Kaz leaned back. “What’s the easiest way to steal a man’s wallet?”
“Knife to the throat?” asked Inej.
“Gun to the back?” said Jesper.
“Poison in his cup?” suggested Nina.
“You’re all horrible,” said Matthias.
Kit Young, Amita Suman, Freddie Carter, Danielle Galligan, and Calahan Skogman as Jesper Fahey, Inej Ghafa, Kaz Brekker, Nina Zenik, and Matthias Helvar in Netflix’s upcoming Shadow and Bone (via Entertainment Weekly)
ALSO DROP YOUR RECS FOR GETTING INTO DSMP FOR MAI AND ALSO FOR THE PEOPLE BC MINE ARE BAD AND NOT HELPFUL
k i’m avoiding like 4 assignments by doing this thank kyou so much but!
HERE’S A MASTERPOST FOR PPL WANTING TO GET INTO DSMP SHIT
lol bc there’s like, so god damned much of it and it’s super overwhelming I don’t blame u for being intimidated. (DISCLAIMER: y’all im not an expert, the only pov’s I really watch are Techno’s, Tommy’s, Tubbo’s, and Fundy’s so take my advice with a grain of salt. Also I’m so sorry but I don’t have the time to put actual links on everything T-T plz forgive)
First of all: I’m separating y’all into squads so listen up and remember your squad bc half the fun of DSMP is curating your own watching experience
PRO squad: you like lore heavy streams that are still fun but have ppl acting more often than not and putting lots of effort into making their characters/ stories complex? You go here. You’re gonna want to stick with Ranboo streams. Wilbur Soot’s also a good option, and Badboyhalo too OH AND Karl!!.
-Sub categories:
Kid friendly wholesome: badboyhalo is the most wholesome, rn he’s goin thru a villain arc but he’s still very kid friendly and wholesomeChaotic and angsty: Wilbur’s ur guy, rn he’s doin a ghost arc and it’s angsty as hell but also chaotic as fuck. He’s a fantastic storyteller tho with great loreAngsty but wholesome: Ranboo also an excellent motherfucker who’s puts so much effort into his streams down to specific music/ hidden easter eggs just–everything he’s greatScripted and SLAPPING: Karl’s “Tales from the SMP” FUCK, I think there’s only one ep out rn?? and it takes place in the future of DSMP.
BUILD squad: you like watching blockmen stack blocks into cool shapes but also want a lil taste of story? Philza Minecraft, and Awesamdude have your back babey. (Tubbo is also kind of on this list but he’s getting his own category)
-Sub categories
Dad vibes but make them bloodthirsty: Philza! He’ll blow up a city cuz it sounds like fun but also says things like “save your money for a house first Tubbo, then think about buying a Ferrari.” Also he’s a fucking incredible builder and he spent 5 years on one hardcore world turnign the end into a giant ocean biomb go watch that video it’s worth itDad vibes but make them capitalist: Awesamdude!!! He built the most insane prison on the server and he’s adorable
ENTERTAIN ME squad: do you not know basically anything about minecraft and just want to be entertained? You like a bit of lore but not having everything be super serious all the time? Techno, Tubbo, Tommy, and Fundy are the bastards for you
-Sub categories
UNADULTURATED CHAOS but intellectually: Techno. He’s basically a chaos god who has no qualms putting in literally months worth of time and dedication into practically meaninglessly funny goals. Anarchist pig with fashion sense–what’s not to love?Chaos, lore, angst, hilarity: FUNNDDDYYY!!!!! He’s fucking hilarious, also really good at character stuff??? I love him, haven’t watched many of his streams yet but they slapChill, turn on in the background vibe: Tubbo!!! Literally Tubbo is just so chill until every once in a while he snaps and goes mad scientist it’s great. He’s literally anxiety relief in the form of a 17 year old, 12/10, also will whip out fucking excellent lore skills out of nowhere.I get bored easily by streams: TOMMY!!! This kid honestly has no right being fucking hilarious, he’s a bit abrasive but I promise it grows on you. He’ll make 2 hour long streams seem like 5 minutes and your lungs will be on the verge of collapsing. Also able to kill it with lore.
this was rushed I’m so sorry but I need to go read like four more scholarly essays and take an environmental science quiz on a chapter I never read so wish me luck and enjoy!! <33
(oh also also: if u don’t wanna watch 2hr long streams there’s also TONS of highlight channels on youtube dedicated to posting lore highlights/ funny moments/ etc. DreamSMP Daily is the first one that popped up in my youtube feed but there’s tons and I promise as soon as u start watching dsmp vids they’ll be all over your recommended’s)
just gonna quickly add on that there are several Dream SMP timeline videos (i linked one here) on youtube that can help you catch up/get important context if you want to watch more recent stuff!! be warned it’s literally 100% spoilers, but because there is always new content coming out, it’s helpful to not have to go back to the very beginning!!
oh to be olivia rodrigo and have your role model taylor alison swift call you her baby and say that she's so proud of you for breaking records on your debut single...
during the height of the minyard-josten rivalry, a tiktok account is made titled “andrewminyardshusband”
At first it’s believed to be a stan account or something similar, since all they do is post clips from his games and interviews, half the time zoomed in on his arms with a ridiculous commentary dubbed over it
No one knows who makes the videos, mainly because they always use voice filters
But then the account starts posting videos of andrew?? Like at home?? And they’re not like reposted Instagram stories, it really seems that this person is living with andrew
(these videos coincidentally start posting around the same time that neil josten joins andrews team)
Even weirder, they actually seem to be andrews husband, which astounds literally everyone because how did no one know about this???
The account blows up, obviously. Like, millions of followers, gets verified, the whole shebang
And it isn’t always Andrew, half the time it’s videos of their cats doing cat things (he tried out the tinfoil thing to get them to stop jumping on the counters and eating his sandwiches, king got so scared by it that she hid on top of the fridge for an hour. Meanwhile, sir didn’t give a single fuck and layed down directly on the tinfoil)
The account’s most viewed video is of a slow zoom of andrews biceps with the careless whisper intro played over it
He starts answering questions in the comments while pointing the camera at andrew
“‘How did we get our cats?’ we found them in a dumpster. As far as we can tell they were raised together and fell in love. I’m 99% sure they’re lesbians”
“’why does andrew wear armbands?’ because his forearms are too powerful to be viewed by the general public” *the video is a slow zoom up to andrew’s glare*
“‘are you and andrew actually married?’ yes. fuck you.” (andrew flips off the camera with his left hand) “wrong finger, dumbass”
“‘how did you two get together?’ he threatened to kill me and I thought that was hot"
“’can you two kiss?’ like, physically? yeah. right now though? i dunno, i’m comfortable sitting on this table and andrew is all the way over on the couch”
“’whats your opinion on neil josten and the whole rivalry he has with Andrew, especially after he joined his team?’ I really don’t give a single fuck and neither does andrew”
“Have you met neil josten?” is one of the questions he gets asked and no one knows why he’s laughing so hard or why andrew rolls his eyes when he answers with “yeah he’s pretty cool”
Sometimes the other foxes make appearances in the videos, like Renee baking in their kitchen while Andrew is filching cookie dough or Nicky, Aaron, and Andrew all sitting on the floor and feeding the cats catnip.
the speculation on who andrew minyard’s husband is is astronomical. it grows beyond the exy sphere and practically every comment is “who is this guy??”
People keep asking but all he answers with is “I’m andrews husband, can y'all read?”
People ask the other foxes (who don’t say shit cause why would they), comb through their social medias to see if he’s in any pictures or videos
It is then believed that andrews husband has to be one of the foxes from Andrew’s sophomore year, and due to half of them being related to him, one being married, and one being neil josten, it is then believed that andrews husband is Kevin
At least it is until the account posts a video of kevin being asked “thoughts on being andrews husband?” “like of you being his husband?” “no, you being his husband.” “what?? Ew, no, gross” “I cant tell if that’s more insulting to Andrew or to me”
So everyone is back to square one
Until
Until
there’s a new video on the account
And it’s of andrew on the couch reading a book and he gets asked “what’s it like having me as your husband?” but!!! There’s no voice filter?? And it sounds vaguely familiar, like they’ve heard it before?? And he wasn’t even answering a commenter question. and then Andrew grabs the phone and turns it to show neil josten, neil josten!!! sitting on the other side of the couch in a bright orange sweatshirt and a smirk while Andrew says “fucking infuriating”
Needless to say, all four million followers implode upon seeing it
romaincrisis
tangentwithtanner
areudirty
turnnoffyourmind
prguitarman
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
