It really shouldn’t have come by much of a surprise that a shadow hunter or two would be making an appearance at the warlock’s doorstep. Isabelle was probably the biggest Alec and Magnus supporter there was, so of course she would be getting involved. And considering who Alec’s parabatai was, it went without saying that Jace would have gotten himself involved - whether Alec wanted him to or not. As parabatai they always did what they believed was best for the other, even if there was protesting involved. But of course the Lightwood should have suspected his blonde friend would have inserted himself into a part of Alec’s life that he would have rather kept to himself without the involvement of others. But alas no such thing worked. All that happened was that Jace got himself tossed around and thus gave the repressed Lightwood even more of a headache over this whole situation. For it seemed whatever he did, no one could seem to let his love life be. Everyone simply had to insert themselves into his business. Even people like Raphael and Dorothea whom he could hardly consider to be friends were getting involved in matters that were none of their business. This whole chaotic break up was that of Alec and Magnus to deal with - no one else.
There had been a small part of the Lightwood, the part that held out for some flicker of hope that perhaps things didn’t need to be this earth shattering between him and his ex. Of course he cursed anyone who got involved and went to Magnus and then came back to him, but that flickering spark of hope didn’t. What he was hoping for he didn’t know. Maybe that Magnus would somehow come back to him. Maybe somehow convince him that what Alec had done was possibly the biggest mistake that he would ever encounter in his life. And that was saying something because this shadow hunter made very few mistakes in life; especially ones that he regretted.
Alec had always been so used to Magnus finding ways to fix things between them. The warlock had plenty more experience by far then Alec could ever hope to achieve. Even people around him in relationships he couldn’t quite understand the mechanism of it all. But that had been why he had Magnus - to teach him. To help him learn, to help him evolve into a better person. There had been a couple hurdles the two of them encountered just like any relationship since no relationship could ever be deemed perfect, yet they overcame them. But this one; this one issue was something that continued to raise it’s ugly head to the surface that it finally rose above and washed out this relationship. The whole mortal and immortal being together thing was something Alec didn’t feel he could keep having the same fight about. Things always ended the same way majority of the time and it wasn’t something that could be completely resolved. So naturally if the issue couldn’t be resolved, where did that leave the pair of them? The last thing the nephlim wanted to do was have these same fights with the man he loved. If anything, that was just going to drive them apart and would leave them wondering why they waited so long to end things.
“Clearly you didn’t do it well enough if they were still coming through. Maybe you should put a ban on those vampires and warlocks who keep interfering. I’m sure for the High Warlock it shouldn’t be too much trouble to find a way to keep his meddling friends out of his apartment.”
The blue eyed nephilim advised, although with sarcasm dripping on a few words. It hadn’t been surprising that Magnus’s friends were pestering him too, but it was surprising when those friends came around to the Institute or interrupted a mission the Lightwood was on merely to talk about their friend and how Alec was being silly and that they needed to just get back together because they obviously couldn’t live without the other. The break up was driving them both insane and running the warlock and nephlim into the ground with heartache and despair. But Alec never engaged in much conversation with the likes of Dorothea and Raphael and merely told them to get lost. Not that they did right away. Typically it was the Lightwood either shooting a warning arrow at them or simply walking away. Either way, they still kept returning for another round, as if they expected Alec to cave. Which clearly they didn’t know Alec Lightwood. He was a stubborn individual and emotions were not his strong suit. So they were honestly wasting their breath in trying to get him to repair something he ended for a good reason. Perhaps that’s what no one was understanding. They didn’t see the actual reason as to why a relationship between a mortal and immortal couldn’t work. And he honestly wasn’t going to explain it to people who continued to pester him as if they would wear him down. If anything, it would just make him not shoot a warning arrow at them.
With the many, many years that Magnus had in his very long life, Alec didn’t for one minute believe that over the course of time his warlock would come to love another as fiercely as he did this shadow hunter. It was going to take time. How much time was something that only Magnus could answer when he was healed enough to love again. But he would, even if he didn’t believe so. There were many births every day that the next person for Magnus Bane was out there once Alec died. As much as the Lightwood didn’t want to look that far ahead into a life that didn’t put him at Magnus’s side or even in the world anymore, he forced himself to do so because if Alec was thinking ahead then surely the warlock would too.
When the shadow hunter would actually pass on was uncertain. Every day he went out on a mission could very well be his last one, but Alec made his peace with that long ago at a young age that death was not something he feared. If there was something Alec Lightwood could say he feared it would be this; a broken heart. Or rather, a heart that he thought was already broken just continued to find ways to break even more. And it was because every time he saw the man he loved terribly so, or even the whisper of his name, his heart would break that little bit more. If the pieces had not been shattered already, they were turning to even smaller fragmented pieces of dust.
Alec listened to Magnus speak of his immortal friend Tessa and how even now she was still broken hearted. It seemed like the two immortals would have much in common once Alec passed on from this life. But the warlock had a support system to lean on when Alec’s death came. Whether or not he would seek comfort from the other shadow hunters that were their friends would be uncertain, but it wasn’t something Alec could think to answer. Alec’s great love was Magnus Bane. And he always would be. But Alec didn’t believe that feeling would be mutual. It took the nephilim long enough in life to feel comfortable at even announcing to himself that he was gay, much less to the entire world that he didn’t believe that after Magnus that anyone else could possibly understand him. That was why shadow hunters dated shadow hunters. There were never any surprises. But with more people in this world for Magnus to form some sort of relationship with, he had the potent ional to find a great love too. Alec just didn’t believe he was Magnus’s. He believed that above all else that Alec was another person over time that he loved with his heart, especially since he was a shadow hunter and was even able to give Magnus Bane a couple firsts. Their relationship did mean something to Magnus, of that much Alec couldn’t deny at seeing how broken down the man before him sitting on the floor was. But he would grieve and move on over time and find someone new, especially since it seemed those Magnus chose to open his heart to continued to leave him.
“If it’s always the same for you, then you’ll move on. I don’t know how long it will take you but you will. You’ll open your heart again and find someone new in another lifetime. There’s no shortage of mortal or immortals in this world who would want you to be with them. I might be clueless at times, but I’m not when it comes to someone else’s eyes looking you over. And I’m sure even your friend Tessa would have moved on in life at some point, so I’m sure she could help you.”
The raven haired male didn’t know at what part, maybe the part about someone else’s eyes looking over Magnus, but the nephilim felt the need to look away. It didn’t go unnoticed to him if they were out in public at the way some other man or even woman ran their eyes over his boyfriend, or did something to peak Alec’s jealousy. Magnus had many options to choose from. There was certainly no shortage of them. But yet he had chosen Alec Lightwood and now the shadow hunter had just given his warlock away and put him back on the market. Yet he convinced himself that it would happen anyway at some point in time. He just didn’t know if it would still be when he was in his prime and got taken out by some demon or something. Or if it was going to be old age. Either way, there was nothing to tie Alec and Magnus to be together forever, because forever wasn’t an option for one of them.
Looking at his pained warlock hurt too much. As much as Alec wanted to comfort him, he wouldn’t. And he shouldn’t. He couldn’t. So he had to look away from him at times. At least until a provoked hurt of rage came forth and the nephilim turned it all on the warlock because there was no one else who could seemingly understand the broken man but a broken one. Alec knew where the words and actions Magnus said and did were coming from because they were coming from the same place as the Lightwood’s.
“You will. You’ll want one of them one day.”
Alec confirmed without hesitation. People could throw themselves at the warlock but he would only deny them and himself for so long. One day he would want someone. Because Alec couldn’t think of what it would be like to go through an entire life without loving someone heart and soul. Of course as a shadow hunter love wasn’t exactly something on his to do list of things. It wasn’t something he ever got his hopes over. Even when he was confused about who he was, love was never something he pegged himself to have. He had his family. He had Isabelle, Jace, his parents and a select few he could call friends. That was it. He didn’t believe he needed someone more. He didn’t believe he needed a person like Magnus where all he did was want to be with him; to touch him, to hold him, to kiss him, to see him smile because of Alec and to simply love him with his body, heart and soul. Those were the things people talked about when finding love, but that wasn’t something Alec Lightwood ever dreamed in finding in another person . He was lucky - extremely so. But now he was giving it all away because he couldn’t see himself as anything but a burden when he got older; even if Magnus thought otherwise. The nephilim convinced himself it was better to end things now before it got too difficult in the long run.
It did seem like the Lightwood was deciding on how the warlock was going to go about to living his life once they parted ways for good here, but that was only half of what he was doing. Even though he couldn’t decide on every detail of how Magnus was going to live his life, he could speculate from what he knew of the man’s past and the person he was. It wasn’t as if there wasn’t any truth to what the nephlim was saying because Alec knew there was. It was just a question of what Magnus chose to believe and what he didn’t. However the more pressing matter in what Alec was saying was convincing himself of what Magnus was capable of. Yet he chose to remain stubborn to this fact and wouldn’t indicate to Magnus this is what he was doing to make himself feel better and get through his day to day life if he knew what the warlock was out doing.
“I’m not deciding anything, I just have a pretty good idea of how it’s going to go considering you’re history. Besides, once I’m dead you won’t have to be concerned about what I think. You can grieve, shut yourself off or whatever you want Magnus, but won’t be the end of your world. You’re immortal with so much time on your hands that one way or another, you’ll move on like your other relationships.”
He countered back, thus turning his attention back onto the man sitting on the floor many feet apart of him. This distance wasn’t something the nephilim enjoyed as he inwardly shook his head. Honestly considering how things were going right now, he wished he could have been dead yesterday rather then dealing with all this. At least in death he could try and be at peace. But by some cruel act of fate, death didn’t want this Lightwood yet. No, death felt like he had to suffer even more so and test him because apparently Alec had not been through even turmoil in his life right now.
The encounter he had with a pack of rogue demons a couple days ago didn’t leave him nearly as scarred and bruised as he would have hoped for. It was beneath this silk and colored pattern shirt of Magnus’s he was wearing; the one the warlock tailored with magic so the cuffs would fit Alec’s longer arms that were hiding his battle wounds. The shadow hunter couldn’t remember the last time he had used an iratze rune to heal his wounds if he thought on it. So what lay beneath the silk was not a glorious sight. There were discoloured bruises and scars to match his wounded soul. But because he deserved this pain, he didn’t heal himself. One of the demons had a clear blow in ending his life that night, but Alec had decided he didn’t want to die yet. And that was only because and image of Magnus Bane flashed through his mind. He didn’t know why. And he didn’t know why it mattered. The two of them were broken beyond repair it seemed that why Alec should keep living in this world of heartache made no sense. And yet he chose to live that night. He chose to live because something in him when he saw that image of his ex boyfriend told him it wasn’t his time yet.
However, what did Alec Lightwood have to live for if he didn’t have Magnus Bane at his side? It didn’t seem like a winning situation if he lived, because death would have been easier. But yet he fought that night to live and here he was now - being hurt in a different way. The way he was trying to escape.
What Magnus was saying was still not something the nephilim could comprehend because it wasn’t true. Even with what the warlock was spewing, Alec still did not believe he just tossed Magnus aside like every other person seemed to do. It wasn’t as if this decision had been on a whim. The shadow hunter didn’t just wake up one morning with the idea of ending his relationship with the man he was in love with because it was something that to be done. No. He tossed and turned over what he was going to do multiple times. Whenever he thought he worked up the nerve to tell this to Magnus and end things, something happened that made him reconsider. And it was always something good. Whether it was the warlock taking them through a portal to another country, or planning a dinner, or honestly, just even kissing him and making him feel like Alec was worth loving despite whatever he was going through and smiling at him with such adoration that made him back out. Magnus had no idea what the Lightwood had been so stressed about since Alec had always chalked it up to working, but the reality of it was so much worse. Magnus’s magical hands would slip over his shoulders and begin gently rubbing them, sometimes with magic in order to get the male to relax. Even though his body bent to the warlock’s will, his heart and mind were at odds with each other constantly. And his heart usually always one the battle until one day it hadn’t.
“Then why get in a relationship with me? What did you expect from me? You knew I was new to everything! How did you expect me to act? You were my first in everything Magnus, how was I suppose to know that down the line I didn’t think I could be with an immortal? Sure it’s not something that’s encouraged, for obvious reasons. But I wasn’t thinking like that when I got into a relationship with you. I can’t help how things started to change for me, especially since this seems to be the only thing we fight about.”
The Lightwood answered back with questions of his own. Although some rhetorical and some not. But he didn’t know which ones he wanted Magnus to answer, so he just said what came to mind after what the warlock said to him.
There was no taking back the words he had said now. Not when he bellowed them to the warlock and then collapsed to his knees like a soldier begging for mercy. However only silence filled the air between the two males. Even though Magnus had now raised his head and looked at the shadow hunter in front of him, there was still nothing else said. He didn’t know what else to say, but he didn’t think being cruel and sarcastic was going to work for him anymore after that display. So maybe, just maybe the only thing Alec could do in this very moment was infact fall apart in front of the very person who had been causing him such turmoil these past months. After all, he kept the strong bravado on display for everyone else. Yet if he saw Magnus he made it a point to remain that much more stronger in front of him before falling to pieces behind closed doors. Although now the doors were closed. And now he could fall apart. The only difference was, the one person he didn’t want to show this side of himself to was infact the one he was.
Alec shook his head after a moment and reclined back on his rear before tossing the shattered vile in the warlock’s directions in scattered pieces mixed with his blood.
“That’s what I think of your potion. You’re NOT forgetting me Magnus Bane, I won’t let you. You‘re not forgetting everything between us because I can‘t. ”
He declared before leaning back against the nearest sturdy wall. The raven haired male couldn’t bring himself to stand anymore, he legs didn’t want to. They were took weak to stand strong, especially since everything else with the Lightwood was crumbling. He didn’t even know where to begin. What words was he meant to say? He knew nothing was going to fix what was between them right now, but it was far too hard for the Lightwood to keep up this front where Magnus was concerned. It had taken it’s toll on the nephilim and stretched him this way and that way in order to just keep his head above water. But he had long accepted nothing but Magnus was going to pull him back to the surface because he had been drowning over and over again. All he ever did was relive the painful moments.
And so not knowing where to look, but knowing that he couldn’t look at his speechless ex, he tilted his head back and looked up at the less then interesting concrete ceiling with light fixtures.
“Not having you in my life kills me every day. I can’t sleep. And if I do it’s always a nightmare. There’s been this weight on my chest for months and I can’t find my breath. My chest hurts all the time - especially when I hear your name or see your face. It feels like you’re always here with me but you’re not.”
The raven haired Lightwood began to say before subconsciously finding his right hand clenching the fabric of his silk shirt over his heart. He really didn’t know what he was saying and how to convey things to the man in front of him, but if there was always one person who make sense of Alec Lightwood’s word jumble, it was this warlock.
“What happened to us Magnus?.. Are break up’s suppose to be this hard? Are they suppose to hurt this much?”
He began to ask in a more distant and quieter voice; as if the warlock might actually have these answers. And for all Alec knew he might. He had lived for hundreds of years. But still, Alec couldn’t bring himself to cast his conflicted blue eyes down to the man sitting across from him.
The warlock had been dealing with his life and all of the other people that were disrupting it, because apparently it was easier to pull his life apart than it was to even speak to the shadowhunter. Apparently Magnus had come across as warm and fluffy where as Alec had come across as the grump version in their relationship so they believe it was going to be the warlock who would fix their relationship because time and time again that had been what he always did. The shadowhunter had gotten too used to the warlock always stepping in and taking the heat whenever something happened that the warlock even wondered if he noticed it sometimes. It sure as hell didn’t seem like it anymore and it sure as hell acted as if he expected the warlock to continue to do so.
Well he was going to get himself into a big surprise because the warlock was done with it. He had done his fair share of fixing and he had been the shoulder to cry on one too many times without having the same thing done in response, after all the warlock had to live with the fact that he didn’t get the same in return. So for once he didn’t stand up and be the guy that fixed everything, for once he wanted to be the one that someone tried to fix which was why no matter what happened between the two of them, Magnus wasn’t going to be the one that fixed it. He wasn’t going to be the one that sorted any of the problems. He was going to sit back and let this one run out, although he was definitely upset and angry about the fully situation.
“Because of course that would be great for business to just have some spells on my apartment that stopped vampires and warlocks for entering. You really have not thought anything through have you”
Magnus couldn’t help but reply in a sarcastic manner because of course he had already wanted to put some spells on his apartments and of course he would have loved to keep all the Nephilim out of his home but that wasn’t exactly his first thought. He had wanted to be with the shadowhunter and just like everyone else in his relationship he had been left in the dark. He had been the one to be heart broken because of someone else.
This was how it always seemed to end up for the warlock and he was tired of it, he wanted to be alone from now on and he believed he had had enough of all this nonsense with people. Magnus couldn’t think about anyone else now or in the future, he would problem retire himself to where Tessa was and see if it helped as much as she said it did. But right now he couldn’t do that because as much as he hated the shadowhunter right now, he also still loved him – and didn’t want to see anything happen to him which was why he couldn’t just disappear while he was still alive and needing help. That would defeat the purpose but it also meant getting caught in situations like this which he would have rather avoided since the more time he seemed to spend with the hurt raven haired male the more time he seemed to want to leave completely and be with no one in his life.
“That’s not quiet how life works for us immortals and that’s something you don’t understand. Why do you think my friend Tessa or any of the other warlock’s end up working in the Labyrinth? There is a point in every warlock’s life when eventually they give up and they’ve had enough of falling in love”
Magnus had had enough of letting the shadowhunter tell him how he would live his life and how he would fall in love with someone else. Magnus had wanted to scream and shout and throw a tantrum because well he was fed up of the Lightwood using his immortality against him, if this was the way he was going to be then it was obvious that they would never be able to be together because why would this warlock even want to be in a relationship with someone like this.
The cat eyed warlock was at his wits end with the Lightwood and whatever insecurities he had, even if he apologised and wanted to get back together, Magnus wasn’t sure he could so easily go back to how they used to be. They had said so much to each other and Alexander had seemed to be adamant that Magnus was going to live his life in a certain way even if Magnus said he didn’t want to do that. It was like the blue eyed male wasn’t even listening to him or what he had to say and that, frankly, made him not want to be in a relationship with someone like that. Magnus needed someone who would actually pay attention to him and give him the love he had craved so much in his life. Alec seemed to be doing the exact opposite of what he needed him to do and that was pushing the warlock further and further away without any look before coming back.
Originally posted by misterfahrenheitt
He wasn’t sure how much the shadowhunter was aware of this but he had to have some idea about what was happening since the warlock felt horrible and he was sure he looked nearly as bad since that wasn’t his usual look. Magnus was down on the ground, with his legs stretched out and collapsed to the side, he couldn’t even look at the Nephilim because he was so upset and disappointed with him by this point.
“You have decided in you’re head what will happen when you’re gone. What’s to say you won’t be the last person I love. What’s to say that we couldn’t have a long and happy life together. The only person that is standing in that way is you, Alexander”
Magnus was fed up with the shadowhunter deciding his future for him. After all they could have had a good life together considering what Magnus had dealt with him so far, they had quiet easily fallen in to a nice little routine. They had enjoyed their short time together and felt comfortable just spending time together and Magnus hadn’t even minded when he had to help out the misfit family of his whenever they had gotten themselves into trouble. But that had all ended far too soon because the Lightwood’s head had gotten the better of him. He had seen the memory box Magnus had collected of his life and he couldn’t get passed the fact that not only was he not in there but he might be in there one day. He couldn’t believe his immortal life was coming back to bite him in the ass the way it was.
But that wasn’t something he could change. Which was why he had to let the Blue eyed Nephilim understand that, he couldn’t change that small thing about himself, it was a part of him and that was why they weren’t together anymore. Alexander had to get over his own insecurities and move on if that was what he wanted to do. But blaming everyone else for his own problems was something he was going to have to get over. Just because he was nervous and it was his first time didn’t mean he could just blame Magnus for their full relationship. That wasn’t what relationships were about, and the sooner the Lightwood would understand what they were going to be like in the future. It was hard for Magnus to explain all the problems and what had gone wrong because to him it felt like they were a perfect match. It felt like his heart had been ripped out of his chest.
So Magnus felt like he had a right to be in his own mood for once, he felt like he had the right to voice his own opinion on the matter.
“You can’t just lock yourself away. I did it for so many years and every time I get into a relationship I think it will be different. I believe people will not just see me as a short time thing. No one ever wants me to spend any length of time with me”
The warlock was depressed about this fact and it was why he hadn’t been in a relationship for a long while. Not since the vampire, after all he believed that maybe he was supposed to be alone in life, maybe falling in and out of life wasn’t for him anymore, perhaps he was just supposed to be a magical warlock who dedicated his time to working. After all he hadn’t seen his friends in as many relationships as him. Tessa only had eyes for two men and he doubt she would date anyone apart from those two men. Catarina tended to spend all her time dedicated to nursing and looking after people and well Ragnor was just a grumpy green men with small versions of his own love stories. But no one quiet did romance and love like the cat eyed warlock did.
He had normally always believed that there would be something else. Someone would love him the way he was supposed to be loved, yet here he was again, alone and rejected because of who he was born to be. He didn’t even get to choose the parts of himself that people seemed to hate. He was born with immortality, he was born with these eyes, he was born a warlock and none of that was his choice but still he suffered the consequences of it.
Originally posted by smilefortheliving
Magnus knew that it was difficult for Alec and he knew that it was new to all of him that was why he had wanted to take it slow and he had tried not to fallen in love with him as fast as he did. But that didn’t work out in the warlock’s favour either. Magnus hadn’t expected to have so many firsts with the younger shadowhunter either, after all Magus was an immortal and that meant it was hard to be his first when he had lived so long. It was completely new for him to be dealing with so many first but Alexander was his first shadowhunter and he couldn’t help but help him whenever he could. Which was why he ended up locked in a box with him right now.
But Magnus didn’t really know what Alec wanted him to say or which of the questions he wanted him to answer since he seemed to be spouting off questions in random bursts. He was worried about the Lightwood and everything he was saying and doing, but at the same time Magnus had to take care of himself because he knew he was going to be living like this for years to come. The shadowhunters could distract themselves in life with all the work they did and all the hunting they were doing and the same could be said for Magnus. He could distract himself with work but that was hard when everything in work reminded him of the shadowhunter that made things difficult. After all his work had pushed him to Alec and the shadowhunters seemed to be most of his work lately.
“It’s not like we get a choice of who we fall for Alec. You were a first of mine for many things as well. I didn’t think Immortality would ever be a problem because it’s part of who I am and I can’t separate from myself. Which is why after everything I didn’t push for anything after you ended things, it’s why I stayed away because you’re the one that can’t get over that insecurity in your own head, no matter what I say or do I can’t make myself mortal”
Magnus decided to level with Alexander after all he had to tell him the truth in these situations. After all he couldn’t baby the Lightwood right now especially when It was his first relationship. If he wanted to get over it and move on – as much as Magnus would hate to see him move on – he needed to learn what it was like in real relationships if he ever wanted to get into another one. The cat eyed warlock would hate to see him in another relationship and he wasn’t sure he could just sit by and watch, he would probably end up leaving the country if that were the situation but they weren’t at the stage just yet.
He was thankfully for that situation.
At the tossed vile on the floor, Magnus couldn’t help but stare at it for a moment after all he had thought about using it multiple times it would easily help him forget who he was and what he had been hurt about but that could also mean he could make the same mistake again and that wasn’t something he could muster, which was why he shook his head and closed his eyes. This situation seemed impossible to deal with at the best of times but locked in a room with the Lightwood just made this even worse.
“I couldn’t forget you Alec. That’s why I gave you the potion”
He admitted even if he didn’t want to open his eyes and see the look on the blue-eyed males face, most of the time he had such a strong fierce persona and that was part of what Magnus loved about him but he also knew what the shadowhunter looked like hurt and broken, he also knew what it was like when he cared deeply for someone that he would do anything to help them and that was why he couldn’t just sit here and face him. That was why he was sitting as far away from the male as he could get and he tried not to look over and see his beautiful face and the combination that always made Magnus fall in love. Those dark raven locks and blue eyes. How could Magnus resist such temptation wrapped up in his favourite combination.
Magnus knew better than anyone else that he couldn’t forget the Lightwood male after all since their break up he had been trying to forget everything they had and failing terrible. Although it didn’t help that he had every other shadowhunter breaking down his door and demanding him to talk to Alec and get him to change his mind. The blue eyed shadowhunter had his own damn mind and he had to make his own decision and in this instances, Magnus refused to be the one to fix everything, he was always the one to step in and protect the blue eyed Nephilim, he always made sure he was happy and not emotional about things and he was someone the man could lean on when no one else could. But Magnus couldn’t continue to do this when he also got the backlash.
Originally posted by banescars
Alec needed to realise that he had to take Magnus as who he was, he had to be the same to Magnus as Magnus was to him and that wouldn’t be the case if this continued. Alec needed to get over himself and step up for once because for once Magnus wasn’t going to apologise and make everything right again. The elder Lightwood had to do that for himself for once, yes he wasn’t good at talking about his feelings or coming to people for help but in order to win Magnus back or even to be friends again well that was just what he was going to have to do. Magnus couldn’t stop his feelings for the Lightwood male and they wouldn’t go away over night.
But he also couldn’t keep getting pulled into this fight and position every time something went wrong. He had to be able to live his life happy and not in fear that eventually the Lightwood would go off the deep end again and decide that he wanted to brood again. So this time, Magnus couldn’t fix what the Lightwood had broke.
“Alec you can’t just say these things and expect everything to go on the way it normally does. You’re the one that decided we can’t be together not me. I have to live with that knowledge myself. I’m stuck in this just as much as you are. Do you think I can just go back to my normal life? Go back to doing things I used to do without you”
Doing things without Alec and his friends would have been easier if people didn’t just turn back up in his apartment and demanding he fixed what he broke or the fact that they were the only shadowhunters in New York that seemed to deal with any of the problems and well he knew everyone in New York more than any other country it seemed. He had a life here and people he cared about so he didn’t see why he should have to leave just so the shadowhunter that broke his heart could be happy. After all he was going to have to watch that Shadowhunter get married and more than likely have children of his own, and then forever the Lightwood name would be tainted for him.
How was he supposed to look at any Lightwood’s the same ever again in his long life?
How could Magnus explain to Alexander what break ups were like? It was hard to explain to him about his other relationships, since he always seemed to get upset or angry when they mentioned Magnus’s passed relationships. But they weren’t together anymore and he wasn’t supposed to be saving his feelings. Magnus wasn’t supposed to care about him in any way shape or form but that obviously wasn’t the case. Magnus didn’t want to even look at the blue eyed male either but he couldn’t think properly about what was happening or what it was supposed to feel like.
Yes, Magnus had been hurt after a break up but he couldn’t remember it ever been this hard to move on. He had normally drank himself silly with Catarina and Ragnor near by and then they had all moved on to the next country they could. He never forgot the people he had been in love with but at the same time he had never been stuck in this kind of battle with them either. But then again none of them with Alexander Lightwood and that was maybe a part of why it was so busy.
“I’ve never been in a break up quiet like this before”
Magnus couldn’t help but admit with a small voice because well they hadn’t really stopped their fighting with each other yet and he couldn’t quiet decide if he wanted to escape the situation or the word entirely at this point. His friends and his family had put him in this situation and no one seemed to be helping him in any way shape or form. It was very frustrating for him to be put in this position since of course it wasn’t his idea to break up with the Lightwood, just like it was very rarely his idea to break up with most of the people he was with. He was beginning to get depressed just thinking about it. After all it seemed Magnus was good for people if only for them to experience a small part of his life, he was never a long term thing for everyone so why should that change for the Nephilim who tended to have shorter life than most people.
That was probably why he had stayed so long with the vampire, she had seemed to want him and she also had an immortal life, even though she wasn’t very much Magnus’s type but that was what he had learned after the case.
