sixteen ― junior ― california❝ you could be my favourite taste to touch my tongue ― i know someone who could serve me love, but it wouldn’t fill me up △ ❞
hendrix stared at himself on the flip-out screen of his camera, waiting until he was in focus before sitting back in his seat, taking a deep breath as he stared at the camera. “so, this is…really fucking weird. uh..” he stops, running a hand through his hair as he stares off to the side to try and collect his thoughts. he didn’t even know where to begin, having thought about this for the past hour and half before finally deciding that this was the best way for him to do it. “i was gonna write you a letter but then i remembered i fuckin’ hate writing.." he laughs, though it’s obviously fake. he was stalling again and even though he had made his decision, he didn’t truly realize how hard it was going to be.
"i’m not really good at expressing myself and i think you know that. you know me better than anyone, which i still think is pretty fucking weird but i stopped questioning it a long time ago. which is why…i don’t know, i felt i owed you some kind of explanation as to why i’m doing this." he pauses again, this time for a bit longer than before. "you have always been there for me, even when i was a complete dick to you and everyone else. seriously, why you decided to stick around is beyond me and i just want you to know…even if you don’t take anything from this - just know that i appreciated it.”
“i mean it. i don’t want you to think that you didn’t do enough…that you weren’t enough, alright? being with you was probably the only time i remember being happy after destiny died. even if they were brief moments, i still hold onto them and know that even towards the end - i had good times. you did that and i will never..ever forget that but..i am tired. i am mentally…tired, sebastian. my mind is constantly going, i mean, my head gets so fuckin’ loud sometimes that i just want it to stop…" hendrix stops talking abruptly, not liking the way his voice wavers. he takes a few moments before he continues on, his hands clasp together tightly.
"i’ve lost just about every single one of my friends and for what? so that when this moment finally happened, that..i don’t know, i thought that it wouldn’t hurt as much if nobody cared. like, if they all hated me then i wouldn’t have so much guilt in my heart - and it wouldn’t be so bad. …but if anything i feel worse because i ruined a lot of genuine friendships, once again i fucked up. and i don’t blame anyone, i can’t blame anyone but myself. i did this. everything that has happened in my life is because of me. i killed her. i killed destiny. no matter how you look at it, i did and i can’t take it back. i can’t change it - it’s done.”
“i’ve been pretending pretty much every single fuckin’ day since last summer and i’m tired. i lost my best friend, the first person to actually love me for me is gone. and i hate myself so much for the fact that i caused this, you know? and also that..the old me died the day that she did and now all that’s left is this shitty version of myself that can’t do anything right and i’m just…” he pauses to toss his hands up in surrender, his shoulders lift up and down in a swift motion. "i’m done. i’m..i’m tired of being…here.“ he shrugs once again, his tongue presses against the inside of his cheek as he sits in silence. hendrix was surprised that despite everything that was going on, he felt nothing but a numbing calmness. he had made up his mind and was at peace with his choice.
every once in a while there was a searing pain to his chest when he thought about what would happen when sebastian saw this video. how he would react. it wouldn’t be good, that much was for sure. "im sorry if this is all jumbled and confusing but i couldn’t leave without saying goodbye. i had to say goodbye..i have to. you are an amazing person sebastian tate, you truly are and you deserve to actually have a good life. everyone is right when they say i am a toxic person, the way that i am now i am doing nothing but bringing you down with me and it has to stop. and i know that you don’t see it, or at least, you choose not to see it but i do. …so, that’s why i made this video to say my truth and finally let it all go." his eyes take a final look around his room before he starts to nod his head. "so this is…goodbye, i guess." dre lets out an airy laugh, before he nods again. "goodbye.." he says for the final time before leaning forward and shutting the camera off.
hendrix: i feel like i need to tell you that that..was not about me, but a friend. i like what i like...and what i like is sex.
hendrix: it could start with a d. deez nutz. idk. love me.
hendrix: im kidding, it doesn't. but you do you..take that high road! i'm glad i can call you my bottom bae.
hendrix: but i will say knowing this makes me understand you more now. like, everything makes sense.
sebastian: you don't have to lol i'm just saying what are facts, anyway. i know what you like.
sebastian: ....can you pls
sebastian: i'm sure everyone else is thinking it. like i don't see how anyone has room to comment or even be all that mad because everyone's getting exposed
sebastian: what do you mean?
sebastian: also please, just get off twitter. it's not worth it, alright?
@junglefeverseb: but like also on another note my little sister savannah made friendship bracelets and she told me to offer them to people bc it's nice to do
@junglefeverseb: mb we can all bond over being exposed
hendrix: a million? i was thinking like...one or something. not a million.
hendrix: don't lie to me sebastian anita tate.
hendrix: yes it does. it makes you a terrible fucking person. of course. half of these people deserve it because they need to be reminded that they ain't shit.
sebastian: ..well it's true.
sebastian: i'm noooot. if only my last name started with an s
sebastian: i figured that was the case
sebastian: i dunno i'm just glad that t is done after this. everyone can move the fuck on. it fuckin sucks but what can you do.
