Imagine the most straight laced, white night paladin…then dial that up to about 500 out of 5. That is our party paladin. He saved all his money for three levels to afford the merciful enchantment for his sword so that it dealt nonlethal damage and before then, made every attack at a -2 disadvantage to deal nonlethal. His name is “Irrelevant” because the paladins of his order told him “Your name is irrelevant” during his training. He has no other name. This is the story of our party rescuing him from an antipaladin. (in this campaign, I am playing a druid/tactician who controls 4 velociraptors)
After a day of fighting during which we found and killed most of the antipaladin’s castle guards, we decided to rest and come in the next day. On day two, the antipaladin was ready for us. After we politely got a ghost to open the front door, the party entered the grand hall of his castle to find the antipaladin standing there in full plate beside our tied up paladin. The following conversation happened next…
AP: BEHOLD YOUR COMRADE! I have tortured him for days and now I will kill you all before him.
Druid: (pause) Wait, you have been in a dungeon…alone…with Irrelevant…for two days? Would you like to go get a beer? I think we have a lot in common…
Necromancer: Maybe he wants a rope
Necromancer: If I was trapped in a room with Irrelevant for two days, I would want to hang myself.
AP: True, it has been a trial, BUT NOW I CAN KILL YOU ALL IN FRONT OF HIM! That should break his spirit.
Druid: Or you could just let him go…or kill him and let us go…
We fought. During the fight our female brawler challenged the antipaladin to a manly fight which was declined as both contestants were female. After the fight:
Brawler (ooc): So we just knocked her (the antipaladin) unconscious right?
Brawler (ooc): I drag her in front of irrelevant…
Brawler (ooc): And I very deliberately punch her to death in front of him.
DM: He is utterly horrified at what you have done. The moment you untie him he casts detect evil on you.
Druid: Wait, if the Antipaladin owned the castle, does that mean the castle has no owner now?
Necromancer: We don’t need a castle.
Druid: Why not, I want the castle. I’m going to drag the Antipaladin back to the city and get this straightened out.
DM: Wait, so what are you bringing? The antipaladin’s head is completely deformed and the breastplate is basically just a giant slab of twisted metal leaking juices…
Druid: I will bring the torso and see if my raptors can find anything with any sort of heraldry.
DM: Roll to find heraldry?
DM: Alright, you find some pieces of heraldry. How do you get them back?
Druid: I tie them between my raptors. They can drag it between them.
DM: Okay, you get back to the town and are stopped at the gate by the guards. They demand to know why you are dragging a dismembered torso into their city.
Druid: Hello sir, I just came from the castle back thataways and it turned out that it was being controlled by an antipaladin who was luring paladins there and murdering them. The offender is that torso there. I don’t think we killed any innocent people…Is there a captain I can speak to about appropriating that castle?
DM: The guard is kicking this upstairs, yeah he calls for the captain.
Druid: Hello sir, this torso behind me was once an antipaladin murdering people from his castle. Given that I have exterminated such an evildoer, might I take over his holdings?
DM: Fuck it roll diplomacy
Druid: 19! With modifiers that’s 25
DM; Alright, you have a castle now, upkeep is 10,000 gold pieces a month.
Druid: What do I have to roll to start a velociraptor-based business that profits about 10,000 gold pieces a month?
kaledo-art
stormborns
ellievsbear
origamiaround
baratheonpilled
prguitarman
titsay
