Sgt Norm Allen

Yer Sheriff. Mind yerself.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

I ain’t too sure about this, but Phonegingi told me y’all here at “Tumblr dot com” might be keen on askin’ me questions.

If ya message me, I’ll answer best I can.

I ain’t a minor, so keep that in mind.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

my girl thinks u 'lame as shit and you have a rotten fanny'??? tf u do to pmo

At least I ain’t never said “Fanny” like a brit.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Have you seen The

. . . I *really* don’t know how t’ feel about that.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

have you tried other types of bags. was there a journey of finding your ideal not-head look

Pardner I didn’t have time fer a self reflective journey, a thing was at my door an’ I used what was around me t’ cover my face an’ potentially scare th’ bastard off.

I guess th’ bag look just kinda stuck.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

re: blowing you up and kicking you, i think it's like... a cuteness aggression thing.

. . .I ain’t Cute.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

oh em gee hiii! I'm gonna blow you up and kick you/pos

-@ornaganon

I don’t think blowin’ me up before ya kick me is a good sequence fer that, but whatever makes ya happy.

Yall sure do love yer violence against me don’t ya…

[sergeant-norman-allen]

it is pride month, norm. you know what that means

As far as I’m aware it means that it’s a time to celebrate th’ journeys queer folks go through, th’ importance of identities, an’ th’ complexities o’ LGBTQ+ history.

But what did You mean because I’m almost certain ya mean somethin’ else.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Mr norm sir will you please have a candlelit dinner with me

Problem with candlelit dinners these days is that I can’t eat around nobody. If yer willin’ t’ turn around anytime I lift my bag I might consider it.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

my cat is utterly repulsed by you. she hisses at my plushie of you and attacks it, and she headbutts my phone when you're on screen. she hates you. shea a very sweet cat, so i dont know why, but she HATES you.

Cats don’t tend t’ like me much. Not sure why, but some of em dislike me, an’ some of em really, really, REALLY don’t like me…

. . . ‘specially th’ big purple-suit-wearin’ ones.

Cracker Barrel is th’ one o’ th’ only exceptions.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

a while ago i had a dream you were in a submarine and your mom was pregnant but she was also dead and you were mourning her and i still wanna jump off a bridge whenever i think about it

Was she pregnant with me or someone else? Was she in th’ submarine? I got too many questions b’fore I can answer this

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Hi 🩵

Uh. . . Wh.

Whatever keeps ya sane at night, pardner

[sergeant-norman-allen]

HAPPY PRIDE, MR. ALLEN!! 🌈✨

Happy Pride Month yall. May yer gays be merry an’ bright or whatever th’ hell yer s’pposed t’ say.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

you are a mother norm

I was afraid one o’ y’all was gonna say that. What makes ME of all folks a mother?

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Happy Mother’s Day!

Thank ya kindly, but ya really ought t’ be sayin’ that t’ a mother, don’t ya think?

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Hi norm!! If we're on the topic of achievements, I scheduled not one, but TWO job interviews today!! If I end up getting one of them, it'll be my first job! Any tips for being in an interview? Love you (platonic)!!

That’s a mighty big step! My advice would be t’ be confident and alert, an’ make sure t’ dress nice n’ take a shower n’ whatnot. I wish you th’ best o’ luck, pardner, I’m proud o’ ya.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

Do you think shoelaces are a good source of nutrition?

I’m only asking cuz you downed like a whole bottle of em in my dreams last night.

-🌿

Firstly, y’all sure do have.. a lot o’ dreams about me. . .

Secondly, wouldn’t be th’ worst thing I’ve eaten. I sure wouldn’t call it nutritious though.

[sergeant-norman-allen]

MR ALLEN, first off, hi, I was kinda scared to do this, but I look up to you! You’re a definite comfort character for me. Second, IM GETTING MY LEARNERS PERMIT THIS FRIDAY! I was so scared taking the test, teehee, but I passed with only 5 wrong answers. Anyways, sorry to bother you, you’re so cool, have a great rest of your morning/day/evening/night

-a fellow southerner

I’m mighty proud o’ ya, pardner! Make sure t’ drive safely an’ responsibly. Unlike everyone else in this godforsaken town.