Script LGBT

Answering LGBT+ questions for storytellers. Inspired by the Script Medic, part of the ScriptFamily. If the ask box appears to be closed, please wait until it opens to ask anything. Links for mobile

[scriptlgbt]

If I write an intersex character but give zero details on how they're intersex, fully pass as a binary gender while fully clothed and use typical pronouns you'd expect from one, there's nothing plotwise has anything to do with them being intersex, is that representation? There's a few mentions that simply acknowledge the fact though you could go like 50k words without a mention.

Representation exists on a gradient, and every intersex person has a different experience (even two people with the same way of being intersex). There are a lot of people who go their entire lives without knowing they are intersex, and there are a lot of people for whom this is an incredibly forefront and unavoidable part of their lives.

I think as an author it's probably a good idea to have an idea in your head around how your character is intersex, so that these mentions make sense and are consistent with that. But you don't need to go in depth about that on screen so to speak, if it doesn't make sense for the setting.

I think when it comes to representation in general, a key aspect of this is audience members with a given identity feeling recognized or relating to the character in some way. A lot of people will probably appreciate this kind of rep. Some people aren't going to see themselves in this character too, and that's normal.

Is it representation or not? I think it's on the continuum.

mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Hello, I am someone who does worldbuilding as a hobby. Recently, I have come across a problem: I struggle with knowing whether to make a culture homophobic/transphobic/etc. I don't want every culture in my world to be super prejudiced, that's not realistic and also too edgy, but this project isn't meant to be idealistic either. Google has been unhelpful with this. Do you perhaps have some resources on this subject? Or is this the kind of situation where I can make whatever up? Thank you.

You can kind of just make whatever up, but there are a lot of caveats. I think that if you feature these things, I think it's important to write individual beliefs of individual people as separate and not totally reliant on a status quo. In reality, there are a lot of cultures that people refer to as homophobic but who are as homophobic as colonial-western cultures but they have varying approaches to what this looks like. I have heard of people who generally feel accepted in their communities but it's still taboo to be super out and proud. Their neighbours just see it as a normal part of life, if odd. This can be on the spectrum of homophobia but it can also be just a cultural thing to be particularly private.

I think it's also important to ask yourself why you are depicting certain things, and if it actually serves the story (if you have a story). There are some people who want to write about some really violent things for their own personal gratification (dead dove: do not eat type stuff) and I think if you're in any way presenting your worldbuilding stuff to the public in some capacity it's important to be mindful of how people who have experienced these things would feel.

I think that you can also definitely walk into racist stuff if you're not careful, especially if you're depicting certain cultures as enlightened or behind others. (Usually, in reality, when a culture is deemed "behind" or "developing" it is specifically according to measures of western imperialism and what is seen.)

Social "progressiveness" is not actually as linear as people think. There are social environments where people are really good about things like disability justice because being disabled is more common, but maybe they are queerphobic in some way, or maybe they're weirdly medicalizing about some populations. Maybe there's cultures that are very in favour of sex workers' liberation but see it as a job for primarily queer people, or primarily allocishet people, etc. Maybe there's something else going on. There's a lot of different moving parts. The experiences of me as a trans person in so-called Ontario, Canada, are different than the experiences of a trans person in so-called Vermont, USA. We may have a generally similar experience but there are slight differences in things like population, resources, histories, geography, laws, accessibility, cultural context, etc. On the surface, I think we have a lot in common, but I'm still not going to relate to American summer camp culture, and the demographics we each grew up around are totally different because these two countries have barred different migrant populations in different numbers over time, and have slightly different (if similar) approaches to things like the school to prison pipeline, the troubled teen industry, etc, and most notably, most Canadians are more familiar with USA news about the trans panic than we are about our local situation, unless we are experiencing it or going out of our way to research this information.

I think you have a lot of creative freedom with this. I can answer more specific questions if they come up, but I think my best advice is just to research queer experience in different places from the source (queer people speaking about their own experiences). Don't just take into account the raw information, but also the sort of mood of what people feel and how they express themselves, and how they feel they can express themselves. The experiences of two people in the same place with the same identities may still have different opinions and feelings and experiences too. What people say to people outside of their community may also differ from what people say to each other.

tl;dr generalizing what queerphobia and acceptance look like or is defined as can impact the quality of your writing.

mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

I have a story where one of the two couples is between a demiromantic bisexual man and a biromantic asexual woman.

He has a much higher sex drive than she does, so they mutually agree to an open relationship so he can be satisfied sexually and she won't feel forced to engage in something she's not that interested in. I'm a little worried that this situation will fall into the "bisexuals are always going to cheat" stereotype. Can I avoid this by making it crystal clear that it is an open relationship, they both agreed to it, and there's no doubt in the woman's mind that he will stay emotionally faithful to her?

(In terms of the man in the relationship falling into the "slutty bisexual" trope, my plan to avoid the negative aspects of this stereotype is that the other couple is between two bisexual women who are not nearly as sexually active as he is)

I think this approach should be fine in terms of the goals you've stated here! But I think there are some practicalities to take into account, particularly if they have sex with each other as part of their relationship. (It may be different but not totally care free if sex is not part of their relationship.)

A lot of people entering into sexually open relationships from a previously monogamous relationship end up facing things they didn't initially consider. If someone has a really high libido, and is specifically having other sex partners to satisfy that, but is also expecting to be romantically (or "emotionally") monogamous, that's going to be a difficult balance, depending on how high the libido. Most people who have sex with many different sexual partners are generally advised to take PreP and DoxyPreP these days to prevent STBBI transmission, but these things still don't completely prevent this from being a risk, they just prevent specific infections from being a risk. (For a lot of people, regular testing is also required to be on PreP anyway.) Barriers are also helpful, but you can still use a barrier and get herpes on other parts of your body, just for instance. This might not be as much of a risk depending on the spectrum of how much your character is seeking out other sexual partners. Some people have 7 partners a week, some have none ever, some have 1 a month, some have a lot in a short span of time based on opportunity and then go a long span without. Everyone is different. If you're wondering whether your characters should be on PreP, I would do some research on who PreP is recommended for, and decide if they qualify.

A lot of people subvert this risk by having the same regular ongoing sex partners. If your character opts for the latter, this might mean they could potentially catch feelings. Maybe not on purpose, but in a real world scenario, sometimes this just happens. It's not something that makes someone any less in love with their partner, but it can happen and is worth being emotionally prepared for.

Obviously as a writer you have discretion around what kind of experiences your characters have, but this is some stuff that would indicate to me that it's something the author thought out well and researched.

I would also not phrase nonmonogamy as "unfaithfulness." I haven't done a ton of research on this, but I think this way of referring to nonmonogamy (whether nonconsensual or consensual) is kind of rooted in some Christian hegemony stuff around adultery as a sin and a sign of not having faith in a covenant you make with god. (Correct me if I'm wrong.) Otherwise you're golden on the wording front. 👌

I think when it comes to negative aspects of portraying promiscuity, I think that the book The Ethical Slut might be something to take a gander at. It's a pretty dated book honestly, but there's some good stuff in there about being emotionally accountable to the people you tangle with. The podcast Multiamory (and probably their book, but I haven't read the book) are also amazing resources. I've heard good things about Polysecure and Polywise too but also haven't read those yet, and I'm not sure if they include general nonmonogamy in what they cover so much as polyamory specifically. (Maybe someone can reply/reblog who knows.)

I hope this helps some.

mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Hi, I created two trans AFAB characters in a futuristic sci-fi setting, one is a binary trans man (Haron) and the other is non-binary (Nestor). Do you think having Nestor (who was openly trans back then) introduce the concept of being transgender to Haron who was simply having a masculine gender expression , while they were both kids, a good idea? For context: Haron sort of felt like he was indeed trans but did not really understand what it meant until he talked it out with Nestor.

I don't see anything wrong with this personally! Every trans person's egg cracks differently.

There is an etiquette surrounding introducing these ideas to individuals though. This is the etiquette that I try to honour if I think a friend of mine may be trans, but doesn't know it yet.

Don't tell anyone who they are.

Don't tell them who you think they are - they are the authority on this, and your place as a supportive person is to trust their own process and expertise.

Your identity and experience is not theirs, but may be able to help them add data points together to help frame their own experience. Phrases that sort of channel this vibe: "I used to feel that way too," "That wasn't my experience, but I know other people who feel that way. You're not alone." "This is how getting misgendered feels like for me personally." "This is what ultimately made me realize I was trans. Not that it has to mean that for you if you don't feel that way, this was just my experience."

Just straight up don't assume anything, and make sure they know you aren't assuming anything about what they do with the information you give them about transness (your own personal info or otherwise), if anything.

Understand that there are people of every gender identity who can do anything. A cis woman can choose to get top surgery. A cis man can use she/her pronouns. There are people of every gender (and lack thereof!!!) who relate to everything they wear like it's an art project, or a drag show, or a rebellion, or a thing of complete indifference. There are people who want 3 boob!!!! Gender is whatever you want it to be. There is no prescription you have to follow about it. You don't have to commit to the whole of everything people expect just because one day you want to cut your hair a certain way and experiment with a different name. You are allowed to have freedom, and it doesn't have to mean anything. I'm dating a man who uses she/her pronouns right now! There are people who take hormones who identify as cis. There are people who identify as lesbian bears. There are trans people that never come out and there are trans people who come out and don't change anything about their expression, name, pronouns, etc.

Maintain a vibe of openness, enthusiasm, and support. Let your friend take the reigns on their own experience.

"Let me know if anything changes."

Don't call anyone an egg (unless they tell you that's okay - and only after they opt to self-refer that way).

Trust the pronouns, etc that someone gives you today. Don't go making assumptions that someone would actually prefer pronouns they never said they wanted, just because they are dressing a certain way now, etc.

Basically respect and celebrate where people are at, and don't push anyone who is questioning into any particular conclusion, and don't push anyone into questioning. Just maintain an openness.

All this said, I think at some point there are some people (in reality) that didn't really pick up on the memo about this etiquette. Sometimes people are jerks, and sometimes people don't mean to be jerks, but still make assumptions and projections that they think might be helpful but maybe aren't. When it comes to writing fiction, you get to figure out how your characters would approach this topic, and what you want to communicate to the readers about it.

mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Sorry if this is a silly question, but is it a problem to write bisexual characters being in polyam relationships?

I have a group of characters in my story and two of them start dating, and then one of them reunites with her childhood friend/first crush. I wanted to subvert the "Girl has to chose between hot guy and childhood friend" thing and have them end up in a bi4bi4bi polyam relationship instead.

But I just saw a post talking about how it's a bad if bisexual characters are dating/having sex with multiple people because it reinforces the stereotype that bisexuals are greedy.

Is that even a thing? I know that there's a stereotype that bisexuals are cheaters or promiscuous but I don't think I've ever seen a show/movie with a polyam relationship, let alone a polyam relationship with a bisexual character(s).

As a bi polyamorous person, I think the idea that polyamory is some kind of stereotype, or bisexuality is some kind of stereotype, inherently is someone pigeonholing those identities in a harmful way. It sounds like whoever made that post thinks that polyamory implies greed, when it doesn't. It's just a relationship format. It works for some people and for others it doesn't.

There are so many real life people that will probably feel represented by this kind of work. There also already is some representation with mspec (bi/pan/otherwise multiple-gender-attracted people) polyamory out there and they write it pretty well. Iron Widow by Xiran Jay Zhao is one great example of this I think. Really Cute People by Markus Harwood-Jones is another example of a queer triad of everyone being mspec.

Basically, I wouldn't worry about it. Some people who have misunderstandings about polyamory or bisexuality may feel weird about it, but I think that stems from their own ignorance. Neither of those things make someone greedy or entitled. Polyamory is not being careless with other people's hearts, it's not being entitled, etc. (Though there are people who call themselves polyamorous who haven't done much inner work, who may be like that.) If you're really concerned, you can always add some monogamous bi rep in there in passing, but I don't think it's necessary in order to make the main bi4bi4bi triad good representation.

mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

How should I show that a character's nonbinary when they themselves don't know? Should I even do it if they'll just be misgendered the whole story?

They're born in the early 70s (when the main story takes place they're 22). They have trans relatives but I don't think they know there are options beyond (a) staying their AGAB, (b) transitioning to the other binary gender, or (c) drag, which isn't really their thing.

I want to make it deeper than "they think gender roles are stupid" but I don't know where to start in portraying an nb egg.

[I'm assuming a lot about the culture of the particular 70s you're referring to. My POV is that I am "canadian" and much of my own personal knowledge of transness in this era comes from research in US archives. YMMV when it comes to places outside the heavily American sphere of cultural influence.]

So first of all, the 70s had a bit of a renaissance of androgyny. A common thing I'll see in advice columns of the era is someone asking what to do as a customer service worker when they "can't tell" what gender they think someone is, because of their hairstyle and the way they are dressed. I imagine there probably were a lot of people who took refuge in that ambiguity. A fro, a pageboy haircut, all these are something that people of any gender (not necessarily every texture but I digress) could wear.

Secondly, I figured out I was nonbinary before I knew it existed, before I had the words for it. (Though the term genderqueer was the in vogue one in the community at the time I figured my stuff out.) It's just that I sort of saw it as, "hmmm, well, I feel kind of between these things." And I think I'd seen it as sort of "half-trans" until I really understood transness better. (Note: this was for like a week tops.) I also went through a period of time a few years before this where I just sort of saw myself as a crossdresser (not drag - just someone who chooses to dress and cut their hair as they are comfortable and feel happy), but like, that as my gender identity, if that makes sense. I didn't have access to community of other people who felt like I did in order to compare to. But at the time, this also meant that when I talked about my feelings with others, they wouldn't have the same hangups about what it would mean for them if they said they felt the same. There were a lot of people I talked to in 2011ish who basically said they experienced gender as I did, only, I don't think most of them would understand for another 4 years at least.

One day I'd like to post more info about nonbinary history (especially in the 70s), but I'm just dumping info at this point. Something I will suggest for more on the topic is reading Lou Sullivan's diary, and reading autobiographies from trans people who were alive then. Even when they weren't out, they still existed, and lived in a world where they were carving out spaces for themselves.

To my understanding also, a lot of trans culture at the time sort of distinguished "transvestite" (trans people generally? but who haven't accessed medical transition) and "transsexual" (trans people who have or are intending to transition medically). Trans people of every variety might change gender expression based on their outness or the safety they had, and this didn't make them less seen as trans per se. A lot of people who ID'd either way (though more for "transvestite") would have a variety of approaches to things like name and pronouns. If this were the dominant terminology of the time that I were figuring things out, I'd probably have called myself a transvestite, though I would have likely been questioning the transsexual label for a while and ultimately not been able to access medical transition. (Though it depends on when in the 70s iirc - there was a time earlier on where it was easier to access I believe, but I'd need to fact check.)

In terms of general nonbinary egg mode stuff, or at least egg for an era where being nonbinary is not widely known to be a thing, here's some 'signs' (some are just straight up "that's canon if you put that in") I've brainstormed.

admiring specific fashion trends and looks that are gender nonconforming or androgynous (especially celebrities - maybe glam rock musicians, Joan Jett) (Joan Jett was huge for egg me personally...)

finding a lot of different ways to express how they feel in words (the "man/woman in a woman/man's body" phrasing is something that has historically bugged me, but people have used it throughout history) (more examples, dependant on the person, "I feel just as un/comfortable in my body and the way people see me as I would if I'd been born differently." "It's not a wo/man's haircut, it's mine." "I feel like a guy among my guy friends and a girl among my girl friends." "I feel uncomfortable when I go out with my partner and we are assumed to be straight/gay, though I don't know why." "I really enjoyed breeches roles when I did theatre in high school." "It felt good when I was mistaken for a woman.")

referring to themselves in their head with neutral terms

having dreams where they are recognized as themselves

feeling at home around trans people and queer people in general

watching or listening to certain songs/movies/etc that feel Gender for them over and over again

some kind of fixation on facial hair/other body part or lack thereof

it feeling different when different people use gendered terminology for the character (ex: a conservative Girl Guide leader calling everyone "ladies" vs a gay man saying "hey girl"). this is usually to do with what it's assumed the speaker's assigned meaning to the word is.

Re: misgendering through the whole story. A really convenient way to curb this would be to just have the character feel like the way they are (mis)gendered is also a part of their identity, it just isn't the whole picture. Another thing I sort of thought of in my early years was like, if people think I'm a woman, at least they understand there is something off about it. Whether they think I'm a butch lesbian or intersex (which was very regularly assumed throughout my life, at least until the general public started to catch wind of genderqueer identities). It matters to me that they at least understand my approach to gender is queer.

Another approach would be to have the story written from a distant past tense where the reader knows the identity of the character, because everything is told in distant hindsight. This is my favourite approach personally.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

ALSO sorry I'm spamming but how much of the major characters should I make to be canonically queer? I want this story to be the thing that makes conservatives cry "forced diversity"

ESPECIALLY underrepresented and commonly erased queer identities. I want everyone to feel represented by my story, not just to piss off randos on Twitter

also if you have tips that go beyond the bare minimum I will be very happy!!!!!!!!!!

This ask and another one you sent are from last summer (I am So sorry - am working through these slowly) and I am going to answer one at a time for my own capacity reasons.

There is no limit on the amount of queer characters! This is completely your creative discretion. We have a lot of general advice in the backlog of this blog and I highly recommend going through the search function on our page for specific identities or experiences or topics. Beyond bare minimum usually would involve doing enough research on many different ways people in real life have experienced some thing or identity, and also having an ongoing relationship with people in those communities in general. Not just for literary reasons, but to actually trying to understand what it means to be in community with these folks for its own sake. It ends up coming a lot more naturally over time, to know how to show your care for others in your writing. Imagine your own loved ones as the people you are writing for. Not just a hypothetical audience, but a real one. You are writing characters that could be real people, and it's sometimes helpful to think about how they'd be in the spaces you're familiar with.

Maybe that is bare minimum, I don't know. That's probably subjective. But I hope it's helpful.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Any resources for writing intersex smut? Particularly intersex smut that doesn't accidentally fetishize the intersex aspect of things?

Topic: writing smut, genitalia mention.

This is going to depend on what way your character is intersex. For a lot of intersex people, being intersex doesn't impact their sex life at all, and you would only know that they were intersex if they told you. I think you may be specifically thinking of people with ambiguous genitalia(?), in which case I would advise starting with learning more about intersex variations (specifically the million ways that genitalia can vary, who experiences those variations more often and how that relates or doesn't to their hormones, genetics, etc) and how that actually occurs before jumping in the deep end with writing smut featuring more noticeably intersex bodies.

The broadest advice I can give for writing smut with genital variations is to understand that basically all human genitalia, no matter what the genitalia looks like internally or externally, starts out more or less the same (from the same original tissue) in the womb. A phallus is a phallus, the Skene's gland and the prostate are the same organ formed under different conditions in slightly different locations, etc. Hormones can influence the way that these things grow or feel or function. Everyone is an individual with different likes and dislikes. But in general, think about things like where nerves and sensations are more likely to be concentrated.

As for avoiding fetishization: keep in mind that fetishization removes the individual from the equation, and you want to specifically account for the whole 3D person, their wholeness, their likes, dislikes, mannerisms, dreams and desires to avoid that. It's not just A Spectacle. Sex is an exchange between people. They have lives separate from this specific scene.

I realize these are broad answers for a broad question, but hopefully that's a decent jumping off point. I'm personally not super familiar with resources with advice on writing smut specifically, but hopefully someone else knows or can jump in to advise.

[scriptlgbt]

author of the "polyamorous person with endgame monogamous relationship" question here - thank you so much! your answer gave me lots to think about! if it's alright, i thought i might share some further ideas i had (after sending in the ask) for tweaking the way i was writing the relationship:

have the character's partner explicitly ask "are you ok with doing monogamy, i know it's not how you usually operate in relationships"

making the endgame relationship non-normative in other ways (i definitely can see them being more queerplatonic for example)

having the poly character more strongly advocate for their own lifestyle - like maybe they acknowledge that some parts of their own behavior were trauma-based, but mentioning they have other friends who are more healthy about it (i hesitate to add another explicitly poly character because the story's cast is very small, but perhaps something like this could have a similar effect?)

This sounds pretty good to me! I think you could even just have the first and third bullet point without the middle one and be fine.

In general when I give the advice to add another character of a given demographic for a balance, I'm usually including minor characters mentioned even just once in my head, as long as the representation is acknowledged enough to actually be a foil. You don't need to add a new character on-screen, so to speak, it still makes a difference to have people spoken about in some three dimensional way. I think the important thing is that a reader doesn't walk away thinking there's some kind of universal experience of people who dabble in polyamory or who are polyamorous ourselves. I hope that makes sense!

I think it might also be a good idea to have a kind of buffer period of self introspection of like, "hmm yeah I could do monogamy" independently of it being a relationship expectation. It might help readers who would otherwise be invested in polyamorous representation, adjust to the character ending up in a monogamous relationship in the end.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

hi! cool to see you posting again! i have an issue in a story i'm writing that i'd love a second opinion on. one of my main characters is bisexual + polyamorous + fairly promiscuous, in a way where it's strongly implied their promiscuity is a way to cope with sexual trauma. at the end of the story they end up in a healthy monogamous relationship. i am also bi/poly and am not a big fan of stories where someone's non-normative relationship lifestyle is implicitly harmful - with this, it feels like i'm falling into a "normal romance/being less slutty would save them!" trap. can you think of any ways to tweak this plot to feel less Like That without removing any aspects of the character's identity (or their endgame monogamous relationship)?

Thank you! I'm glad to be posting again.

Great question. I think the easiest solution whenever you think you might be representing some given identities poorly (because of some normal life thing), would be to have another character of the same identity/identities who comes into themselves differently. Maybe there's a character who realizes that hyposexuality or even monogamy was a trauma-based thing for them, and works through it in a way that ends up with their endgame being consensual nonmonogamy.

I'd also maybe explore the label of ambiamorous for your character. I know a lot of folks with this label who kind of identify as polyamorous or monogamous based on whatever their current partnership situation is (usually based on how their partners identify). I know some polyamorous people feel like it's more of a functional label on a relationship rather than an identity, and I think that's totally valid. I personally used to identify with it on that level but nowadays I really don't think I could live any differently, just because my relationship with the idea of monogamy was really stressful and unhealthy for me. I don't know how these kinds of labels relate to your characters, but I think trying to figure out how they relate to these labels might be helpful for readers to kind of gauge the messaging a bit. If it turns out someone identified with polyamory as a functional label rather than an identity, that can kind of make it seem less like someone is being converted away from it - especially if there's rep from another character somewhere (even a minor character who shows up like twice) who clearly states this is a part of them, could make a difference.

I also would want to caution away from representing the monogamy as being, "I love you enough to change." I think this is an idea that a lot of monogamously inclined people when they fall in love with polyamorous people - there's the assumption that the polyamorous person must love the monogamous person enough to stop being polyamorous. Honestly, the same also happens in reverse more than a lot of polyamorous people like to talk about. The issue here is that no matter who is making that expectation, it's a message that communicates to a partner that you can't love them as they are. It can land with a similar emotional trauma to telling someone you need them to pretend to be cis, or pretend to be different in some other way according to your partner's preference. (This is different from people trying to maintain safety in settings that are unsafe.)

Sometimes, it is an act of love itself, to be able to recognize that your love needs to shapeshift into something that isn't romantic, in order to accept the whole of who someone is.

I think it might also be a good idea to consider having the endgame relationship have some kind of lessons implemented from non-monogamy, in a way that enriches things and doesn't taint them in any way. For example, in a monogamy-normative society, there tends to be a lot of societal assumptions about what counts as infidelity, and sometimes couples will argue about what "counts" as flirting or cheating in a way that bypasses the underlying issue: that someone is hurt. The "rules" that exist in many relationships can often be implied and undercommunicated, and are often more about what society thinks is shameful or that you should feel hurt by, rather than actually trying to understand your own feelings and what you want your partnership to look like, in open communication and agreement with your partner. There are monogamous relationships that allocishet people have where they say that a married man spending a lot of time with a woman friend is automatically cheating or suspicious (and sometimes it might be, if the social expectation is that this isn't normal). Talking about all these things can be really helpful for anyone. I can't see my own self entering into a monogamous relationship, but if I did, I would want to figure out what the specific boundaries are when it comes to things like cuddling my friends. I'd need to know how they feel about my being friends with my exes. I'd want to know what the best way to approach my partner is if I'm feeling insecure, and how to make them feel comfortable coming to me with the same, and what is reasonable to ask of each other.

I think it's also probably worth thinking about what your character gets out of monogamy and why they want it. Is it something they have always wanted? And what are their motivations for that? Do the motivations come from a place of something unhealthy (like insecurity, desire for control), or something healthy (like just organically not being interested in others in the same way while they are in a relationship with endgame person)?

I read a lot of romance personally, and often find that when writers are trying to signal to the reader that a character is getting a crush, they'll use jealousy as a shortcut to try and express that. I think jealousy is a totally natural feeling, but in my years of polyamory, I tend to feel it less than I used to, and am usually able to immediately recognize and categorize those feelings. I also don't typically feel it in new relationships, just in relationships where we've developed some kind of status quo of how we interact with each other. When I do feel jealousy, I usually take it (like any other emotion) as a sign my body is trying to send me some kind of message that's probably trying to protect me in some way.

There are a lot of things about the overarching monogamy-normative culture we live in that are worth unlearning, no matter who you are. Things like the pressure to get married, have a nuclear family, rely on the stereotypical Relationship Escalator* or else you aren't seen as having a successful relationship in the same way. I think a healthy approach to monogamy means that people aren't just kind of accepting all those things unquestioningly due to societal pressure, but going after those things because that is what they desire. (Of course we can't totally liberate ourselves from our social context, but we are still individuals with feelings, deciding what relationships to pursue, and we still have the power to feel and think critically, no matter whether we can express those thoughts and feelings.) Not monogamy from a place of possession or control over what your partner does, but of a natural mutual focusing of interest toward just the one person. There are a lot of people that try polyamory and struggle with it not because of things that can be worked on, but because they are just inclined toward monogamy, and feel polysaturated (monosaturated? lol) with just one person. Some people have an anchor partner and that's kind of all they are interested in. Monogamy can also have atypical relationship formats, but I digress.

*Footnote: I'd normally link an article explaining what this term is about, but I kind of waffle about what the best one for this is. So here is me just noting that this is an established term with articles about it, worth seeking out for yourself. I use a lot of jargon in this answer in general just for the sake of precision, but you're no less polyamorous if you need me to explain what this stuff means, especially what I specifically mean by it. Just reply to this post and I'll try and help.

Hopefully that gives something to work with. I definitely think adding some other rep would be best, but there's always other things to be done.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Hey, I was wondering if you could help me with my Contemporary Fantasy/Mystery story. I have three Main POV Characters and one of them is a trans gay man and I was wondering if you could go into detail on how they are like. And any other things that I would NEED to know to not misrepresent the community. And can you please tell me a lot of stuff on trans gay men as well? Thank you

Hi! This is a really broad question so I can only give broad answers unfortunately.

Gay trans men are just like any other gay men, just trans. I would recommend doing some general research on individual gay trans men and their experiences so you have enough understanding of what it can look like in order to write your character. @makingqueerhistory is an excellent resource, though they tend to cover more notable figures and not so much the every day person.

There are also a lot of gay trans men who talk about their experiences online in vlogs, podcasts, substack articles, etc. I know research comes with some learning curves so if you have more specific information about the character or setting, I would be able to help you more.

In the meantime I recommend searching "trans man" on our blog for past things we've said.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

On Questions About Intersex Characters

Intersex people have a very, very wide range of experiences. Asking a question about how to write an intersex character without any other details about the character, how they identify, who they are as a character, isn't really helpful. This is kind of similar to questions where people just ask generically, "how do I write a trans character" but don't tell us whether this character is an athlete in the early 2010s or a trans woman in a sci-fi universe 300 years in the future where you can 3D print hormones or whatever.

Helpful Question Examples:

I have a character who is genderfluid (between man and nonbinary generally) and who has XXY chromosomes, that they always knew about. They swap bodies with their best friend (a cis endosex woman) for at one point. Are there specific things I should consider when describing their experiences switching bodies?

(Genitalia mention.) Would a character with chordee have any issues peeing in the woods?

What kind of medications would a character with congenital adrenal hyperplasia take to go on a long term (six weeks) camping trip?

My character is a cishet man married to a bi woman. During some fertility testing, they find out that the man actually has XX chromosomes. How would a doctor disclose this to him? What would that mean in terms of routine health checkup stuff?

Unhelpful Question Examples:

How do I write an intersex character?

My character is intersex. Would they have issues peeing in the woods?

What would life be like for an intersex child in the 1980s?

The issues with the "unhelpful" questions are that they are really broad, and no intersex experience is alike. You don't necessarily need to tell us the whole medical history of your character to get the idea across, but the specifics of someone's intersexuality is almost always relevant to intersex specific questions. The way someone is intersex can impact a lot about a person's experience. Anything from how they would have learned they were intersex to when to how it impacts their daily life, if it does at all. People who are intersex exist in every assigned sex and experience a huge diversity of things with their body and their general life.

Many people go their entire lives not knowing they are intersex, and there are also some people for whom it is omnipresent in their lives. For some people, there's a lot of medical stuff they have to be on top of. For some people, it's as random as being born with extra spleens, but maybe they really enjoy being around other intersex people and find community in that. There is not a uniform experience of being intersex, biologically speaking. It is not so much that there is a linear scale of who is "male" or "female" or "between" - there are people who are intersex because they have one X chromosome (also written as XO) but who don't have anything about them that people would ascribe as being "closer to male" - they just have a different number of X chromosomes.

Bodies can be all sorts of ways!

Writing an intersex character is not as simple as just saying a character is intersex. This is as nonspecific as saying a character has a religion other than Christianity, or a disability that benefits from a mobility aid. It can be fine to allude to it in passing if the character is minor, but as a writer, it's just better character development if at least the writer knows who the character is. Just something to keep in mind!

[scriptlgbt]

Hello! I have a character that uses they/she/he pronouns and doesn't have a preference, I figured what pronouns to use in dialogue depending on who's talking, but I'm having problems figuring out what pronouns to use in the narration. I'm afraid of using whatever pronouns and making it confusing to read

Hi!

I think there's a few different creative options you could go with this. These ideas are just jumping off points. I'm going into this assuming that this character is one of the main perspectives, and this isn't a third person omniscient thing where you're going into all these other characters' heads where they are using different pronouns. (If that's the case, you can probably just stick with the pronouns the perspective character was using, just to keep flow.)

you could designate specific chapters for specific pronouns, and mark this at the head of the chapter (similar to how books with multiple POVs tend to mark the name of the POV character at the beginning of the chapter). I think you could decide which one to go with based on whatever, but I think if it were me I would go in a set order of rotation (like the same pronouns every third chapter).

you could have certain pronouns for certain scenes or settings. certain pronouns at work, certain pronouns at school, at home, with friends, etc.

if the character is being written about in a context with someone with she/her pronouns (for instance) you could write this character as having consistently/exclusively he/him or they/them, just within that scene with this other character.

The main thing is clarity and consistency. Pronouns exist when using a name would be clunky, so people know who you're talking about without the name being repeated. Confusion around who is being referred to still can happen in stories where multiple characters use the same pronouns, if the writer is not clear about which "he" (etc.) is being referred to.

If you start a paragraph with, "[Name] was looking for his phone," and then use he/him pronouns in narrative until another character is named, this should be fairly clear who you are talking about. The key is to introduce whoever the pronouns are referring to by name, or otherwise have it be very clear who you are referring to. Here's a little example scene where it should be clear who is being talked about at any given moment.

Name was looking for his phone. He knew he was running late but he didn't know by how much, and he couldn't leave without something to play music through his headphones on. Name missed her old place, with a tray set up by the door, another by the laundry basket, another by her bedside table. Three default, easy places to look for the standard pocket contents. She'd had a system for everything. Character 2 was usually pretty understanding about things like this but Name didn't want to stress him out further. Character 2 just started working a job with a weird shift schedule, and it was hard to find time to catch up.

In this blurb, when a new character is introduced, I made sure to make it clear who was being referred to by using the first character's name as being someone interacting with [pronoun of Character 2]. It takes more effort to write this way, and will probably mean a lot of practice and experimenting until it feels natural, but it's definitely doable. Paragraph breaks also will help distinguish who is being talked about, if you want to go this route.

Sometimes, using a name more often, just for clarity might still be helpful if you are switching up pronouns a lot. I would also try to cap the pronoun switches to like 2 per paragraph tops (mileage may vary in practice, experiment and see what reads okay) just for flow reasons, but that's just me personally.

If you're not sure what to go with, you can always try out one option while drafting, and make adjustments according to what feels comfortable for you as a writer.

This is something that doesn't have a lot of precedent, so you have a lot of creative room to work with. There isn’t really a wrong way to do this. There's probably going to be a learning curve while you get the hang of writing this way.

Another thing you could do is mention the rotating narrative pronouns in an author's note at the beginning. Pronouns aren't the whole of who a person is, and I don't think it compromises the art of character introduction/development to have a little note at the beginning explaining how the character's pronouns operate within the narration. It can also help people who haven't encountered anyone with pronouns like this before (or who aren't reading in their first language) to pick up on things quicker and focus on the plot once they do.

Having someone else proofread just to make sure everything is clear and understandable should also be really helpful to your writing, more so than it would be for a character who you don't switch any pronouns for at all.

Hopefully this helps somewhat!

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

any advice on how gender dysphoria would affect a trans man during his periods? particularly his first period after top surgery (and what he or a partner could do to help?)

Menstruation CW

Gender dysphoria impacts everyone differently. I've written on dysphoria before from my own experience and equated it to feeling kind of inside out, like you're wearing shoes on the wrong feet and forced to carry around something very intimate and untrue at the same time. I've always felt like menstruation is more just plain annoying and painful than it is dysphoric, but I think part of that is because it's not something most people can perceive externally, and I don't perceive it as gendered, so it doesn't feel like it chafes against that for me. But it really sucks to try and shop for menstrual products. Not just because of the cost but because I get hyperaware of how people in the store are perceiving me and assuming things about me. I think if I was generally read as a cis man without anyone thinking twice, this might be different. As things are, I'm generally read as he/him without my walker and she/her with it (weird ableist assumptions about who uses a walker - I don't have time to unpack that) and not too infrequently people will "sir? Sorry, ma'am?" me. While seeking out menstrual products should be something everyone is comfortable with, I don't think that everyone deals with the same scrutiny and intrusive questions from strangers about our bodies. People might see someone they think is a cis woman shopping for pads or whatever and not think anything of it, but with me it's different. I've had strangers at crosswalks and other places try and clock me based on my voice by asking me benign questions they knew the answer to. (Talking to strangers is very atypical where I live, at least if you don't live outside, and also if you aren't a tourist. Or proselytizing.) To avoid going to the drugstore to pick up menstrual products, (and also because I'm impoverished/on welfare) I will sometimes go to a gender neutral single stall bathroom on the campus at my university which has a dispenser that hands out free pads and tampons. I have also used clean socks as makeshift pads, and/or layered underwear, or even just straight up staying home. A menstrual cup has also helped me before (particularly when dealing with need-hospital-level menorrhagia) but sometimes I just don't want to put anything inside my body.

All this to say: going out to acquire the menstrual products, or finding some way to make that unnecessary (like making boxers/boxer-brief compatible reusable pads, etc.) can be a huge mental weight off for someone. This varies greatly person to person though! Some people just have the normal amount of upset at menstruating. Some people really like it when they look like noble cis boyfriends buying their girlfriends or whatever some tampons, and getting compliments from people in the store on that. (This has actually happened to people I have met.)

Something important to consider: I want to establish that menstruation usually either ceases completely or lightens/is significantly less frequent if someone is on testosterone. For instance, usually for me they cease completely when I am on T within the first 6 months or so. (When I was on 1mg every month they happened about once every 3 months, and it was pretty light. On testosterone patches - which stopped being available here in 2023 - it happened once and then stopped. I am on daily gel currently and it happened once when I was being really sporadic in application.) I do know people who had it a few times in the beginning of taking T, and then one or two breakthrough bleeds after being on T for like 7 years. There are a lot of people who never stop menstruating on T, but to my understanding, T still has an impact on their experience with it. The first period after going off T, after taking it for some time, also tends to be a bit heavier symptoms-wise for people, but this is just anecdotal from a few people I know and isn't something I've researched studies on in a while.

To get back on topic: I think that in the same situation I would probably feel like there is this liberatory feeling around top surgery and having some control over your body that would initially underly this feeling. If someone isn't healing as fast as they'd like, especially if swelling hasn't gone down, it can be discouraging. How someone would react to menstruation showing up in that time would probably vary based on the day. If someone is still taking heavy painkillers the first day or so, well, it might help with cramps, but probably won't help with mess because mobility is greatly impaired so as not to tear stitches, and people can be pretty out of it for the first little bit of time. At a certain point in the recovery you switch to normal over the counter painkillers. If someone is dealing with cramps while also dealing with surgery recovery pain, that's probably a lot of pain. (But not everyone gets menstrual cramps so your mileage may vary.) Psychologically, there's a few different things I think would pop up. Either the euphoria or top surgery would make it seem like this really wasn't a big deal, or a sense of powerlessness. Maybe a desire to get a hysterectomy pretty soon, or an endometrial ablation, or an IUD, or something else that would cause menstruation to leave off. It might also be easier psychologically to sort cramps in with other pain when trying to ignore the reason they are being experienced, but it would just depend on the person. There also is generally an itching phase when it comes to stitches healing, and you're not supposed to itch, so you just kind of have to deal with annoyance.

I can't really tell you a set instruction for how to write what of this would work for your particular characters, but hopefully this gives stuff to jump off with.

I advise researching the types of top surgery and the different phases of recovery for the type you pick for your character. They have different healing times and slightly different processes. (And different insurance coverage, and different places you can even get surgery. This is also more difficult for people who are fatter, because surgeons with inexperience working on fat bodies tend to refuse to work on fat bodies.)

For comfort: A partner would probably want to start by doing a lot of research on all these things and would know some specifics about how their partner tends to like to handle dysphoria and menstruation. Maybe there's a go-to food item or whatever. A lot of the general stuff that helps people during menstruation regardless of transness would still carry over, only difference mainly being less attention should be drawn to it. Acting like it's just a normal part of manhood or humanity generally, and nothing particularly remarkable, should help minimize it. A partner could also maybe try pointing out that testosterone is at its highest in the cycle while actively menstruating, if this wasn't already known.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Hi! is there a way to apply to become a mod? What would the requirements be?

Yes! There are ways to become a mod!

Misc Blurb On The Current Situation

We had an application a while back but it was probably the equivalent of writing an exam on queer studies, and I think it needs some re-doing for that reason, if we opt to make it an application-based thing.

I'm the only person currently active with this blog (though I don't feel alone - the whole ScriptFamily, including inactive folks, have a Discord together and we share memes and talk regularly). So while I yap with the others regularly and often consult folks about things I don't know, I'm kind of the only one logging in. And chronic illness (and a fourth homelessness episode while going back to school, love life reconfiguration, etc) has made it hard for me to

Requirements (Expertise)

The ScriptX family of blogs was specifically started by @scriptmedic more than 10 years ago (jeez that's a long time...). ScriptMedic started the blog to provide information on medical topics for writers from the point of view of an expert on the subject matter.

Other blogs were inspired by ScriptMedic, and followed a similar rule. People who join the ScriptFam and write for these blogs need to be considered experts in the topic. What this meant in this context as laid out by the ScriptFamily, was that you would feel confident in the role of an expert witness in a court of law, on the subject matter you're answering questions for.

So what does this mean for ScriptLGBT? Everyone is the expert of their own personal identity and how they experience things themselves, but the questions we are asked go beyond personal experience. You might be able to recognize 30 different pride flags, but can you answer a question someone has about how to represent a queer parent of a trans child in 1960s Australia? You don't necessarily need to be able to answer that straight up, but, being in this role, you need to be able to research the information you don't know, and form a credible answer for what you can. And acknowledge it when you can't find an answer.

You will be asked about fictional characters, not your own experience, but you'll probably be able to talk about those fictional characters by bringing your own experience into it.

Personally, I think the most important skills here are knowing how to research, and knowing a lot about queer studies and media studies in general. You don't need a PhD in queer or media studies (colonial institutions shouldn't be the litmus test for queer expertise). But you should be at a knowledge level where you could carry a stimulating conversation with someone who might have one, where you learn things from each other. (I'm happy to yap about this if you're unsure! It's more about the effort you've put in to learning about queerness in general.)

Above all, I think it is important to know the limits of your own knowledge, and find joy in expanding them. And knowing how to do that on your own volition and initiative. And having a passion for sharing what you've learned in a digestible way.

Requirements (Other, Training Sort Of)

There are some internal protocols we have around how we answer questions. (Assuming good faith, only posting original content, among others.) We'll talk about this if you join. You'll probably also want to be very familiar with questions we've answered in the past so you can direct people to answers to similar questions, and have a general understanding of what we do here.

Requirements (Capacity)

The bar is low right now for capacity required to be a mod. Which you can probably tell from the bursts of in/activity over the past years. If you feel like you want a trial run of it, or only want to answer a few questions on specific topics you feel expert in, and then bounce if it doesn't work for you, that's totally fine. Just try to let us know if it's something you're just trying on, so we know what to expect.

How To Become A Mod

If all this vibes with you, or you have any questions or want to talk about requirements, reply to this post with what stuff you. I'll reply or DM you from my main Tumblr to ask about it. (Note: It may be months before I get back to you. I would love to be prompt and I might be, I just also know my capacity and distractibility.) I likely won't be able to respond to everyone but will do my level best.

Another Note

This blog is its own account. It has its own login, and is not a sideblog, and cannot be made a sideblog. (I tried!) This has been a hindrance for past mods (and also me) in terms of capacity to be on here and reply to messages in any kind of timely manner, or even at all, since you need to log out of your regular account to log in to this one. This will probably be a barrier for you too if you decide to be a mod. I've kind of worked around it by having my laptop logged in here and my phone for my regular Tumblr, but your mileage may vary. I figure this is important to disclose when you're assessing your own capacity.

ALSO. If you've applied in the past and I was flaky in following up, I am so deeply sorry. Please feel free to ask again anyway if it's still of interest.

[scriptlgbt]

Hey, so I'm writing a story about a girl and she’s mentally ill. She meets a boy. They’re just friends. He’s also aromantic and asexual. I really want them to be friends and nothing more than that. But…do you have any advice for me. How can I clearly tell that they are just friends. Like yes he’s aromantic but maybe you have some advice

Honestly just write friends how you normally would write any other friends. There's nothing unique about friendship with aroace people that does or doesn't exist in other friendships.

Some audiences may have some confusion because we live in an amatonormative world where boy plus girl equals love story, but that's a societal issue, and aroace representation matters. (You can always state it up front what his identity is if you don't want people's expectations subverted.)

I also want to gently push at the notion of "just" friends, "nothing more" as language we use for friendship.

Friendship is not a lesser form of romance or other forms of relationship dynamics. The ways that love is expressed in friendships vs romantic relationships just happens to look different. And society tends to put emphasis on romantic relationships as the locus for all social supports, intimacy, etc., whereas friendship is often seen as lesser.

If you personally feel this way about your own relationships to others, that's totally fine! But it is not universal, and it can be limiting (at best) to imply that, and I think it's a part of a societal pattern of amatonormativity. Here's an article/manifesto that I really love about sex necessarism, which is related to amatonormativity. It's not necessarily super on-topic here, but I want an excuse to link it.

Anyway. Try not to stress too much about how other people might project assumptions - don't let that compromise the platonic love of their friendship. That has so much value itself.

-mod nat

[scriptlgbt]

Hi, so I have a character who has internalized homophobia. They know they’re gay they just don’t like it and won’t accept they’re gay. They have internalized homophobia due to being Christian. They try to ignore their feelings for another character but does gay “acts”(like kissing a man, saying romantic things to a man, ect) but later regrets it each time it happens. But I don’t really know how to write this.

I would advise learning about the experiences of people like your character, from people who have those experiences. There are a lot of people who have talked at length online, in books, in autobiographies, on podcasts, in videos, in documentaries, in interviews, and so on, about navigating their identity from the context of Christianity. You could probably just look up "gay and christian personal experience" somewhere and get info on how people navigate this. The nature of internalized homophobia looks different in different people who experience it and why, so researching these feelings in real gay people who are Christian or who were in the past is probably a good jumping off point.

Just keep in mind when researching that the people you are listening to are whole entire people outside of just what you're reading about them, and also, that these are the folks who will likely be looking for themselves in this character. When you write this character, assume that people with this experience are in the audience.

We also have a Catholicism-Related Homophobia Masterpost that goes into some arguments that Christians use for homophobia and how another character might refute them. This might have some more stuff to go off of, though it's more of an external dialogue type thing.

-mod nat