After shoving Hansel in the oven, the witch turns to Gretel - who is currently fending the witch off with a gingerbread chair - and says:
āI canāt believe you thought a trail of breadcrumbs would save you. I mean, honestly, this is a forest! Itās full of animals. Honestly, the very idea that a dumb shit like you thought you could get the better of me is absurd.ā
Gretel hits her in the face with said chair. To be fair to the witch, she takes the chairshot like a champ.
āDid you know,ā says Gretel, āthat crows are capable of facial recognition?ā
āEh?ā Says the witch, clambering to her feet and pulling a candy cane sledgehammer off the wall. āWhatās that got to do with anything?ā
āNot only that,ā Gretel continues, ābut they can remember both friends and enemies. And theyāll often follow people they remember as friends.ā
The two fence with their sugared weapons for a moment, before the witch knocks the chair out of Gretelās hands.
āEnough with the bird facts! Honestly, this whole attempted escape has been utter clownshoes. Get in the fucking oven!ā
She seizes Gretel by the collar. Gretel immediately sandbags, letting her whole body go limp. This eminently practical defense forces the witch to try and deadlift her. Which is hard, as the witch often skips leg day.
āFor example,ā Gretel says, as the witch struggles and grunts, āif you feed crows a lot of breadcrumbs, theyāll probably start to see you as a friend and follow you in the hope of more food.ā
The witch stops. Outside, she hears the thunder of wings.
āTheyāll even bring you shiny things they find as presents!ā Says Gretel, as a corner of the gingerbread ceiling is suddenly cut away by a large crow with a knife in its mouth.
āOh shitballs.ā Says the witch, as the crows descend. āI hope you know this is a great unkindness.ā
āTechnically,ā Says Gretel, āItās a murder.ā
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