[seeiris]

What a weird year but thank you 2025. I learned a lot, experienced new things and made some realizations that maybe it's okay to not have it all.

Kinda a roller coaster year, barely survived amidst all silent chaos and struggles. May 2026 be a better year (>*<)

[seeiris]

SONG RECO

All time fave

If Only - Dove Cameron (Descendant OST)

Saturn - Sza

less of you - Keshi

Ur Best friend - Kiana Lede

blue - Keshi

10,000 hours - Justin Bieber

Where we are - One Direction

Blossom - Enhypen

Multo - Cup of Joe

Slut - Taylor Swift

Clarity - Zedd

Youth - Troye Sivan

So Close - Zayn & Kehlani

Wild - Troye Sivan

Past Life - Ariana Grande

Our Love - YVY, Emarie

Kings & Queen - Ava Max

Rewrite the star

Free - Rumi & Jinu

Fortnight - Taylor Swift

Message in the bottle - Taylor Swift

I think I'm lost again - Chase Atlantic

2025 PLAYLIST

You - Chase Atlantic

1000x - Jarryd James

Empty Space - James Arthur

the way that we started - Elijah woods

Someday - Great Pretender OST

Home - Niko Rain, EJEAN

Wolves - Selena Gomez, Marshmello

Moth to a Flame - Swedish Mafia ft. the Weekend

Go big or go home - Enhypen

Blind - Enhypen

Swim - Chase Atlantic

Cinnamon Girl - Lana Del Ray

Down - Mokita

Advantage - Daniel Di Angelo

Where you go - Kiana Lede

Love Overdose - Daniel Di Angelo

Butterflies - Denis Julia

Chase Atlantic - Her

My Ordinary Life -

Wait - Maroon 5

Amnesia - 5 SOS

forgot time

Frozen - Dept feat. Ashley Alisha

Outside - Enhypen

Who I am - Alam Walker, Putri Ariani, Peder Elias

Just Keep watching - Tate McRae

Hampstead - Ariana Grande

Something Comforting - Porter Robinson

Hinga - Cup of Joe

Swimming Pool - Lloyd

This Feeling - Chainsmoker ft. Kelsea Ballerini

Fools - Troye Sivan

Million Places - XG

Vibesz - Zayn

Heaven Knows - Skate Avenue

Lovely - Billie Eilish ft Khalid

[seeiris]

I wish you a kinder sea - Emily Dickinson

Why did I feel like rushing, when no one is pressuring me beside myself. I stumbled upon a post saying, "and for once, just live for yourself—even if you think it's selfish" But that's not the case for me.

I guess it's easier if I just live for others. Because my own standard and way of thinking makes my life harder than it could ever be. As someone, who never asks for help as long as the baggage can be dragged on. I get it, why would I even carry a baggage that is too much even for my strength and physicality. This is why my father often scolds me for carrying too much when travelling away. It can be helped though. How can I have it all if I can't carry that much.

It's so strange now I understand why I behave that way. It actually reflects my mentality and for utmost—my personality. I struggled in the past because of that, but it doesn't matter as long as I can reach my destination. However, as my working adult era had begun—I slowly realized how wrong of me to mistreat myself just for some stupid goals when I can enjoy the moments.

Time passes I realize, I want to live and not be exhausted like in my student years. Even though it bothers me so much that I'm aging. As you know, I've always thought to myself, "oh you're just 20 years old" But reality hits hard, why do I even think I stopped aging by that time I hit 20 hahaha. All this time, I've always thought that I'm just a child. Then, maybe I can just acknowledge that I'm just a weak creature with all these emotional and mental scars no one knew about.

Maybe I'm not trying hard enough or maybe it is n't the perfect time because I have some healing to do. I need to figure it out. While on the train yesterday, it randomly came to me that I don't want to be in this situation where it feels like I'm chasing the future—something that isn't here yet. It drains my soul and wears out my empty heart. Why can't I just leave things be, then maybe I won't feel lost. Maybe I can think straight and not as if I'm floating into the unknown world. All these happenings in my life this year made me feel lifeless and emotionless.

As if something in me had died this year. 2025–what a weird year!!! It feels like a silent torture, my mental health had taken a hit to a point where I need to be silent just to stop my raging thoughts. My work isn't even that stressful but I didn't choose it that's why I'm not committed. I cut communication with people I'm close with just to preserve myself from withering away. I'm done pretending to be strong. Just like my mom said, no one is pressuring me so I should just leave things be. But what if your heart wants something??? and that strange feeling takes away my peace of mind 💔

As if I want to run away and go somewhere so far away–where I'm just a stranger without a care in the world. Why can't I have it all, and if not all just some enough to fulfill my lifeless soul. Hoping that someday, I can finally know the reasons why I have this kind of thinking and personality. It's so complicated and hard to handle. Even if I tried to change, it clings harder like some unwanted leech. If I can have it then why give me an idea. Maybe because I'm still thinking I had enough time which is true. I can easily get things but what I really want/s grrrrrrhfgggh!!!??? it has to be that hard when simple things can be an option. But the problem is, I never settled for just that!!!! It has to be something that comforts or satisfies me. Most of all, it has to be something that secured my peace of mind.

Anyways, no one really understands me because no one knew about it beside myself. Well, for most it's my own business and even my parents didn't even listen so I stopped talking it out. I just need to find some resolution next year. 2025 should pass soon and the new year is a great time to start a new life. For all I care, damn I just have to get lost and let things be right? Control is shit and so is planning. Here we go for some unexpected adventure and for what's coming. May good luck rides with me in the years to come so I can be myself and live like how I wanted it to be.

[seeiris]

Anime Recommendation 2025 heheheh

1.) Romantic Killer - it's more about comedy, not a single boring episode. the episode where Kazuki told Anzu about his trauma and she just hugged him is definitely 1M/10

2. Silent Witch - if you're into magic/fantasy anime. Just your typical wholesome anime with a shy but powerful mc. Loving every Monika interaction with the student council members especially the prince hahahah. The character development of Monika's friend is on point.

3. Great Pretender - randomly watched it on Netflix and it was good. Literally super underrated, I mean you got it all—from an action pack psychological romance comedy anime. It's so heart wrenching and sad. The background of each character is so well written. It really made me cry, and that damn ost soooo good, man 💘

Anyways for reference here are the OST: Someday Soon and Our Love by YVY

Hoping for another season or spinoff if ever.

4. Made in the Abyss - last but not the least, ♾️/10. It was that good, the best world building in the anime world where each layer has its own story. The soundtrack is perfect, the angst and gore huhuhu. It's not your typical shonen anime because it gets really dark especially Faputa and Nanachi entering the scene. It really broke my heart a hundred times. Reg x Riko x Nanachi my forever trio....Soo excited for Faputa to join the team!!!

Patiently waiting for the next season. Y'all I binge watch it in like one go hahaha

*so tired, drained and mentally unstable for the past week 😔 but hoping this person that is me well recover soon💪

[seeiris]

This is the first time I've watched Netflix gameshow and it grew on me—I mean the participants huhuhu. My two faves : Team Mongolia & Team Japan. I'm so glad they've made it till quest 5. I've learned a lot while watching this show.

Before I've always questioned myself, is there really someone I've looked up to or adored??

There is no one actually, hahahah...

I've always think I needed someone who could be my references who I want to be as a person—and as a source of motivation.

I feel so lost after being a working adult, I didn't know what I want to do anymore. It's seems like I've lost my spark and I'm so unenthusiastic, not until I've watched this show.

Honestly, I didn't expected that I'd get some clue from it. I'm definitely not into sport but I guess, life sometimes bring out the most unexpected twist. Guess what, I had so much realization while watching the shows like it came pouring down. Suddenly, I know what I want to do in the coming year. From being lost to getting back on track. Thanks God!!!

I'm so into it hahahaha, now I know what I really want. The show made me realized some things, and the answers to some difficult question I've been asking myself from the past. So maybe, next time when my colleagues ask me—I can definitely give a clear answer.

Anyways, this show will be forever in my heart. That's why I want to keep my most favorite moments or scene here heheheh..

Team Mongolia you'll always be the real winner 🏆

Team Japan and Team Mongolia deserves the top 2 spot in the final quest if we're talking about strategy, strength and endurance.

The star teams ✨ 🇲🇳🇯🇵 (they're really Genghis Khan descendant —adiya is such a strong woman and her confidence 🔥 🐱-Sumi, you'll always be that man!!! special mention to team Japan's captain such a good mentor

(Katsumi 🇯🇵 & Adiyasuren 🇲🇳) – my fave 🙇‍♀️🏹🏆

©📍11/22/25 😽

[seeiris]

"Men are such tragic creatures. Right, Dorothy" ~ Laurent, The Great Pretender

As someone who prefers being alone,

I can't help but wonder...

Why do people laugh and cry

over something as fleeting as love,

over some dumb text—over some stupid post

If love is like a cherry blossoms,

fading fast,

Nothing but passing moments that will eventually lose their meaning

wouldn't it be better not to start at all?

~Sujeong, Falling For it by Cakenyam

🎈

✨

🌸

*random photos by me 📸

*Nov. 2025 (first week)

[seeiris]

"For you a thousand times over"—but what happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change a single course of life of a whole lifetime ~ Khaled Hosseini, The Kite Runner🪁

What if it just happen one day, you met that person then suddenly you became different because that person changed you. One day, you traveled to that new place afterwards your perspective in life begin to shift—your mind suddenly decide instead of doing what was already plan, why go for something new and different. It happens all at once, and then you realize you've come so far because of that one decision in life. What if you didn't go met that friend then after a few days or months, you heard the news she died, it makes you feel heartbroken and sad right? It's because you keep thinking on the what if's, you did go and see her—then maybe you didn't feel so heartbroken. Because even before her last moment, you saw and talked to her. Probably, it's what we missed that makes us sad, maybe it could be a person, time or places. It makes us nostalgic and yearning.

Cherish every moment—A gentle reminder that's somehow forgotten. It might be the last and it's not the same, if it ever happens again. And so, the fleeting moments and the coming ones that never happen ghost us.

Maybe our greatest fear is not death but being unable to live the best life we wished for. Perhaps, our ghost is something that we've been robbed off—like the freedom to do anything without worrying and with a happy heart.

*Oct. 2025 (3rd week)

🕡 5.00 - 6.00 am

[seeiris]

A lot has happened in the fast few weeks and sometimes it makes you feel a little blue.

The Pool of Tears painting shows how a person can be drowned in their own grief to the point of exhaustion. As if, it intoxicated them while their grieving hearts cried—drink me, all the bittersweet memories, pains and struggles we suffered.

Because life sometimes just makes it happen—the drinking party. We tried to be strong against the alcohol called grief, for us to overcome it. Maybe we had to go through something like a pool of tears to recollect the broken pieces of ourselves after all that heartbreaks. It's safe to say, it will make us stand back, get that glow and be stronger to what's coming. Just because we had no choice, it's a part of a test whether we can handle the roller coaster ride of life. After all, we were all in an adventure—and we traveler must be strong enough to go on....for something fun awaiting for us!!!!

*Oct. 2025 (2nd week)

📍Secret Fresh Gallery 🖼️

[seeiris]

My comfort and favorite of all time—slice of life anime is finally here!!! To Your Eternity S3, it got me hooked ever since the first season. The character and their stories were so well written as if I was on a roller coaster ride. It's so G-O-A-T-ed* hehehee, author you're the best!!! one moment you'll laugh, cry, get angry, yearn and smile again. It's just too wholesome and tear jerking, at the same time. The stories and memories that travel through time. It's so nostalgic like how you're recalling the best of your childhood memories now that you're an adult now and hustling ggggggrrrh.

Anyways, it made me truly understand the meaning of life and the bittersweet emotions that comes with it. Highly recommended to watch—a masterpiece, rating ♾️/10 hahahaha* (seeing March laughing and calling Fushi name all over as well as Tonari's face again in season 3 is so refreshing 🥺)

*Oct 2025 (first week)