7

30, 🔐, No DM.

[se-7-ens-things]

🤎

[se-7-ens-things]

أول ما الكلام بيني وبين أي حد يوصل لـ: "أنا كده ومش هتغير"، أو "ده طبعي أعمل إيه؟"، أو "اللي يحبني يستحملني"... أنا بقف. مبردش. وبختفي.

ليه؟

لأن مفيش حد مطالب يستحمل مشاكلك اللي إنت رافض تواجهها. مفيش حد مطالب يشيل نتيجة طباع إنت مش عايز تراجعها، ومستني التعاطف يحلها.

فكرة إن حد هيقولك: "لااا، أنا هستحملك 🥹"... دي مش طريقة صحية تبني بيها أي علاقة.

الكوكب عليه أكتر من 8 مليار إنسان. أكيد في حد أريح، وأنضج، وأقل استنزافًا للطاقة.

لو لقيت نفسك بتقول: "أنا كده وخلاص"... اقعد مع نفسك. هات ورقة وقلم، واسأل: أنا ليه بتصرف كده؟ ليه الناس مبتحبش تكمل كلام معايا؟ ليه نفس المشاكل بتتكرر؟

اعرف نفسك.

وحل مشكلتك.

ولو مش قادر... اطلب مساعدة من مختص.

[se-7-ens-things]

Before you follow or unfollow me, here's your warning: this is the most unhinged blog you'll ever come across. Proceed at your own risk.

[se-7-ens-things]

🦇🖤

[se-7-ens-things]

اكتشفت إن أنا لوحدي أحسن. لوحدي أقوى. آه في ناس في حياتي، بس في الآخر أنا لوحدي. عارف أنا عايز إيه من غير ما أتكلم عنه، وعارف أنا بتحرك ليه، ومش لازم حد يعرف.

هيقولك بارد، صعب، غامض... يقولوا اللي يقولوه. إنت عارف نفسك، وده كفاية.

بعد عمر طويل اكتشفت إن أغلب الكلام ملوش فايدة. لا الفضفضة، ولا الحكي، ولا إن كل واحد يعرف عنك كل حاجة.

لو إنت مش بتعرف تقعد ساكت مع نفسك، عمرك ما هترتاح مع حد.

لازم ترتاح مع نفسك الأول.

ولازم تعرف نفسك كويس... عيوبك قبل مميزاتك.

I've realized I'm better on my own. Stronger on my own. Sure, I have people in my life, but at the end of the day, I'm alone. I know exactly what I want without talking about it. I know why I move the way I do, and nobody has to know.

People will call you cold, distant, hard to read... let them.

You know who you are. That's enough.

After all these years, I've realized most of it is pointless. The oversharing, the endless venting, making sure everyone knows what's going on in your life.

If you can't sit in silence with yourself, you'll never find peace with anyone else.

You have to be comfortable with yourself first.

And you have to know yourself deeply... your flaws before your strengths.

[se-7-ens-things]

4:10am

THINK, MARK, THINK!

[se-7-ens-things]

You'll end up losing everytime you put anyone or anything before yourself.

If you put someone before yourself as a priority and they disappoint you. You'll end up lost and broken.

If you put something before you and it failed. You'll end up empty and drained.

If you put anything before your own self. You'll always have something to lose.

Everyone put themselves first so who would put you first?

Put yourself before everything, so when you lose everything.

You have your self and that's a win.

[se-7-ens-things]

Love in a cup☕

[se-7-ens-things]

One day, and Insha'Allah that day will come, I’ll have a stupidly big farm. Four gorgeous German Shepherds, a bunch of Highland cows, a donkey named Henry so I can yell, "Henry! Get over here, you jackass!" A rooster to annoy me every dawn... even though I'm already up at 4:30 anyway. Cats... and I mean a lot of cats.

No neighbors.

An extra room for the very, very few people I call family.

A gorgeous sunroom with an oversized coffee corner.

You name it, I'll have it.

And right on the front fence, a big sign:

"Prayer is the proper way to meet the Lord... but trespassing is the fastest."

[se-7-ens-things]

عمرك قعدت مع نفسك كده وفجأة قلت... احا، كل ده حصل إمتى؟ سافرت إمتى؟ وروحت كل الأماكن دي إمتى؟ واشتغلت مع كل الناس دي إمتى؟ والناس اللي بتبعتلك دلوقتي... إحنا اتعرفنا إمتى أصلًا؟ واشتغلنا مع بعض فين؟ هو أنا فعلًا عديت بكل ده؟

وبعدين تبص في الصور... دي اتصورت إمتى؟ والمواقف دي حصلت إمتى؟ والذكريات دي كلها كانت مستخبية فين؟

وفجأة تستوعب...

أنا بقى عندي 30 سنة فعلًا.

وتفضل تسأل نفسك... ليه افتكرت كل ده دلوقتي؟ وليه حاسس إن دماغي تقيلة كده؟ أنا زعلان... ولا فرحان؟ ولا هو مجرد إحساس إن العمر سبقني وأنا مش واخد بالي؟

Have you ever sat alone and suddenly thought, "What the hell... when did all of this happen?" When did I travel to all these places? When did I work all these jobs? When did I meet all these people? The people texting me today, reminding me of things we did years ago... years ago? When did we even meet? Where did we work together? Did I really go through all of that?

Then you open your photos... When did I take all these? When did these memories happen? Where have they all been hiding?

And then it hits you...

I'm really 30.

And you keep asking yourself... Why am I remembering all of this now? Why does my mind feel so heavy? Am I sad... or happy? Or is this just what it feels like when you realize life has been moving faster than you ever noticed?

[se-7-ens-things]

Fri, jul 10..

[se-7-ens-things]

You: We need to talk.

Me: Are you caffeinated?

You: No.

Me: Go drink coffee first. I'm not arguing with the uncaffeinated version of you.

[se-7-ens-things]

I'd rather fuck around and find out than stay a dumb fuck who knows nothing about how the world really works. I want to know the ugly as much as the beautiful. Ask me about history, World War II, Vietnam, dictators in the Middle East, or the polished tyrants hiding behind smiles in the West. Ask me about psychology, ask me about kinks, ask me why people do what they do. I don't want a sanitized version of reality. I want the whole damn thing—the light, the darkness, the lies, and everything in between.

[se-7-ens-things]

Fri, jul 10..

[pantherandpine]

Trans-Europ-Express (1966) dir. Alain Robbe-Grillet

[se-7-ens-things]

إِنَّ الأًَفاعي…

Though smooth and soft the serpent's touch may feel,

Within its shifting fangs, destruction hides real.

[se-7-ens-things]

how it feels to argue with older people who think they’re right just for being older