scarredy cat-herine

an intersex trans girl navigating poetry and visual art

[scarredy-cat]

every night that i have fallen asleep alone in the last 4 years

the gravity of my bed sheets pulls me in further

i grow a bit colder now

i am an iceberg off the shore of Norway now

I need you to melt me im so cold im literally shivering

  my heart slows down to exactly 6 beats per minute

the same as a blue whale 

you cannot hear it but we create

an orchestra of violins echoing softly

i wonder how we all grew so large and blue

  you desperately pick at the ice that incases me

but it grows back almost instantly

you cannot wake me up

it is not for you to do so don’t cry 

I am sinking from the weight of the ice and your eyes

i capsize

disappear into the ocean off the shore of Norway

and the waves from the turning in my sleep roll through you

and you fall into the water

  you are cold, blue and shaking as I am

you stroke my hand as we rest in my sheets

i do not mind

[scarredy-cat]

i was away for     2 hours     and no thing changed i am mad as shit please do not touch me  dont ____ me  im in love with the idea of nothin

i was cold - reeaaally cold i was really very

colder than the reflection in steel

than scalpel then scalpel

then sleep ... i was gone for     2    hours

nothing had changed i am 

changed but not? what? 

im so fucking done

touched please do not 

do not lie in my grass i am a 

million blades of ~grass~ and you

you cut scissors deep red 

with touch of 

green glove i get so sick 

latex green glove white paper room

with curtain the curtain

green curtain

hurts like alone - like sleep

quiet as my sister

i am a prescription of my sister

they pushed on

on my fucking bladder

jesus christ

it has

their handprint their

glove on me on ME

green glove on       me

on your     finger

faggot

i cried the whole/empty way home

for       2 hours      

i was go

ne and it changed 

no

thin it was my li fe it --

3000 fuck

ing dollars m

y choice

now eye

dont got

no cho-

ice cold

like table

like reflec

ton 

like

do you smoke? do you drink?

[scarredy-cat]

self portrait as an echo for painting 

[scarredy-cat]

allegory for my sister (picking apples) n.2

[scarredy-cat]

allegory for my sister (picking apples)

[scarredy-cat]

empty couch

[scarredy-cat]

self portrait within my sweater

[scarredy-cat]

self portrait in aquarium 

[scarredy-cat]

i will not bloom and she will not water me

[scarredy-cat]

i lay on the floor and cry bout how depressing my life has been i then remember that i am a literal sea cucumber wow lol

[scarredy-cat]

etymology of intersex

[scarredy-cat]

time  

[scarredy-cat]

My first love poem

I want you to fart next to me I want you to fart while we are sitting on the couch watching the x files together I want you to fart on me Then, I want you to tell me to fart on you After we have farted on and around each other I want you to kiss me like we never farted or that we have just farted a lot because either way I am still in love with you Let's take a shower together Let's take a shower and also pee in that shower we are taking together Let's make pasta While we are making pasta we will have a conversation about your mom while you are also peeing and I am watching you You are so beautiful when you pee and fart and it reminds me that I love you