Now this may come as a shock, but in Kansas, I did not live by an ocean. Hard to believe, I know, but I promise that I would not lie to you. Moving out to Malibu has been the dream - my walk to class every morning filled with a breathtaking sunrise and glistening ocean. Many people back home watch me on social media and come to the understanding that Pepperdine is all glitter and rainbows and every afternoon is filled with dedicated studying while laying by the ocean. In actuality, I am crunched over my desk (which does have a very pretty view of a courtyard, but not quite the ocean blue) and still trying to figure out life on my own. It is easy to look at someone from a distance and think that they have their life together. Hah. So far I have:
1) Gotten a C on my first college test. I have only gotten a C on a test once before and it was AP Chemistry. I am not one to struggle academically, so this was a bit of a wake-up call. #oops
2) Eaten entirely too much froyo and added a few pounds because of it. I like to convince myself that it is the muscle I am developing from the hills, but I don’t actually think that’s the case.
3) Skipped my workouts far too many times. During rush, my fitness plan went down hill. I have gotten back on track since, but found myself really struggling to go the gym, after I had developed a consistent habit of working out for the past year and a half.
4) Run out of patience with sweet dorm-mates. I do not always speak as kindly as I should or take the time to listen to others. I focus too often on myself and not on the other people I am living with.
5) Left my laundry in the dryer over night on multiple occasions. This is a no-no. I am thankful for gracious dorm-mates, however do not do this because it is irritating to others!!
6) Tripped up far too many stairs. I pretty much make a fool of myself on a consistent basis. Tonight I almost face planted in front of all of crossfit. It was very embarrassing.
7) Managed my time poorly. I spent too much time on Instagram and not enough time on reading the Iliad. Great Books reading just can’t always take priority, okay?
8) Forgotten the verb in my thesis statement of a major paper!! Okay this is not actually that major of a thing, but let’s just say that is not the first impression you want to give your professor…
9) Face planted in front of 20+ boys at a fraternity bowling mixer. It was basically humiliating. Enough said.
10) Become addicted to caffeine. I literally get a headache if I do not have coffee every morning. Good thing I have a Keurig?
11) Disregarded my roommate’s distaste for Greek yogurt. I eat it every morning, even though she hates the smell. ILY SARA, you’re the best!!
While these are not the end of the world, I still feel like a failure. Despite my mistakes, I am reminded of God’s grace. One of my favorite songs, Oceans by Hillsong, proclaims, “your grace abounds in deepest waters”.
My slip-ups in college do not define me. My relationship with Jesus defines me. He covers my errors with His abounding grace. Every time I walk outside, I have a beautiful reminder of God’s ultimate forgiveness and hope for me. At Pepperdine, I have met a new ocean. Its name is not the Pacific, however, but merciful God - a God who loves me, cares for me, and continue to show me how to navigate my new home. He has given me abundant grace, and now I need to give myself the same. I am figuring things out and learning to love and embrace the challenges. Here’s to diving in.
DISCLAIMER: This makes it sound like my first month at college has been a giant struggle. In actuality, I am loving life and 97% of my days are wonderful! But everyone has their moments, and God is teaching me through those. I am so thankful for awesome suitemates, dorm-mates, friends, sorority sisters, and professors who are there help me succeed. Every mistake I have made is helping me become a better college student, for which I am very thankful!