ragdoll, ranked thirty - fifth … her eyes started and ended her career / she wouldn’t regret not running, but the toll it took on her life changed everything. her hands started to shake more out of anxiety that just pure energy. her heart raced constantly, the ability to be in crowds grew so much more difficult. she’d get paranoid from time to time / eyes stuck to one spot where it was safe. everything became infinitely more difficult. living became a chore / her face plastered on the news for a while over her leaving the pussycats ( by force ) and loss of her quirk.
tomoko had to take a break, had to live in the confines of her apartment that would begin to feel like a prison ; surrounded by reminders of ragdoll. that name meant nothing to her anymore. it was rare for her to answer knocks at her door, phone calls or texts that rang out. she just had to disappear for a second. just a little. she convinced herself people would forget ragdoll after the pussycats started up again / their names listed without her’s. it tore her in half.
perhaps it was best for her to get out / offer herself a distraction. so she’d try. tomoko got a request for a visit from jeanist. someone she didn’t talk to much, but was friendly with. they worked in the same industry as her ; of course she knew them. a bit reluctantly, she agreed and took her time to get there. her energy was drained, bags under her eyes hidden under a layer of make up. even if she felt awful, she didn’t want to look the part. she couldn’t bare to put on her former uniform / so she came just … as tomoko shiretoko. a civilian.
she’d grin, trying to not worry them with worn - down self / the moment they were alone, though … they could see right through her, she was sure. no one could be this okay after what had happened to her. her smile didn’t fault until they spoke word of ragdoll. perhaps a habit to refer to her as her hero name / a former life, she understood. it was the only title she was known as by the majority. but the tear in her heart only grew, eyes shifting suddenly away and tone falling an octave or two.
‘ ah … ’ any sign of weakness she could’ve read from herself sounded in her voice. hands found her forearms, gaze landing on the floor. her speech grew stiff, almost robotic while her brain focused on trying not to crack. ‘ no, she’s … ragdoll isn’t … anything … anymore. she’s something of the past … she’s going to stay that way, as ... upsetting as that is ... ’ ragdoll couldn’t exist without her quirk. she didn’t exist anymore / nothing of her existed. tomoko felt herself falling again, forcing tears that stung her eyes to stay put. she felt such a disconnect from the world she once knew, not knowing how to properly live without a quirk. it wasn’t until they started to speak again did she snap to attention.
then why did she feel so empty. ‘ i ... ’ she wasn’t ready to agree yet / she needed more time. golden hues locked onto their visible eye, brows giving hints that she wasn’t confident. her mouth hung open for a second, dryness and lack of stability catching words in her throat. ‘ i’m ... i don’t feel ... i - ... ’ a long pause in stiff silence, shoulders rising a bit with her discomfort / still attempting to hold her tears back. ‘ i’m nothing without ragdoll. i don’t know who i am when i’m not her ... my name’s tomoko, s - sure ... but i don’t know who that is. ’
POETRY STARTERS | a. | @jeanvogue
dailybridgerton
ellievsbear
turnnoffyourmind
blakekathryn
areudirty
yousharknotpass
romaincrisis
