i’ve never felt so loved or seen or understood by another person before. before i met her, i never knew what it was like to have someone pay attention to every detail about me. to remember what i said in passing. to keep a running list of my likes in the back of her mind. do you know what it’s like when you can communicate volumes from a glance across the room? when someone knows your tells; verbal, physical, or otherwise to the point that no matter how much you try to hide, she already knows because you already let yourself be known and to be seen? do you know what its like to fully believe with every bit of your being when she says ‘i love you’ that she means it in the only way that she can love you?
i guess that’s why i don’t understand how our texts became so sparse, our conversations nonexistent. why it feels like i’m reaching to the void every time my thumbs hover above your name when i know you’re not going to respond. i guess i’m struggling to reconcile all those mundane moments in our living room, those silly ‘what-if’ conversations, or those moments late at night when we could only rely on each other with the ‘forwarded to voicemail’s. it hurts wondering if i even cross your mind at all, if letting go of me was as easy as you made it seem.
i’ve stopped reaching out since then, but baby, how could i just forget someone who turned my burning red into a sunrise orange when i became close to you?
