Where you get to fight the echo of a life you never lived.
Notes: Read on ao3.
Warnings/Tags: f! reader.
I have always been a cranky person, in an insufferable way... I used to harm others a lot, not intentionally but that's who I am! I act intrusively and care less about the consequences, I am not responsible for their sensitive hearts, we live in harsh world anyway, they should get used to it.
I am never used to the feeling of guilt, so I will ignore that feeling in my heart for now.
I am no good to anyone but to my loved ones, like Kim Jun-hee.
I love saying her whole name, not to be formal or anything, but it gives me such a beautiful feeling, I mean saying it and stopping a each part for a second...
Kim~ Jun~ hee~, I love her.
''What do you mean you are feeling weird?'', asked my friend Dae-ho while I sighed on the other line of the call, massaging my forehead. I peeked at my feet resting on top of my desk, I raised my eyebrows in confusion looking at my grey socks, I felt horrible!
''Grey is a good color, what could be wrong with it?''
''We were talking about weirdness, who brought up the subject of the grey color?''
I chuckled at myself, ''Ah- you know, it's about Jun-hee. I don't feel that rush and excitement when I see her anymore, I don't feel like I want to hug her the same as before''
''Are you joking? what a disaster!''
Irritated, my eyebrows frowned to his sarcasm. ''I am talking seriously so take me seriously! How could you 'love' someone you don't feel excited about seeing? not miss them nor you feel in heaven around them?''
''You love me, but do you feel that towards me?''
I rolled my eyes, ''I will hang up''
''Wait, wait! I was joking. Your relationship with Jun-hee is perfect, so be sure of what you are feeling, it could be just a normal phase of boredom, aren't you supposed to go through all of that to make sure that it is real love?''
''These are too much feelings to process, so I won't believe any of it, I'll just sleep it away''
''be careful'', his tone serious yet playful.
''I said I'll just ignore it, not that big of a deal''
''Wish you a weird night'', he hung up after he spoke.
Weird? Why weird?
I stood up, looking at my socks again. Everything is really weird!
''What do you mean we ran out of mango juice? How am I supposed to have my meal? What is that? Orange juice!''
''Lee Myung-gi! Maybe you should consider trying to look better for you to deserve some attention from Jun-hee, stay away''
''I made these cookies for you, I think I am falling for you.."
''Sorry, I am not into fake blondes, Move. Or maybe stay that way, you are shielding me from the sun''
My vision becomes blurry, bit by bit it gets clearer, white, that's all I see. I realized I could be still in the hospital to make sense of the white I see.. I fully opened my eyes after starting to get a grasp of the reality, I saw her sitting next to my bed, holding my hand with a smile on her face. Her silky short black hair framing her crying face, but she does not look sad. I smiled at my Jun-hee, trying to speak.
''The doctor said that the transplant was successful, your body accepted the new heart''
I smiled faintly looking at her, it is not the right time to think about any possible complications or the donor who gave me their heart to live with. I just smiled because of the idea that I get to live longer by her side.
My gaze wondered around the hospital room to see my mother, sister, my friend and other relatives, I hate these moments so I just pretended to be asleep.
I sat on my bed after remembering my first interaction with Jun-hee, I was just released from the hospital after I spent a whole month in there so it is normal to remember such things.. I feel confused, I shouldn't be thinking much, 'I miss my bed'.
I thought while laying on my beloved bed, and since spring has just came by, the weather was still chilly with some cloudy days. I decided to sleep without a blanket so I could enjoy this lovely weather.
I took a glance at my work uniform, I really miss the police station and work, I am not crazy, but laying still the whole time wasn't fun.
I noticed the black blanket my body rested on top of. Black!
I felt suffocated moving my shirt's collar left and right, trying to breathe. Should I consider therapy? I am scared.
No! Stop thinking! Stop. Just sleep, you deserve some rest..
I closed my eyes trying to visualize a white image to help me fall asleep faster, but all I could recall was me falling asleep whispering; Black, Black, Black...
The way I woke up wasn't regular, I jumped towards my closet to get my uniform with a smile. I glanced at myself in the mirror giggling at my messy hair, I ran my fingers through it talking to myself.
''hey popular girl, rise and shine gorgeous''
I caught myself off guard, am I smiling on a work-day morning? Where I will get to see Myung-gi and listen to Dae-ho's nonsense.. Maybe that's why I miss work in the first place.
After I applied my lipstick I ran downstairs, I closed my eyes enjoying the sound of my footsteps on the wooden floor. I stopped when I was met with the breakfast table, my steps quickened to have a seat, a smile never leaving my face. ''good morning!''
''mom, did we bring someone else from the hospital?'', that was my annoying sister; Young-Mi. I ignored her admiring the food in front of me, I said excitingly.
''Oh, is that orange juice?''
My mom answered pouring a glass for Young-Mi, ''yes, we ran out of mango juice''
''yes! more juice for me'', said my sister.
My eyes stayed on the bottle of orange juice, and didn't focus on what my mom and sister were talking about, I grabbed the bottle and poured myself a full glass, I held it with both of my hands drinking it with enjoyment, I put it down after chugging the whole thing, I licked my lips enjoying as much orange flavor as possible. I opened my eyes to see the shock in their eyes.
What? Orange juice is awesome!
I made my steps towards the police station with my hands in my pockets and the breeze messing with my hair, that I took half an hour styling it. I refused to wear any coat even if it was a purple pilot jacket, purple??
My mom insisted on me to wear a coat but I refused, and now I feel guilty for doing so.
Oh my, what a feeling overload this morning, I feel guilty but I don't regret not wearing a coat.
Hello! Spring just came in, who would wear a coat at this time?
The greetings of my colleagues got me out of my zoning out, I waved my hands greeting them back with a smile I don't usually have, not in mornings neither at work.
Suddenly I felt a heavy weight on my shoulder, my smile faded into pure annoyance, Dae-ho!
I moved away from him, who does he thing he is? My Jun-hee? I sighed pushing his shoulder with my fist. ''You almost broke my shoulder you idiot''
''sorry princess'', he laughed, ''so, are you excited to see Jun-hee? Are you?''
I just rolled my eyes, lazy to answer his question. He wrapped his arm around my shoulders and walked towards our desks. My eyes noticed the guy passing by us. ''Good morning Myung-gi!'', his hands were in his pockets, he barely looked at me, ignoring my existence, and kept walking his way.
I could feel Dae-ho's hands shaking my body, ''have you lost your mind? you were trying to piss him off, tell me that was your intention!''
I looked at him trying to process what he said to me, my eyebrows frowned in confusion.
What is wrong with me, that's not me...
I could feel a body hugging me from behind, ''I missed you so much~''
I smiled recognizing my girlfriend's voice, I turned my body to face her, pecking a kiss on her cheek, ''I miss you more my love''
she spoke fixing my stray hair strands, ''the chief asked for me, see you later'', I nodded then she walked away, ''Let's-''
I stopped talking when I noticed his weird glances at me, ''tell me, are you sick? is there something wrong going on?''
''Now what?'', I crossed my arms.
''This is not you usual smile when you see Jun-hee, it's usually more bright''
I scoffed, ''do you know me better than myself? mind your business''
I walked away leaving him in complete confusion, absolutely feeling confused more than him.
I sat on my desk playing with the pen between my finger in total boredom, some colleagues gathered asking about my surgery, the conversations went well, ignoring the pain in my chest.
The day went normally, I made my way back to my desk after the lunch break, I feel so much pain in my chest, I know it is not my heart. Well I am sure! I mean my heart is fine and the doctor insured that, it's something that falls under the category of feelings. Love, to be more precised.
Jun-hee is around me, why do I feel such hurt?
I took a deep breath tying my hair up, totally frustrated. I bumped into someone, some papers fell on the ground. ''Sorry, Myung-gi'', I got down to gather the papers.
''Sorry?'', my eyes widened to his mocking, I looked at the papers I gathered.. What do I do now?
I stood up quickly throwing whatever I had in his hands and walked faster to my desk, trying to ignore everyone's glances.
I opened the top button of my shirt trying to get some air, I feel like suffocating!
I glanced at my right to see Dae-ho pointing at the door, asking for me to follow him, I stood up following him outside, I walked slowly and noticed him for him to push me until my back rested on the wall behind me. I looked at him in surprise, he said angrily; ''what in the hell is wrong with you? Have you lost your mind?''
''I think I miss someone''
Notes: Back with another fic, this one is pretty juicy and has major events.
Hope you enjoy it~