Sassy Avengers

[jstorofficial]

[iv-fischer]

i can’t believe i just saw and read this with my actual eyes

[nudygoon]

[02613]

[michaxl]

gf: babe come over

me: i cant im doing gymnastics on the top of mt everest

gf: my parents are out ;)

me:

[alt-j-deactivated20171027]

IS HE OKAY??!!!!?

[lotad]

yes hes with his girlfriend now

[wan-shailu]

if you thought YOUR hiatus was bad

[najaaozixxjsiaaiaiia]

[chrystelle-deactivated20181001]

I’m the grandma

[matvrity]

[sassyavengers]

me when my computer was new: *gives computer its own room, carefully places pillows around, NOT blocking the fans of course, cleans interior every weekend, reads it bedtime stories and kisses it goodnight*

me now: *puts sandwich on main vent and listens to the crumbs bounce off my motherboard* yes. eat. grow strong like your father

[firedrill]

[garden-of-everything]

according to your birthday, in 2016, you will

1-5: steal 6-10: consume 11-15: master 16-20: battle with 21-25: hoard 26-31: transform into

january: anime february: chocolate march: knives april: potatoes may: flowers june: seaweed july: the Declaration of Independence august: puppies september: school supplies october: bones november: crispy leaves december: snowflakes

[tuanh-flow]

[offworldcolonies-blog]

Man the 90’s were weird.

[awkwardstandinglewiskennedy]

Its like we got all this new technology and didnt know what to do with it.

[baronessvonbullshit-deactivated]

the war on drugs has failed.

[smeliot-deactivated20220528]

was i the only one who thought that your head would actually turn into fruit if you ate one because i did and me and a friend got some and we each ate one and then i looked at her and lied and screamed that she looked just like a watermelon and she started crying

[babblingfishes-archive]

You what

[onlytwitterpics]

[pleasefireme]

Please fire me. I work at McDonald’s and last week I spent 15 minutes trying to explain to an old man they we do not sell hot dogs (McDogs as he claimed it) then he threatened to report me for “withholding products from him”!

[sinbadism]

hes from an alternate timeline

[cuttlefishlovr]

the McDogs man actually proves the multiverse theory

[sweethotnight]

yesterday this girl in my academic writing class sits down next to me and puts 3 bananas on the desk (which was jarring by itself) and i had two bananas in my backpack so i wanted to see if she would notice if i added those to her banana pile when she wasn’t looking and when she finally looked back at the bananas she sighed and said really quietly to herself “oh my god…i have so many…” and put all five of them in her backpack

[bruitist]

[dulect]

when someone goes through your room and touches your stuff

[matiasrod11]

[ominousallure]

accurate representation of the last 4 years of my academic life