Wise Mind is perhaps one of the most important skills in DBT. It is the synthesis of emotion and rational mind.
Rational Mind is the mindset ruled by reason. In rational mind, we attend only to facts and logic, ignoring emotions entirely.
Emotion Mind is obviously ruled by emotions. In emotion mind our behavior is controlled by out current emotional state. Facts are distorted in favor of emotional experiences.
All of us inhabit emotion and rational minds at different points in time. This is normal. What is not effective is living almost exclusively in either emotion or rational mind.
Wise mind is a state of mind that integrates rational thinking and emotions. It is the state of mind we achieve to be in when making important decisions. Wise mind adds intuition to logic. Sometimes being in wise mind is referred to as “walking the middle path” because it can help us live between our extremes. It is also tied to dialectics because wise mind can help us understand that two opposites can both have truth.
Finding your wise mind is not an easy task. People often say that when you find your wise mind you just know. But that’s not very helpful for someone just beginning. Finding your wise mind requires you to take a moment and sink into yourself. Some people imagine their wise mind resides in their core, in the pit of their stomach. Close your eyes, take a few deep breaths, and center yourself. Draw from both your rational mind and your emotion mind to find the inner truth of the matter. When you feel centered, drop the question you’re trying to answer in and sit with it. The answer may come to you or you may have to look for it.
Wise mind takes practice. It’s challenging at first, but with repeated practice it becomes easier and easier and almost second nature. Eventually you will be able to make all your decisions from wise mind without even having to take a long moment to find it. It can help you make informed decisions that don’t veer into either rational or emotion mind, which helps you avoid impulsive behavior. It can also help you manage extreme emotions by finding the truth in the situation.
How the hell do you actually do any of that?? “Center yourself?” “Inner truth?” That sounds pretty hokey and super abstract. So let’s be honest.
When I started DBT I thought wise mind was a crock of shit. My therapist would ask me to dip into my wise mind and I would glare daggers at him, refusing to even close my eyes. I felt like using wise mind was giving up my agency. I like being in charge of my decisions, even (or perhaps especially) the bad ones.
But as all things in DBT, willfulness was the problem and willingness was the key. I didn’t want to find my wise mind because I wanted to keep making the shitty decisions I always made. I didn’t want to face the truth and be forced to admit that my choices weren’t good for me or anyone. But I had to if I wanted to build a better life. After a lot of glaring, tears, and even yelling, I agreed to at least try. I did try, and it was garbage at first.
I looked outside myself for inspiration and ways to conceptualize wise mind. Like always, I ended up in movies and tv. I figured out that wise mind was about trust in myself. But I don’t trust myself, so I had to rephrase it in terms of trusting something else. To me, wise mind is like the Force (yes THAT force, from Star Wars, sorry not sorry). It’s a truth and a calm that you have to tap into to be able to gain knowledge and skills.
[This moment stands out to me as an example, when Rey taps into the force to find the strength to defeat Kylo Ren. If you’re unfamiliar with Star Wars or The Force Awakens, that’s ok, just keep reading I guess.]
Thinking about it like the Force helped me to imagine wise mind as something outside of myself that I could ask for help, until I learned to trust myself. As my confidence in myself grew with more treatment, I was able to attribute wise mind to myself instead. It’s my own truth, based on my own experience and wisdom.
So wise mind is a process, and if you can’t deal with all that “walk the middle path” crap, find your own idea of wise mind. Draw from the things you love to help you understand and practice. I have about 5 other pop culture metaphors for wise mind if you need help (Doctor Who can be super useful fyi).
It’s really about YOU finding balance between rationality and emotion and learning to make decisions based on wisdom not impulse. And if you need a more practical tool to help, a pros-and-cons square is always helpful.
Find your wise mind, pals, any way that works for you.
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