A Place To Let The Monster Out

This will be a more anonymous and photoless blog solely fulfilling the purpose of somewhere for me to get things out of my head so I don't scream.

[secretsrantsandmore]

The Smile / Il Sorriso

"Trust me" you said Then raced away, too busy Too important to see my reaction "No, I made it for you" When I implored the name For next time, for more of that warmth "You choose" you grinned When I insisted a name was needed For that which had brought me such happiness

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Then after.

I can't stand how he acts towards me now. I know it's his way of covering up how much he's hurting. But that doesn't take away from the fact that the last time I saw him he was so tender and open, and now he can't say one real thing to me. We can't have a single real conversation and all hopes that I ever had about us being friends are gone. He told me in the beginning it was a good thing I had been so strong in previous breakups. It would be helpful if we ever broke up because he couldn't be. I guess I took it for granted that I wouldn't have to go through that. He was completely right though. I've hated having to be the strong one and not being able to show him my soft side or see his since we broke up. It well and truly sucks.

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From before...

You know how I'm always forgetting things? Your memory is so much better than mine. But it's occurred to me that I only forget the good stuff. The normal day to day moments and the moments where I'm happiest seem to slip away while all the bad memories stay; the fighting, the yelling, all of the tears, every moment I've ever felt ashamed, disappointed, betrayed, abandoned, or hurt in any way remains with me still. You say that you admire how strong I am, but no one should need this much strength. Is a person who can have so much hurt and negativity in her head someone you should really admire, or even love? I am scared that one too many bad memories will eventually leave me too badly affected. And then you, like so many before you, will leave me with nothing but more heartbreaking memories I'll never forget.

[secretsrantsandmore]

Friday Night Pipes

Only an onlooker, outsider, observer rings & clouds & curls entangling themselves through his curls The waving flag against those stock still trees almostfake, false, fiction pipe cleanersno glitter nor glue trains pass by more smoke flies

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Eternally Unrequited

I've got this list hidden away. Things I want to ask you, things I already know, things I have guessed but would rather know for sure. But see there's this one question I've had stored inside longest. It's on my mind whenever you're near, and I've asked myself numerous times, but I'll never know, or perhaps I'll never want to know. Until there is surety, hope can remain. Could you ever? Will you ever? Should you ever?

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The very beginning.

Today sucked. Nothing especially teribble happened, and on paper today was a decent day. However, due to hormones, low blood sugar, lack of sleep, or perhaps a combination of all three; today was just a shitty day. Because of this I had these complaints and frustrations rolling around in my head all day that I absolutely can not share with my family or coworkers or roommates, hence the blog. This blog will be for the sole purpose of maintaining or improving my mental health. If you want to follow to laugh at my misery or for some other strange reason feel free, but there will be no reblogs and no pictures posted. Solely whiny textposts that I would normally keep bottled up. So let's get started shall we?