Nightmares of An Ether Drinker

Welcome! The picture above was made by Disgruntledturtle. Genderfluid -- she/her/herself is fine. :)

[savageleeinactive]

Hi, guys. I haven't posted in a few weeks. Lately, I haven't been feeling well because of bad things that have happened in the last year. I feel sad and lonely all the time. I don't feel happy on this main blog. For the past three years, I've gotten encouragement to commit suicide, death threats, and rape threats. The vitriol has increased in the past year, and I don't feel comfortable dealing with that, especially when I struggle with bad thoughts about myself regularly. I have confessed to having suicidal thoughts in the past few weeks and being lonely and trying to reach out, but nothing has worked. I still feel isolated and unwanted. I am currently not doing well physically or emotionally. More so, I feel like I'm not that positive of a person to be around and people are only hurt by me. I doubt I can post anything of value on this blog anymore. I don't really produce anything that substantial. It was just sort of something I did to look at fandom stuff. I never really intended to be that actively involved.

However, I am really, really sorry for any pain I've caused. I try really hard not to cause trouble or make others feel bad, but I'm not always successful, and I'm sorry. I am so sorry. I know that I'm not that great of a person and I'm not fun to be around. I have trouble speaking with other people and maintaining friendships because I get nervous and shaky. I have tried to keep a positive and light-hearted atmosphere at times, but I'm not very good at it because I feel sad all the time. I regret any bad feelings I have caused because of my lack of forethought in any situations. I understand why people would be mad at me for several reasons. I have often been careless or irrational. I really wanted my blog to be fun, and I didn't want to hurt anybody.

I don't want to delete this blog, but I don't think I will be that active on my main anymore. I feel like it's for the best for everyone. I feel like my continued presence is more toxic and burdensome than anything of value.

Thanks. Stay safe.

[sleepran]

I got two requests for Tarrlok, so I did the one with the more sinister scheme

[savageleeinactive]

Thank you!! This is beautiful. :)))

[savageleeinactive]

Finished watching the episodes. Spoiler-free review: interesting with good character interactions. :)

[savageleeinactive]

Watching leaked LOK eps on ipod Won't live blog because of spoilers

[savageleeinactive]

fuzzybonnet - about LOK

ME TBH

[savageleeinactive]

flightcastiel answered: What pndr said. Also, there was a really rude comment by another person I just don’t understand. Can’t a man be excited about his movie?

Yeah. Admittedly, I’m not a John Green fan at all — his books, I mean. However, that’s not too bad, I don’t think. I will say that I have noticed that a lot of things have the guy initiate, so I can understand why he would think it’s important. Idk, maybe it’s self-serving, but I’d be psyched if my stories got made into movies. The only issue I’d have with that is, depending on how he put it, he’s putting down other YA novelists to make himself look better, and I really don’t like that. I take issue with people saying he “saved” the genre or whatever. 

spockandawe answered: I guess he said a thing about ‘when else has a GIRL kissed the GUY first in a YA novel?’, or something. Idk really, he’s not my bag of tea Yeah, I like YA, but not really his stuff. The writing style puts me off. To each their own.

eroproxy answered: said something about how his book making it to mainstream movies is a big deal because the girl kisses the boy first

Thanks!

[salixj]

THAT’S teh comment that got everyone upset? Seriously not a big deal.

[savageleeinactive]

Are people upset about it? I’ve seen people make fun of him. Granted, John Green has endorsed and said things I don’t approve of, but in this particular instance, I can’t really say he said something bad unless he meant to insult other movie and books. But … I haven’t seen the tweet or post, I don’t think. idk

[salixj]

I saw the comment come up on my dash at some point, didn’t realize he had said it. A brag but not even a great brag at that, so if this is the issue, feh. I do know he has said things about the Holocaust that got people riled.

[savageleeinactive]

Really? I think the kiss he talked about occurred in the Anne Frank house? That might be it. I’m so out of touch. He has said a lot of things I find troublesome.

[salixj]

Oh, yeah, so just found a link and yeah, that’s a bit shady. I can see where it would upset people. Here’s what J.Green said, and it is rather callous ““Anne Frank was a pretty good example of a young person who ended up having the kind of heroic arc that Augustus wants — she was remembered and she left this mark that he thinks is valuable — but when he has to confront her death, he has to confront the reality that really she was robbed of the opportunity to live or die for something. She just died of illness like most people.” Like, no John Green you don’t get it. She didn’t “die” like most people, and you missed the message of her book. So if he is now trying to get around that remark and the scene by saying “well first time a gal initiated the kiss in a YA book” well, no you don’t get a pass.

[savageleeinactive]

Oh ... wow. That's ... wow.

[savageleeinactive]

[savageleeinactive]

hey guys, since i know read mores don't work on mobile after using the ipod last night, i'll keep lok spoilers to a minimum now :)

[savageleeinactive]

flightcastiel answered: What pndr said. Also, there was a really rude comment by another person I just don’t understand. Can’t a man be excited about his movie?

Yeah. Admittedly, I’m not a John Green fan at all — his books, I mean. However, that’s not too bad, I don’t think. I will say that I have noticed that a lot of things have the guy initiate, so I can understand why he would think it’s important. Idk, maybe it’s self-serving, but I’d be psyched if my stories got made into movies. The only issue I’d have with that is, depending on how he put it, he’s putting down other YA novelists to make himself look better, and I really don’t like that. I take issue with people saying he “saved” the genre or whatever. 

spockandawe answered: I guess he said a thing about ‘when else has a GIRL kissed the GUY first in a YA novel?’, or something. Idk really, he’s not my bag of tea Yeah, I like YA, but not really his stuff. The writing style puts me off. To each their own.

eroproxy answered: said something about how his book making it to mainstream movies is a big deal because the girl kisses the boy first

Thanks!

[salixj]

THAT’S teh comment that got everyone upset? Seriously not a big deal.

[savageleeinactive]

Are people upset about it? I’ve seen people make fun of him. Granted, John Green has endorsed and said things I don’t approve of, but in this particular instance, I can’t really say he said something bad unless he meant to insult other movie and books. But … I haven’t seen the tweet or post, I don’t think. idk

[salixj]

I saw the comment come up on my dash at some point, didn’t realize he had said it. A brag but not even a great brag at that, so if this is the issue, feh. I do know he has said things about the Holocaust that got people riled.

[savageleeinactive]

Really? I think the kiss he talked about occurred in the Anne Frank house? That might be it. I'm so out of touch. He has said a lot of things I find troublesome.

[savageleeinactive]

LOK BOOK 3 SPOILERS

REALLY DIGGING LIN AND HER HALF-SISTER

ALSO

SS VARRSAMI LIVES

SO GLAD HE AND DESNA + ESKA WON'T JUST BE ONE-BOOK CHARACTERS

LIKE SOME FAVORITE CHARACTERS I CAN NAME -__-

[savageleeinactive]

MAJOR LOK BOOK 3 SPOILERS

Is Lin's half-sister Tahno's mom?

[savageleeinactive]

flightcastiel answered: What pndr said. Also, there was a really rude comment by another person I just don’t understand. Can’t a man be excited about his movie?

Yeah. Admittedly, I’m not a John Green fan at all — his books, I mean. However, that’s not too bad, I don’t think. I will say that I have noticed that a lot of things have the guy initiate, so I can understand why he would think it’s important. Idk, maybe it’s self-serving, but I’d be psyched if my stories got made into movies. The only issue I’d have with that is, depending on how he put it, he’s putting down other YA novelists to make himself look better, and I really don’t like that. I take issue with people saying he “saved” the genre or whatever. 

spockandawe answered: I guess he said a thing about ‘when else has a GIRL kissed the GUY first in a YA novel?’, or something. Idk really, he’s not my bag of tea Yeah, I like YA, but not really his stuff. The writing style puts me off. To each their own.

eroproxy answered: said something about how his book making it to mainstream movies is a big deal because the girl kisses the boy first

Thanks!

[salixj]

THAT’S teh comment that got everyone upset? Seriously not a big deal.

[savageleeinactive]

Are people upset about it? I've seen people make fun of him. Granted, John Green has endorsed and said things I don't approve of, but in this particular instance, I can't really say he said something bad unless he meant to insult other movie and books. But ... I haven't seen the tweet or post, I don't think. idk

[savageleeinactive]

flightcastiel said: That’s the thing though. Other people are saying he saved the genre, not him. He was just hella excited.

Ah, okay. I mean, as long as he wasn't trashing other YA authors/books, then I'm not really bothered by that specific comment. Was he just liveblogging a moment while in the theater or something? I can understand why he'd be excited.

[savageleeinactive]

flightcastiel answered: What pndr said. Also, there was a really rude comment by another person I just don’t understand. Can’t a man be excited about his movie?

Yeah. Admittedly, I'm not a John Green fan at all -- his books, I mean. However, that's not too bad, I don't think. I will say that I have noticed that a lot of things have the guy initiate, so I can understand why he would think it's important. Idk, maybe it's self-serving, but I'd be psyched if my stories got made into movies. The only issue I'd have with that is, depending on how he put it, he's putting down other YA novelists to make himself look better, and I really don't like that. I take issue with people saying he "saved" the genre or whatever. 

spockandawe answered: I guess he said a thing about ‘when else has a GIRL kissed the GUY first in a YA novel?’, or something. Idk really, he’s not my bag of tea Yeah, I like YA, but not really his stuff. The writing style puts me off. To each their own.

eroproxy answered: said something about how his book making it to mainstream movies is a big deal because the girl kisses the boy first

Thanks!

[savageleeinactive]

What did John Green do?

[savageleeinactive]

disgruntledturtle said: ok

cool

[savageleeinactive]

heh heh, i'm sure all the tokka fans were happy. i'm glad for y'all

and sokka and azula are so alike and lol

toph has a type