yikes

20. Scotland.

[ftafp]

So, fun fact for all of you history dorks, but you know that legend about Cleopatra being so rich and trashy that she would drink her wine with crushed up pearls in it?

Pearls are mostly Calcium Carbonate. When they mix with acids (such as those in wine) they produce carbon dioxide like little balls of fancy alkaseltzer.

What Im saying is, call Cleopatra a trashy hoe all you want, but she was the trashy hoe who invented instant champagne. Bitch was living in 3018 while everyone else was in 18

[itdidntscandoesitsmeanitsfree]

[thelightsoffame]

[sailingaugust]

“I’ll never forget the day Marilyn and I were walking around New York City, just having a stroll on a nice day. She loved New York because no one bothered her there like they did in Hollywood, she could put on her plain-jane clothes and no one would notice her. She loved that. So as we we’re walking down Broadway, she turns to me and says ‘Do you want to see me become her?’ I didn’t know what she meant but I just said ‘Yes’- and then I saw it. I don’t know how to explain what she did because it was so very subtle, but she turned something on within herself that was almost like magic. And suddenly cars were slowing and people were turning their heads and stopping to stare. They were recognizing that this was Marilyn Monroe as if she pulled off a mask or something, even though a second ago nobody noticed her. I had never seen anything like it before.” 

- Amy Greene, wife of Marilyn’s personal photographer Milton Greene

[rivermusic]

[nuevayor]

x

[nuevayor]

Everything about this is a masterpiece: the girl that says “wow” and the girl that says “hi” shyly and bill awkwardly lifting his hand to say hi to them I’m cracking THE FUCK UP

[sympolite]

…i think i finally know what constitutes platonic bdsm.

[sympolite]

so, before i begin explaining, have any of you ever watched Jackass?

[great-tweets]

WOW

[king-emare]

this was perfect

[moodyspacebabe-deactivated20180]

NOT ONE MINUTE MAN LMFAO

[bumbleshark]

once these nails dry……bitch..

[firbolgonmain]

Hey Chelsea you ever think about that wild bitch from Holes who painted her nails with rattlesnake venom and clawed a motherfucker across the face?

[bumbleshark]

that was a very special moment for my young lesbian ass, thankyou for reminding me

[outofcontextanimash]

[floozys-deactivated20180908]

is this stitch’s girlfriend somehow edited over princess tiana’s frog body? i’m actually going to pass out

[outofcontextanimash]

she’s your therapist and she’s trying to help you bitch

[sansastlark]

childhood movies [3/∞]

the aristocats, 1970

[valtsv]

power move: saying “that’s treason” every time someone does something that mildly inconveniences you

[bigot-tears]

Donald Trump ghostwrote this

[valtsv]

awfully bold of you to assume trump could spell ‘inconveniences’

[succubarbie-deactivated20190205]

if u hate kids… u need to really look inside urself and find out why you’re mad at a bunch of kids.. they’re kids.. they’re literally just tiny people that are new to the world and they’re sweet souls who are learning about the world they live in. how are u a grown ass adult and angry at kids for existing. embarrassing… tragic. fix urself. fix ur life. quit being bitter and mad at a buncha toddlers chilling and eating like goldfish and learning their abc’s just bc a kid realized ur an asshole and called u on it lmao

[scottish-lesbian]

Clearly someone who has never worked on the kids floor in a store

[frenchfrysplash]

fanfic: this character has had several bottles of hard liquor and they’re just slurring their speech slightly and for some reason are not in the hospital with alcohol poisoning

me: ….you’ve literally never had a drink in your life have you

[animal-factbook]

Timmy was always a bit different from the other ostriches

[00432381-deactivated20180201]

I love him

[owarim]

[ambris]

Please, never let this meme die.

[silkirose]

This is the best one I’ve seen so far

[wizardshark]

What kind of quantum fucking memeing from 2056 are you people beaming to us

[c-ptsdofficial]

me, forcing myself to ask for help, hands trembling, voice shaking: im not feeling so good my sweet dude *finger guns*

[accras]

“This video of this adorable little girl encouraging her Dad while he tries to do her hair, is just what we needed to brighten up our day.” [X]

[startrekrenegades]

[Dad: How’m I doing on your hair? Child: Good! Dad: Let’s see, do I need more grease? Child: Yes. You need more grease on there. Dad: More grease? And then what? Child: And then you gonna need to brush it, and then you put a band on there. Dad: A band on it? Child: Yeah! Dad: Aww.. Child: You’re getting it through! You’re almost done! You’re doing a good job! Dad: Aww, thank you, sweetheart, so much! Daddy’s trying, doing the best I can. Thank you so much. Child: You’re welcome! Dad: I’m almost done! Child: You been doing great! Dad: Aw baby, thank you so much, you’re so encouraging to Dad. Thank you. Child: You’re welcome. Dad: I really appreciate you so much. You’re so awesome. Daddy getting your ponytails ready for school.]

[gardnerhill]

Interrupting all the political ugliness to make you melt with cute.

[sangrexderramada]

Me as a father

[black-to-the-bones-deactivated2]

this is so pure

[valerie1972]

Kids that age are parrots of tone and phrasing. So the whole bit with “You’re getting it through! You’re almost done! You’re doing a good job!” means that there is at least one adult, if not more, in her life that regularly talks to her that way.

Everything about this video makes me happy.