saoo2a⭑

he/him | 19 | artist (?)

[saoo2aa]

navigation + intro !!

˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗ if you wanna know more abt me ˗ˏˋ ★ ˎˊ˗

you can also find me on

tiktok , ig and art fight !!

masterlist

hii!! i’m wiktor and this blog is me posting my art (fan art and oc’s) and (most likely) me rambling…

i rlly want to share my work but also organise my thoughts about my ocs somewhere so…. i’m using this just for that woohoo ⭑

i have little to no knowledge on how this app works so pls bear with me

[djpachipikachu]

i rly like them. so bad. what if they were real.

[alexsvoid]

Tim Drake and Ariana :P

[yumangel]

hot chocolate kisses - 부승관

(806 words)

warnings: none!!

a/n: happy birthday to our favorite tangerine - aka mr. boo💋 this is just stinking cute first kiss with kwannie because i wanted to :**

the cold winter air tickled your face, your nose rosy pink from the exposure.

a snowy evening like this was on the list of things you adored about january - snowflakes falling from the sky, admiring the artistry of how each and every single one of them was different, watching kids building snowmen and having snowball fights, ice skating on the outdoor rink.

having seungkwan by your side amidst all of this made the mood even better.

his cheeks, tinted a shade of light pink, hurt from laughing so much at a story you’ve recalled from your childhood, one where a snowball fight with your elementary school classmates went south and someone got hit with a ball of yellow snow. his smile was contagious - just looking at him alone made the corners of your lips curve up, unable to keep them in a straight line.

a warm, brown scarf kept you warm, making you unfazed by the temperature outside. it was a gift from him - no occasion. he just insisted it’ll suit you with your winter jacket. or he just wanted you to have a scarf that was eerily similar to his.

you breathed out, the air fleeing your lips forming a little cloud before disappearing. seungkwan noticed you stopped walking and immediately stopped, too.

his eyes followed the direction of yours, landing on a small food truck that sold some foods and hot chocolate. judging by your expression and how your pupils dilated at the sight of the place, seungkwan knew you were definitely craving some.

‘wanna get something to snack on?’ he asked and smiled as he saw you nod excitedly, feet already turning in said direction. you quickly grabbed his hand and dragged him towards the place, and seungkwan could feel the way the blush on his cheeks deepened just from that alone.

oh, how he thanked the weather that day for making it seem like it was just the effect of cold air.

the two of you quickly found yourselves in front of the food truck - seungkwan paying for two hot chocolates after making sure you weren’t in the mood for something to eat.

‘we can eat something later.’ you said, words muffled by the scarf covering part of your mouth as you spoke. ‘right now i only need something to warm me up.’

so he agreed - now sitting down at one of the small tables the food truck provided, an umbrella above you shielding you from the snow. he listened attentively as you recalled another story from your past, taking little breaks in between to sip on your drink while it was still warm.

halfway through your story, you could hear seungkwan giggle quietly, the sound catching you off-guard.

‘hm?’

‘you have some chocolate on your face.’ he mumbled, already leaning over the table, hand reaching out to wipe it off. ‘can i?’

you nodded.

seungkwan’s finger came up to your face, hand cupping your cheek as he gently wiped the excess drink off of the corner of your lips with his thumb. you could feel the way your heart started beating faster - his touch making that familiar feeling tingle in your stomach.

he noticed your reaction - of course he did. seungkwan was always observant, catching the little things with ease. he noticed the rosiness on your cheeks seemingly growing. he noticed the way you almost leaned into his touch.

he noticed how, just for a split second, your gaze fell to his lips.

instead of backing out, like you’d thought he’d do, seungkwan stayed in that same position - hand still resting on your cheek, eyes locked with yours.

then he leaned in. slowly. carefully. as if asking for permission.

and you let him - closing the small gap between the two of you, feeling his lips on yours for the first time. you melted into the kiss, hand resting on the small table between the two of you for support, letting him take the lead as your lips moved in unison with his.

even though the winter evening was as cold as they get, in that moment all you could feel was warmth.

soon enough, he broke the kiss, leaning away with a shy look on his face. but not before you managed to swiftly stop him in his tracks for just a second, closing the gap once more for a short peck on the lips.

‘you look like a tomato.’ you giggled, taking in the sight of his cheeks and ears, now both deep red.

‘i’m not the only one.’ he mumbled, looking away as if a little embarrassed. ‘but you’re definitely way cuter.’

you smiled, reaching for the almost empty cup of hot chocolate.

‘if you compliment me like that, i might have to kiss you again, you know.’

‘yeah.’ he said, leaning in just slightly. ‘that’s exactly my plan.’

[yumangel]

to be loved - 윤정한

(1.5k words)

warnings: angst!! dysfunctional relationship, hurt with some comfort at the end ^^

a/n: i wrote almost all of it in one sitting cause i was bored, in a bit of a sour mood and!! had the playlist of doom and despair in my earphones :33

to be loved is to be known.

jeonghan knew that very well. and he wanted you to know that too - writing down small things you’ve mentioned to surprise you with them later, bringing up small details to show you he listened, making sure you always felt heard by him.

he noticed the way you smiled whenever he’d suddenly talk about something you mentioned once like it was nothing. noticed the way your eyes glimmered with happiness each time he’d come back home and pull out a small gift he brought for you, something small that he swore ‘just reminded him of you too much not to buy it.’

to be loved is to be known. and jeonghan knew you better than anyone.

well, at least that’s the way it was before.

he didn’t quite catch the moment when everything turned sour - much to his demise. maybe if he’d caught it, if he knew where things steered from the right path, he would’ve been able to do something about it.

but he couldn’t.

the house has become a silent sanctuary, or more so a silent graveyard. no carefree conversations, no laughter filling the living room, no playful banter in the kitchen while preparing a delicious dinner. all of that has been replaced with silence - the uncomfortable type. the type that resembles a heavy feeling in your stomach, a tightness in your throat that you cannot get rid of. it came gradually, appearing in stages that each made this home more into an abandoned house than somewhere where real people lived.

jeonghan felt like a ghost - and looked like one too. his skin has gotten paler with time, face visibly malnourished, as if someone sucked all the life out of him. and truth was, that was exactly the case. to take away your smile, your laugh, your voice was to jeonghan the equivalent of taking away his daily drive, his fuel. and the worst part? he didn’t know what to do to bring it back.

to be loved is to be known. and maybe jeonghan didn’t know you as well as he thought. maybe all the notes and gifts and mentions of things you loved weren’t enough to truly know you.

he sat down at the kitchen counter, running his fingers through his disheveled hair, the other hand holding his coffee mug. his head instinctively turned towards the door the moment he heard the keys, eyes scanning you as you entered the shared apartment.

you looked… tired. and somehow even worse than all the previous days when you’ve come home from work worn out, with enough energy only to take a quick shower and plop on the couch, falling asleep with a tv show still playing in the background.

he saw you take off your shoes, scarf and coat, eyes still following your frame as you sat down on the couch.

‘did you eat dinner today?’ he tried, voice quiet, unsure if you’d even answer his question. his eyes lit up for just a split second when you turned to face him, mumbling a quick ‘yes’.

an obvious lie, he thought. no, he knew. and you knew that he knew, too.

he turned back to his half-cold coffee mug standing on the counter, his mind a mess, a grimace on his face.

most nights he would’ve left it at that, he would let the silence linger, adding more bricks to the wall slowly being built between the two of them. but as jeonghan sat at the kitchen counter, hands tracing circles in the sides of his coffee mug, he decided that maybe the caffeine has given him enough energy today.

he stood up from his seat abruptly, the sound disturbing the perfect silence and almost startling you, your expression changing from dull to confused as you watched his actions.

you watched him as he put on his coat, and shoes, exiting the apartment without another word or even glance. more strangely, he came back ten minutes later - hands occupied with plastic bags which you could see had some convenience store food inside of them, snacks that you used to always have stocked in your pantry due to them being both your favorites.

you followed his movements as he walked around the kitchen, doing things that were almost second nature to him - a forgotten second nature. he hasn’t done them in so long you felt a strange sensation go through you, like a reminder of old times. you didn’t understand why he was doing it at first. but maybe that was exactly the reason: to evoke old feelings buried deep down in your memory, things that were once so habitual that for a split second you could almost forget that this relationship was falling apart.

jeonghan sat down on the couch, not too close, but not too far either, placing the food on the small table in front of both of you. you recognised the familiar smell before your eyes went down to the plate - the convenience store instant noodles, same brand and flavoring as you always ate after a tiring day at work. on the surface level it was plain. nothing special.

the two of you stared at the bowls for a while, watching the steam float upwards, the food slowly losing its warmth.

‘what happened between us?’

jeonghan was the first to speak up. his voice was quiet. trembling. unsure of whether starting this conversation will even lead to any positive outcomes. unsure if there was something left to save.

‘we- we used to be so good.’ his voice broke mid sentence. ‘where did we go wrong?’

silence.

jeonghan sighed - the sound barely audible, but still there, face nestling in his hands.

‘i don’t know.’ your words came out shaky. quiet. as if admitting that you too had no idea was physically painful for you to admit. because admitting it meant that both of you lost yourselves - lost what made this connection special, what made it worth keeping alive.

you didn’t look his way, eyes fixated on the bowl of instant noodles like solely taking a glance at jeonghan was forbidden.

‘maybe we just got so used to each other’s presence that we took it for granted. didn’t nurture it enough as time went by.’

jeonghan exhaled deeply. as much as he hated admitting it, what you said held some truth to it - more than he’d like it to. he despised the feeling of helplessness that suddenly came over him, detested the way any possible explanations, words of comfort, any words in general stuck in his throat before ever reaching his lips.

accepting the truth was hard. accepting that he failed, that both of you failed at cherishing each other the way you should’ve, was hard.

‘do you still love me?’ his words came out broken, the question barely leaving his lips. only then did you finally look at him - the frown on his face almost pitiful, filled with emotions kept at a leash for the past months. emotions that have just now started to spill out.

‘yes.’

‘do you think we can fix it?’

you hesitated, vision getting blurry at the mere thought of you not being sure whether it was even possible or not.

‘i don’t know.’ you answered truthfully, voice a faint, barely audible whisper. jeonghan’s eyes fell to the ground - trying, but failing, to keep his emotions intact.

‘do you think- do you think you have it in you to try?’

‘i don’t know.’

three words. three words hanging in between you and jeonghan like a guillotine.

you couldn’t keep the tears spilling out your eyes. admitting this might’ve been harder than anything recently - admitting that you’re not sure whether this will work out anymore, whether you have enough drive to keep this thing going despite the spark being almost gone.

jeonghan’s hands came up to your face and you almost flinched at the touch, almost as if you’d forgotten how it felt to be held by him throughout the last months of what was once a picture-perfect relationship. his touch was gentle - palms carefully cradling your face, fingers wiping away the tears.

‘i want us to try.’ he admitted, eyes now staring down yours. they didn’t have that familiar glimmer you loved about them anymore - but despite that, you still noticed a faint flicker of hope in the way he looked at you.

hope for the better. hope that what was once broken can still be fixed.

‘i still love you. i want to know that- no, need to know that, even if we fail, at least we did our best to keep this thing afloat.’ he continued, eyes not leaving yours. his voice was hushed. determined. as if you were the only one meant to hear his words, as if you were the only thing that mattered right now. ‘do you think you can do that? for us?’

you couldn’t get yourself to open your mouth, unable to mutter even a word in response. but you nodded.

you nodded, and that was enough of an answer for jeonghan for now, the man offering you a barely noticeable smile - a glimpse into the happiness you lost, but could still regain.

to be loved is to be known. and maybe to be loved sometimes means having to try all over again - from scratch. from nothing.

[saoo2aa]

[yumangel]

snow in california - 부승관

@wooahoe‘s 12 days of kpopblr!! 𐔌՞. .՞𐦯

summary: christmas was always a painful reminder of the boy you had to let go. but maybe this year, the festive season will bring him back - and with him, the words left unsaid, the feelings buried deep down

words: 6k

warnings: nothing really, some mentions of drinking, seokmin’s atrocious christmas outfits

a/n: ik i haven’t posted any fics in a while but life’s been so hectic lately and i had to adapt to all the changes that came into it T-T anyways i am so happy to finally give this fic to you all, i hope you enjoy reading it as much as i enjoyed writing it ^^

along with the first snow, winter always brought back reminders of him.

you used to love the season when you were a kid; snowy evenings, contests with friends on who can build the best snowman, the colorful decorations adorning every window and house you passed by on your way to school.

but by far, your favorite has always been baking and decorating a christmas cake with the boo family.

it always sparked endless chaos and laughter, the sounds echoing through the house for hours on end as the two families sat around the kitchen: some talking, some preparing the mixture for the cake, some arguing about the decorations. that last bit was usually taken by you and seungkwan.

of course, it was only friendly banter. the two of you have been friends ever since you could remember, and living right next door to him only made it easier for the two of you to hit it off. even though his stubbornness had its way of infuriating you from time to time, you were basically inseparable as kids all the way into your teenage years. it was uncommon, almost uncanny to see one of you without the other: everyone knew that if seungjwan was involved in something, you were right there with him and vice versa.

but that was years ago.

you catch yourself thinking of him whenever winter arrives, and a sour look graces your face each time, memories of the old days floating back into your head. every christmas decoration that graces your eyes on the way to work is like a curse just waiting to catch you, every christmas song makes you want to lock yourself in your room and stay there until all of it is gone and hidden away in boxes just to be brought back the same time next year.

instead of your favorite time of the year, it became a bad reminder of the risks not taken, decisions that followed you till years later.

you sighed, the slightest hint of a smile on your face as your eyes drifted from the empty file on your computer to the door, where seokmin was currently standing in a festive christmas button-up, paired with an atrociously-looking green and red striped tie.

‘and here i thought that your christmas outfits couldn’t get any worse.’ you mumbled, taking a sip of your coffee. ‘you amaze me sometimes.’

‘someone has to bring some positive energy here.’ he stated, smile bright on his face as he sat down at the desk right across from you. ‘and since i share a room with the literal grinch i have to work twice as hard to keep the christmas mood alive.’

you smiled, handing him a file filled with the paperwork that he needed to do today, a chuckle escaping your lips as you saw his expression slowly fade into a grimace.

‘is it really such an anomaly to not like christmas?’

‘yes.’ seokmin answered immediately, almost too fast. ‘it’s like saying you don’t like, i don’t know, the summer holidays. or babies.’

‘it is perfectly acceptable to not like babies.’ you argued. ‘they’re loud and messy and looking after them can get pretty tiring.’

the man seemed to not be surprised by your answer in the slightest.

‘you’re still more than welcome to spend christmas with me and the boys, you know. it’ll be a lot of fun.’ seokmin added after a few minutes. you shook your head.

‘i appreciate the offer, but you know how i feel about third wheeling. especially if it’s third wheeling four couples at once.’

‘i know.’ he answered, standing up from his desk as he made his way towards the printer. ‘but if you change your mind, the offer’s still up. i just don’t want you to spend the christmas evening alone, you know. maybe text a friend, see if someone’s available to hang out.’

‘i highly doubt that.’ you mumbled, typing away.

‘you know, it never hurts to try.’

your mind immediately thought of seungkwan, but you quickly shook these thoughts away. you weren’t sure if he’d even answer your message.

you weren’t even sure if the phone number you had saved under his name was still the one he used.

and yet amongst all of this, it was still him your mind went to first.

you and seungkwan haven’t spoken to each other for quite a few years now. the tales of an inseparable duo were long forgotten by now; just like you’d slowly began forgetting the way his laugh echoed in your ears even when you couldn’t yet see him, the way his lips curved up into a smile that lit up every room he walked into. but you knew that silence between you was for a reason. it wouldn’t work out either way.

the thoughts roamed around in your mind all the way till evening, the sky a dark shade of blue as your feet moved in rhythmic steps, a calm pace as you headed back from work, headphones on with high volume as usual. ear damage was not on the list of your current concerns.

you decided to stop by at a cafe close to your place; a local owned by your next-door neighbour. nothing unusual, you’ve practically lived off of their killer coffee and heaven sent baked goods. you didn’t even mind the christmas decorations - they were subtle enough so that they could go unnoticed if not sought out.

you went on with your routine - order, sit down at your favorite table in the corner, exchange smiles with the two old ladies sitting a few tables across from you who came every afternoon to gossip before taking out your laptop to focus on some additional things you had to do for work. everything was going as usual.

‘mind if i sit here?’

you were almost startled by the question, thrown out of your train of thought and ready to politely decline: there were multiple empty tables around you, after all.

but then you looked up.

‘long time no see, old friend.’

boo seungkwan looked different. of course, it’s not like you haven’t seen him over the course of the years - social media existed and both of you still followed each others accounts on most of the apps. but seeing him in real life, standing right in front of you felt surreal. almost weird.

his hair was bleached now: instead of the raven black colour it once had, the strands growing out of his head had a warm shade of blonde. he had a neat outfit on, one appropriate for the weather but still stylish. he certainly grew up since the last time you saw him. certainly got more handsome, if that was even possible. he wasn’t that nineteen year old anymore and you could see on his face: his features, even though more mature now, still kept their youthfulness despite aging almost ten years.

what didn’t change in the slightest was his smile.

it was the same smile you remembered - warm, welcoming, like a tight comforting hug. the same smile that graced his face the last time you saw him.

he was so elated telling you about that job opportunity - you’ve never seen him so thrilled as that christmas night when he announced to you that he’ll be moving out to chase his dream. the same christmas night you planned to confess your feelings to him.

all that courage you’ve been mustering up for weeks on end disappeared the moment he announced his plans to you, eyes sparkling with excitement. the only thing you could do was let him leave - all while deciding to push those feelings further down your chest, stomping on them with immense pressure and just hoping that they would go away.

you couldn’t tell him. not right before he was supposed to leave. this would only make things worse.

at first the two of you kept in touch - regular texts on both sides, calls to exchange gossip from time to time. but the tightness in your chest just kept growing and growing and it was getting impossible to ignore, no matter how hard you tried to. so you started distancing yourself. day by day the amount of texts lessened, the gossip sessions became a once a month thing. doing it hurt you more than you wanted to admit. of course it did: letting go of seungkwan was like carving out a piece of your own heart and throwing it away somewhere where you wouldn’t find it again.

but you could never fully forget him - the christmas season always brought back memories of good times spent together, only to then become a hurtful reminder of the day your heart got broken so utterly and entirely that you weren’t sure it would ever be back to normal.

you let him go all those years ago.

and now he was standing right in front of you, in full glory.

you stared at him for a solid minute or two before nodding slowly, a sudden surge of multiple different emotions hitting you all at once. your eyes followed his movements as he sat down across from you, placing his backpack next to the chair and straightening up his posture.

silence took over for a few minutes. it was almost like you had nothing to talk about, as if all the years spent apart stripped you of the ability of holding a conversation with each other.

seungkwan was the first one to speak up.

‘so,’ he started, your mind immediately thinking of how nice the tone of his voice still was. ‘how have you been? it’s been an awful long time since we last talked.’

i’ve been great! truly! just had some repressed feelings for my childhood best friend that come back to life every winter haunting me for the past years because i never moved on but yeah! life’s great!

‘i’ve been… good. nothing particularly interesting, though.’ you mumbled, taking a sip of your coffee to help with your dry mouth. the drink seemed to have the opposite effect, much to your dismay. ‘you know, adult life is pretty routine oriented. work, eat, sleep, repeat. but it’s great. i like the routine.’

seungkwan smiled.

‘of course you do. you always did.’

his words were followed by a beat of silence, seungkwan’s expression changing quickly into an embarrassed , almost apologetic look as he saw your surprised face.

‘sorry, didn’t mean to say that-‘

‘it’s alright.’ you cut him off, a small smile as you tried to avert the conversation to avoid any more awkward silences. ‘what about you? anything exciting?’

the boy shook his head.

‘not really. it’s just like you said: work, sleep, repeat. decided to break away from the routine for the holidays, though, so i took a few days off. thought it would do me some good.’

you nodded in response, eyes nervously dancing from the coffee cup to the window then back to the coffee again: still feeling like this whole situation was just some hallucination your brain created to make you more miserable. for a second or two, you thought that scenario would've been the better of the two.

your eyes drifted back to the blonde man. he was fidgeting with his hands now, looking as if he was searching for the next thing to say. that was different from what you remembered him to act like - he was always the one to hold up the conversation, not the other way around.

and as much as you disliked being a conversation initiator, the silence was becoming harder to bear by the minute.

‘so, do you have any plans for christmas?’

you wanted to mentally slap yourself right after the words left your mouth.

seungkwan’s eyes shot up to meet yours, seemingly just as surprised by your words as you. he quickly regained his composure, though, a small smile gracing his lips.

‘not really, no. i was hoping to come up with something to do after landing here, but my mind’s been pretty blank of any ideas yet.’ he explained, taking a sip of his americano. ‘and you? considering that it’s only a few days from now i’d assume you already have plans.’

‘well, if staying at home and binging a tv show can be considered christmas plans then sure, i guess i have some.’

your statement seemed to bring back some life into seungkwan, an airy, short laugh escaping your lips as you saw his almost theatrical gasp.

‘you don’t have any christmas plans?’

‘i just told you my plans.’

‘at least tell me the tv show is christmas-themed.’

‘i don’t think you can classify black mirror as christmas themed.’

seungkwan’s expression grew more hilarious with every next sentence and for a split second you felt like you were sitting in front of the same teenage boy again, annoying him on purpose.

‘this is actually insane.’ he muttered quietly, taking another sip of his drink. ‘bananas, even. i cannot accept that.’

you shrugged.

‘i have nothing better to do on that day anyways-‘

‘i might have an idea.’ seungkwan cut into your sentence, putting his mug down. ‘let’s spend it together. christmas evening, i mean. since both of us have no particular plans. and before you say anything - no, watching netflix in your apartment is not an appropriate plan for spending time in this festive season.’

you stared at him for a few seconds. seungkwan took it as a sign to continue his proposal.

‘come on, no one should be spending that day on their own. we could bake a christmas cake or something - just like in the old days.’

there it was.

just like in the old days.

it was almost as if he knew exactly what he was doing when using these words - and it semes to be working, because you agreed without having to be convinced any more. maybe it was out of pity; you knew seungkwan had no other options and decided he couldn’t spend this day alone. or maybe it was because you longed for that long lost feeling of sheer joy and happiness that always filled you whenever you spent time with seungkwan. no matter how short it would be, you wanted to drown in it once more. even if just for a fleeting moment. after all, he said it himself - he’s only in the city for a few days.

might as well let yourself enjoy it while it lasts.

seokmin noticed the shift in your mood the moment he stepped foot into the office and didn’t hear you say a single word about his ridiculously big and sparkly santa hat. all he got was a greeting, your eyes not even moving up from the computer.

he furrowed his brows in confusion.

‘what happened to commenting on how atrocious my choice of clothing is?’ he asked, setting his messenger bag down next to his seat.

seokmin watched you for a few seconds as you thought of an appropriate answer.

‘i don’t even know.’ you admitted. ‘i feel like i’m constantly spacing out today.’

‘did something happen recently to make you like that?’

the silence that followed was enough of an answer for him and suddenly seokmin was sitting right across from you, elbows resting on his desk as he stared at you, awaiting an explanation. he didn’t have to say much - you saw it in his eyes, the expression on his face telling you that he won’t let you leave until he hears it.

‘i bumped into my childhood best friend whom i had a crush on for the longest time after not being in touch with him for the past, what, ten years? and i might’ve kinda sorta agreed to spend the christmas evening with him even though i know he’s hopping on a plane and leaving the city the day after.’

seokmin blinked once. then twice.

‘of all the things i expected, this was definitely not on the list.’ he muttered, tilting his head slightly to the side.

‘yeah. i didn’t expect myself to be in this situation either.’

‘do you still have feelings for him?’

hearing the question you looked up at seokmin, eyes drifting away to the side seconds later. you didn’t have to mutter a word for him to understand what your reaction meant.

‘maybe you should give it a chance this time. confess to him, you know. you’re both adults now; you can handle a long distance relationship.’

‘and if he declines my feelings?’ you asked, voice unsure.

‘then you’ll at least have the closure you need.’

‘and what if i cancel on him a day before?’

‘wow, never thought you’d be so cruel to the guy you like. weird way of flirting, but sure, go ahead.’

you groaned, arms slouching as you looked up at eunbi, despair written all over your face and a beer in your hand.

‘seokmin’s sister and niece came by the other day to bring him something to work. you know what was the first thing that little girl asked me?’

‘why do you look so miserable?’ eunbi sneered, smile hiding behind her wine glass.

‘she asked me if i wrote santa a letter for christmas.’ you explained, ignoring your friend’s snarky remark. ‘you know, what i want to get under the tree and whatnot. and i kid you not, all i could think about was me begging that old, bearded man for snow, rain, anything strong enough to cancel seungkwan’s flight. i sound like a mad man.’

the girl’s expression softened seeing your distressed state, reaching out from the other end of the sofa to pat you on the arm, head resting on said arm a moment later as she paused the tv show playing in the background.

‘you know, i agree with what seokmin said. you should shoot your shot.’ she said, putting the wine down on the small table in front of you. ‘it might be your only chance, after all.’

later that evening, when eunbi left for home, and you were watching some reality show that was currently playing on tv, your phone buzzed.

‘any specific snacks i should bring tomorrow? not taking no for an answer xx’

‘it’s seungkwan, by the way. not sure if you still have my number saved, haha!’

you smiled unconsciously as you read the message, eyes scanning the text on the screen before quickly typing back.

‘i do!!’

‘and regarding snacks, anything will be fine!! i’ll eat them all anyways loool’

your smile grew as you noticed him hearting the message. you put your phone down on the coffee table and headed towards your room, coming back with a pen and your old diary: a relic from your childhood that you refused to get rid of, pages filled with all the memories, thoughts and other things you deemed important at the time.

seungkwan gifted it to you one christmas, cheeks rising as he smiled and said it’s to store all the ‘exciting adventures you two will have’, not failing to mention it was a two in one deal and that he got a matching one for himself, bought with his own pocket money.

it felt silly, you thought. but despite that initial feeling, you still sat down and opened it.

the first page was a picture of the two of you, all smiley in the snow, topped with glitter and too many stickers, a messily written ‘me + my favorite person!!’ at the bottom. you couldn’t help but laugh.

you flipped through the pages, skimming through the things written. worries, funny stories, moments of triumph. and somehow in all of these there was one constant: seungkwan, mentioned in almost every story without fail.

you landed on an empty page - the very last page of the diary. your pen hit the paper without a second thought.

‘dear santa,

this christmas i’m not asking for much. hell, i wouldn’t dare asking for much considering i’ve been resenting your holiday for the past years. i’m just asking for one thing: please, please, please make his flight delay. make it snow so hard airplanes won’t fly. i’ll even settle for rain. you see, i really love him, and he’s only in town for the holidays. please, give me something to make him stay. i don’t need any gifts: that’s my only wish.’

santa claus was a fraud and a liar.

the sky was squeaky clean when you woke up and opened the balcony to check the weather - no clouds visible, sun shining brightly, its rays bouncing off of your face with a slight burn which you could only read as mockery in this very moment.

a sigh left your lips. you almost went back to sleep right then and there.

but the apartment needed some serious cleaning before someone like seungkwan came through the front door.

you looked at the clock hanging above the tv and smiled, seeing just how much tome you had to prepare everything in peace, phone already connecting to the speakers to play some music while you were cleaning.

definitely not to drown out all the thoughts roaming around your head.

an admittingly annoying feeling of anxiety has been eating you alive since the moment you agreed to the meeting with seungkwan - you tried to ignore it most of the time but just as a bad case of stage fright, the less time you had, the more your stomach started twisting. you didn’t even understand why.

it wasn’t some random man you’ve agreed to go on a date with. hell, it wasn’t even a date. it was just seungkwan.

just seungkwan.

the same seungkwan who always stayed behind and waited until you tied your shoes. the same seungkwan who was always the first one to encourage you whenever you were afraid of doing something. the same seungkwan who, in true seungkwan fashion, defended you from anyone who dared saying something even remotely bad about you with the amount of sass you wouldn’t ever expect from a teenage boy.

the anxiety was as unreasonable as it was justified. the lack of any sense in your thoughts made you want to spiral.

the stores were only open until midday so you managed to snag a few decorations from the store at the last minute - subtle, just enough so that you’d be spared any comments. you thanked yourself for waking up early on a free day this one time.

you unpacked the two bags, putting the foods and drinks away to their designated places in the kitchen, mind working to figure out where to hang the decorations so that you won’t have to borrow a ladder from your neighbours. in the end, you managed without it: smiling to yourself softly at the state of your apartment, actually pleased with the way it looked.

there was no christmas tree, no extravagant ornaments, no over the top decorations or sad-looking, beige trinkets abusing your eyesight.

it looked simple and cozy. comfortable.

reminded you of seungkwan.

you checked your phone to make sure you remembered to text him the exact address, the time approaching that of your planned meeting. that familiar, uncomfortable feeling in your stomach reappeared. you almost jumped when the doorbell rang.

seungkwan was standing on the other side of the door, a smile on his face, messenger bag hanging off his arm, the other hand holding a bag of what you could only assume were the snacks he promised to bring.

the first thing he noticed after entering the apartment was the smell. seungkwan could recognise it everywhere: a warm, floral scent with a hint of vanilla hit his nose, the exact same scent you’ve surrounded yourself with as a teen. whether it was perfume, scented candles or anything else that could be scented, you always went for the same combination. as the years passed, it became your staple.

maybe you haven’t changed as much as seungkwan thought.

he looked around, eyes scanning the living room area, closely observing the walls, the decorations, the interior. his sight eventually landed on the shelves next to the tv, multiple frames filled with pictures adorning them.

‘you still have that picture?’ seungkwan’s question made your head turn, stopping in your tracks on the way to the kitchen to unpack the food. you didn’t have to follow his hand to know what picture he was talking about.

right in between a picture with your coworkers from last year celebrating your promotion and a photo of you and eunbi in matching halloween costumes fro. a few years back there was a photograph of you and seungiwan as kids. the only visible thing in your apartment that you let yourself keep, even though it reminded you of him whenever you looked at it.

it was a picture taken way back in elementary school, its frame carefully yet clumsily hand painted by you during one of the many arts and crafts classes. your mother packed it into one of your suitcases when you were moving out. a reminder of home.

‘yeah.’ you said, turning back around and setting the bag down on the kitchen counter. ‘it’s a nice memory.’

‘it sure is.’ he chuckled. ‘i still have mine too, you know. people ask about it a lot when they visit.’

‘and what do you tell them then?’

‘that it’s me and my best friend.’ he answered. you smiled.

the silence that came over you for a second or two felt just as comfortable as in the old days.

‘let’s not waste time.’ you spoke up, motioning for seungkwan to come over to the kitchen. ‘the cake won’t bake itself.’

baking the cake was peaceful. too peaceful. almost like a calm before the storm.

all hell broke loose the moment it came to the decorations.

‘i won’t let you do the piping! need i remind you just how bad your rosettes look?’ seungkwan exclaimed, holding the piping bag close to his chest. ‘stick to your fondant snowmans and sprinkles.’

‘oh, said the absolute master of piping. i still have a picture of that one cake where you wrote merry chrystler instead of merry christmas.’ you laughed, sitting back down on the stool, hands working on making a christmas tree figurine for your cake.

‘that was a spelling error! the letters themselves looked amazing.’ he mumbled, a frown forming on his face.

over the course of the past few hours you’ve managed to get back into your old rhythm - friendly banter, jokes on every given occasion. it felt easy. natural. as if that was supposed to be your daily routine.

the cake was half decorated by now: the frosting evenly spread out, some of the fondant decorations already prepared and put in their respective spots. seungkwan stood over the cake, tongue slightly sticking out to the side, all his attention focused on making the icy blue rosettes absolutely perfect.

you smiled to yourself as you admired him. maybe for a tad bit too long.

‘do i have something on my face?’ he asked, throwing you out of your thoughts. you immediately turned your head back to the fondant snowmans, tips of your ears a bright shade of pink as you shook your head.

‘no, no, it’s nothing.’ you murmured quietly, a hint of embarrassment in your voice as you searched for a non-suspicious response. ‘it’s just funny seeing that you still have the same habits from your childhood.’

‘well, i haven’t changed that much.’ he stated softly, smiling to himself as he stopped decorating for a split second. ‘i’m still the same man you knew when you were younger. well, maybe just slightly taller, i guess.’

seungkwan was right. he was still the same guy you knew all these years ago. the same guy you fell in love with.

and that was the problem.

it was getting harder and harder to ignore with every minute spent with him - old feelings resurfacing from the place in which they were hidden all that time. each smile seungkwan sent your way, each word leaving his lips made you feel like a teenager again, like you traveled back to your hometown.

that’s when you remembered what you promised yourself for this evening.

spending time with seungkwan was so comfortable you almost forgot about the fact you planned to confess, the fact that tomorrow he won’t be here anymore. your smile faltered for a second, head hanging over the now finished edible sculptures as you carefully picked them up to put them on top of the cake.

seungkwan’s eyes watched attentively as you placed each decoration. you felt his stare almost like a burning sensation on your skin.

you straightened up, wiping your hands on your apron. the cake looked great - certainly better than the ones you and seungkwan had decorated as kids.

‘well i say that’s a success.’ seungkwan stated, hands resting on his hips, a satisfied smile adorning his face. you couldn’t help but nod. ‘before we eat it though-‘

‘you want to take some pictures. i know. i remember.’

seungkwan stopped in his tracks for a second, his expression changing ever so slightly. his smile quickly came back as he pulled out his phone, making sure to get all the best angles for the pictures.

once he was satisfied with his photographs he took the cake down to the coffee table where you’ve already took the snacks, plates, utensils, and a bottle of wine you kept in your drawer for a special occasion.

the only lights in the living room came from the candles and a lamp standing in the corner of the room, making the atmosphere cozy and warm as the two of you sat on the sofa, some christmas playlist seungkwan insisted on playing softly humming in the background.

‘oh, i almost forgot!’ seungkwan’s voice broke through as he quickly stood up, making his way towards his bag which he left in the kitchen. he quickly came back with it, pulling out something wrapped in a festive, red and green striped gift paper. he reached his hand out to give it to you, eyes drifting away to the side. ‘spare me the comments about my terrible wrapping.’

you stared at the gift in his hand for a few seconds, a look of surprise on your face. seungkwan notices the silence immediately, eyes turning back to look at you.

‘everything okay?’ he asked softly.

‘i- i just didn’t expect you to bring a gift.’ you mumbled quietly, quickly recovering from the surprise. ‘i don’t have anything prepared for you.’

‘you saving me from spending the christmas evening alone is a gift in itself for me.’ he said, putting the wrapped mystery gift down on the sofa, in front of you. ‘come on, open it.’

your hands moved to carefully unwrap the paper, making sure to not rip it apart like you did when you were younger. you stopped in your movements the moment you noticed what it was.

a diary. brand new - the cover the exact same colour as the one he gifted you back when you were kids.

‘remember when i bought you a similar one when we were kids? i said it was to-‘

‘to store all the exciting adventures the two of us will have.’ you finished his sentence. ‘of course i remember. i still have the old one in my room.’

‘must’ve been collecting dust all this time.’ seungkwan chuckled, but you could feel a hint of sadness in his laugh. ‘you know, since we didn’t keep in touch and all. no new adventures to write down. why did that happen anyway?’

a sigh left your lips. you knew that question would probably be asked over the course of this evening, but you still weren’t ready to actually hear it from seungkwan’s mouth.

‘i guess i couldn’t stand the person i love being so far away from me. cutting contact seemed to be the only way to silence my feelings.’

seungkwan sat quietly, mouth slightly agape, as if taking in the information you’ve just provided him. his silence stretched out for a few more moments and you didn’t dare disrupt it - you were afraid of his answer almost as much as you were afraid of saying anything more.

you thought that once you say it, that heavy feeling in your stomach will disappear. but with the silence on the receiving end, it only worsened.

‘why didn’t you tell me?’ he spoke quietly, voice slightly trembling.

‘i wanted to. but you were so excited when you said you were moving to chase that job opportunity they gave you that i just- i couldn’t bring myself to tell you. i wouldn’t dare ruin your happiness in that moment.’ you explained, voice breaking mid sentence and suddenly you were very aware of how seungkwan’s eyes were still glued to you, almost as if he couldn’t believe your words.

‘you could have told me. we would’ve worked things out.’

‘work things out?’

seungkwan’s expression softened.

‘you’d need to be an idiot to think i didn’t feel the same way about you. hell, i still do.’

the man opened his mouth again to say something more and het no words left his mouth - he didn’t have the time, your lips already on his as you closed the gap between the two of you.

seungkwan reciprocated the kiss immediately, smiling slightly as his hands hovered over your waist, yours finding their place on his chest. the kiss started careful and sweet but it soon turned deeper, more passionate: as if all of the feelings you’ve been holding inside you for years and years have finally resurfaced, finally come to life. having seungkwan this close to you was a dream you never knew would ever come true. and yet despite all your doubts, it did.

you only broke the kiss when you needed to gasp for air, cheeks flushed a deep shade of pink as you moved away ever so slightly. seungkwan’s hands still rested on your waist, his own face as flushed as yours.

‘i’m so sad you have to leave tomorrow.’ you mumbled, forehead resting on his.

‘you know, i might’ve partially lied about my reason for being here.’

‘what?’ you furrowed your brows in confusion, giving seungkwan a look as if to urge him to explain himself. he wasted no time.

‘i came here for the holidays, yes, but i also came here because i had a job interview. good bonuses, better pay than the last, you know it. i didn’t tell anyone because i always thought it brings bad luck to tell people about something important like that before it happens. it’s silly, i know.’

‘why are you telling me this now?’

‘because i got a call this morning. they want me in their company. i’m meant to start after new years. and that means-‘

‘you’re moving to this city.’

seungkwan nodded. your smile grew so big so instantly your cheeks started hurting and the man couldn’t help but crack a laugh.

‘that’s also why i bought the diary.’ he continued, his voice now more steady. ‘i figured that maybe if it works out with the job we could get back to the way it was before. but i think i like this even more.’ he added quickly, leaning in to leave a quick peck on your lips.

you giggled, reaching for the wine you poured earlier and handing seungkwan one of the glasses. you reached yours slightly, as if to make a toast.

‘to the new and exciting adventures i get to write down in my diary?’ you said, smiling as you heard the familiar clinking of glasses before taking a sip.

‘to the new and exciting future that awaits us.’ he said and you moved closer on the couch, head resting on his shoulder.

maybe santa claus wasn’t a fraud and a liar. well, at least not fully. sure, he didn’t stop seungkwan’s airplane from taking flight the next morning - no snow, no rain. but he did somehow help you get the man. he helped make a dream of yours come true. and maybe that was enough.

[alexsvoid]

AVID AND SHELBY FAN ANIMATION MEME THING :P

[imarriedafrog]

Since reading Greg Rucka's Wonder Woman I've been itchting to draw her, so here's the result!!

[alexsvoid]

Tried adding some lighting idk what I was going from the neck down 💔

[lilu-bagy]

[SILKSONG × SONIC - CROSSOVER AU 🐜🌱🦔]

✨️ [CHARACTERS DESIGNS] ✨️

Will make more og them hehe

[saoo2aa]

i am trying to learn how to sculpt in nomad and the struggle is real

[saoo2aa]

finally finished hehehe

[daily-leon]

[ciricearts]

happy jason day let’s gooo

[yumangel]

love, lee jihoon - 이지훈

summary: after a series of dates gone bad, your best friend soonyoung decides to set you up on a blind date with one of his closest friends - jihoon, a very reserved (and hot) producer.

words: around 7k

warnings: none really

a/n: this took me so long to write like i’m genuinely surprised i managed to finish it :oo anyways hope u guys enjoy!!

bad decisions always start with kwon soonyoung.

you were laying down on his couch, taking up half of the space, a pillow covering your face as you whined, an annoyed huff leaving your lips seconds later.

‘it’s like i can’t find one normal person to date. seriously, if i lower my standards any more they might hit the basement.’

your friend’s laugh echoed through the room as he sat down, kicking your legs off of the couch for some more space.

‘the problem, my dear, is that you have terrible taste.’ he stated, taking a sip of his beer. you immediately shot up, ready to defend yourself, but soonyoung stopped you before you even let a word out. ‘i don’t wanna hear any excuses - you literally dated a guy who made out with his mother on his birthday. freud is probably doing backflips in his grave.’

‘he was a family man!’ you protested. ‘a bit too much of a family man, but how was i supposed to know?’

soonyoung sighed.

you knew he was right - every other date you went out on ended up a mess. whether it was a guy who refused to wash his hand because his favorite idol touched it once (and you’ve found out that he actually hasn’t washed it for more than a couple of months at that point), a flat earther or a guy who insisted on a threesome with his girl best friend, none of them were normal in any way. and somehow you ended up back at the same place after ending things with each and every one of them: at soonyoung’s apartment, curled up on the couch wondering how did you let that happen again. soonyoung comforted you each time, as a good friend should, but to see you make one bad decision after another really irked him up.

‘let me set you up on a date.’

‘huh?’

the man put down the beer bottle and his phone on the couch, turning to face you.

‘if you can’t find someone normal yourself then let me help. i’ll set you up on a blind date and you won’t have to be so miserable anymore.’

‘absolutely not.’ you immediately shook your head. ‘this would never work out.’

‘you never know unless you try.’ he mumbled, back leaning against the couch. ‘besides, maybe you’d actually see what a normal date looks like, for once.’

you thought about it for a few seconds. much to your annoyance, soonyoung was right in that, too, and the idea of going on one more date wasn’t exactly the worst. whether it was going to end up being a disaster or not, you’ve been on enough dates to be prepared for almost every possible scenario. you’ve seen it all at this point - what’s one more bad date to talk about over a glass of wine once you’re older?

‘he better be normal, or i’m confiscating your tiger plushie collection.’

the only thing soonyoung told you was the name - lee jihoon. you recognized almost instantly: one of soonyoung’s long time friends, one of his closest friends as well. and yet somehow you’ve never met him before. hell, you didn’t even know what he looked like.

you arrived at the restaurant ten minutes early; soonyoung made a reservation for your date at a hotpot place near his apartment, a new spot that just opened a few months ago that you haven’t yet tried out. it wasn’t packed - there were a lot of people, but not enough for it to be crowded and uncomfortable.

nerves hit you as soon as you sat down at the table.

this wasn’t unusual either - you’d arrive early, stress out for the remaining few minutes, overthink what could possibly happen all until the date actually shows up. you looked around anxiously, eyes coming back to the entrance to the restaurant every now and then, scanning every face that passed through the door as you fiddled with your fingers under the table.

you looked down at your phone to kill some time (and hopefully ease your nerves at least a bit). the exact moment the clock hit 5pm you heard someone come in, quick footsteps getting louder as they approached your direction.

the man stopped in front of your table, eyes locking with yours for a few seconds without a word.

‘are you, uh- my date? soonyoung’s friend?’ you mumbled awkwardly, breaking the silence between the two of you. the man nodded, pulling back the chair to sit down. he extended a hand in your direction.

‘i’m jihoon, but i assume soonyoung told you as much.’ he said as he shook your hand. ‘sorry to keep you waiting.’

‘oh, you don’t have to apologize.’ you smiled politely, trying your best to appear chill. ‘i’m the one who came in early after all. anyways, um- have you ever been to this place?’

jihoon shook his head.

‘don’t really have the time to eat out to be honest. i usually just order takeout.’

‘busy with work?’

‘mhm.’

‘and what is it that you do?’

jihoon’s voice was calm and precise and so was his manner of speaking - short, factual sentences, no unnecessary words or oversharing details. one could say he was a complete opposite of your friend. but that wasn’t what surprised you about him the most.

what came as a surprise was his answer.

‘i’m a music producer.’ you made a little ‘wow’ sound, seemingly impressed with his answer. ‘it’s nothing special.’

‘i didn’t take you as the type.’ you said and jihoon raised an eyebrow. ‘i mean that you look so… serious. it’s surprising that someone as stoic as you is friends with soonyoung of all people.’

‘i’ve learned to tolerate him.’ he mumbled, eyes darting away from you and towards the waiter, gesturing for him to come to your table so that the two of you can order. ‘enough about me, though. shall we order something?’

you smiled, nodding politely.

the rest of the date went surprisingly pleasant - you had a nice conversation (or rather you talked non stop and he just listened, nodding or saying ‘mhm’ every once in a while), the food was good and jihoon, in true gentleman fashion, insisted on paying for the food and your cab home. but there was one thing that wouldn’t stop bothering you.

‘it was a disaster. can you believe he didn’t smile even once? and he spoke for like, maybe three minutes total.’

‘maybe it’s because you blabber too much.’ you heard jun say from the other side of the kitchen counter, the man not even sparing a second to look up at you from his phone. you rolled your eyes at his remark, trying to focus back on the cooking. ‘you should just ask soonyoung about it. i’m sure he told him something.’

‘yeah, mr. ‘i’m so mysterious i barely talk’ definitely told the biggest yapper on this planet about how his date went.’ you sighed, hand reaching towards the spices cabinet. ‘i think i would know by now. i’m surprised he even gave me his number.’

‘did you text him after?’ your friend asked, now standing up to head over to the fridge and get something to drink.

‘of course i did! i texted him when i arrived home to thank him for the good time spent and you know what he did? he sent me a thumbs up emoji. a thumbs up emoji, for christ sake!’

jun couldn’t help but chuckle at your dramatic reaction, sitting down once more as he opened the can of soda.

‘maybe he’s just a dry texter.‘

you sighed.

‘i don’t know. nonetheless, i don’t really expect to hear from him.’ you mumbled.

‘another bad date to cross off your list?’ jun asked, eyes already glued to the food you prepared for the two of you.

‘probably, yeah. it’s a shame, though. he’s cute. and a gentleman, too. he’s probably the first guy who didn’t even think of splitting the bill on the first date and paid before i had any say in the matter. i’m also almost a hundred percent sure he had a black card, but he put it back into his wallet before i could take a good look.’

your friend looked invested all of a sudden, even straightening his posture as a sign that he’s listening.

‘you said he works as a producer, right? and his name is-‘

‘lee jihoon.’

jun put down his utensils before he even managed to dig into the food, his eyes widening all of a sudden as if he’s just connected the dots.

‘girl, you literally went on a date with the legendary producer WOOZI. that is an honor in itself.’

your brain seemed to short circuit for a quick second after hearing your friend’s words.

everyone around you always obsessed over WOOZI - the legendary producer who built his own legacy from scratch, his determination and work ethic admired by many around the world. his work has been praised and recognised globally and he’s worked with some of the biggest stars in the world, producing number one hits that would top the charts for weeks on end. despite all that, the man wasn’t known as a public persona - his social media displayed only the songs he’s worked on and his private life was exactly that: private. no one really knew what WOOZI was like outside of his music. people who weren’t from his hometown wouldn’t be able to recognise him on the street or in a restaurant. but jun did. because he grew up in that very same town.

it was his favorite anecdote during a late night conversation or while randomly spitting facts about himself, only that now it held a lot more meaning. now you could put a face behind that nickname. a very handsome face, too.

‘wait, you’re telling me that dude is WOOZI?’

jun nodded quietly, a satisfied smile on his face.

‘i literally lived next door to him when i was younger. we weren’t exactly friends, though. i think he was a bit too shy to go and play outside most of the time.’

‘i think you were just too weird for him.’ you laughed, earning a smack on the head from your friend.

‘anyways, my point is,’ jun continued, seemingly ignoring your comment. ‘he’s obviously a busy guy. maybe wait a little to see what happens instead of immediately crossing him off of your list and denouncing him just another bad date.’

a week and a half has passed and you were laying comfortably on your couch, the sounds of some new reality show you’ve been watching filling up the room.

you took jun’s words to heart, still holding some hope that jihoon would text or call you, chalking up every day of it not happening to him being busy. but after so many days it was pretty difficult to hold onto that hope.

your phone started buzzing all of a sudden, the sudden sound making you jump. you looked over to the phone screen, immediately sighing as you saw the contact name.

kwon soonyoung.

if there’s one thing you’ve learned about him throughout the years of your friendship, it was that whenever soonyoung called you at a late hour like this it was one of two things:

1. he was drunk out of his mind and his friends called you from his phone to ask if you’d pick him up.

2. he wasn’t drunk out of his mind yet so he’d invite you to come and drink with him and his friends only to declare that he’s done for the day right as you arrive, leaving you in an awkward position as he did countless times before (his alcohol tolerance is so weak it should be studied).

you picked up the call and didn’t hear any coherent words on the other side of the phone, but you did hear soonyoung crying and wailing about something you couldn’t quite understand. that was until someone else took the phone.

‘i’m sorry for him, he’s drunk beyond comprehension.’ you recognized the voice instantly, even though you only heard it once before. ‘could i trouble you with picking him up from here?’

so it was option number one.

‘can’t you do it yourself since you’re already with him?’ you furrowed your brows, surprised at the question. ‘you don’t sound drunk to me.’

‘i’m working.’ jihoon’s voice was stern on the other side of the phone and you could still hear the faint sounds of soonyoung in the background.

‘then what is soonyoung doing there?’

‘he likes to terrorize me.’

you looked at the clock on the wall and then sighed, loud enough for the man to hear it.

‘drop me the address and i’ll pick him up.’

the drive was fairly quick - surprisingly enough, jihoon’s studio wasn’t that far from your apartment and, conveniently, even closer to soonyoung’s. that information did brighten up your mood a little; it meant that you won’t have to waste too much of your time on your drunk friend and that you’d be able to swiftly come back to watching the new episode of your show.

you looked at the message jihoon sent containing the instructions of how to get to his studio, the thumbs up he sent more than a week ago sitting right above it. once you finally found the door (with the slight help of hoshi’s extremely loud voice) you knocked on it lightly, being met with jihoon’s figure right in front of you barely seconds after.

he looked… tired.

‘hi.’

‘hi.’ jihoon mumbled, hand running through his short hair. ‘i’m sorry you had to drive here at this hour.’

‘it’s no problem.’ you said, a small smile making its way onto your lips. ‘why are you here so late anyways? it’s way past working hours.’

‘i have deadlines to meet.’ he explained shortly, opening the door wider to let you in. ‘i’m used to it by now.’

you nodded, eyes roaming around the room - the equipment, a large couch in the corner (currently occupied by hoshi), a bunch of figurines from different animes. it was all kept pretty minimalistic, exactly what you expected of jihoon.

you didn’t have much time to contemplate the interior, though, as you were soon met with the weight of drunk soonyoung’s body on yours, the man almost making you stumble.

‘yah, my favorite friend!’ he cried out, capturing you in a tight hug. ‘jihoon won’t let me record a song about tigers here. he’s a bad guy!’

you looked over to jihoon. he just shrugged, a smile tugging at his lips.

‘yeah, he’s such a bad guy.’ you said. ‘but the bad guy has work to do and you need to go home before you fall asleep, because i won’t be carrying you to your apartment.’

‘but i wanna record my song!’ soonyoung said, voice sulky. for a second you almost felt bad for him.

‘i’ll let you do it once i’m done with this project, alright?’ jihoon asked, a last effort for his friend to agree to leave him alone for now. soonyoung’s face lit up immediately, nodding excitedly as you dragged him out of the studio, shooting the man a quick goodbye before he closed the door.

on your way back, after you’ve already managed to get soonyoung tucked away in his bed and were ready to get inside your car your phone buzzed again. yet this time it was jihoon who the notification was from.

‘thank you for helping today. i’ll owe you.’

you smiled unconsciously, typing back an answer.

‘invite me out somewhere after your done with your project and we’ll be even.’

you weren’t even mad when he sent you another thumbs up emoji as a response.

soonyoung rolled his eyes as he heard you sigh for the fifth time in the span of the last few minutes, another outfit discarded and thrown onto the bed as you stood in front of your closet.

‘remind me, what was wrong with that first dress again?’ he mumbled as you rummaged through the hangers full of clothes.

‘the neck line. too slutty.’

‘wear something red. it’s jihoon’s favorite color.’ he mumbled quietly, going on his phone. you stopped in your movements, head almost cartoonishly turning towards your friend. next thing he knew, you threw a shoe at him. he let out a little ‘ow’, laughing right after.

‘and you decide to tell me that after i’ve tried on twelve different outfits and almost had a mental breakdown?’

‘it was funny seeing you so frustrated.’

another shoe flew in soonyoung’s direction, this time missing the boy and landing behind the bed.

you decided to abstain from any verbal comments towards your friend and his visible lack of help, turning your focus towards the closet yet again.

you had too many clothes for your own good - not so many that you would call yourself a hoarder, but your collection was definitely quite impressive, with garments for almost every occasion and event. still, it seemed to not be enough as you were tasked with picking an outfit for a dinner with jihoon.

he texted you back two weeks after you helped him with getting hoshi out of his studio - even apologised for just how long it took. the invitation wasn’t anything overtly special. no mention of it being a date: just a ‘thank you’ dinner at a ramen place he really likes, with a note to wear something pretty and elegant but still casual.

what the hell does that even mean?

after some time had passed you managed to decide on an off-shoulder dark red long sleeve paired with a flowy, black maxi skirt you bought at a 50% off sale once last year and wore two times since. you sighed, looking at yourself in the mirror one last time, soonyoung giving you a thumbs up in the background.

you arrived at the restaurant five minutes early and, to your surprise, jihoon was already there, standing in front of the entrance with headphones on, eyes looking down at his phone. you smiled unconsciously at the view. he seemed to notice your presence quite quickly - gaze locking with yours, hand already reaching to hide the phone in his pocket.

you greeted him. jihoon stayed silent for a solid ten seconds.

‘hello, earth to jihoon!’ you said, brows furrowed in confusion.

‘ah, sorry.’ he mumbled, seemingly zoning back in, ears a little red. ‘hi. you look… pretty.’

you could see a small smile on his face and that, along with the comment, almost caught you off-guard. you prayed that the dim lights inside the restaurant wouldn’t let him see the faint crimson color creeping up your cheeks.

you managed to mumble a quiet ‘thank you’ before the two of you sat down at your table, silence taking over for a good few minutes.

‘so, how did your project go?’ you asked to get a conversation going, jihoon looking up from the menu and at you.

‘good.’ he said shortly, with no further explanations. ‘tiring.’ he added after a few beats of silence.

‘you should rest for a bit.’ you stated and as jihoon focused on your face, he couldn’t help but notice the slight worry that appeared at his second comment. ‘even a legendary producer such as WOOZI deserves some time off.’

jihoon blinked once. twice.

that’s when you realised.

‘you know i’m-‘

‘ah, it came out the wrong way, it’s not like i’m stalking you or anything i promise!’ you said, words almost blurring into one another due to the speed with which they came out of your mouth. ‘i have this friend, jun, and i obviously told him about our date because that man is as nosy as they get, and then he started a story about how he used to live next door to you when you were children or something. sorry.’

jihoon laughed.

it wasn’t a loud laugh, one that would make your stomach hurt, no. it was more of a small giggle, quiet and sudden, as if he found this situation utmost amusing.

‘don’t be.’ he said, still smiling gently. ‘you would’ve probably found out anyways. if not from jun, then from soonyoung.’

‘i shouldn’t be surprised to hear that he knows.’ you mumbled, still slightly embarrassed.

‘he’s my closest friend. he’s known about it for years.’ jihoon stated shortly as the food arrived. ‘and i don’t mind you knowing about it either.’

jihoon’s smile faded quickly as he heard his phone buzzing, the contact name on his phone making him frown. he excused himself for a second, that second turning into five, ten, fifteen, twenty minutes. when he came back to the table your plate was already almost empty, while his food was way past being warm - as of someone put his bowl inside the freezer for the entirety of the time he was talking on his phone.

he sat down, running a hand through his hair as he sighed quietly.

‘did something happen?’ your voice was filled with concern as you looked at him.

‘they still want some changes on the project i just finished. i should probably go back to the studio today.’

‘oh.’

jihoon was visibly annoyed with the information he received on the phone as he looked around, unsure of what to do next.

‘we can reschedule this.’ your voice got him out of his thoughts, eyes looking up at you. ‘we’ll meet for this date- dinner another day and you’ll be done with this work thing faster.’

‘i don’t want to make you wait.’ he mumbled.

‘i don’t mind.’

the truth was different - you did mind, you mumbled as you cursed yourself out in your head on your way home. truth be told, you wanted him to stay there, to finish the food and chat, maybe even invite him over for a movie (normally that offer would also include a drink or two, but you’ve learned that jihoon didn’t drink often). the other side of you, the one who spoke that day, knew that he wouldn’t be able to enjoy the evening with the thoughts of another deadline clouding his head. guess you’ll just have to be patient.

you did notice a slight shift in his behavior, though. he reached out from time to time via messages (you still celebrate that as a small win - going from a thumbs up to normal texts with jihoon is a huge achievement), asking about your day or trying to reschedule your meeting, with little success. he even sent you a snippet of a song he’s been working on once, much to your surprise, asking for your input on it and claiming he has no one to ask about it and he needs someone else’s opinion. the texts weren’t by all means an everyday thing - more so like a ‘let me pop up out of the blue at the most random hour of the day with a wyd text’ type of thing, but they still brought a dumb smile to your face whenever you saw a notification from him pop up on your phone.

that being said, there was one issue.

the rescheduling of the dinner which has been cut short by his work has turned into a hellish experience. you could count the amount of times you were set on a particular date only to hear a day before that he won’t be able to get there and that you’ll need to reschedule again (with tons of apologies, of course) on the fingers of both your hands.

it started to be frustrating after a while - you knew he didn’t mean for it to seem like he didn’t want to meet up with you, but with each rescheduling you felt more and more as if that was the case, and not his work getting in the way. the most you got when it came to meeting him in real life was bumping into him at the grocery store in the middle of the night, both of you surprised as you searched through the snack aisle to find something to ease that random need for food at 2am. but that was it.

until you got a message from soonyoung about his birthday party.

soonyoung was always big on spending that day with all of the people he cherished the most - he loved having them around for his special day. there were always some no-shows, much to his dismay, but he’s gotten used to it considering how busy adult life can get sometimes.

when the notification first popped up you could only see the beginning of the text and you started to wonder whether jihoon would be there or not. definitely not, you thought, considering his lifestyle. but then you opened the chat as you arrived home and saw the rest of the messages soonyoung had sent - an overly excited explanation on how jihoon will actually show up this time, filled with too many exclamation marks and capital letters.

you didn’t admit it to yourself, but this year you were counting down the days to your best friend’s birthday for a different reason.

your mind kept running around the thought of ‘when is jihoon going to arrive’ from the moment you stepped foot in soonyoung’s apartment, immediately met with your already tipsy best friend and a few other familiar faces.

two months have passed, and you’ve actually managed to meet up with jihoon in that period of time, this time without his job interrupting him. soonyoung was surprised upon hearing that you’ve managed to drag the man to watch a rom com with you at the cinema, claiming that if it’s not anime, jihoon never agrees to watch anything with him, a sulky face following right after as he accused you of getting special treatment.

the other time it was per his request, a dinner in a quiet restaurant out of town that he heard about from one of his work friends, vernon, who claimed it was a ‘hidden gem’. you had to give it to the guy, he was right - the food was delicious and the cozy atmosphere made it easier for a conversation to flow naturally, allowing both you and jihoon to ease up a bit.

jihoon was still pretty reserved, but you caught the small differences in behavior, the slight changes in how he acted around you: how he would talk more comfortably and smile more, how the tips of his ears turned red whenever you complimented his music, how his hand grazed yours ever so slightly a couple of times as you two walked back to the car, how you could feel his gaze on you when you were looking in the other direction. you didn’t mention it to soonyoung - knowing him he would never let jihoon live it down - and instead kept those observations to yourself.

you were chatting with wonwoo, one of soonyoungs friends who you’ve played mariokart with (and promised yourself to never do it again because he won every single goddamn time), when you heard soongyoung's unmistakable voice over the music playing from the speakers as he squealed with excitement. your eyes moved towards the door and you couldn’t help but laugh at the sight in front of you.

jihoon stood awkwardly, one leg inside the apartment while the other was still out in the hallway, trapped by soonyoung’s arms in a hug that looked a little too tight for his liking. he caught your gaze and smiled weakly, shaking his head with disappointment as he saw you laughing at the state he was in.

after finally being freed from soonyoung’s embrace, jihoon went on to greet the other people he knew, eventually landing on you and wonwoo. the taller man furrowed a brow as he watched jihoon give you a quick hug, hands loosely around your waist.

when the man left, dragged away by soonyoung, you gave wonwoo a look, as if asking him to elaborate on why he looked at the two of you that way.

‘jihoon isn’t the type for physical contact.’ he said, taking a sip of his beer. ‘i’ve only seen him hug soonyoung and mind you, he wasn't the one initiating it.’

you nodded, silently taking in wonwoo’s words as your eyes traveled through the room and landed on jihoon once again, now standing by the kitchen counter as soonyoung searched through the fridge to find the coke zero he always kept for his best friend. now that you thought about it, what wonwoo said made perfect sense - jihoon wasn’t one to initiate any form of physical contact, but it didn’t bother you much. even a short hug like the one he gave you today seemed out of the blue for him.

you decided to cast these thoughts aside for now, focusing rather on the party itself and not so much on the man whose eyes you’ve caught staring at you too many times to count that evening.

you’ve enjoyed the party a lot - it was entertaining to see soonyoung starting to cry at the mere sight of his birthday cake being tiger shaped, shedding another few tears as he noticed most of the gifts had a tiger theme going for them as well. the food was good, the atmosphere was nice, the people made for nice company for the evening, filling the room with constant laughter. safe to say the evening was a success, although it ended a bit earlier than some might’ve expected, with soonyoung falling dead asleep soon after he opened and thanked everyone for the gifts. you were one of the last people to leave: seeing the mess in your best friend’s apartment, you couldn’t help but clean it up at least a little bit before eventually leaving to go back to your place.

jihoon caught up to you on your way to the elevator, offering you a small smile as he walked next to you in silence.

‘i’m glad soonyoung’s party was a success.’ you spoke up first as the two of you stood in the elevator, waiting for it to get down. ‘you know he’d be sulking about it for the next month if it wasn’t to his liking.’

jihoon chuckled at your remark, nodding.

‘yeah. we wouldn’t hear the end of it.’ he mumbled, stepping out of the elevator. ‘want me to, uh, walk you home?’

you stood quietly for a second, a small smile on your face.

‘yeah. i’d like that.’

the walk was quiet for the most part - only the sounds of occasional cars driving by breaking the perfect silence as you and jihoon walked side by side, hands dangerously close to each other in a way that you felt the heat radiating off of his skin.

there was a fleeting thought in your mind telling you to grab his hand, wondering what it would feel like against your own, whether his skin was soft or not, whether his palm was bigger than yours. it took everything in your power to keep yourself from taking your hand in his as you walked next to him.

little did you know, jihoon’s mind was hung on the exact same thought.

he kept brushing his hand against yours almost on purpose - to see if you’d shy away or take his hand in yours, intertwining your fingers together. much to his dismay, you did neither; which meant that if he wanted it to happen, he’d have to initiate it.

he cursed himself out in his head for being so anxious over something as simple as hand holding. sure he’s done that before - he wasn’t exactly unpopular amongst his friends in high school - but adult life hasn’t gave him much time for going on dates or anything of this sort. for jihoon, this felt like experiencing these feelings for the first time all over again.

his fingers lightly grazed yours once more and this time jihoon’s hand moved to hold yours with a light grip, eyes falling to your face for just a second to spot any reaction. he smiled just for a split second when he saw the rosy shade on your cheeks.

you kept your composure outside but there was no denying that the moment jihoon’s hand met yours you could feel that funny, tingly feeling inside you, one which seemed to be missing from all the other dates you’ve been on before.

it was a bummer that your apartment wasn’t that far from soonyoung’s, you thought. you would’ve killed for the walk to be a little bit longer, just so you could hold jihoon’s hand for a few more seconds, maybe minutes.

‘guess i’ll go now’ jihoon’s voice brought you out of your thoughts as the two of you stood in front of the building, the man’s hand still holding yours. ‘have a good night’s sleep.’

he offered you a small smile as you felt his hand loosen its grip on yours. you held it tighter in response, jihoon blinking in confusion.

‘wait.’

you tugged at the front of jihoon’s shirt with your free hand pulling him closer to you and next thing he knew your lips were on his, captured in a sweet but delicate kiss.

his body tensed up almost immediately, surprised by the sudden action. you seemed to feel it too, as you pulled away from the boy, an unsure look on your face.

‘uh, sorry for that, i didn’t mean to make you uncomforta-‘

‘it’s okay.’ was all jihoon managed to mumble, senses still overwhelmed from the kiss you just gave him, the touch still lingering on his lips. ‘goodnight, y/n.’

jihoon turned around and walked away as quickly as he could, afraid that if he turned around again you might’ve seen just how red his face was, how flustered the kiss made him. he knew it wasn't the best thing to do - he knew he’d regret it the moment he took the first step - but he kept walking.

you stood there confused, mind replaying the scene and trying to catch onto whether you did something wrong, whether jihoon just needed the time to process his feelings or whether you made too bold of a step. eventually you just sighed, eyes still watching jihoon as he disappeared around the corner, and went inside the building.

it took you a long time filled with tossing, turning and overthinking to finally fall asleep that night.

maybe it was embarrassment, maybe it was how he left you hanging that night, but you haven’t reached out to jihoon for a few days and you’ve soon realised that he wasn’t going to reach out either - or at least that was the conclusion you came to after day three of no messages.

you came back to the mundane routine - work, coming back home, falling asleep on the couch while watching some reality show that sounds and looks exactly like the one you’ve just finished. you tried to occupy your thoughts with everything but jihoon and yet your finger lingered over your phone screen every time you saw his name in your contacts, almost tempting you to message him.

the tv screen lit up the room as you looked through the pictures you took on your digital camera during soonyoung’s birthday, edited and ready to be sent to the birthday boy. your laptop laid on the coffee table in front of you as you opened the mail app, ready to drop the pictures and sent them to your friend, but a certain notification caught your attention.

your brows furrowed with confusion as you noticed one unread message from jihoon.

dear y/n,

i am too much of a coward to express this in real life, or at least do that in a proper manner without my words melting together into one incoherent mess, hence here i am. i hope this message doesn’t seem too out of the blue for you, but it has been incredibly hard for me to keep these thoughts and feelings to myself - and what better person to share them with than the one who these feelings concern?

my lifestyle, the job that i have, it does not exactly allow me to indulge in romance too much - i simply have no time for it. soonyoung always said that i should open up more but it was easier said than done. and yet, somehow, with you it was easy. almost too easy, i thought - so easy it scared me to think of it. i did my best to keep you at a distance all this time, to shield myself from accidentally growing to like you, putting boundaries when it was already all too late. i’d only be hurting myself and you if i were to try and keep denying what has been flourishing in my heart.

i’m sorry i walked away without almost any words that night - i was surprised, but that does not justify me leaving you without an answer. truth is, my mind hasn’t stopped thinking about you ever since we first met and even more so ever since you first kissed me - i’m afraid i will only spiral in those thoughts until they make me a madman. only the image of you could calm me enough to have a good night’s sleep while also being the sole reason i couldn’t possibly focus on my work no matter how much i tried to after i woke up. you haunt my every thought no matter day or night and you have been for days, weeks now. i feel like a fool in love writing this - something i never expected to happen to me. and yet here i am. i know i haven’t shown it much - lord knows i’m the last person to be good with my actions - but let this letter be an evidence of my love if i’ve yet to learn how to properly showcase it to you.

if you’re willing to have me despite all this: my demeanour, my busy nights, all my flaws then you’re more than welcome to visit me at my studio. you know i’m always there anyways.

love,

lee jihoon.

you never expected jihoon to be so vulnerable in front of you. and yet here it was - a confession you never expected to hear, words you never thought you’d read coming from the man who occupied all your thoughts for the past months.

and that’s when you noticed.

that message has been sitting in your inbox for a week now. seven whole days.

he wrote that message after soonyoung’s birthday - twenty four hours later, to be exact.

you don’t remember ever running as fast towards your car as you did that day.

your body moved before your mind could even comprehend what was happening - you weren’t even sure if you closed the door to your apartment, if you turned the tv off. you were too focused on getting to jihoon’s studio as fast as you possibly could.

jihoon was startled as he heard the sharp banging on the door to his studio, the sound clearly heard even with headphones on. upon opening the door, he didn’t even have time to say anyth8g, let alone open his mouth to speak, before you interrupted him.

‘i got your message.’ your words almost melted together with how fast you were speaking and if it wasn’t for jihoon’s great hearing he wouldn’t have understood it. ‘i’m sorry i read it so late, i’m sorry it took me so long to find but- scratch that, who writes a love confession and sends it on damn mail? i would’ve read it sooner if i had gotten it through a fucking pigeon or something. but we can talk bout your flirting techniques later - it’s not the important thing right now.’

‘and what is that?’ jihoon took a small step back, allowing you inside. ‘the important thing.’

‘i love you.’ your words echoed through the room. jihoon blinked once, like he wasn't expecting you to actually say it out loud. ‘i don’t care how much of your time this job takes up, i really don’t care if you think this won’t work out. i’m willing to try.’

you swore you’ve never seen jihoon smile this hard.

‘if i kiss you now, will you kiss me back this time?’ you said, taking a small, unsure step towards the man.

jihoon didn’t answer with words. instead he closed the door behind you, the closing the gap between the two of you in one, swift motion. his lips clashed with yours and this time it was him initiating the kiss, hands finding their way to your waist while yours laid comfortably against his chest.

‘this feels nice.’ he mumbled, breaking the kiss. you rested your forehead against his, smiling at the man.

‘well, you would’ve had that earlier if you sent that through messages like a normal person.’ your remark made jihoon chuckle, his usually pale cheeks a light shade of pink. ‘how did you even get my mail?’

‘you gave it to me so that i can send you the folder i use to blackmail soonyoung.’

‘ah, right.’

both of you laughed in unison as you leaned in to kiss jihoon again.

‘does that mean we’re dating now?’ you asked, faces milimeters from each other.

one of jihoon’s hands let go of your waist to gently cup your cheek.

‘i don’t know. you might have to kiss me once more to find out.’

[imarriedafrog]

"Nobody cares about Tim Drake!!"

[centrovvvaya]

"This time, it can be different."