난 너의 곁에 있을게

벚꽃이 피나봐요 이 겨울도 끝이 나요 보고 싶다 보고 싶다 조금만 기다리면 며칠 밤만 더 새우면 만나러 갈게 데리러 갈게

[satakipsilim]

can’t believe that i’m writing another post here, just to vent. about the guy that i’ve posted here about my feelings back in 2017. (!!)

i'm mad. i'm mad at him. it hasn't been a year, and he has replaced me already. i never got the closure that i wanted, and when he wanted to talk to me, i think it was a little too late. i never really got the real answer why he chose to end things up. i hate how he ended everything. i hate that he did it through chat. i hate that when we met for the last time, he just picked up his stuff and didn't even bother talking to me, as if i was nothing.

i want to tell myself that maybe it's for the better, maybe it wasn't meant to be, maybe i've dodged a bullet. i've been trying to heal, but it hurts. i feel like i've regressed back to 0. maybe it is because he’s my first love, so it is hard to let go, i don’t know. maybe i will be okay, it’s a process.

 i'm still on the process of forgiving and not blaming myself why this happened. it's too hard. i'm learning to heal. i need to take time and i think what makes it worse is that i felt like he replaced me so quick, i feel like i was THAT replaceable.

 at this point, i think the ghost of me haunts me (or maybe i'd like to think.) -- i'm not sure. i fear for that someone else, it hasn't been a year, i don't know if he's healed, i just hope he isn't using her as a safety net for him to heal. it hurts. but i hope she knows about me. and i just wish he still thinks about me -- the same way that he’s been on my mind too.

[satakipsilim]

pasensya na sinta kung di ako tulad ni atlas dahil di ko na kayang buhatin ang mundo nating dalawa napapagod na din ako pero ayokong bumitiw

magpapahinga lang siguro, m a r t 

[satakipsilim]

dumating at dumating man sila, ano namang silbi kung hindi ikaw ito, sinta?

ika’y namumukod tangi sa kanilang lahat, m a r t 

[satakipsilim]

ito ang mga bagay na hindi ko kayang sabihin sa iyo...

ilang araw nang sumasagi sa aking isipan, minsan pa nga ay oras. 

gusto kitang itanong kung, “ano nga ba tayo?” kaso hindi ako makahanap ng lakas para itanong o sabihin ito sa iyo.

gusto kitang itanong kung “may gusto ka ba sa akin?”. hindi sa dahil umaasa ako ngunit nararamdaman ko na baka meron, na baka hindi lang ako ang nahulog sa iyo. 

gusto kong sabihin sa iyo na hindi ko alam kung ano ang nararamdaman ko tuwing tayo ay nag uusap o magkasama. merong kakaiba na hindi ko nararamdaman sa iba na na aking nadarama pag kasama kita. 

gusto kong malaman kung ano nga ba. gusto ko lang naman maging klaro; kahit minsan. 

kaso-- wala akong lakas para sabihin ito sa iyo.

kaya siguro, sa akin na lang muna ito ngayon. itatago ko muna sa aking sarili, hanggang makahanap ng tamang panahon o baka naman, itago sa kailalimlaliman ng aking puso at tuluyang makalimutan.

hindi ko ito tinatago dahil ayokong masaktan. siguro sa ngayon, tinatago ko ito dahil gusto ko lang siguro kung anong meron tayo ngayon. siguro dahil hindi pa ito ang tamang oras. o dahil hindi ko pa kayang marinig ang iyong sagot. 

o siguro dahil hindi pa naman ito ay tunay kong nararamdaman. 

hindi ako makakapangako, pero sana ay balang araw masabi ko ito sa iyo.

nagmamahal,

babaeng walang kakayahang sabihin ito sa iyo ngayon.

[satakipsilim]

i am a fool. for believing in you. for trusting you. for falling in love with you. i am a fool. because i thought you fell in love with me when i was the only one who did and you suddenly left me behind. i am a fool. because i cared for you because i thought you were my soul because i thought it was something real but most importantly, i am a fool because it’s still you after all this time.

only fools fall, m a r t

[satakipsilim]

and from that moment that her arms had enveloped around his', she knew she was already home. they both knew they were home.

hugs, m a r t

[satakipsilim]

five years later, they said their i do's. they wore each other's love, a small band fitted like a missing puzzle piece on their fingers. five years later, they made their vows. to love each other. to never leave each other. five years later, it was still the same. the magic was still there, the glimmer in both of their eyes say so. five years later, they sealed forever with a kiss and a promise. nothing changed, they both swore. except that they had their fairytale ending. five years later, "i want you to be always be happy" was still their wish for each other "happy ka ba?" he would say, "always," she would say. five years ago, they wouldn't have known that this would all happen. it all started with a "hi"and a wave. little would they know it wouldn't be the same five years later.

f i v e, m a r t

[satakipsilim]

[satakipsilim]

funny thing how i miss us when there was no us in the first place

[satakipsilim]

i actually miss having a guy best friend. 

in all honesty. quite random but yeah, i miss having one. 

it was quite fun, and the last time i had one was in elementary, and he left in high school. we lost our communication but i hope one day we’ll meet again especially that our paths are actually the same.

i hope that someday we’ll meet again. maybe do some catching up, yeah? i’d love that. 

[satakipsilim]

oh darling, have you ever seen the way she looked at you? she looked at you like you were the moon, or the universe. or maybe a shooting star falling down from the night sky, because you were her wish came true. she looked at you like you were the only light in a room filled with darkness. she looked at you like you were her home, except that you weren't a thing, or a place. she looked at you as if she'd known you for thousands of years or a lifetime. she looked at you like she had loved you for so long. she always looked at you when your eyes are lost into somebody else's. oh darling, she looked at you the she way she had looked at nobody else. and her only dream was for you to gaze at her, even only just for once. gaze at her the way she looked at you.

untitled shit just for you, m a r t

[satakipsilim]

he was just a boy with a dimpled smile, teaching the world that beauty can be seen also on the inside and she was just a girl with the brightest eyes, teaching the world that it is okay to be yourself together, in their different worlds, they taught the world how to wait and how to fight for someone you love this one time, that their worlds collided they said their own “hellos” but the world knew it wasn't the right time so they left and neither said a "goodbye" and all they had in their hands and in their hearts is a promise and a hope, that they will see each other again

..but the world is never and will be ours, m a r t

[satakipsilim]

My first live UAAP Basketball Game //late post

(My phone’s camera isn't working so the only picture I have is my ticket. Sad.)

So a week ago, my blockmates were planning to watch the basketball game, specifically on a Wednesday since our classes are only till 11 AM. So we decided to watch the ADMU vs UST game and support UST.

We went to Araneta around 3PM. We stayed in Kuya Chi’s house for a while to pass time and maybe some Kalyeserye? And we entered the Coliseum at around 3:30 PM so that we could have some better seats and watch the first game (AdU vs NU) which was already on its 3rd period.

It was sad that UST didn’t win against ADMU because it was our first time to watch the game (Oh well!) but one of the highlights was the third quarter! (With the UST getting back to its game) and the halftime performance of both schools.

UST’s crowd was ONE OF THE BEST CROWDS ever. It was so alive! The game was a heart-thumping and edge-of-the-seat experience. Accompanied by the sounds and the cheers of the UST Yellow Jackets. You’ll just cheer the “Ooh! Defensa!” and “Go USTe!” without evening you, yourself noticing it with the crowd.

PS: LOUIE VIGIL IS SUCH A BAE OH DJASDAKSDSJS

PPS: Congrats UST on today’s win against UP! (10/25/15)

[satakipsilim]

What's on my mind?

Let me tell you that I feel so "????" whenever people generalize fans of AlDub. I am such a lowkey fan about them,and  I basically don't tell anyone about it except for my family. You know why? Because other people will judge you (or me) for being a fan of them.

Let me tell you that I enjoy watching them, and they make me remove my stress. And that's it. And no, I do not fight with the other fandom/s because that's where they find their enjoyment as much as I enjoy mine.

And let me also tell you that I am very aware of whatever this country's issue is. Bring it on, from politics to whatever.

I just want to point out that you can be a fan of them and care about whatever issue this country has. Hindi porket fan wala nang alam about social issues because they stan Maine and Alden hard. Some know how to balance.

*drops mic*

[satakipsilim]

USTET Tips

I took my USTET last August 2014. A week after I took the UPCAT and I think I could pretty much share what I have experienced. Go ahead and if you have any questions feel free to ask me! :))

1. Mag aral ng mabuti. Honestly wag niyo ‘kong gayahin na ‘di ako nakapagreview dahil pagod ako the day before. Although I have passed the USTET, please aral kayo ng mabuti lalo na kung mahina sa Math. (idek how i passed that). Some IQ test questions can be really confusing and kailangan siyang sagutan under the time frame of 30 minutes. Also, yung nag iiba din yung tanong per batch, accg. to my classmate na nasa last batch siya, may Physics yung Science part niya at yung amin wala noon. So it’s better to skim and scan your notes from the very beginning. Marami noong Geometry sa Math part, sa IQ kailangan witty ka at mabilis sumagot and analyze, sa English, basta kung grammar nazi ka ganon, madali lang lol.

2. Pray. Promise, simula ata after ‘kong nagtake hanggang Jan 28, panay dasal ako. Before ilabas yung results, nagrosary kami ng mga classmates ko sa Blessed Sacrament. Pray din before the exam, naalala ko may rosary ako while answering hehehehe

3. Baon tips: just light snacks. Wala kang time para kumain ng may rice or ulam. You’ll be fighting against the time. As much as possible, sugary kinds of food. I had gummy candies while answering.

4. Relax. Don’t stress yourself. Pag ‘di alam, balikan or hulaan. ‘Di siya UPCAT na right minus wrong. Malay mo tumama ka huehue. Mastress ka na after the exams ganon.

5. Wear comfy clothes and don’t forget your jacket kasi naka aircon.

6. Arrive earlier than the said time. Medyo matagal kayong ihohold sa building. Sa Benavides ako noon hehehe, I was with my classmates pero ‘di kami magkaroom.

7. Check niyo kung nadala niyo na ba lahat ng nakasulat sa test permit niyo: pencils, 2x2 picture and whatever na nakasulat.

8.  VERY IMPORTANT: Wag iwala ang test permit before and after the exam! You’re gonna need that para maka log-in sa results day.

9. WAG MAGING OVER CONFIDENT pls. Kung nadalian ka, wag mag assure. I remember reading a post on the USTF, masyadong over confident, ‘di pumasa ganon. Be humble.

I think that’s all! Hahaha. Hit up the ask if you have any other questions. SEE YOU AROUND FUTURE TIGERS~~ (Parang kahapon nangangarap lang kami na makapag aral dito. just like you guys, ngayon we’re here! Tiwala lang! :D)

GOOD LUCK GUYS!

[satakipsilim]

scrolling through Maine Mendoza (aka Yaya Dub’s) blog inspired me to make this active. LOL, maybe I’ll post real soon! 

[satakipsilim]

sometimes i just wanna fall apart. 

fall like nobody will catch you below. 

and broken.

like the mirrors that are scattered into million pieces on the floor.