TL;DR: Feeling's digital output

Feelings and thoughts dwell in this blog. I'm D. Currently I study at PUP Manila; taking in some course you'd be inconsiderate about. I don't talk much. I prefer speaking out in the midst of silence, in my solitude: bringing thoughts to life. I love...

[sentidokomon]

Day 1700+ 

Siguro gano’n katagal ko nang hindi nakikita mukha mo sa personal. May mga instance na pasulyap-sulyap ako sa socmed mo at may isang pagkakataon na nakita kong nag-view ka sa linkedin ko.  Deleted ko na linkedin ko dahil sa paranoia na may nagmamasid pa rin sa katauhan ko kahit na ikaw lang naman ang laman ng aking pag-aalala. Petty lang ako. ‘Namo hahaha Mas masaya pa rin ako dati kaysa ngayon. Pilit kong haharapin ang mga susunod na araw hanggang sa kunin na ako pabalik sa ilalim ng lupa. :) 

[sentidokomon]

‘,’,’` ` `

masaya ako dahil natutupad nila ang mga minimithi ngunit kailan ko ba makakamit ang akin?  ilang luha ba ang papatak bago ko matamasa ang tamis? kaunti na lang, nauubos na ang apoy sa akin matatapos na rin ang pagod ko at pighati paghihirap ko ay titigilan ko.

[sentidokomon]

JoJo

[sentidokomon]

????

as a host

[sentidokomon]

Kung maaari hindi nila malaman na magtatapos ako sa kursong PolSci. Ew. Wag lang nila malaman. :)

[sentidokomon]

A view from the eyes of Recto

[sentidokomon]

When you're about to leave the country for the first time, you'll know where I was standing.

[sentidokomon]

Updates: I'm 20 M. Living in Manila. Still no girlfriend. Even if she already knows about it, I didn't do anything to pursue her. She doesn't know how I am itching every night just for me to talk to her to say hi. She has never heard of my voice. I have heard of hers. She has heard of me. But not from me. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Just... Kill me. I'm dying. Dying to live. Updates: I'm 20 and breathing. Nervous on the inside but getting calmer. Saying good night. Maybe going to sing later.

[sentidokomon]

They would think of something else*

It's a curse when I'm befriended. All my folks here think of ominous mischief. Is always a curse when I'm befriended. Stay away for your safety and relief. Go away. I say. You won't be able to have good times. Everything will just be a waste of time. To my sorrow will be my eternal curse Your sake can't be jeopardized Stay away from me at first. All you have to do is to abide. Go away. Go away. Go away. Go away. Please leave me be. Don't befriend me.

[sentidokomon]

I'm always here, waiting.

I just saw a familiar face. He was passing along the pavements of Sta. Mesa, sweating through the scorching summer heat. Then a sudden flux of thoughts flooded my head. I was caught by surprise. All I can think of is that I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry for the abandonment. A good friend lost because of a misunderstanding. A friend lost because of my selfish jokes. A friend whom I lost because I thought I could replace him. I can't. He was my best friend and I discarded the only one who made me feel accepting what I'm destined to be. I am regretful that I can no longer call his name and say my mistakes. No more apologies to be said. He no longer have ears for me to say my thoughts. He would think my words are deceptive, just like how I lost him. I'm always cautious now for what could possibly backfire right at me for doing the damn mistakes. I fucking get nightmares every night I think of the grave mistakes. One thing is for sure, this is my punishment for my deeds. Little bird. Coal eyes. High flying. Eccentric. My old friend.

[sentidokomon]

mlcñng

Hi. Hindi pa rin ako pasok sa trabaho na nais kong pasukan. Doon iyon sa may bandang San Miguel sa Maynila. Sinabihan ako na sa susunod na linggo pa ang simula. Sana makapasok na ako pagkat nauna na ang mga kasamahan ko sa kanikanilang mga trabaho. D.

[sentidokomon]

DNQACTV.

Matagal na. Well sana hindi pa. Daming nangyayari sa school. ‘Di ko alam kung sapat ba na may ginawa na ako para sa klase--o sapat man lang ba ang mga binigay kong requirements. Sana pumasa. Sana hindi. Ewan. Daming nangyayari habang papalapit ang graduation year. Magtatapos ba? Mapapahaba ba ang pag-aaral ko? Uulit yata? Ewan. Ewan.

BPS3-1PUPCPSPA Good evening.

[sentidokomon]

yung half-chinese na kupal ng isang unibersidad sa Maynila.

Iniyakan ko yung panahon na pinaranas mo sa akin na hindi mahalaga ang iniisip ko. Na ang pananaw mo ay nakahihigit sa aking pananaw. Na kung kailan na ako ay nagpapakasaya ikaw ay nagbuhos ng inis sa buhay ko. Kung kailan ako ay nagbahagi ng tuwa at saya sa iba ay iyong sinira. Ang pananaw mo ay mas higit pa kaysa sa akin? Na ang iyong diwa ay may tuwid na pag-iisip kaysa sa sinabi ng iba? Dahil ba na mas matanda ka pa? Dahil ba ay hindi tayo lumaki sa parehong katayuan sa buhay? Dahil ba’y laki ako sa kalagayang hindi mo naranasan? Salamat; kasi nabuhay kang salat sa pakiramdam ng pananakit. 

Pinaikli: Tangina mo. Sana makita mo rin na hindi lang ikaw ang taong may isip. Timbangin mo muna ‘yang nakakainis mong punto. Tangina mo. Tangina mo.

[sentidokomon]

I'm tired. I'm sorry. I always want to make the best out of everything. Now that I'm in the middle of it all, I just want to quit. They fail to notice the fun I'm inserting every time boredom strikes. I actually felt so bad that people go look at the mundane stuff than to see the finest things in life. I feel my efforts are deemed just as their entertainment; short and outlived by monotonous stream of boredom. I'm drowned in the tastelessness of people. My ears went numb from the repetitive cries of my hopeful self.

When all things fail, I’ll try to give a big smile. And still gets unnoticed. That's how my life will be. 

[sentidokomon]

AGJKL

What. The. Fuck. I fell in love. With two people. Or maybe three. Fuck this feelings. Fuck the teenage angst. Kill my soul, oh I am in dire need. Cleanse my mind from these three. As I cling my arms unto thee. 

[theanarch-deactivated20170106]

To-morrow, and to-morrow, and to-morrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time; And all our yesterdays have lighted fools The way to dusty death. Out, out, brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player That struts and frets his hour upon the stage And then is heard no more. It is a tale Told by an idiot, full of sound and fury Signifying nothing.

Macbeth (Act 5, Scene 5, lines 17-28)

[sentidokomon]

sensitive

My worries.  Getting up late for work. Getting my appointments cancelled. Having the wrong documents to present. Getting myself called out from the few. Choking from irregularities. Seeing people judge me. Feeling sweaty at times. Getting rejected. Having no one to be with. Dying from sickness. Worrying more and more and more.  Not having kids to take care of me when I’m old. Time running out. Not doing my chores. Missed doing my scheduled tasks. Worrying. Sweating. Being cheated on. Working too much then getting neglected. Running from something. Seeing a ghost. Flying.  Dying.  Or just plainly living.  I’ve grown soft, didn’t I? Why can’t you just say I’m gonna be fine? Answer.  You left. That’s why I worry to lose some more.