scaly

Alterhuman blog. New to this so terms may not be all correct but idrc. >Shapeshifter(hearted) >Technically neurotypical >He/any >May not interact much >I don't have other changeling characters for pfp give me ideas :(

[scalymound]

Ok I'd appreciate advice or anything

So I've been thinking for. Maybe two or three years at least, that I may not be cis.

I present as a woman, according to my assigned gender. And tbh I really like having long pretty hair and wearing dresses and bows and whatnot. But I think I'd...... really like going by he/him and being refered to as a man and such.......

I've seen other posts online with a similar sentiment, and various coments responding the feeling comes from either sexualization of the affeminate man or desire to fit into the male patriarchal role. Idk, it could be either.

All I know is that I'd like to have facial hair and wear dresses and look cute with both. I'd like to present feminine but still be adressed as a man. Like guys who wear dresses, it's obvious that they were amab. It'd be cool if that could happen to me.

I refuse to make any transitions because I like my current image and I'm honestly terrified of asking for different pronouns irl. The most I'd do (if I had the money) would probably be trying to grow facial hair and get a more masculine build (no t because I'm afraid of hormonal changes).

Still idk if I'm "trans". I feel bad calling myself that when there are like... "actual" trans people? Idk whether to call them that, but that's how it feels

I'd feel bad telling my friends any of this, bc I'm friends with "actual" trans guys who actually care to transition and be percieved as themselves. Also I have long time cis friends who have known me all my life as a woman and I'm not sure if they could see me as anything else

I could use advice

[scalymound]

I think I just accepted at all bc I felt guilty about venting on here even though they don't really know of this account. I'm terrified of them finding out and I think I wouldn't be able to take if they did. I don't want to share everything with them I need my own space and my own things. I already have a horrible tendency to overshare at any moment I just want some space WITHOUT THEM. I CAN'T SPEND THE NIGHT WITH THEM I'M JUST NOT HAPPY LIKE THAT.

[scalymound]

Idk why I'm so scared of this but I legitimately feel they somehow know of this account and maybe that's why they're mad at me BUT THEY'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO KNOW. THIS IS SUPPOSED TO BE PRIVATE AND MINE B UT EVEN THEN I FEEL THEY'RE IN MY BRAIN

[scalymound]

Like should I talk to them? Like tell them what if we just hang out one day? I don't know how I would say it, I think even then they would say no. Idk whether to care or

[scalymound]

I think I just accepted at all bc I felt guilty about venting on here even though they don't really know of this account. I'm terrified of them finding out and I think I wouldn't be able to take if they did. I don't want to share everything with them I need my own space and my own things. I already have a horrible tendency to overshare at any moment I just want some space WITHOUT THEM. I CAN'T SPEND THE NIGHT WITH THEM I'M JUST NOT HAPPY LIKE THAT.

[scalymound]

I. Genuenly can't tell if i'm being too mean or too lenient. I said so many fucking times I don't like sleepovers and they keep pushing for one and I said ok. This time. Bc one of them is going away in two months and like. It'll be really hard to see them again and I GET THAT OK. I STILL FUCKING HATE SLEEPOVERS BUT I'M WILLING TO DO ONE FOR THEM.

And I said I could only stay from 5:00 to 11:00 (next morning) and now they're mad at me for going away too early ig? And they asked me if I just don't want to see them at all and if I don't care that they're going away?

Honestly I. I think I shouldn't accept sleepovers (esp when I've made clear I dislike them) BUT I'M TRYING OK. But maybe I'm being too much of a bitch. Like I genuenly think I've been clear that I don't like them and I've tried not to turn to agression to defend my stance EVEN WHEN THEY DO. But. Idk. I genuenly can't tell if they really feel bad about me not staying 24 hours straight or if they're just trying to make me feel bad. I'm just so tired.

Genuenly it would be way easier for me if we just spent a whole day together without sleeping over and I think we could spend even more time together but they'll probably get angry when I suggest it. I really don't get the problem like. Why does it have to be a sleepover we genuenly could spend longer together any other way.

And I get I'm making things difficult but. At sleepovers I'd rather spend the least amount of time there. And idk if I should even suggest something else bc I've done so already and I think they just. Don't care.

I'm genuenly crying about this I'm so tired. Like am I in the wrong? I just don't like sleepovers.

[scalymound]

I think I'm just gonna stop talking to them about those things. Like I've already asked them a bunch of times if I could rant and they always respond with the sleepover thing. Whatever

[scalymound]

ok forget everything, the pigeon we took care of is getting fed and cared for in her new home

[scalymound]

Praying my irls and my human moots never find this account if that happens im kms

[scalymound]

Vent ahead. So fucking tired of people sometimess.

Idgaf if I'm being petty. I'm not responding to that behavior.

I just wanted to talk about something that I find interesting and that has become a bit of an obsession to me these past weeks. And I asked them if I could talk to them about it the next time we hang out. And they said I only could if it was a sleepover. Which I've made so clear, so many times, that I don't like.

I don't like sleeping at other people's houses. I only accept if it's like a special time or something, and they've been making sleepover after sleepover. And I told them I didn't want to go to any more sleepovers, at least for a while.

AND I WAS ACTUALLY EXCITED TO TALK TO THEM ABOUT THIS. The first time we started that sort of hangout where we just take turns infodumping was indeed a sleepover, but like, then we just kept doing it, after we stopped sleepovers. AND IT WORKED.

Yes it takes longer. Yes, sometimes the rant has to be continued another day. BUT IS IT REALLY THAT BIG OF A DEAL? I COULD AND HAVE GONE DAYS WITH ONLY HEARING ABOUT THEIR FIXATIONS WITHOUT HAVING TO STAY OVER AT THEIR HOUSE.

But when I want to do it then it can only happen on a sleepover

Like I get it sounds kinda petty. Especially since they're neurodivergent af and I'm one of the people that they don't get socially drained with BUT I DO GET SOCIALLY DRAINED, EVEN WITH THEM

AND THE ONE FUCKIGN MOMENT I PUT A BOUNDARY THEY IMMEDIATELY TURN TO GUILTTRIPPING AND "OHH SO YOU HATE US AND YOU DON'T WANT TO BE WITH US"

I just don't like sleepovers. Is that so fucking hard to get

And honestly if they could just ASK NICELY I might accept. I get they like to spend long times together and I could take a longer hangout every now and then. BUT THEY JUST.

Like I get I'm the punching bag of the group and I'm seriously fine with that, I get it's funny and most of the time I place myself in a position to be made fun of.

THAT DOESN'T MEAN DISRESPECTING MY BOUNDARIES OR ACTING LIKE THEY RUIN OUR DYNAMIC. THERE ARE FUCKING LIMITS AND THEY UNDERSTAND WHEN I'M NOT JOKING, YET THEY JUST KEEP SHITTING ON ME

AND I'M SO TIRED. I KEEP SUGGESTING HANGOUT IDEAS THAT DON'T DRAIN ME AS MUCH AND THAT THEY'VE NEVER COMPLAINED AGAINST.

But if I want to hang out it's always WHY DON'T WE SPEND 24 HOURS TOGETHER OH RIGHT IT'S BECAUSE YOU HATE US

Honeestly I don't even think I'm being overtly nice or permissive. I've made my boundary clear and I've refused to engage with their, for lack of a better word, ragebaiting. I keep suggesting alternatives. Why can't they just get it ffs.

If they just don't want me to talk about the things I like they can say it and I'll shut up.

[scalymound]

why am

ghhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

[scalymound]

Self indulgent fic would save me

[scalymound]

So many of my problems at 14 came from the fact that I was 14 (either hormones, inexperience or lack of autonomy)

[scalymound]

ofc my posture is bad im supposed to be a worm rn

[ashthething-deactivated20251217]

Idk what species I am anymore. All I know is that I’m not human. Idk what I want to be, or what I am.

But Y’know what sounds absolutely perfect? Being a cloaked creature that lives in the middle of the woods that doesn’t have a real face. Switching faces and limbs of different species in hopes to finally find the right fit. The thing is, it’s all the right fit, it’s just depends on the time.

…polymorph. I answered my own question.

Edit: This actually makes a lot of sense for me. Believe it or not, this is not the first time I came to the realization of me being shapeshifter/polymorph (if it’s true, it always comes back to you) I just don’t accept it for some reason. I want one species, a singular, permanent species like everyone else. But that’s not what I am.

[scalymound]

p

uddle

[scalymound]

Can anyone lend me a face ill take care of it

[cistymically-opressing]