“I told you! It is fine!” She managed to hide her frustration. A side of Celica most didn’t get to see. Not even Kokonoe or Ragna. But Kazuma had this effect on her… Not Hazama… Not Terumi… But Kazuma…
Then it happened… He spoke up and coaxed her to ask. Her hands slammed on the wall beside the doorway, causing the picture above it to jostle. She didn’t make any damage but she hit it hard enough to hurt.
Her head was down. “Okay, then why’d you do it? WHy’d you thrown my sister into the Boundry? Why’d you betrayed Miss Trinity? Why’d you decide it’d be a good idea to come back?” She choked out.
“Why you are playing nice with the daughter of your comrades? Why you’re okay with living with the little sister of the woman you ‘killed’ ? Why you are okay with living with a person you killed? “She pointed to him accusingly.
It was time to shed light on this. And she had her breaking moment. Celica s strong but right now Kazuma here… She had to ask. She had to ask him.
“Are you sure you want those answers?.... I thought I did.... I thought I wanted the answers to the questions I had back then... Who was I really, where did I come from, why couldn’t I remember anything other than my name?....” he said his tone calm as he closed the book and set it down looking at her.
“Why did I through Konoe into the boundary? For the same reason I allowed Terumi into my body... I hated her... I hated how she treated me, how she spoke to me... I hate her with everything I had and so death was to kind for her... she needed to suffer to go through something so terrible she would felt how I felt... lost, unable to recall her old self... drifting alone with nothing but torment to accompany you.... that’s what Terumi told me at least. Celica everything that happened after the fight with the black beast started because I wanted answers.” he said bluntly letting out a sigh his expression shifting from an unrepentant one to one of sorrow.
“I did it because I felt alone... Terumi had come to me offering answers to my questions, claiming he could help me remember who I really was if I just did as he asked.... and I turned him away. This happened time and time again, finally I went to the one person in all of Ishana I thought would know what to do... your sister. Do you know what she said? Do it... be Terumi’s vessel so that I could at least be of some use. She said that she could use Terumi’s knowledge for something she was working on, and that it would be better to have him around than me.... so I did.... I became his vessel and your sister used her mind eater in hopes to control me and him... but it only worked on him... I could still act on my own free will. Do you know what it is like to have a man like Yuuki Terumi in your head? Whispering constantly about how everyone you know distrust you and is keeping secrets from you? Saying your best friend that you care so much for is just around you because she is ‘following orders’ from the woman who hates you? That is why after the war at Terumi’s suggestion I had Trinity remove the mind eater... and killed her... because I felt betrayed. That is why I threw Nine into the boundary, because I felt alone and hated.... I did it because I got my answers.... and they were that no one cared about me and I was simply a tool to be used.” he spoke quietly, his voice echoed with guilt and sorrow. “As for why I came back....”
He looked away now, his gaze looking out of one of the windows. “After Terumi and I fought Jubei and Hakumen.... Hakumen dragged us into the boundary where I suffered endlessly... I felt my suffering and fears, and Terumi’s... then a I saw a light.... and next thing I new Terumi was gone.... having left me in the boundary having found his own way out and leaving me behind like trash.... no longer hearing his voice in my head, through all the suffering I thought on everything I had done.... and realized how horrible of a mistake I had made... and so I vowed that I would find a way to escape the boundary... and try to attone for what I did... even if it cost me my life.... that is why I am back.”
“And as for why I am working with Kokonoe... It is because even knowing all I did... she gave me a chance and offered to help me in my objective. Because for the first time I felt like I had an actual friend... like I wasn’t alone. She was honest with me and willing to give me a chance so I am more than willing to help her.... and because of that I am here at her request. There was no longer enough room for me in her lab so she suggested I stay with you. She said if I really want to make up for what I did I have to start by seeking forgiveness from those who I wronged that are still alive... or around at least.” he answered honestly.
The truth was Kazuma didn’t want to be here. He didn’t want to have to be around the woman he took so much from. He felt that out of everyone from that time... he did the worst things to Celica. Taking away her family and friends... betraying her and taking away her only family she had left the leaving her without even a reason why it happened. Then he realized her last question... Living with a person he killed?!?
“Celica... I... I didn’t kill you.” he said in more of a confused voice than anything looking at her now with a questioning stare. He knew that after everything he said it likely only made the girl hate him even more.... and that the fact he didn’t kill her didn’t matter and would likely not be the focus of her response.