The Scandal of Christendom

(DISCLAIMER): Any advice delivered by Her Ladyship is to be taken with a grain of salt. Or perhaps an entire barrel of salt. She is, after all, scandalous. 

[scandalousladysuggestion]

gout-coded behaviour

[scandalousladysuggestion]

hard launching my new boyfriend -prepares the trebuchet-

[gablehood]

RIP Jane Seymour you would have loved Doja Cat

Jane Seymour - Paint the Town Red

In Memoriam

[scandalousladysuggestion]

when your innocent friend tells you one of their hoe stories and the sheer level of harlotry is shocking even to you

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Royal Court Wrapped

This year you:

Had 23 enemies exiled.

Poisoned 3 people.

Engaged in 18 adulterous affairs.

Were excommunicated by 2 popes.

Wore 241 gowns.

Were executed by beheading once.

[scandalousladysuggestion]

One thing about me is I will see a man who’s a little pathetic in a hot way and failing in all of his machinations at court and I’ll ask “is anyone gonna have him sent to The Tower?” and I will not wait for a response

[scandalousladysuggestion]

me when they haven't beheaded anyone for treason in a while (shortly before i am beheaded. for treason.)

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Tips for driving your man WILD in the bedchamber:

- send him to The Tower.

[scandalousladysuggestion]

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Pray, guide me! It seems I am out of favour at court once more and my downfall is imminent. How ought I proceed?

Lay out my finest gowns and select which to wear for my impending arrest.

Send the King an impassioned letter of apology (earnest).

Send the King an impassioned letter of apology (written in poison ink).

Militarize my ladies-in-waiting and storm the palace.

Flee court as discreetly as possible (with only three carriages of finery).

Join a nunnery.

Seduce the entirety of parliament and the privy council.

Repose with a glass of wine and wait for this whole silly business to pass.

Voting ended onMar 28, 2023

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Which of my ladies in waiting will you become betrothed to?

Lady Katherine Smirthwaite. Currently residing in The Tower of London.

Dowager Baroness Joan Heck. Four-times-widowed. Care to make it five?

Madamoiselle Gabrielle de Liernolles. French, for her sins.

Lady Agnes Wailing. Interests include prayer, repenting, humility, etc...

Madonna Ginevra della Bloccare. Do not be fooled by her...

My secretary, Thomas Callowthorpe. I won't tell the church if you don't.

Lady Jane Stubbs. Well, SOMEONE has to marry her.

Voting ended onFeb 7, 2023

[scandalousladysuggestion]

A mere hour remains in which to propose a marriage, though it must be said that my ladies (and Thomas) have had no shortage of suitors this past day…

[scandalousladysuggestion]

This has become a most eventful series of proposals indeed… and in the midst of it all, it seems I must find a new secretary, as Master Callowthorpe has made his intentions clear to vacate the role and marry the richest and most influential of his many suitors. Clearly, he learned a great deal in his time in my household.

In a baffling turn, the honourable Lady Jane Stubbs, a woman one ambassador dubbed “the human equivalent of lettuce”, has become one of the most eligible women of the court. An entire wing of the palace chambers has now been given over to storing her numerous bouquets of flowers, love poems penned in her honour, and sundry other gifts from those vying to woo her.

Lastly, I should like to applaud the sense of Christian forgiveness that allowed so many of you to overlook the unfortunate circumstances of Mademoiselle Gabrielle’s nationality. Sadly, for many of you, this shall prove as little comfort, as she intends to pit all of her suitors against one another in a tournament to the death, and make the spouse her victor. I assume it a French custom, and thus shan’t intervene.

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Which of my ladies in waiting will you become betrothed to?

Lady Katherine Smirthwaite. Currently residing in The Tower of London.

Dowager Baroness Joan Heck. Four-times-widowed. Care to make it five?

Madamoiselle Gabrielle de Liernolles. French, for her sins.

Lady Agnes Wailing. Interests include prayer, repenting, humility, etc...

Madonna Ginevra della Bloccare. Do not be fooled by her...

My secretary, Thomas Callowthorpe. I won't tell the church if you don't.

Lady Jane Stubbs. Well, SOMEONE has to marry her.

Voting ended onFeb 7, 2023

[scandalousladysuggestion]

A mere hour remains in which to propose a marriage, though it must be said that my ladies (and Thomas) have had no shortage of suitors this past day…

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Alas, that I only now realise I have set the polling at a mere twenty-four hours. Ah, too late to remedy the mistake now. Thus, the ladies of my household have but a single DAY to make advantageous matches, lest they be subject to the ridicule and scorn of the court.

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Which of my ladies in waiting will you become betrothed to?

Lady Katherine Smirthwaite. Currently residing in The Tower of London.

Dowager Baroness Joan Heck. Four-times-widowed. Care to make it five?

Madamoiselle Gabrielle de Liernolles. French, for her sins.

Lady Agnes Wailing. Interests include prayer, repenting, humility, etc...

Madonna Ginevra della Bloccare. Do not be fooled by her...

My secretary, Thomas Callowthorpe. I won't tell the church if you don't.

Lady Jane Stubbs. Well, SOMEONE has to marry her.

Voting ended onFeb 7, 2023

[scandalousladysuggestion]

in disgrace at court again #justgirlythings

[scandalousladysuggestion]

Surely they can’t all be drag queens. We need some drag duchesses, drag countesses, drag marchionesses, drag alderman’s wives. The drag peerage system will fall apart if the proper order is not restored.

[scandalousladysuggestion]

its always “you murdered your husband for his fortune and his land” and “you’re a monster” and never “your black silk mourning gown looks nice” or “was the poisoning fun it looked like fun” 

[bricklebeary]