will continue as I should.

Anyways, after I graduated and it was time for university, we both moved back to Seoul. My grandma had been saving up money for me in secret, for this occasion and as sweet as she is, she apologized for not being able to give Yoongi the same amount she gave me. But she still handed him two years worth of savings too. After that we were off. I study law now, because there is so much injustice in the world that has to be dealt with. I’m moving towards a better place, I hope. And even if reality is a struggle and life is heavy it’s all worth it. Because I’ll never have to feel alone again. Because I’m not. 

[sanguineshadedtruths]

Name : Kim Taehyung

Birthdate: 07/21/94

Height: 179

Weight: 65

Bloodtype: O

Bonded : ▲Jungkook▼

“I don’t think my life is very dramatic. And I don’t think there’s that much to tell but I guess I’ll try. Since you’re asking me to. But I’m not sure where to  begin, really.  Both my parents were practically musical geniuses, but only my mother actually pursued a career based on it. My father studied to become a doctor instead, after dropping out of music school. So I guess I can be considered upper middle class. Maybe. I’ve been pretty well off, and never had any troubles or whatsoever when it comes to money. My parents haven’t even asked me to get a job, not to this day and I’m 21. But I do work, a little. Because I don’t want them to support me financially forever.

When I was born my mother was at the top of her career and everything was going smoothly for her. That is until I decided to pop out and take over her life. But she always told me that me being born gave her a lot of positive publicity and she wouldn’t change a thing, even if her career never became the same again. I still feel like I ruined it a little for her, even though I know I shouldn’t.

Even if she couldn’t tour and hold concerts the way she used to, she still recorded and gave out albums with her songs. And I remember sitting by her piano and just listen to how she played. And when she sung, those rare moments when I could get to hear her voice alongside the pretty tunes, those were my favorite moments and I think that’s when I was the absolute happiest.

Oh, and maybe I should add that I’m not from Seoul, so my mother’s career was very reliant on traveling. I’m from Gongju, located in the South Gyeongsang province. So my mother usually went to Seoul for recordings and performances, but after I was born she built her own studio on our property. A very small place, but cozy and big enough for her and her piano. And that was all she needed after all. She decided not to play as many shows after me coming into the picture. She thought it’d be better if she could be home as much as possible. Makes me wonder sometimes, if she didn’t really trust my dad with handling me. It’s kinda cute, that she’s so overprotective. She still is. She calls me kinda often.

Just after I moved here, and started my studies, she used to call me once every day. Now it’s just once a week. Which is still pretty much. I like talking to her though. But that doesn’t fit into the chronological order of the story now, does it?

Anyways, I don’t remember much from school at all. I was like every other kid I guess, not popular but not exactly unpopular either. At least not until high school. That’s when people figured out who I was, well am, and it got complicated. People approached me for all the wrong reasons and as much as I tried to push them away, it didn’t work very well. Oh, and of course I should add that just like my mother, I played piano from a young age and was pretty good at it. I had dreams, to become like her. I really wanted to get there, very badly. Even now when I can’t anymore, I still dream of it. You see, <i>they</i> broke all my fingers a while back. And now I can’t play anymore. It wasn’t very long ago, I think it was only a few weeks after Yoongi and Namjoon ran into them. Of course I study music, what else would I enroll in, right? But this also breaks the chronological order. I will get to this later, I promise.

I guess I should mention the first time I met Jungkook right? I haven’t had much despair in my life, but he has. Or well, at least more than I did. The first time I saw him properly, as clearly as if I had been there, was when we were both around 17 years old, and Jungkook was about to drown. Up to this day I still haven’t really asked what he was doing out there, in such deep waters. Especially when I realized he couldn’t swim. It was a strange experience, I could feel the chill of the water, the way the waves pushed me around but at the same time I was home, in bed. All dry. That’s the first time I slipped into his head too, to lend him the knowledge to swim, to make sure he made it to shore. It is one of the hardest things I have ever done, since controlling someone else’s lims like that isn’t exactly easy. But we managed, we really did. Ï stayed with him there on the beach until dawn, to make sure he’d be alright. He thanked me and he smiled, but never said anything about what actually happened. And I don’t think it’s any of my business. If he wants to tell me, he will. That’s what I tell myself.

We stayed in touch after that, mostly via emails. It’s easier to write long things there than via text message. Of course, he was far away. I should have realized that. But at least we could communicate. After a while we started calling a lot too, and I remember mom yelling at me for my high phone bills. Because I always called, Jungkook didn’t exactly have the same assets I did and it felt unfair to make him call me.

The first time we met in person was one of those things I did on a whim. I asked my mother for the money to go see him, and she didn’t deny my it either. I rarely ask for much you see, and the few times I do, she smiles at me as if I’ve finally begun to behave as a regular child. It amuses me, a lot.

It was a completely different thing to meet him for real like that. To know that it’s not an image in your head, something that feels real but still isn’t. It took almost an hour before we started talking properly, just staring at each other in the beginning. And I don’t think I’ve ever seen anyone smile at me that widely.

It all happened during the same year when Yoongi’s mother died, and many of us met for the first time. It was strange, but felt so right.

At nineteen I moved to Seoul, as I have already mentioned. I started studying music and I guess.. this is where the horror comes in? The terrible things that has colored my life a bit more than I want it to. We rarely go to and from school on our own, realizing in what kind of danger we actually are, this was one of those rare exceptions. I had to stay late for a group project, on my way back home… there is this big staircase leading down from the library where I had been sitting, and I really barely had any time to react before I felt hands pushing at my back. I remember waking up at the bottom of the staircase, I remember the drumming in my head and the numbing pain from my hands.

My dreams died that day. But even if they’ve taken my passion away from me, even if I can never be as good as I used to be, I won’t stop fighting. Because I’m not alone. Together we are strong, and I know that we can make it.”

[sanguineshadedtruths]

Name: Min Yoongi

Birthdate: 06/11/94

Height: 173

Weight: 63

Bloodtype: O

Bonded: ▲Hoseok▼

"It's always easy to ask why you've been born. How someone could decide to give life to someone when everything that awaits them as soon as they leave their mother's womb is the world's cruelty and misery. The few rays of light that you'll see, the few warming ones you'll actually feel will, strange as it is, actually be enough to keep you going. Enough to keep you from wishing you could just stop breathing and fall into the blackness of despair and misery and never go back from there.

I don't know myself, why my mother decided to give birth to me. When she knew that as soon as I'd actually come to life, there'd be even less money for her and my dad to get around on. But at least I wasn't born into a loveless home like some are. Oh they loved me dearly and I know that. I just wasn't very easy to handle and I regret that now. I regret the way I treated them most of the time, now when they're no longer here. I should have treasured my time together with them more. But what's done is done and time can't really been taken back even if I'd pray for it for the rest of my life. But I guess I should bring the story forward and not stop here.

My childhood years weren't anything special, just like every other kid my age, with a similar economical situation, I went to school. One of the cheaper ones, with a little bit of help from my grandparents on both sides. But I didn't really pay attention. I never did. Nothing they had to teach me was of interest to me anyways. I didn't think that listening to my country's history and how royalty lived affected me in the least. Considering where I lived and how my parents always had to struggle to make sure we had enough food on the table to feed all of us. I think they spoiled me a little bit too much though. Because even it it meant they'd have nothing to eat themselves, they always made sure I had everything I needed.

It's pretty sad that I had to watch them both die before I actually grew up properly.

Dad was the first one to go, I was just twelve.

He got hit by a car one morning when he was walking me to school and died on the spot. I cried for days, maybe even weeks. Because it was so unbelievable. And after that, it was just my mother and me. We did our best, I did my best not to cause too much trouble. But it wasn't exactly easy. Like many kids in my own situation, I ended up being one of those "bad" kids. That hoarded behind the school to smoke instead of going to class. And let's just say it wasn't rare for me to come home with bruises covering most of my body.

It was when I was about to turn sixteen that the migraines hit, the weird emotions that felt like they weren't my own started coloring my everyday life and man I thought I was going crazy. Because I could hear voices in my head sometimes. I could even see people, things. Other environments while I was still wandering around in my own neighborhood. It was... frightening to some degree but I decided pretty early not to let it take over my life entirely. Not swallow me so to speak. I needed to take care of my mom, and I had already dropped out of school to work instead. To make sure we had more money to make the household go around.

It was still pretty empty, after four years. The hole my dad's death left in the family wasn't easy to feel and it tore a bit of a rift between my mom and me. She didn't like the work I did, didn't like to see me come home with blisters all over my hands and being too tired to even have dinner. I just told her I loved here, every single time. And that's why I did it. I worked on construction sites, I guess I failed to mention that.

It hurt a lot, when she got sick. Because we both knew we couldn't pay the hospital bills. And she told me from the start that she was going to die, but I denied it. I told her she couldn’t go, that she couldn't leave me and that was selfish of me. I know that now. She got lung cancer, from smoking too much. She knew it was her own fault and she blamed herself, i could see it in her eyes. I told her not to worry about me in the end, that I'd be okay. Somehow I'd be okay.

At that time when everything turned into complete chaos that was the first time I met him. When I met Hoseok. It sounds strange to you, I guess. But to me, it's something very special. I didn't know what I know now back then, but it still felt the same. It was a bit like we had known each other forever, even though it was the first time we really talked. I had seen him before, in those moments when I felt a little like my mind wasn't my own. And in my dreams of course. I saw many people in my dreams. And somehow, I knew they could see me too.  He explained to me, and this is very dear to me, how he somehow had heard me call for help and all of a sudden he had just been there. By my side. Even though he knew he was still in his own home, he was with me at the same time. And what makes it so special, is that I had actually been calling out for help under my breath while just sitting in my room crying.

I never shared my emotions about my mom's condition with her. Not the sadness and grief and anger. Because I knew it'd hurt her so much. I bottled it up and usually let it all out when I knew she was asleep. And Hoseok was there with me through all of those moments. It was a strange sense of comfort, for someone who barely ever had any friends his own age. He told me about the other people he had met in the same way. About the rest of them and when he explained their looks, I understood that I knew them too. He gave me his phone number. He still lived in Busan back then, and meeting up was a bit difficult. But we spoke regularly on the phone and sent texts. It was a nice change, it really was. And yes, I got my first cellphone for his sake.

On the day my mother died...I'm sorry this is very difficult for me. But I'll tell, no worries. I will. On the day my mother died, she made me promise not to cry over her. Because it wasn't my fault and I couldn't have done anything to change it either. But I couldn't really help it either. Who doesn't cry, when they have to sit by their dying mother's bedside and just see the light slip out of her eyes. That spark of light that has always kept you happy and made you feel safe? At that moment, when she actually died. When her heart stopped and I just sat there holding her hand crying hysterically as if I had become five years old again, they were all there. All six of them were there. Hoseok, Jungkook, Taehyung, Namjoon, Seokjin and Jimin.. And I remember how all of them tried to comfort me. In silence. They all placed their hands on my back and shoulders. And it was the first time in years that I realized I wasn't entirely alone. that there were other people in this world that cared about me. Even if our connection is strange, even if we had never really met back then, I knew that whatever happened, they'd be there for me and I'd be there for them.

It was Taehyung who lent me his strength to call the hospital for my mother, and Hoseok was there with me all along to help me get through the preparations for her funeral. My grandparents were still alive, they are today too, but I didn't want to put the burden on them. Even if losing a child is approximately just as hard as losing your mother at the age of seventeen.

But what made it all so much better, what made things even more clear was the ones that could the people I thought weren't real, they actually came. On the day of my mom's funeral they came, The ones with enough finances at least. Hoseok, Seokjin, Jimin and Taehyung came for my sake. Because they knew I needed them. Even if I didn't say it out loud, they could hear it in the faint drumming of my heart. At least that's what they said.

I still do the same work today as I did back then, I'm just twenty one and I guess all too much time hasn't passed yet. But I'm not alone anymore. Not at all. And I never will be."