Impulses and venting

**Trigger Warning: some posts may be detailed. Feel free to ask for a certain trigger warning added to posts** Blog made specifically for venting and relating to others. I am comfortable with all posts being reblogged. you don't have to be professionally diagnosed to submit posts here. you can talk about paranoia, anxiety, depression, impulses, your favourite person, or anything else that's on your mind. i do not encourage the impulses that this blog contains - Please seek help if you need it. I see medical professionals as well as running this blog. it's okay to get help.

[self-destructive-urges]

You claim that I haven't experienced any hardships. So why am I in therapy because of the abuse YOU put me through?

[self-destructive-urges]

Why am I diagnosed with more than one disorder due to childhood abuse?

How come you acknowledged and empathized with me in the past but now you think I'm "playing the victim"?

[self-destructive-urges]

You claim that I haven't experienced any hardships. So why am I in therapy because of the abuse YOU put me through?

[self-destructive-urges]

My mother says that sometimes she thinks I hate her. Sometimes it's true.

[self-destructive-urges]

I wish you had learned to regulate your own emotions before you had children but I try my best to understand that you needed us.

[self-destructive-urges]

I love my mother, I fucking hate my mother.

She's a good person, I don't understand how she can be so awful.

I don't want her to die, I don't want to be anywhere near her.

She deserves good things, she is the reason I'm in therapy.

She is a victim, she is abusive.

[self-destructive-urges]

I sleep in a bedroom that doesn't belong to me and a dirty couch that gives me swollen eyes. I wish I had a place to call my own but here I am going back and forth between other people's homes.

[self-destructive-urges]

I wish I could feel emotions such as anger and jealousy without wanting to cut up my skin and end my life

[self-destructive-urges]

I am an adult that feels like a child and yet I'm not safe enough to feel like a child.

[self-destructive-urges]

How do you, a fully grown man, have the courage to tell an underage person that you "wish they were younger"? How fucking sick are you?

[self-destructive-urges]

I trusted you. I was scared of you. I adored your attention. I feel sick when I think about you. You made me so happy. I wish you were dead.

[self-destructive-urges]

There is so much shame in finding your own abuser attractive.

[self-destructive-urges]

One time "How to Save a Life" by The Fray came on and it triggered me so I asked the staff to change the song. Some guy around my age said that it was a good song. I stayed quiet because I didn't want to explain that while it is a good song, my friend had just died by suicide.

[self-destructive-urges]

People think I'm doing better because I haven't cut myself, but trust me, I think about it daily and I've tried but there were too many tears in my eyes to see what I was doing.

[self-destructive-urges]

You ever have sex with your friend, admit to yourself that you're really into them, they break things off with you and date someone else</3

[self-destructive-urges]

I haven't cut myself in so long, and while I am glad to not self-harm anymore, it's so frustrating to have these urges and not act on them due to fear.

[self-destructive-urges]

Lately I've been forgetting to take my anti-psychotics. Forgetting to eat. Forgetting to clean. Forgetting to study. Forgetting to keep in contact with people.

[self-destructive-urges]

I want the bad dreams to stop. Why must you touch me? Why must I dream of pedophiles?