brittanyxsxpierce:
I’m not a certified lifeguard, or anything.
Come on. Just drop it in the water and see what happens. Have some faith in your phone, maybe it can already swim.
Stranger Things

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DEAR READER
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if i look back, i am lost

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brittanyxsxpierce:
I’m not a certified lifeguard, or anything.
Come on. Just drop it in the water and see what happens. Have some faith in your phone, maybe it can already swim.
brittanyxsxpierce:
My head hurts. I’ve been spending the last hour trying to charge my phone but every time I plug it into my laptop, it says ‘syncing,’ and…I’m pretty sure it doesn’t know how to swim.
Put it in some water and teach it how to float. Time to separate the boys from the men, Pierce.
for fuck’s sake.
abowtiedblaine:
That’s actually quite impressive. Making a latte isn’t hard at all. Perhaps you could give them a few pointers next time? Politely, of course, without insulting anyone.
Oh, trust me, Curls. They heard all about it. We can call it an act of constructive criticism, if it’ll make you feel better. I’ll be sticking to home brew from now on.
TEXT ✉ SQUIRT ⇄ SEBASTIAN
SQUIRT: Wow, that's the most romantic thing I've ever heard. Take me now, sailor.
SQUIRT: Jude Gilbert invited me to a drag show at Scandals, which I can never go to again now that I know he's been there.
SEBASTIAN: the lima gay community (out, at least - closet cases are another story) is the size of a thumbtack. you’re going to be hard-pressed to find anyone around here who hasn’t been to scandals.
TEXT ✉ SQUIRT ⇄ SEBASTIAN
SQUIRT: Hey, have you ever, like, mentioned anything about us to anyone?
SQUIRT: Even in passing? Or by insinuation?
SEBASTIAN: so cute that you think i’d namedrop. especially a hummel.
SEBASTIAN: why? who’s got your tightie-whities in a twist this time?
sammevans:
I heard that there’s a superstition with the royal family that they have to have a bunch of ravens living at the castle or else… I dunno, something bad happens. Since there’s official McKinley royalty roaming the halls once again, I vote we get some ravens around this place. Or maybe some parakeets or something, if those are easier to come by in Lima. All suggestions welcome.
...what season of The Crown was this? And why the fu..
never mind. You want birds? Let’s go get some fucking birds. I know a guy. Rainbow lorikeet? Lear’s macaw? I don’t want some bad shit happening to me with a title to maintain, so.
holyquinnity:
The dulcet tones of Taylor Swift’s Call It What You Want To came through the speakers. Thank God they were playing good music for once. This would have been a really romantic moment if she’d managed to snag a boyfriend before Homecoming.
“I don’t know; I think there’s something to be said about dating some kind of country farm boy in high school, as long as you can find one with the ability to spell his own name.” She danced with the music, resisting Sebastian’s lead only slightly. She was a control freak after all. “Look at Taylor Swift. She went through the ‘kissing a football player in the barn in the rain’ phase and settled down with hot English playboys after adulthood.”
Yale. For once in Quinn’s life her mind wasn’t totally consumed with thoughts of the Ivy League. It was only a few months until they’d be moving to New Haven, she was sure of it. Then things would really change. “They’ll write Pulitzer winning novels about our will-they-won’t-they story one day,” she joked, giving him a slight smile.
“Speaking of Yale, we’re flying together for our interviews aren’t we? My dad won’t let us share a hotel room, but we should still bunk in the same place so we can keep each other company. I’ll even go to a gay bar with you if you need a sober sally to keep you from going home with a homeless alcoholic after you get too drunk to see straight.”
Quinn had admittedly lost him once she’d brought Taylor Swift into the equation. Not because he had anything against her, but because he was pretty sure she’d never actually dated a farm boy. “When did John Mayer play football and help out in a barn, exactly?” Beside the point. Irrelevant. “You’re too good for a barn and the hay would get everywhere.” Better. “I say this from experience.”
Oh, the things you wish you didn’t remember from when you just weren’t drunk enough.
From across the room, he could see the list of potential suitors awaiting him -- Lima’s best and not quite brightest. There weren’t many. There was his friend Jamie, but he’d tried that already and he still wasn’t sure if Jamie was kidding when he’d asked him how to spell “orange.” And there was Blaine, but every time he tried to approach that, he just... didn’t. And there was Sam Evans, all around golden child. He’d... Well. He’d be fun to play with.
Anyway.
He was ready for a change. He was ready to leave Lima behind (for good, god, for good) and get to the East Coast. He wanted to make something out of himself, actually make a difference. He didn’t necessarily like the idea of his dad’s name being the reason he was going to be a shoo-in, but he didn’t say that out loud. After all, everything from the outside looking in with the Smythes was picture perfect. You can’t just mess something like that up. “What would the neighbors think?!” he could hear his mother’s hushed tone from all the way across town.
“I just hope Ryan Gosling gets the part right for the film adaptation. I have faith in Margot Robbie bringing just the right touch of Fabray to the screen.”
It was easy with Quinn. He’d learned that a long time ago. He didn’t know if it was because some part of her reminded him of himself (except, you know, the never having sex part because why), but it was easy. It worked. And he appreciated that.
Back to Yale. Back to thoughts of the future and moving on and moving forward. “Yeah, I think it’d make sense considering we have interviews scheduled the same day and the airport here only does, what? Two flights a day?”
The idea of Quinn Fabray at a gay bar was too good to pass up. Far too good. “Only if you’ll go in a suit. I can just see the New Haven lesbian population dropping their panties over you already.”
Honestly, it was worth it just to see the horrified look on her face.
othergilbert:
Jude wasn’t much of a dance sort of guy but if there was one place that was good for business it was the homecoming dance. It didn’t weigh in comparison to prom so plenty of people were looking for a way to have fun and Jude was just the guy to give it to them. Plus it helped that he and his friends could act like steaming hot messes in the name of anarchy, though it seemed like the Titans were handling that department just fine this evening. Jude had to admit he was impressed with a few of the stunts they had pulled but he did believe what they did to Jane was pretty messed up.
Jude was in the midst of pouring himself a drink when he saw out of the corner of his eye a tall figure come towards the beverage table. He only kind of knew Sebastian, his sister was part of Jude’s squad of sexually ambiguous misfit toys. He just hoped that was enough fall into the Titan’s good graces if not then at least natural graces would suffice. “Congraduritos, your highness.” Jude said raising his glass to the Homecoming King. “May I interest you in a spiked refreshment or maybe even some cannabis if that’s your vice of choice…that’ll just be 15 shekels.”
Sebastian paused at the table, eyes glancing over to the person next to him - Jude Gilbert had always seemed more like a cartoon character to him than anything else. All animated voice and crazy hair, eccentric clothes... He just couldn’t be an actual person. Right?
And yet, here he was, one of the many Curlys to his sister’s Moe, offering him a spiked drink and drugs. As you do.
“So, is Congraduritos, like, a skank thing or what?” he asked, taking the drink from him and taking a sip. “Because my sister said the same thing and it sounded just as lame when I heard it from her.” The punch was better this year than it was last year, but it was still pretty shit.
Another glance up at Jude. “Thanks, though. This will definitely lock in my spot at Yale. Now I don’t have to sleep with the Dean of Admissions, which was my backup plan if the Homecoming King thing didn’t work out.” He took another sip. “I’m not paying you for this, by the way. It’s free punch. I’d try and convince the freshmen otherwise, though. Might work better on them.”
smythelorelai:
“Take any pictures and I’ll break your phone,” Lorelai warned. She plucked his drink from his hands and took a sip of the punch. She was less worried about the inevitable alcohol in the drink and more worried about the inevitable diseases that would come from the entire school sharing a punch bowl, but she needed the booze at this point. “Yeah gimme that thing. Maybe it’ll convince some homecoming groupies to sleep with me.”
“I think the Goonies are going to throw an afterparty kick-back, so I’ll probably go with them. If you want a break from the lavish lifestyle of the Titans you can come along, but I can’t promise they won’t start a sing-a-long to Rocky Horror on the drive back.”
“Groupies as in plural?” Sebastian raised an eyebrow at her. “Who are you looking at as prospects around here? You do realize this is Lima and the pickings are... painfully slim, right?” But, this was Lorelai, and there were a few areas in life where they did differ. They always came back in the middle, though - it was a twin thing. A “we’re Smythes and regardless of literally whatever else is happening we’re better than you” thing.
Her band of misfit toys, however, was a group he could pass up on. No offense. Okay, minor offense. He grimaced at the thought. “I’m good. I don’t do kick-backs. I don’t even know what a kick-back is. I have plans and I will definitely be getting to those once I’m finished here.”
Slyly and swiftly, he snuck his phone from his pocket and snapped a picture - a live photo at that, so he got the before and the mortified after. Before she could dive to snag it from his hand, he tucked his phone back away from her. “I have a second phone anyway. You’ve met me. You don’t scare me, punk.”
smythelorelai:
“Congraduritos, King Smythe,” Lorelai said. She may have been committing a cardinal social sin by approaching her brother in public, but she was kinda hoping he’d help her Irish goodbye this shindig. “Can’t say I’m glad I was here to see it, since I wanted to stay home tonight. I got kidnapped.”
Sebastian had finished his dance (okay, he’d finished five of them, because Quinn Fabray was several things and “hard to ignore” was unfortunately one of them) and was ready to head out for the night, but he’d spotted his sister and made a beeline. He couldn’t not. Lorelai Ebony Dark’ness Dementia Raven Way Smythe was at a school dance.
He smirked at her, tipping his second (fifth) glass of punch in her direction. “You’d probably look better in the crown,” he pointed out. “Want to try it on for size?” He finished the last of his drink. “If you don’t want to stay captive any longer, I’m probably heading out soon.” He hoped, at least.
holyquinnity:
So, Sebastian’s version of an acceptance speech was a little less than stellar, but Quinn was thankful he won over a Titan. The last thing she wanted was to be grinded on by some kinda sweaty footballer on her special night.
Quinn could feel Sebastian getting antsy. She knew he hated organized events, especially ones put on by McKinley. Before he could make a run for the door, she grabbed his arm and practically dragged him to the dance floor. “If you think I’m giving up my first dance just because you’re a sinner, you’re crazy,” she said.
This wasn’t their first time at the rodeo. Sebastian had escorted her to cotillion two years before, and he was usually her de facto date to formals. They were both single pringles most of the time, though Quinn was single because of her celibacy while Sebastian remained single so he could have his unrestricted sexual kicks. Two sides of the same coin or whatever.
Quinn was kind of lonely on the single frontier. She’d never admit it, after all. She was Elizabeth I. No one respected a queen who would sleep with her subjects. But, well, when your only King option is your gay best friend you start to look less powerful.
“We really need to bring dates next time,” she suggested. “We’re both hot and rich; it’s a crime we can never find escorts good enough to bring to formal events. Unless I finally managed to turn you straight and you’re about to admit your undying love for me.”
He was so close to making it to those double doors of freedom, but Quinn - as she often did - had a way of stopping him before he reached his end goal, because her end goal was something else entirely. And she was a Fabray, and Fabrays tended to like to get what they wanted.
Her hand was on his arm, and next thing he knew, he was moving en route to the swarm of everyone around them and their god-awful attempts at dancing. If there was one thing Sebastian knew how to do, even if it was certainly something he was never one to boast or brag about (and never would), he did know how to dance. He’d learned the Foxtrot, and the Venetian Waltz, and classic ballroom steps at a very young age. When you grew up wealthy, it was sort of expected. Just like it was expected that he would escort Quinn to cotillion, that he would be her dance partner for her debutante ball.
They’d been latched together for quite a while - he was half certain his mother expected them to get married some day, so boy was she in for a treat.
“I don’t think we’re going to find good escorts while we’re here,” he pointed out, his hands finding their rightful positions and his body beginning to sway naturally to the music - it was practically second nature at this point. “The problem isn’t us, Q. It is and will always be Lima.”
His eyes gave a glance around the room, at all the people snapping pictures with their little instant cameras and screeching about how this was their LAST HOMECOMING EVER! before he looked back at Quinn. “Not admitting my undying love for you. I don’t break that easily. And if I did it now, then what would possibly keep you on your toes during Yale?”
The sheer fact of the matter - plain and simple - was that Sebastian Smythe looked good. I mean, let’s be honest here - just between the two of us? - he always looks good. But right now, he was wearing Tom Ford (certainly not his best, or even seventh best, Tom Ford, because Jesus Christ, this was McKinley High School’s Homecoming Dance with the most cliché theme in the world) and he was adjusting his Bulgari cufflinks, and he was peering, unamused and mostly unimpressed at the room of his peers in front of him.
He would likely only stay long enough to make his appearances, get his crown, take the necessary pictures, and get out of there. After all, he had a dick appointment at eleven, and he wasn’t looking to miss it. And it wasn’t like he had any options around here anyway, right?
He grabbed his drink, punch, clearly spiked, and swallowed it down, before hearing the squeaky microphone overhead, calling him to attention and, also, calling him to the stage.
He sat his drink between two freshmen playing Fortnite on their phones and brushed himself off. “You guys can clearly use this more than I can.”
Making his way to the stage, he could see Quinn’s gaze burning a hole straight through him and he briefly wondered if she possessed the powers to, like, cut a hole into the ground and send him straight to Hell, but he brushed it off and went for the mic stand, and straight to where the crown was waiting for him. A speech. Was he really supposed to make a speech?
“You clearly didn’t have any better options, so, it’s nice to see whatever brain cells you do have still manage to serve their purpose.”
His next plan of action? Get off the stage. Get another drink. Get out of here.
for fuck’s sake.
holyquinnity:
That sounds like one way ticket to heart attack city. Do you think it gave you brain damage?
Me too! Glad to know there’ll be a friendly face there, even if we’ll be at each other’s throats trying to get in. Just promise me we won’t have a huge bitch fight in the bushes a la Blair and Serena in Gossip Girl.
You implying that you think I have brain damage? Because maybe you and my mom can get on the r/sebastiansmythe subreddit together and discuss that in more detail. She’d be thrilled to have a subscriber besides her and my aunt.
Yeah, no promises on that? And just so we’re both crystal clear, I’m Blair.
for fuck’s sake.
smythelorelai:
I’m so sorry that happened to you. Do you need to go to a hospital? Do you want to begin cognitive behavioral therapy?
This is why you should be drinking black coffee. It all tastes like shit so you can never tell if it’s good or bad.
I think I’ve had enough CBT over the years to get me through anything and everything at this point, but good looking out, Doc. I clearly know who to go to in a state of emergency.
This is karma punishing me for not buying nespresso pods, is all.
Usually I do, fyi. Normally as bitter as I am. But sometimes, you want some foam. And sometimes, the Lima Bean tells you to go fuck yourself.
danixharps:
Are you surprised, though?
Yeah, well. Live and learn, or something less 90s After School Special than that.
titanchloe:
That’s so sad, holy shit.
I’m glad you at least learned to just bail the hell outta there. Please only know to go when it’s prime time, kay?
Desperate times were calling for desperate measures before I remembered that I’m Sebastian Smythe and I don’t (and won’t) do desperate. Lesson learned, tho. When Scandals looks more like a truck stop after a tractor pull than it does what it’s actually supposed to be, you know you’re at the wrong place at the wrong time.