You stood there, hovering over that same gravestone youâve been visiting for the past few months. There was nowhere else youâd rather be on a cloudy eerie night, the only light being your flimsy rustic lantern you stole from Technoâs porch. You remembered the first time you had come here by yourself, just a sobbing mess holding onto the one thing you had left of your younger brother.Â
His bandana. His stupid green worn out bandana that he never took off. You never understood the importance of his bandana, but in moments like this, you were glad it was so special to him. You were glad you had a part of him that could never leave you.Â
You had taken his habit of wearing that bandana now. When you wore it, it was as if he wasnât gone. The scent of his god awful cologne still lingers on the fabric, and that made the grieving process much harder. After Tommyâs memorial everyone sort of... moved on. You couldnât, though. He was your little brother. Your best friend. He was everything to you. And you were supposed to protect him.
Your gaze never seemed to meet the engraved name on the tombstone. You thought that if you didnât look at it, maybe it wasnât really there. Maybe he wasnât gone.Â
âThomas Simonsâ, it read.
You finally sat on the grass surrounding the grave, your eyes wandering to the dying flowers that were planted. You hadnât been here in quite some time. You locked yourself away in your house, never answering the door to anyone who persistently knocked. Toby started to leave food by your front door every morning, seeing as you hadnât come out in a month.Â
You werenât speaking, either. You hadnât uttered a word since that night to anyone, not even to yourself. You only spoke to Tommy.Â
So here you were, pulling up the dead flowers and tossing them behind you like they were nothing, replanting them with golden sunflowers that reminded you of Tommyâs personality. He always found a way to light up every situation and every face. Even in the darkest moments, he never seemed to snap. You admired that about him.Â
Sitting criss-crossed, you began to rip up some of the grass around you, a habit you formed when coming here. It gave you a sense of control in an odd way.Â
âI give up,â you spoke up, barely above a whisper. You didnât know who you were talking to, you werenât one for believing in ghosts. But somewhere deep down inside of you, you wanted to believe that he was listening somehow.Â
âI canât. I canât do this, Tommy, I canât.â You choked out a sob, ripping at the grass more vigorously now. âI canât move on - and I donât want to. If that makes me weak then fine, Iâm weak. I just---.â
You began to think about all the nights Karl would sit at your front door, begging you to come out and speak to him, to let him at least look at you. But he wouldnât understand the bags under your eyes. He wouldnât understand the scars you now have on the insides of your arms. He wouldnât understand just how horrible you were beating yourself up over a death that you didnât cause. âI canât handle you being gone. I canât handle feeling like this anymore.â
âIt shouldâve been me, damn it!â You yelled, definitely grabbing the attention of anyone who could be nearby. You gripped the bandana that was permanently tied around your wrist, sobbing into it like there was no tomorrow. And if you were being honest, you wouldnât mind if there wasnât a tomorrow. You werenât sure if you even wanted to live anymore.Â
âIâm sorry I couldnât get to you, Tommy.â You whispered against the bandana, not noticing the footsteps that began to creep up behind you. âIâm so sorry. It shouldâve been me. I shouldâve told you to not go; to not see Clay for the last time. God - I couldâve fucking done something and I fucking didnât!âÂ
âIâmâŠâ you trailed off, gasping for air as you were now choking on your own sobs. âIâm so sorry, Tommy.â
As you slowly tried to calm your breathing and the flow of your tears, a hand gently met your right shoulder, immediately recognizing the comfortable aura of the person it belonged to.
âHey.âÂ
You turned your head to see the boy who hasnât left your doorstep for the past few weeks. In his hand, he held daisies. Tommyâs signature birth flower. Karlâs eyes scanned your face in worry - but also in relief. He hadnât seen your face in one or two months, hadnât heard your voice, hadnât felt your touch. Nothing.Â
You slowly stood up from your place on the ground, wiping off the excess grass that was left on your pants from you literally ripping it out of the ground. You stood there for a minute, just staring at the flowers. âItâs daisies - his birth flower. I was going to come plant them because I noticed the other flowers were-â
You cut his anxious rambling off with your arms wrapping around him, your head immediately finding its way to his chest. Karl stood there with his arms hovering over your form, taken aback. But after he got over the initial shock, he hugged you back just as tight, resting his head in the crook of your neck.
The embrace took you back to the night it happened.
**
You were on your way to Pandora's Box - the prison where Dream was forever locked away in - now the place your little brother was now trapped in. It had almost been a week since Tommy got locked in there with his abuser. Almost a week with having no idea on how he's doing.
You said your brief goodbye to your other brother, Tubbo, and your shared good friend Ranboo, who were working on a hotel structure nearby. Sam had texted you that it was urgent, and to come as soon as possible. You thought maybe it was something with the prison that needed fixing. Maybe an obsidian block was removed and he needed help with the detective work.
You weren't expecting a horrified pale man walk out of the portal that guarded the prison. You definitely weren't expecting the unreadable body language, or the words he muttered under his breath that you couldn't quite catch in time.
"Y/N..."
It was as if the world was in slow motion as he uttered the two words you never wanted to hear. Not ever in your life time did you expect to be screaming at the top of your lungs as your knees buckled to the ground. The bearer of horrible news put a hand on your shoulder as you angrily shook it off, looking for someone - anyone to blame. And Sam was the perfect person.
"You were supposed to get him OUT !" You sobbed, pushing him away from you. "What the fuck did you do?! What the fuck did you do, Sam?! YOU LEFT MY BROTHER IN THERE WITH THAT PSYCHOPATH!"
You continuously punched him in the chest, screaming bloody murder as you tried your best to control your sobs.
"What the fuck did you do?!" You repeated, glaring at the man who was trying to push your fists away from his now throbbing rib cage. Rustling bushes and sneakers running through mud came from behind you as Ranboo and Tubbo appeared in your peripheral vision.
Tubbo immediately gripped your waist and attempted to pull you back. You shook out of his embrace as you pushed Sam to the ground now, his head coming in contact with the cold tiles. "You should've let him out! YOU SHOULDâVE BEEN THERE!"
A low groan came from Sam as he rubbed the back of his head. Ranboo's eyes widened as he finally helped Tubbo this time to pull you back. You struggled against them as you kept shouting. "You let my brother... You let him..."
The words couldn't even escape your throat as the tears came down faster now than ever before, Tubbo now realizing the true meaning behind your words. He put two in two together and immediately his grip weakened on your arm.
You were too tired to hit Sam anymore, your eyes becoming blinded by the tears as you repeated the same cut off sentence over and over, trying to get the damn words out. But you couldn't. No matter how hard you tried, you couldn't.
"Wait..." Tubbo trailed off, his eyes widened in pure shock. He finally let go of your arm as you collapsed onto Ranboo, his arms immediately finding your under arms and held you up. He wrapped his arms around your waist and held you as tight as he could, knowing what happened from the very first scream he heard you let out.
"Sam...?" Your brother choked out, his hand gripping his shirt as locked eyes with you, his heart aching. He turned ever so slowly with reddened eyes to the prison guard who was now off the ground, standing. He obviously knew what was coming next.
"I'm so sorry, Tub-"
"No... no, no, no."
Ranboo immediately knew what he had to do as soon as he saw Tubbo start to lunge towards the man, having the same reaction to the news as you did. He gripped your brothers hand and your waist as he closed his eyes, teleporting to a field nearby L'manburg, but far enough from the prison.