three minute personality test
(after Jonathan Safran Foer)
How many people have you kissed whose names you don’t remember? Do you use more than the advised amount of softener when you do laundry? Where would you go if no one had to know you were there? If you are reading a book and the book stirs something deep inside you, and nobody is around to hear it, do you still make a sound? When you are faking eye contact, do you look at someone’s eyebrows, mouth, or nose? What is your mother’s maiden name? Do you know where your house keys are right now? Are you first to sadness or to anger? How many texts that you haven’t replied to are currently in your inbox? Does this mean you are too popular or too distant? If you had to watch a montage of all the worst things you’ve ever done, would you still be able to sleep that night? Do you check your shoes for spiders before you put them on? Are you ever afraid you’re not very good at kissing? Is there anything cruel about love? Is there a rule against laughing insincerely? If there was, would you still break it? When you think of your family home, why are there so many ashtrays? Why does rage flood through you? When you think of the person you’ve loved most in this world, why do your hands start shaking? Who ever taught you to tie your shoelaces? If you were offered all the happiness in this lifetime in exchange for the next not having any, would you forsake your future self in order to benefit this one? If you’re caught on a bridge and there’s no way forward and no way back, is there still a way off it? If you answered no, have you had too few tragedies? If you answered yes, have you had too many or are you assuming the fall won’t kill you? Is your best story your own story? Is there ever a moment at the end of the day when you are fully at peace with yourself? If you had to write your own eulogy, would you make your own mother cry? Do you apologize too much? Do you apologize enough? Whose face do you think of when I say the word regret? Would you give up having children for a better childhood of your own? What is the best way to nurse a large and brutal heartache? Do your dreams reveal you? Can you miss someone you haven’t met yet? What ever happened to your baby teeth? If you run away from all your problems, does it still count as exercise? What’s the most awful thing you’ve ever done to another human? If someone made you answer all these questions, and you had to be truthful, could you still look them in the eye afterwards? If someone made you answer all these questions, and you had to be truthful, would you be grateful to unload it all? If you had to answer, and you had to be truthful, who would you want to be asking the questions?
