So You’re Thinking About Moving Country
Everyone tells me I’m very brave for upping London and leaving for Chicago. I still don’t think I did anything particularly brave myself, I did what I knew I had to do. It’s like a switch went off in my head in 2013 and I knew it was time to leave, and I worked for two years till I got here. My deadline was some point during the year of my 30th birthday and here we are four months into it all and I’m getting settled.
In the months that I’ve left though a lot of my friends have made the decision to get out of London moving to Australia, San Francisco and Toronto. What makes us do it? I’m not sure but I can tell you a few truths about packing up and moving thousands of miles away from your life.
1. IT IS NOT BLOODY EASY.
It’s not. It’s a mind fuck. If you’re moving to America you will spend months filling in forms, getting through red tape, proving your finances, seeing immigration lawyers and just stressing until the day that visa is in your passport. You have to go through interviews, be assessed and it’s all a drain on your mental health. From May 2015 - October 2015 I did just this. Forms, processing, waiting, stressing. I couldn’t sleep and I was a mess. But the thing I always knew was this was the next stage of my life, there was no alternative. So I did everything in my power to get this. I found the best lawyer, I used all my connections, I talked to school after school, I found that placement, I found that course, I filled in my forms, I saved and saved and saved money till I was bored of my skull from not going out with my friends and that day that visa got approved was my sweet, sweet salvation.
I walked out of the American Embassy laughing. I phoned my mum and screamed down the phone in joy. I phoned my sister in law and cried as the reality hit me. You want to move to America? Cool. Unless you have a job transfer then the process will take up ALL of your life till you leave.
2. YOU WILL MAKE FRIENDS.
The most common question I get asked by people who don’t me in Chicago is what is like starting over? Well I’m sort of lucky in the sense that I didn’t have to start over. I’ve been going to shows and working in Chicago since 2011. Through Punktastic work, photography work and putting on some shows I found my friends. When I got here in 2011 though I didn’t know anyone. This is where I pushed myself to make friends, to talk to people at shows, to try and be more outgoing and it worked. Find the scene that made you feel comfortable in the city you come from, for me this was the punk scene. If you find that you’ll feel at ease in an environment you find familiar even though it’s new (if that makes sense) and that will make it easier to talk to people.
What will you talk about? Well a lot of the time having an accent breaks the ice. It’s dumb I know, but being English will usually mean the other person asks where you’re from and conversation takes flight from there. You’ll get to a point where this isn’t a thing you need to do, or an easy way to break the ice, but it’s nice to have it when you’re getting your footing.
I have a lot of social anxiety and it’s taken me a while to find a group of friends where that isn’t so much of an issue and I learn to be at ease. I still feel like I don’t fit in sometimes, but that’s okay because I am new in a group of people who know each other really well but I’ll tell you when you find even a small group of people you have no walls around with then talking to everyone becomes a lot easier.
3. FINDING A LIVING SITUATION WILL TAKE A WHILE.
In the excitement of everything you will just think no matter where you live in your new city you will feel brilliant because ANYTHING is better than where you’ve come from. This is partly true. When you get here the shine of being somewhere new will mean most places will seem great, but when you start to try and settle down you start to realise what you need in a place. I was having massive trouble settling down, which led to escaping my anxiety through self medication. I couldn’t figure out what was wrong with me and then one day I realised. I loved the people I was living with loads, they are great, fun, awesome individuals but I didn’t feel like I had a home. To help keep me grounded a need a really solid base, a place I feel is my sanctuary and that I feel like I can hide and recharge in. I didn’t realise this was something I needed at all till I moved here, I guess because I’ve always lived in places that felt like home. But when you’re 4995 miles away from everything you’ve known to be home you really need somewhere you feel comfortable in.
It’ll take a while to find a place like that. If you’re new it might be because you have weird roommates for ages. I’ve heard so many stories of people moving to Chicago and moving around for years trying to find somewhere good. Weird roommates, weird rooms, weird neighbourhoods.. you’ll have to face it all. But once you find somewhere life starts to settle down and you can actually start to feel like you’re living in a place rather than on permanent vacation. Hang in there.
4. EVERYTHING IS REALLY EXCITING.
Before I moved I made a decision that I was going to try and be as open as I could possibly be. I have trouble being cool anyway, and I am naturally curious and EVERYTHING new in America makes me excited. I am forever asking questions about holidays, food, drinks, rules, sports.. everything is fascinating to me if it’s new. I don’t hide the fact that a lot of stuff is new to me, maybe because I was a very sheltered child I just seemed to miss experiencing a lot of American pop culture. So I love toaster waffles, I want to try Wendy’s, I want to see a baseball game, I want to celebrate every American holiday that doesn’t involve pretending to be fake Irish.
Not just that but you end up walking around just being in awe of the fact that you managed to move. Walking to a bar to meet friends it hits you that you live in a city you love now and it’s weird. You go grocery shopping and walk around fascinated by everything but also feeling weird because you’re doing something so mundane and normal and everyday in this new, awesome place. That feeling doesn’t fade. I mean I don’t feel it so much now when doing laundry or getting food but when I am walking out to meet friends somewhere or riding on the L or something I’ll get hit by a wave of “wow I did this! I’m here!” and have to pinch myself to make sure it’s real.
5. YOU WILL LEARN THINGS ABOUT YOURSELF AND IT MIGHT BREAK YOU. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN.
The thing about starting over that no-one tells you is that you can’t actually really escape your demons. You can move for sure but they will follow you because anything negative left behind you will have made an impression and you are going to have to deal with that thing straight up, head on, because there is no excuse to cushion it anymore. You will learn things about yourself that will just destroy what you thought of yourself. I mean this is if you have as much anxiety and self doubt and are escaping things like me. I tried to fix all my demons before I left, but what I began to see (and what I have written about before) are the after effects of all of the abuse, negative people and life in London. I was on the verge of having a little breakdown, I didn’t know who I was anymore.
But the brilliant thing about this is that you learn to work through it. You learn that most of the negative you are carrying around from your past can be healed and that is a great comfort. I mean it’s not fucking easy at all. It’s an up and down struggle and it’s hard some days but I am learning to love myself again and that is a brilliant thing. Be prepared for some self realisations and work through them.
6. YOU DON’T HAVE TO DO EVERYTHING ALL THE TIME.
When I got here I would say yes to everything, I felt like I had to make the most of it all. Someone very wise pointed out to me that if you live somewhere you actually can take it easy once in a while, and that having a routine wasn’t bad at all. So I started to do what I did in London before I moved, which was go to the things that I wanted to go to and when I wanted to stay home I did. It seems simple right? But you get caught up in the rush of it all and want to make sure you don’t waste any moments. That’s how you are on vacation here, you try and pack it in. But when you live in a place you can take your time. You will see all the people you love, I see the people I love all the time.
Also make sure to explore your city. I’ve not done enough of this yet because winter was insane but I’ve started now to explore my new neighbourhood. When it gets warmer I’m going to do all the things I can. I have a list of stuff I want to experience and I’m going to get as much of it done as I can. Don’t get stuck in one place, because it’s comfortable. Take some risks, go to a new bar, go in that one weird shop you keep seeing on the bus to work but never get off to go inside for some reason, eat that weird food. I know I sound like some sort of weird, cheesy, inspirational quote but honestly it’s easy to forget to do new things.
Balance. Balance in life here is key.
7. IF YOU DON’T LIKE IT YOU CAN ALWAYS GO BACK HOME, OR TO THE NEXT CITY
You’re gonna get homesick. Every time I left London I would feel a weight come off me, my health would improve, my mental state would improve and all would feel well. I loved leaving London, but Chicago was the only place I left to where I could see myself living. I knew I had to leave London but even I get homesick for my family, my friends and my life there. FaceTime, the Internet and iPhones make my life so much easier when it comes to talking to people back home and that’s okay for me. But if you get to a point where you are just unhappy there is no shame in going back home and trying something new. Maybe you had to get away to see just how much you loved where you came from, to appreciate it properly.
You might have to go home and try somewhere new. The world is huge and somewhere out there is a place you’re gonna love. I just found my city real quickly. I think it has something to do with the vibe here and the fact I actually love cold weather (shush don’t tell anyone!)
Most of all I would say if you’re thinking about moving but hesitant just take a dive. Go somewhere for a few months and see how you like a temporary move. Look into visa’s, Canada do a great two year visa if you just want to go somewhere temporarily. It is scary yes, but it is so worth it. You grow so much as a person. I can’t imagine life without this step in it now, it honestly wasn’t bravery on my part it was just the force of nature telling me to go. I had to do this. You’ll know it in you if you need to do the same and if you have that drive don’t sit on being comfortable, because you will never feel satisfied.
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