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i've had brothers and friends who are stronger than me my whole life and it's taken me this long to realise i need to stop pretending i can threaten them. me and ellie were play fighting sunday night, but the whole situation escalated pretty quickly to the point where physical damage was getting real, and she was all like "yea, what are you gonna do butcher?" and i was all like "oh you don't even WANT to know what i'm gonna do.. i'm gonna.. i will.. i will.." i mean, what WAS i going to do? god, i get scared when i can't find lids to pens. THEY WILL DRY OUT. not to mention i have every bad gene in the pool, so all i can really say is "you know what, you're not even worth it." i learnt that line from when someone said it to me as a child, only the difference is i think they probably meant it. i don't know i just often make threats without any promise to follow through and i'm really worried about the day i'm expected to actually do something. it's like how i always used to threaten my mum i'd run away and i'd be all like "i'm going mum, i'll never come home again!" and all i'd get was "go ahead, don't forget to shut the door!" man i don't even know where my mum is. she put a photo on Facebook this morning that loosely suggests she's in costa rica but i mean it's anyones guess really.