Aghhh it’s coming up on the anniversary of me asking out my ex girlfriend, and I just did a few tarot readings, and I had done some during our relationship as well, and all signs seem to point to her and me meaning to be together. It’s been six months since we broke up, I with her, not because we were incompatible, we actually fit together really, really well and had really positive impacts on each other, but because she kept mentioning hypothetical future partners and that she didn’t want to settle down with one particular person ever, and after I told her I had a different vision of what I needed, that one day included kids and settling down with someone, and we decided to go separate ways more or less out of the blue in what was a really close and blooming relationship after six months together. Part of this decision was heavily influenced by a friend of mine who is no longer in my life and has become very openly hostile recently and was just an overall really toxic and controlling person, and she was mad at this person for her own personal reasons at this time, and I feel in retrospect that I made the decision to break up because I was trying to gain approval from my friend, whom was one of my only friends at that time and seemed to demand priority over my relationship and force herself into our dynamics in a really patronizing way in retrospect, and not because I felt that it was the right thing to do at that time in my heart of hearts if that makes sense. I’m feeling quite torn right now, because I really strongly feel this recurring desire to reach out and try to see if there’s anything still there to work from, but I also don’t want to seem like I’m trying to infringe on her need for independence. Part of it is that I’m also afraid that I hurt her too badly by breaking up so out of the blue, and that she would turn me down. I’m really torn on this situation, and I keep going back and forth on what I should do. I’m looking back on the relationship and feeling that I acted too quickly and wasn’t making my own decisions, but also that I don’t want to push her to commit to anything with me if that isn’t what she sees as a future for herself. I’m not out to my parents in a safe way, and I don’t feel comfortable reaching out to my friends about this because not all of them are accepting, but I would really like some guidance on whether I should wait for her to come to me, or if I should make a first move? My apologies for the long ask lol! Any advice you could offer would help
Regardless of anything else, long-term suitability is incredibly important. Not all exits in our life are equal, and sometimes they can be quite uncomfortable and abrupt. But this person made it clear that your relationship was always going to be somewhat fleeting. That you were going to be one of many potential partners in the future. That she didn’t want to settle down, and you did.
The thing is, the two realities at play here: that you were abrupt and panicked in your response to break up- and that you were levelheaded and rational in doing so out of respect for her desires in life and love as well as your own- they need not be contradictory, let alone mutually exclusive!
Sometimes people exist in our lives temporarily, and the times you had may have been quite lovely, but they were temporary- clearly by her intent more than anything. I fear you may be a tad blinded by a future that is unlikely to exist, and this blindness may be goading you into wanting to reconcile. But your needs matter JUST AS MUCH as hers do. All you’d be doing is delaying the hurt you’re already feeling/have already felt.
My advice would be to reconcile as friends, open up to her and be honest, but with ZERO expectation as to a potential outcome. Let her surprise you, one way or the other! Worst case, you’re no worse-off than you are right now- and best case, it could be something spectacular! But keep in mind that EITHER reality could come to pass.
Perhaps apologize and acknowledge the things that happened the same way you did in this ask, and ask to be forgiven and understood!
Best of luck, and report back!
