ruh roh

twenty-something lesbian (she/her)

[risk-repeater]

this job market is a fucking nightmare

[lovingrot]

viciously and fatally attacked by an unknown animal at Claire’s

[wherehipposdrome]

that was no animal, that was Claire herself

[regbian-moved-to-lezbianz]

the claire witch project

[candyredterezii]

[tylostoma]

[while being redirected to another website] woah woah hey easy now hey stop it what the hell get your hands off me man

[absolutegibberishandnumbers]

jokes to make after failure that aren’t self-deprecating:

I’m the best to ever do it

Nobody saw that (best if said loudly)

No one’s ever done it like me

I could be President/they should make me President

Behold, a mere fraction of my power!

The public wants to be me soooooo bad

I’m an expert in (thing you just failed at)

How could this have happened to god’s favorite princess?

Nothing ibuprofen and a glass of water cant fix

I’m being sabotaged

[trin-santos]

I miss the orphan black fandom. everyone was equally wild and unhinged. most of us were gay. we were all obsessed with a character who died less than 5 minutes into the first episode. somehow, the fandom unanimously decided 2 particular clones were in love based on like 3 specific quotes and a vision from god, I guess?? people also shipped all of the clones in varying combinations. not one normal bitch to be found in this fandom. it was so good.

[dgeometric]

I brought 2 cans of Dr. Pepper to a friend's party and we poured them into a saucepan to make hot Dr. Pepper, but it turned out we didn't like hot Dr. Pepper so we decided to keep it on the burner and reduce it down to Dr. Pepper syrup and then mixed that with soda water to make reconstituted Dr. Pepper, which it turned out we also didn't like

[crabanarchy]

I can tell my evil advisor has been feeling down lately so I've been pretending to take big sips from his cursed chalice and then roaming the palace grounds groaning and clutching my abdomen. Lowkey I know it's deceptive but I can tell it's really cheering him up. I heard him evilly cackle for the first time in weeks. WIBTA if I keep doing this

[uncahier]

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

crush totally wasn't impressed by my miraculous flying machine fml

[kidzbopdeathgrips]

oh my god i just saw her get onto an airship with a woman whose tophat has at least twice as many sprockets as mine. i will be killing myself with an elaborate pneumatic pistol tonight

[lavenderlion]

I love you, crowsfeet; I love you, gray hairs; I love you, sun spots; I love you, smile lines; I love you, crinkle between my eyebrows; I love you, crooked smile; I love you, visible signs of a life lived

[davinaclaires]

SCOOBY-DOO 2: MONSTERS UNLEASHED 2004, dir. Raja Gosnell

[zootycoon-archive]

i got these knockoff boots online and instead of the brand name on the tag they have the name of an apparently nonexistent martin scorsese movie??? what the fuck

[loseremo]

[syzygy-yzygy]

THE ORIGINAL? ON MY DASH

[this-too-too-sullied-flesh]

this post led to a series of events that had martin scorsese himself reacting to his alleged movie goncharov and it has less than 400k notes almost 3 years later?

[cuunos]

being a kid and hearing adults say stuff like "woah 2011 was 4 years ago haha" didn't really convey the fucking horror of a youtube video crossing my recommended labelled "9 years ago" and it's from 2017. that's not true. 9 years ago is 2010 or something. don't lie.

[striders]

kind of a milf.

[striders]

none needed brother

[angrysexyshortstack]

Cis people simply don’t understand that the entire harry potter franchise is basically a hate symbol these days

[dogpuppy]

[technofinch]

I have GOT to stop spending $30