AvianChangsan

I write?

[seaweed-sushi]

‘Maybe’, she would think.

The void in her heart

Crumbling itself mercilessly,

Piercing through her inner morale.

[seaweed-sushi]

It was gonna be you and me against the world But,  It's just me against you and her.

[seaweed-sushi]

I stopped talking to her

Accounted for staying with you Prosecuted for being seen with you Have you cleared it out with her? When I asked you. "I stopped talking to her." You stormed at me. I believed. Yes. You stopped talking to her, So, she reached your home the very next day. You stopped talking to her, So she was always next to you when I called. You stopped talking to her, So you still edit funny pictures of her. You stopped talking to her, So you still ran to talk to her right in front of my eyes. You stopped talking to her, So her Diwali was filled with lights. You stopped talking to her, So she looks after your puppies. You stopped talking to her, So she was with you on your birthday. You stopped talking to her, So she is always tagged in your pictures. You stopped talking to her, So she can boldly post your pictures on her story. You stopped talking to her, So she still calls you 'Bae'. You stopped talking to her, Yet she still claims you. You stopped talking to her, And I believed you. You stopped talking to her.... He stopped talking to her.... I would still lie to myself!

Originally written and owned by

#avianchangsan

[seaweed-sushi]

ICE-PIERCED

I am still living in the illusioned world

Flattering myself, lying to myself

That he’ll stay, he’ll stay till the end,

When the ring on her finger is clearer to see now.

My eyes must have got blurred the earlier times.

How do I flatter myself now?

How do I lie to myself now?

It’s pointless stretching it!

It’s not worth my try.

I should learn,

Learn to live in solitary,

Yet again.

[seaweed-sushi]

SOLITUDE

She searches for him in crowds,

Maybe she finds resemblance.

A yearning to see him one last time.

A younger, an older one or a present one of him.

‘Maybe’, she would think.

The void in her heart

Crumbling itself mercilessly,

Piercing through her inner morale.

How can I live on?

She would often ask herself.

The only child she had,

Left her be the lonesome mother.

Dated: 24th August 2018

Originally written and owned by 

#avianchangsan

[seaweed-sushi]

A MISTAKE A mistake I cannot correct anymore. If only I could travel through time. A piece of myself I cannot bring back anymore. Lost in this oblivion, don’t know where to end it. A mistake; I gave away my all, and you treated it like trash. How much more am I left to torture for? Please tell me my time! To end my days with peace.

[seaweed-sushi]

The struggle you're in today is developing the strength you need for tomorrow

Unknown

[seaweed-sushi]

I will push myself to my extreme levels to leave it all behind.

Then maybe, maybe one day I’ll wake up fine. Maybe!

[extramadness]

[seaweed-sushi]

And then my anxiety attacks kicked me to another level.

[books-n-quotes]

Let me tell you this: if you meet a loner, no matter what they tell you, it’s not because they enjoy solitude. It’s because they have tried to blend into the world before, and people continue to disappoint them.

Jodi Picoult, My Sister’s Keeper (via books-n-quotes)

[seaweed-sushi]

I have one life and I will not waste it drowning in the tears of your faults!

Relapses, I will have but I’m a fighter and I will keep on fighting the demons in my head till my last breath if that’s what it takes.

[seaweed-sushi]

We keep this love in a Photograph. We made these memories for ourselves! Where our eyes are never closing, hearts are never frozen, time's forever still. ---- Ed Sheeran #photographs #lights #goodmemories

[seaweed-sushi]

Casper the friendly cloud versus Casper the angry cloud! 👻😂😂 ☁ #clouds #sky #imagination #noedit #nofilter #cloudfigure

[seaweed-sushi]

You're on the other side As the skyline splits in two I'm miles away from seeing you... #thefaultinourstars #skyline #nature

[seaweed-sushi]

Angel?

[seaweed-sushi]

16th of October, the day that still pierce my heart.

        Lately I’ve been keeping my head cool but one afternoon I had this urge to re-read our conversation. I scrolled them one after the other, smiling and smirking all alone. December went by, November came and then came October, the month  I hadn’t realized was already there in front of my eyes. I read the messages; I came to a halt. I saw how I was expressing my feelings to you, whatever was in my heart and all you could reply was a Good Night. I wanted to know the answers to many questions back then. I could see how I asked you things and maybe I did annoy you back then. You were just too polite to confront it. “I’m sorry” and “I miss you” became common and random messages for you. You were sick back then. I tried to suggest you a remedy. All I could do from far. I was worried about you. The day of your birthday came. You were still sick. We had a few video calls too but I guess the network signal was against us. We could hardly have a conversation. At some point, I even had to ask you if I could call you up.

        Some of my texts were eight to nine in a row. All about me expressing my thoughts or anger or frustration or desperateness. I couldn’t tell them to people because there was no point in telling them to anyone. But just to remind you, you never replied to those long texts. You asked me to keep things personal to myself. I told you about how much I get hurt when I saw you in my dream. You replied, “It hurts because you loved me more than I could.” Many times you would ignore my calls. I had to remind you that I had called the previous night and all you could reply was “Ok” and sometimes you wouldn’t even reply.

        I came to the text where I had spoken about seeing you in my dream again. “I saw you in my dream again. You felt so real. You cuddled me, kissed my forehead and said I looked pretty. I smirked. You said you’re not lying and cuddled me more tightly. And then I woke up…”. I had asked you how you managed to remain calm and carefree with your life. You said that because you don’t share your feelings and you keep yourself distracted.

        It was 17th of October. I was leaving town that day and I was hoping you would come see me off. I only got a text from you saying, “Safe journey”. Then came that fateful day- 16th of October. When I recall that day, it still passes a stinging feeling in my heart. I still shed tears to that day. Maybe I’m not completely healed yet. I’m just pretending to be strong like nothing ever happened. When I think about that day, I feel like going back in time, hug myself and tell myself, things will be fine. Maybe pretending all these time has made me harsh. More than two months away from you, I have stopped expressing myself. I started keeping things to myself. I discovered myself and guess what, I discovered you again!

Dt: 17th Dec 2016

Originally written and owned by- #AvianChangsan

[seaweed-sushi]

SO DEEP, SO LOST

Love with you was so deep I can write a poem on you.

Your drowsy eyes, so deep that if I swim in them, maybe I’ll never get out.

Those little crooked teeth, how adorably they fit your mouth.

That tall pointed nose, I envy you for having one.

Those big ears which you move when I ask you to do so.

Those chubby cheeks which I pull out of the blue.

Those tiny lips, I could kiss them all day.

That bushy unshaped hair, which I always ruffle on.

Those thick eyebrows, that royal moustache, that gentleman’s beard;

I did not fall in love with all these.

I fell in love with you, so everything else was beautiful about you.

Love with you was so deep, I lost the meaning of love.

 Dated: 3rd May 2017

Time: 1:29 am

Originally written and owned by- #AvianChangsan