Sunshiney Days :) @sara-sunshine - Tumblr Blog

I'm stressed the fuck out.... something came back in my bloodwork and I can't call the doctor until Monday. I need a job, but no one seems to support my decision. I'm falling apart and no one gives a fuck.

I feel like I can't breathe or catch my breath. My fucking anxiety has got me so worn down I can't take it. I keep meaning to call my doctor but the idea of talking to someone I don't know on the phone, makes me anxious. The thought that I might break down in front of this doctor makes me anxious. Then I have to get up the nerve to ask for the medication I need because of fucking stigmas.....

I JUST WANT TO FEEL LIKE MYSELF!!

I really really don't want to be alive anymore and no one cares. ✌🏻

I'm drowning.....I'm the saddest I've been in years and it's like no one notices. I've got so much anger and hurt in my heart. I haven't had a moment to myself in over a year. I don't know who I am or what I like to do. This pandemic sent my hatred for myself into over drive and I can't get back. I still don't have my job. I can't afford the bills that are already months behind. I couldn't even buy my daughter anything for her first birthday and it's looking the same way for Christmas. I don't know what I'm going to do. The family business isn't doing well either so I can't even ask for help. I'm terrified I'm gonna lose my house, my car and everything I've worked so hard for. Might sell my camera just to make money. Idk what else to do. I don't want to get up in the morning. I don't want to talk to people. I just don't want to do this anymore and it sucks.

anthracoceros

some of y'all didnt grow up as the person nobody has a crush on and it really shows

daglout

some of yall never have to deal with the constant doubt in your own ability to be loved to the point where you get second hand embarrassment at the idea of someone being in love with you and finding you attractive because you’ve been diagnosed with ugly and cringy your whole life and it really shows

mostcertainlynotcis

some of yall didnt grow up with people telling you their friend liked you as a joke at the friend’s expense or people daring their friends to ask you out and it shows

oh-fuck-its-anonymous-deactivat

Aka some of y'all didn’t grow up the fat kid

guillotinedream

Or the “weird” kid

I am so fucking sick of not getting any sleep and I get really fucking pissed when I hear about all these other babies that sleep through the night on their own. Like how? Cause this child doesn't fucking sleep. I thought she was getting better yet here we are, up EVERY FUCKING HOUR. I'm over it and nothing I do works. I want to sleep. I want an hour where I don't have to hold my child and if I hear one more person to tell me to just let her cry, I'll freak out. Anyone that wants me to let her cry can come sit with her while she does and I'll take off. She doesn't just cry, she screams. I feel like the biggest failure as a mom.

So here we are, almost 5am, she's not going back to sleep and she's already been wide awake for an hour.

Having post partum anxiety and post partum depression on top of everything else going on and my bipolar disorder is not doing me well mentally..... Trying to get through every day is such a struggle.

I hate feeling lonely.....

nessa007

2020 mood be like

I'm not doing well mentally and I have no one to turn to. This sucks.....

I'm not even living for myself anymore....

I hate myself...

I hate feeling like a worthless human being. I hate that I can't be alone because my thoughts get so bad. I hate being bipolar and either having no control over my emotions or being medicated to the point of not feeling anything. I hate not getting to spend any time with my best friend to the point I'm terrified it will destroy our friendship. I hate feeling like I can never do anything right.

#welcome to my pitty party

digitalbeachrave

I've spent years putting up with people who treat me like garbage and just brushing it off...so why am I still incredibly upset about someone complimenting what everyone else in the room is doing, but getting told mine looks like shit every. single. time.

It just made me feel like I wasn't wanted there, but I just joke back because I'm not the kind of person to stand up for myself and I'm not going to ruin what is suppose a really fun time by making an issue of it. I know we aren't really friends, but I don't see why I get treated like less of a person every time I'm around....

#i feel really alone

I really wish this nausea whenever I think about eating or attempt to eat would go away. I've basically only been able to eat 1 meal a day in total. 🤦🏻‍♀️ This is getting ridiculous. Even thinking about my favorite foods makes me want to barf....

Life shouldn't be this hard...

I don't know how much more I'm suppose to be able to handle....

Everything is just falling apart. My car can't seem to stay working properly, I'm behind on bills, I can't afford everything I need and now to top it off, my grandmother has lung cancer... She is too weak for chemo or an operation. Radiation would be the only thing she might be able to handle, but she is still weak from being in the hospital with pneumonia and is currently in rehab.

I don't know what I'm supposed to do...

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