I didn’t always use to live here.
I’ve tried many times before but always failed. The forest can be scary. The forest is massive. Which way should I go? What if I get lost? The thing about the forest is that it is full of life. Many different creatures live in the forest. Some can be dangerous, but most are harmless just going about their day doing what they do. The forest is also full of plants. From enormous trees to tiny mosses and flowers. I realized the plants in the forest, especially the trees represented my thoughts and ideas. Each one a different creative outlet. The forest is my mind.
It’s not necessary to have only one creative outlet or to work on only one idea at a time. The thing about the forest is all of the different forms of life, they all live and work together. They ARE the forest.
There is no path in the forest or if there is I probably shouldn’t follow it. A hiking trail that goes through the forest is a predetermined route created by what another person thought was the best path to travel. If I stand in the forest the ideas can be endless. I can go in any direction I choose. Maybe the creatures of the forest represent obstacles or difficulties that surround the ideas and hinder my creation. Most of them are not a big deal. Minor annoyances that try to throw me off my game plan. However, some are big and fearsome. If I freeze and don’t move, eventually they will move on and I will be left in the silence and peace of the forest. When I set aside my fears the forest is not scary. It’s a beautiful space in which I can energize and live with the intention I choose. I am learning to embrace the forest, sit in silence and hear what it has to say. When I feel the urge to run back to the safety of the path and follow it out of the forest, I remember I have a compass and can go in any direction I want.
I know there will be darkness in the forest. I will be paralyzed by my fear. Anxiety will swirl around my mind and tell me to run and hide. It will tell me to get out of the forest. In the past I would run, I would leave the forest and not return. The call of the forest is strong though, and I would want to return. I knew something was missing in my life. I would eventually pack a new bag and enter the forest again thinking this time I will not fail.
The last time I entered the forest I fell down a steep embankment. I fell into a dark hole. The kind of darkness that swallows all light and wrapped me in a blanket of blind suffocation. I was in this dark, dank space covered in slim and alone. It was so dark I couldn’t see my compass. I just laid in the mud and wondered if this was the end. Should I even bother trying to find my way back? Months had passed and I was still in the dark. I no longer cared about finding the way out. There was safety there in the dark. Then Something happened. A flash or spark of light pierced the darkness like a thin web of a spider. I wasn’t sure where it came from, but a sense of fear quickly filled me. I heard a voice tell me this is not the place you want to be. I was unsure of how to get out, but I decided I would build a house and live there in the dark. I would surrender to the dark until I had a plan. the house was small, a single room with a single-window. Most days I sat by the window staring out at a tiny sliver of light. I waited for something to happen. But nothing ever did. I realized no one was coming to help me. No one even knew I was down here in my mud house and darkness.
Then one day, I had the idea to build stairs and climb out. This seemed like the most obvious plan ever and I felt like a moron for not thinking of it sooner. I starting creating steps out of the mud. One by one I built the staircase that carried me back to the forest floor. As I lay on the forest floor amongst the moss and ferns and little insects, I took the biggest breath and felt excited and grateful to be back in the forest. I was dirty and beaten down. Every inch of my body was sore, but I was hopeful. I was moving with a greater intention than ever before. Moving from tree to tree and realizing this is where I belong.