SadRag

“vita brevis, ars longa” they/xe eng/rus

[luciferspn]

Really thinking about Swan Song and how Chuck's villainy in later seasons affects it, especially Lucifer. Like.

In Sympathy for the Devil, Lucifer says this to Nick:

And she says it in such a way, clear derision in her tone when she says 'Satan' and 'Devil', that you can tell she doesn't like the words. Lucifer's POV of her life is that she loved her father more than anything, and He didn't want that, so He hurt her.

Then in Swan Song, Chuck's V.O says this:

HOWEVER! In Abandon All Hope, Lucifer has this interaction with Cas

He's fascinated. He's curious. He cares to know, if not what the car is, then what it's like. And then, in Swan Song, it's implied in the scripts that it's LUCIFER who stops beating Dean, who pauses, because HE also saw the memories of Dean and Sam's life in the car. He does care.

And so it goes back to a line Lucifer says to Michael:

God wanted the Devil. God does not care that the Devil doesn't like the name, God does not care if the devil is curious about the car, God does not care if the Devil doesn't want to play that role. God calls Lucifer the Devil to play a role, and He has to lie about who the Devil is so that it fits Lucifer, even as Lucifer tries to shed it.

Because that's the story he wrote.

[luciferspn]

Really thinking about Swan Song and how Chuck's villainy in later seasons affects it, especially Lucifer. Like.

In Sympathy for the Devil, Lucifer says this to Nick:

And she says it in such a way, clear derision in her tone when she says 'Satan' and 'Devil', that you can tell she doesn't like the words. Lucifer's POV of her life is that she loved her father more than anything, and He didn't want that, so He hurt her.

Then in Swan Song, Chuck's V.O says this:

HOWEVER! In Abandon All Hope, Lucifer has this interaction with Cas

He's fascinated. He's curious. He cares to know, if not what the car is, then what it's like. And then, in Swan Song, it's implied in the scripts that it's LUCIFER who stops beating Dean, who pauses, because HE also saw the memories of Dean and Sam's life in the car. He does care.

And so it goes back to a line Lucifer says to Michael:

God wanted the Devil. God does not care that the Devil doesn't like the name, God does not care if the devil is curious about the car, God does not care if the Devil doesn't want to play that role. God calls Lucifer the Devil to play a role, and He has to lie about who the Devil is so that it fits Lucifer, even as Lucifer tries to shed it.

Because that's the story he wrote.

[saudrag]

[saudrag]

happy mother's day!

[saudrag]

endverse nickifer and samifer.

sam has been asking lucifer to possess nick so he can physically be with the archangel for the past few months.

lucifer said he would think about it. and he does. sam knows that lucifer is apprehensive. the archangel has obvious and reasonable trust issues and is afraid that sam would trick him. or that someone would take a shot at killing him, or, most importantly, killing sam, while he is not in his true vessel. sam understands and he gives lucifer time.

nick is giddy, almost euphoric about the proposed idea. he wants nothing more than to feel lucifer around his soul again, taking him in the most intimate way possible. angelic possession is something you can never forget. it's something that changes you and then defies you as a person. nick has been thinking (daydreaming) about it happening again even before lucifer has told him.

realistically, it's a win-win situation. sam wants to physically bond with his angel and nick wants to experience the spiritual bond again.

so, after months of mulling it over and talking about it and the possible consequences, lucifer agrees. he orders demons not to disturb him for the next few weeks and flies to a remote cabin in the alps.

after the vertigo of a long flight passes, nick doesn't spare a single glance at the beautiful scenery around them and instead kisses lucifer like a starved man, making sure to commit their last (for a while) kiss to his memory. lucifer pins his human to the nearest wall and licks into his mouth, catching the needy whines and sighs and devout little "yes", "please", "lucifer". it's good, always makes the angel pleased to feel so appreciated, loved and needed. nick seems to be unable to help himself, words of acceptance and love spilling from his mouth in a barely coherent manner. finally, after both of them are properly aroused, nick flushed and panting, lucifer asks the question the human has been waiting for for a long, long time.

"nick. may i enter you?"

nick smiles with happy tears in his eyes.

"yes."

it's weird, to be able to have full control over your body after years of possession. sam notices his arms and legs and fingers one at a time. he almost falls down on his shaky legs, trying to remember how to stand again and blink and breathe and walk without trembling. lucifer never needed to pass as a human when he was inside. he never blinked, didn't breathe and their heart has never pumped the blood. now all of it overwhelms sam, who grew accustomed to the angel's way of handling the body. the heartbeat is too loud, his eyes feel dry and he is not sure what is the appropriate respiratory rate.

lucifer catches him, gently pulling sam into a hug and then taking them both to sit on the soft emerald grass.

"are you okay?" there's a concealed worry in that mild voice and sam smiles, properly looking at the archangel for the first time in years.

lucifer wears nick differently. there's nothing human in the sitting figure. his back is straight, head slightly tilted to the side, face carefully blank. sam is barely able to suppress a shiver. a need is starting to build deep inside him.

taking the angel's face into his hands, sam smiles and kisses lucifer.

"there's nothing i want more than for you to take me right now"

lucifer's eyes flash a bright red for a moment, and in the next second sam finds himself naked on the cabin bed, wrists tied to the top rail of the headboard.

"wish granted."

[saudrag]

"Angel of God,

my guardian dear,

To whom God's love commits me here,

Ever this day be at my side,

To light and guard,

Rule and guide.

Amen."

[saudrag]

endverse casifer:

lucifer wants a mate. since all angels but one has left the earth, lucifer seeks castiel.

castiel is hesitant at best, aggressive at worst. he tells himself he doesn't want anything from the devil, doesn't need anything, but lucifer knows better.

lucifer knows that ever since he became one with sam, dean has changed. his relationship with castiel has changed. and lucifer doesn't need to read the angel's mind to see the longing in his eyes. castiel needs camaraderie, he needs someone to spend his life with. angels are very alike in that aspect. he wants to be a part of the family, any family that will have him.

lucifer can give him this and so much more.

castiel just has to say yes.

and as with everything, lucifer gets his "yes".

sometimes, castiel cannot look at his older brother. in fleeting moments he sees sam and the wave of guilt is always right there, ready to crush him for not trying to fight, to do anything, to help sam.

lucifer told him once that sam is happy. that finally, after all these years, sam is actually content. lucifer has given him everything - love, belonging, understanding, acceptance.

castiel knows better than to believe anything the devil says blindly, but lucifer has always been nothing but truthful. he never had a reason to lie, especially when he finally became one with his other half. so he doesn't lie. it's beneath him.

and castiel knows that what lucifer shares with sam will never be something he can share with his brother. it's too intimate. only something that an archangel can share with his intended.

so, castiel lets them be. even though sometimes he feels jealous of sam, of the bond he shares with lucifer. it's a guilty feeling - castiel can only imagine what kind of horrors sam was, is subjected to while chained to a star.

castiel knows what he subjected jimmy to, when the human soul was still alive within him.

it feels strange sometimes. when he kisses lucifer, caresses his blindingly white wings, and thinks about sam. does sam see it? does he know how far has castiel fallen? and in lucifer's eyes, the way they curl in cruel mirth, he knows that yes, sam is aware. always has been. castiel knows better than to ask lucifer what sam thinks about him... and them. he has a feeling he won't like the answer no matter what it will be.

because it will always come with guilt.

[saudrag]

it's a such, such sweet victory, when sam finally breaks. it's been decades, almost half a century since they've ended up together. and while lucifer's patience is almost infinite (because in the cage he has nothing else to do but /wait/), all good things must come to an end sometime.

sam has been great fun to play with when he was defiant. he bit and spat and thought saying "go to hell" was funny. and it was. for the first few times. then it became kind of boring and repetitive. it was alright, though. it has been millions of years since lucifer had at least someting to do in the cage. he could tolerate boring if it meant it would one day morph into something interesting and new.

and it did, oh it did.

lucifer remembers everything. it's a thing you do when you're a celestial being. but their first time? it's his best memory from the cage. the most detailed, replayed, and cherished. and he doesn't mean first time in a sappy, oh-lets-be-together-forever-and-make-children sort of way. no. he means it in the "the first time you asked for me to hurt you, fuck you, torture you, and said thank you" sort of way.

sam was a force to be reckoned with. he was big and tall and strong and his will? oh, his will was an unmovable rock. his soul shone as bright as the light his Father used to create universes with. but what all of it means when lucifer is the size of a planet, enormous and divine and bright and terrifying? sam was fascinating, but he was only human. and lucifer was god's second son. it was only a matter of time until big has broken small.

lucifer made sam apologise for every "fuck you", "go to hell", "bite me" he ever said... no. no. he didn't make him. he asked and sam complied. he asked, and sam rushed to please, doing everything that was required. it was sweet, really. and it was only just a beginning.

[saudrag]

lucifer feeds sam drops of his own grace mixed with nick's blood and it feels so, so fucking good. so much better than the demon blood. it's pure and divine in a way anything demon related never is.

sam can't get enough.

lucifer is not dumb, though. the next step should be "yes", and then the archangel will get all those drops of grace back and much more. he will get his true vessel. and maybe, just maybe he will also have sam.

[saudrag]

when sam got a taste, he wondered how he could ever consume something as dirty and disgusting as demon blood. it only filled him with rage and power. angel blood... it gives him clarity, peace. it makes him not hate himself. and the best thing about it? the effects are permanent. and cumulative.

lucifer is always happy to oblige to sam's crippling addiction. he seems fascinated by the way sam is instantly glued to his open wound, licking the blood off, delving the tongue inside, and tasting the burning red flesh. sam drinks it like a starved man, like he hasn't drunk water in years, and only now can he finally make a first sip.

it feels like that every time. the grace is fuzzy and tingly on the tongue, burning him with freezing cold, coating his insides, his very soul with something ethereal, so devastatingly sweet and right he is hardly able to think. lucifer once said that it's as pleasurable to him as it is to sam. judging by the quiet moans he makes whenever sam sucks in another drop of grace, he was not lying about that.

angels are grace, so when sam consumes it, it takes residence in the human's body as it was always supposed to. it's not possession, not really, it's just a taste, but it makes lucifer understand why sam is his. and it makes the archangel work twice as hard towards making sam accept the simple truth too.

lucifer believes sam is very close to that.

[saudrag]

lucifer feeds sam drops of his own grace mixed with nick's blood and it feels so, so fucking good. so much better than the demon blood. it's pure and divine in a way anything demon related never is.

sam can't get enough.

lucifer is not dumb, though. the next step should be "yes", and then the archangel will get all those drops of grace back and much more. he will get his true vessel. and maybe, just maybe he will also have sam.

[saudrag]

samifer with a speck of wincest // omegaverse

--

when sam said "yes", he bonded himself to lucifer. unknowingly, irrevocably. forever.

probably, he should've questioned the immediate relief he felt when they joined. lucifer called him out on it, but they never got to discuss it in detail. not with the whole world in danger and sam desperately trying to take charge.

but... yes, lucifer was right. when they joined, it felt like sam was finally whole. like all his life, he walked around with an open wound, and only now has it closed. like he never knew how empty he actually was all these years.

when castiel got him out of the cage and death got his soul back, the first thing sam was aware of wasn't dean's hands gently cradling his face or the massive headache building behind his eyes, no. it was the feeling of loss. someone took his heart out of his chest and crushed it.

sam knew that this place inside him that felt so empty and raw and violated was the one where lucifer's grace resided.

now that he knew how it felt to be whole, he could never ignore the itching nothingness inside.

his heats were long and painful. much, much more painful than ever before. during them, he dreamed of white wings, red eyes and completion.

the earth he walked on felt like a magnet that got stronger the lower he descended. sam knew what it was. it was his soul calling out for its mate.

he realised it when he tried to spend his first heat after the cage with dean. it was a spectacularly bad idea for all the obvious reasons, but not for the one that made him flee the bedroom like a coward. the one that carved a wing-shaped emptiness inside his heart, mind, and soul.

it was great at first. dean was always happy to help his little brother, to take off the edge and fuck him five ways to sunday. nice little kisses, quiet throaty moans, and hands roaming around did the job pretty well. it felt normal right until dean peeled off his scent suppressant strips and the powerful, musky scent of an unmated alpha in pre-rut enveloped sam.

and then it finally started to smell and feel wrong.

dean never smelled wrong, never evoked such feelings. he always smelled divine, like a part of him, like family. sam was always grateful for dean, for the chance to forget himself in his brother's arms.

but now? now he smelled like a stranger. sam wanted to puke and rub himself clean until he could purge that revolting smell out of his system.

so he fled.

afterwards, he tried again with strangers he picked up in bars and realised that it wasn't dean - all aroused alphas smelled the same. even betas and omegas rubbed him the wrong way. he couldn't get close to anyone anymore.

it seemed ironic, that even caged, lucifer still got to have sam all for himself.

[saudrag]

the tags. OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW HAD I NOT REALISED IT BEFORE??

i always wondered why did neither lucifer nor nick remove the ring. I GET IT NOW. oh, it's so obvious.

lucifer came to nick in the form of his wife, and nick said yes to becoming one with him. IT'S A MARRIAGE METAPHOR

[saudrag]

cinema...🚬

> sees his dead wife

> immediately thinks of lucifer

because nick no longer associates his wife's image with her. now the image of his wife is forever associated with lucifer, to whom he said "yes" to becoming one, forever. he married lucifer and left his wife.

[saudrag]

nick has LITERALLY encountered his dead wife as a ghost in their house WHILE WEARING THE WEDDING RING and told her that he wants to unite with lucifer again and then he fucking LEFT HER IN THE BUILDING FOREVER and went to find lucifer. while wearing a wedding ring.

BECAUSE THIS WOMAN IS NO LONGER HIS WIFE. HIS WEDDING RING HAS NOT BEEN HERS AND HIS FOR THE LONG TIME. NOW IT SIGNIFIES HIS MARRIAGE WITH LUCIFER. SHE DIED AND HE REMARRIED. AND THE RING STAYED BECAUSE LUCIFER CAME TO HIM IN HIS WIFE'S FORM.

[saudrag]

the tags. OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW HAD I NOT REALISED IT BEFORE??

i always wondered why did neither lucifer nor nick remove the ring. I GET IT NOW. oh, it's so obvious.

lucifer came to nick in the form of his wife, and nick said yes to becoming one with him. IT'S A MARRIAGE METAPHOR

[saudrag]

cinema...🚬

> sees his dead wife

> immediately thinks of lucifer

because nick no longer associates his wife's image with her. now the image of his wife is forever associated with lucifer, to whom he said "yes" to becoming one, forever. he married lucifer and left his wife.

[saudrag]

the tags. OH MY FUCKING GOD HOW HAD I NOT REALISED IT BEFORE??

i always wondered why did neither lucifer nor nick remove the ring. I GET IT NOW. oh, it's so obvious.

lucifer came to nick in the form of his wife, and nick said yes to becoming one with him. IT'S A MARRIAGE METAPHOR

[saudrag]

nick with his hands folded in prayer, awe in eyes, on his knees in front of lucifer!sam. lucifer is beautiful. nick knew that, of course. he felt it when lucifer possessed him. his grace, his wings, his halo, his voice... everything about him was exquisite. but to see it with his own eyes? otherworldly. ethereal. lucifer shone through sam in a way he never did through nick. he was elegant and graceful. nick could only stare at him in awe, with religious love. it was only appropriate to drop to his knees in front of such beauty and worship him.

[saudrag]

lucifer gives nick everything he wants. which is not much - truth (lucifer knew it hurt nick to realise that lucifer was behind his family murder, but after such a long cohabitation nick can no longer distinguish right from wrong), revenge for his family (which is more of an afterthought than an actual wish. nick wanted to be himself again, to want things he wanted before. he thought it would make him right again - but it didn't. nothing did except being with lucifer) and, after everything was said and done - proximity to lucifer. (after executing the revenge, nick realised he no longer remembered or recognised himself as a separate entity from the angel. he desired the archangel inside himself in every sense of the word. and lucifer would agree to be inside him in every way except the one he truly wanted) nick learned to take what he can get. he loved the angel fully, irrevocably, religiously.

lucifer liked it. it was nice to be loved unconditionally. it was a thing his father and siblings failed at so miserably. and there was something ironic in the fact that the only being who actively loved the devil was a simple human.

[saudrag]

nick looked for things to give to lucifer and realised that the only thing the devil doesn't have that nick can give to him is a child.

____

they were relaxing in the garden. it was a beautiful sunny day that smelled like roses. it always smelled like roses during summer. nick was lying on lucifer's chest, lovingly kissing his angel's face. he thought about it extensively. he was not sure how the devil would react to such a proposition. he knew, however, that lucifer desired to be loved. and nick would love him forever... but his love was clearly not enough. he was not the angel's father or his sibling. he cannot make god love his child or force the angels to adore their superior, but he could give lucifer a new family. a better family.

"lucifer," nick whispered, placing a soft kiss on the angel's ear. "i want to give you something."

nick more felt than saw lucifer's lazy smile.

"are you finally ready to talk about the thing you were mulling over this whole month?"

nick froze for a second. of course, there was no hiding anything from lucifer. he only hoped lucifer didn't pry into his thoughts like he always did during their first months together.

"no, i didn't enter your mind, nick." lucifer didn't need to enter the human's mind to understand what he was freaking out about. nick was easy to read. "now talk." he ordered softly.

"i wish to give you a child." nick said, sitting on the grass and looking straight into the angel's eyes. "i want to give you a family. if you change my body, we can make it happen."

there was a second of tense silence. lucifer was unreadable, a mask of focused attention. and then his lips quivered and he smiled.

"oh, nick, you beautiful human!" the angel laughed, embracing nick and flying up in the sky in joy. nick held tight, legs reflexively wrapped around lucifer's waist, his own smiling face hiding in the angel's neck. even after years of flying he still couldn't quite get rid of his fear. "you would give that to me?" and then there was a strong hand on his cheek, forcing his head to turn and to look in the angel's eyes again. nick wanted nothing more than to be the source of lucifer's joy until the end of time.

"yes." and then, after a beat. "i would give you anything, lucifer."

[saudrag]

nick with his hands folded in prayer, awe in eyes, on his knees in front of lucifer!sam. lucifer is beautiful. nick knew that, of course. he felt it when lucifer possessed him. his grace, his wings, his halo, his voice... everything about him was exquisite. but to see it with his own eyes? otherworldly. ethereal. lucifer shone through sam in a way he never did through nick. he was elegant and graceful. nick could only stare at him in awe, with religious love. it was only appropriate to drop to his knees in front of such beauty and worship him.

[saudrag]

lucifer gives nick everything he wants. which is not much - truth (lucifer knew it hurt nick to realise that lucifer was behind his family murder, but after such a long cohabitation nick can no longer distinguish right from wrong), revenge for his family (which is more of an afterthought than an actual wish. nick wanted to be himself again, to want things he wanted before. he thought it would make him right again - but it didn't. nothing did except being with lucifer) and, after everything was said and done - proximity to lucifer. (after executing the revenge, nick realised he no longer remembered or recognised himself as a separate entity from the angel. he desired the archangel inside himself in every sense of the word. and lucifer would agree to be inside him in every way except the one he truly wanted) nick learned to take what he can get. he loved the angel fully, irrevocably, religiously.

lucifer liked it. it was nice to be loved unconditionally. it was a thing his father and siblings failed at so miserably. and there was something ironic in the fact that the only being who actively loved the devil was a simple human.

[saudrag]

nick with his hands folded in prayer, awe in eyes, on his knees in front of lucifer!sam. lucifer is beautiful. nick knew that, of course. he felt it when lucifer possessed him. his grace, his wings, his halo, his voice... everything about him was exquisite. but to see it with his own eyes? otherworldly. ethereal. lucifer shone through sam in a way he never did through nick. he was elegant and graceful. nick could only stare at him in awe, with religious love. it was only appropriate to drop to his knees in front of such beauty and worship him.