do you guys wanna hear about the funniest thing that happened to me since I’ve been gone?
of course you do. A series of events:
1. I thought I was home alone. My stepmom thought she was home with just my dad.
2. I emerged from my room to get a snack.
3 I was in my element. I was singing I Don’t Love You and pretending I’d been dumped and my friends had taken me to the bar and I was drunk and doing it on Karaoke. I even stumbled a little for emphasis.
4. My stepmom comes out of the bedroom, (she still thought she was home with my dad) wearing lingerie and holding fur handcuffs and says “you wanna come to bed?”
5. I scream. she drops the handcuffs.
6. She asks me what i was doing. I ask her what she was doing. We agree never to speak of it.
7. My dad gets home. He finds his daughter kitchen table almost in tears (I never cry). The dog is running around with the handcuffs in her mouth. His wife is in the bedroom wearing lingerie. Neither of us will tell him what happened.
8. I’ll never be the same person again.
