Been trying to read more books lately and I finished ‘I Who Have Never Known Men’ by Jacqueline Harpman a week or so ago and it was such a haunting read - I haven’t been able to get it out of my head.
☁️ spoilers
It wasn’t really what I expected from the title (which was the thing that really drew me in, it was so intriguing!) and the cover art was really interesting too - I think it suits the plot of the book well too with the girl all alone and ‘blue’, under a blazing sun.
Following our protagonist as she progresses through the story, from her beginnings in the underground prison, to her ‘freedom’ on this planet’s surface, and finally her imminent death in the shelter, I felt such a sense of hopelessness and intense loneliness for her. Especially after all of her female companions slowly passed away over the years, I kept hoping she would find more survivors, wishing for a EUREKA! moment where she would find the clue that would help her solve the mystery to why they were imprisoned and if they were even on Earth anymore - but it never came.
I can’t say I wasn’t a bit frustrated at this lack of closure, but in a way I guess that’s what our narrator must have felt as she knew she was approaching the end of her life - writing this book to maybe be remembered one day, if it was ever found by anyone. I wouldn’t still be thinking about theories and ruminating over the few clues we get if we had gotten any concrete answers like ‘it was all aliens!’
It’s pretty clear to assume they’re not on earth anymore. The constellations aren’t recognisable to any of the women, and there aren’t any animals besides small insects if I remember correctly. The endless desert with its small shallow rivers and barely any greenery for miles and miles doesn’t sound like regular Earth terrain. The underground prisons dotted around feel clinical, they were definitely test subjects in some way. The fact that they weren’t allowed to touch each other for 14 years makes my heart break, why else would there be such strict rules in the prison if they weren’t in some sort of cruel experiment beyond our understanding?
Also the disappearing of the guards bewilders me, where did they go within 11 minutes without any trace? Where was their home if they swapped shifts so often? What was the alarm for? What did they leave in such a frantic hurry for? Honestly if there was one part of the book I could get concrete answers on, I would want to understand the entire situation with the damn guards. I’ve read theories online with people saying they must have been ‘beamed up’ to some mothership by alien technology, but that doesn’t really answer everything to me. The fact I’ll never know is maddening!
Our protagonist had everything she needed to survive; basic shelter, fresh water, an endless supply of food. Even so, once all the people around her had passed away and she wandered alone for over 20 years (that alone makes me feel sick!) it makes you remember how much we need other people. Human touch and conversation and creativity and love are just as important to our existence than just the bare necessities of survival, we need our community. You could see our narrator got immense satisfaction from building the houses and furniture for her fellow women, and though she resented the fact that she couldn’t go off traveling she still stayed with her group loyaly until she was the only one left.
The fact our narrator was the one to stab her fellow women in the hearts at their end of their life was devastating, knowing in her heart inevitably at the end of her own life she would be all alone. This overwhelming sense of one’s own mortality is such a prevalent theme throughout the book. It hits hard for me at this moment in my life, the concept of death has been looming in the back of my mind for the last half of a year. Really the thing I found that helps with this deep anxiety is to throw myself into creative pursuits and to focus on spending time with the people who I love and who really care about me. The fact our protagonist had to sit with this feeling for so long without distraction is harrowing.
⭐️ 4.5/5 book to me! Definitely want to reread knowing what I know now, but also made me feel quite anxious and sad for our protagonist (who isn’t even given a name except for ‘the child’)
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