(title from 'strawberry wine' by noah kahan)
Samira’s woken by a flash of bright light as the bedroom door opens then shuts, rolls over to find the left side of the bed — Emery's side — empty with the blankets thrown aside.
She lies there for a moment, trying to pick out any sounds coming from the living room, but it’s dead silent save for the soft whooshing of the fan.
She gives it another beat, counting to 100 in her head before she finally sits up and gets out of bed. Emery’s insomnia was nothing new for the two of them, especially after a long shift where there were too many things swirling around in her brain, but it had been especially bad recently, more sleepless nights than restful ones.
“Em?” she calls softly as she steps into the hallway, keeping her voice low to avoid waking Raya. She'd just begun sleeping on her own, and so the second she knew they were awake it would just be tears and whining until she was let into their bed with them.
There’s no response, but she can barely make out footsteps in the living room. They get louder as she gets closer and then Emery's in view, pacing back and forth across the room. She’s seemingly unaware of Samira's presence, continuing back and forth as she fidgets with the edge of her t-shirt.
Emery startles at Samira's voice, glancing up as surprise then guilt plays across her face.
“Shit, did I wake you?” She looks even more panicked at just the thought of it, big brown eyes widening. “I just couldn’t sleep and -”
“You’re okay,” Samira soothes as she crosses the room to wrap her arms around Emery and pull her into a hug. It seems to do the trick, considering how Emery melts against her like it had been exactly what she’d needed.
“It’s been hard sleeping lately, hasn’t it?”
Emery nods against her shoulder. “Yeah. I’m so fucking -” the word cuts off on a muffled sob. “I’m tired, Mira.”
“I know, my love. I know.”
Keeping her arms still tightly wrapped around Emery she guides them backwards to the couch, sitting down then adjusting so they're both lying horizontal. She lifts a hand and runs her fingers through Emery's hair, lightly scratching at her scalp in the way she knows helps Emery relax.
“You wanna talk about it?” she asks a few minutes later. “Or we can just stay like this, it’s up to you.”
Emery just nods into Samira's neck. “It’s - I -” she groans, a low, frustrated sound that vibrates through her body. “I don’t know.”
“And that’s okay,” Samira says gently. “You don’t have to. I’m right here, remember?”
They lie there in silence, Samira's hand continuing to run through Emery's hair and lingering at the ends, twisting them around her fingers idly. Finally, Emery shifts in Samira’s arms and lifts her head.
“It’s just - it’s been really loud in my head,” she says slowly, hesitation evident on her face. “It’s stupid, I know, but it’s so constant and loud and I -” she shakes her head, tears starting to slide down her face now. “I just want it to stop.”
Samira’s heart breaks at the sight of her wife crying; it was so rare for Emery to fall apart like this, to admit helplessness instead of trying to silently problem-solve. It all makes her want to cry, too, but this wasn’t about her right now. Her wife needed to lean on her, and that was what she would be – a pillar of strength.
“Yeah,” she murmurs, sliding a hand along Emery's spine, up and down the way she does with Raya when she’s upset. “I know, baby. I wish I could fix it. Tell me what you need and I’ll do it, anything.”
She knows how desperate she sounds, but that’s what she is right now. She’s desperate to take away Emery's pain, desperate to make everything better. She’s always hated seeing people feel strong emotions, but it’s different with Emery and Raya, more personal.
Emery looks like she’s seriously considering it for a second, then her face softens and she dips down to press her lips to Samira's, not an actual kiss but more just seeking the closeness of it.
“You’re doing enough,” she murmurs, the words barely leaving her mouth with how close they are. "You're here. That’s all I need, sweetheart. Just stay.”
Samira nods, wrapping an arm more securely around Emery's shoulder. “I wasn't planning to leave, Em.”