When Love Walks In - Chpt 17
Chpt 17 - Auston Chokes and Shares a Moment with Dr Quinn
For Auston, intentionally hurting this woman who saved his life, who he depends on for his future and with whom he is falling in love is deeply distressing to his soul and is affecting his body. He is about to lose his battle to hold back his tears and manage the increasing congestion that comes with them.
Dr Quinn is distressed as well. As she tries to think of how to convince Auston that she is there for him, she realizes she needs to take a moment away from him, where he won’t be able to see her tears of frustration that are about to fall. She’s afraid he will lose even more confidence in her if he sees her cry.
I want to run. Hide somewhere and get myself together. Maybe I can excuse myself and go to the washroom…No, cause then he’ll think I’m abandoning him again. For Fuck Sake! … Wait! The window!
She looks at Auston, and every instinct she has is telling her to go to him, hold him in her arms and comfort him. But I can’t! She reminds herself.
We both need a little space to collect ourselves; she tells herself.
Her lips purse and she puts up a finger to motion for Auston to give her a minute. She turns quickly and walks to look out of Auston’s room window and get herself together.
Auston knows he’s hurt her, but in that moment of her turning away, he feels rejected and frustrated. As Dr Quinn gazes out the window, Auston tries desperately to swallow the lump of congestion that has accumulated in his throat. He coughs. He has barely managed to keep up with the rapidly increasing secretions and knows now that he has lost the battle. He can’t help but panic.
He coughs again and again and again.
Oh shit! I can’t breathe! The choking comes almost immediately.
Fuck! Help me! Quinn! Help me! He yells in his head while sitting up straighter.
Hearing the coughing continue, Dr Quinn turns around to see Auston struggling and instructs him, “Auston. Cough it up.”
She hears Auston struggling and wheezing. Holy Shit! He’s choking! Where the hell’s the Suction? She looks to the place where they keep the Suction; she grabs it and turns it on.
As soon as Dr Quinn is in reach of Auston, he grabs her arm and locks his eyes on hers, pleading for her to save him.
“Auston, it’s okay. I’m here. I’ve got you. No worries Auston.” She reassures him as she gets the Suction into position.
He keeps his grip but is conscious of not hurting her. His body is telling him to panic, but his mind calms him. He knows she’ll save him.
“There you go, Auston.” She says as she suctions the last bit.
Auston’s face is red and a mess of tears.
“You’re okay now, Auston. Honey. You’re okay. Keep coughing. Get yourself comfortable. I believe I’ve got it all, but you let me know. I’ll stay right here while you settle.”
He continues to cough and hold her arm. He doesn’t want to let her go. He’s afraid she will leave him.
Okay, Auston? She looks him in the eyes with affection.
She smiles at him. “Good job, Auston.”
Their eyes stay locked on each other. They can’t process their intense feelings.
Dr Quinn instructs, “Okay Auston. Now take deep breaths with me. Ready?”
He nods, and they breathe in unison.
She smiles in relief. Auston smiles back.
“Phew eh, Auston?” She jokes.
They share a sigh of relief.
“Very good Auston. That’s it. Keep up the breaths.”
She grabs a few tissues and proceeds to dab Auston’s tears and the moisture from his face as she looks down at him with tenderness in her eyes.
Auston is in heaven while Dr Quinn fusses over him.
She tells him. “You did it, Auston!”
He’s quick to point his finger to her as his eyes stay focused on her.
She continues to dab his face and refuses to acknowledge anything she did. She feels guilty for causing the whole thing in the first place.
“Now if only I could keep you from getting upset with me. Eh?” She says nervously.
She notices Auston’s hand remains locked on her arm. She looks at it as if to gently request him to release it.
Auston knows she wants him to let go of her but realises if he does, he’ll probably never get to touch her again anytime soon.
He slowly removes his hand from her arm and shyly holds it out to her pleading silently for her to hold it.
She takes it instantly. Fuck it! The poor guy feels like he almost died and wants to hold someone’s hand. Of course, I’ll hold his hand. She tells herself.
As they hold hands, they are both swept up by the feeling. It’s as if they have finally come home. A calmness falls upon them both, and they lean into it; savouring it.
Dr Quinn leans a little closer to Auston. “Hey, Auston. I’m so sorry for not being here last week”, she whispers.
Dr Quinn wants to tell him that she realizes now that although she certainly was busy with the Medical Conference, a million other things and her dates with Scott, she used them as excuses to stay away from him. She knows now that she was trying to avoid Auston to stave off the uncomfortable questions, thoughts and potential dilemma she would be facing.
Instead, she goes the safer route, “You have a right to have felt abandoned by me, Auston. I got distracted, and it won’t happen again. I’m here for you whenever you need me. I want you to promise me, whenever you feel down or have anything at all you want to talk to me about, if I’m not here, that you’ll somehow get hold of me, get someone to page me; send me a text. Hell, send up smoke signals for all I care. Just let me know when you need me, and I’ll move heaven and earth to get to you.”
She feels the need to justify her promise to be there for Auston as the actions of a good doctor. “Heck, if Josh had ever felt abandoned by his doctor in his hour of need I would be devastated.”
“Do you hear me Auston? You are a priority. I’m sorry I let myself slip”, she repeats.
Auston calms himself down significantly as he listens to Dr Quinn. He’s thrilled that his ploy worked; even if it almost killed him. He can’t stop beaming. He is a little disappointed that Josh seems to be her reason for making him a priority. He wants to be the reason. But he’ll take what he can get.
“Well, that’s the face I like seeing on my Auston. I love your smile, Auston. It lights up the room.” She tells him as she swings his hand in hers.
He motions for his writing board that fell on the floor during his choking episode. He’ll have to let go of Dr Quinn’s hand but knows he needs to thank her.
They both let their hands slide from each other. They immediately feel a longing to retouch but do not act on it. Instead, Dr Quinn retrieves Auston’s writing board and marker for him.
He smiles at her and writes, “Thank You! Big time! For everything. I’m so very sorry I upset you earlier. Please forgive me.”
Auston truly regrets hurting her and wishes he hadn’t almost died trying to get her to make him a priority, but it seems to have worked, and for that reason alone, it was worth everything.
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