multimuse.

not all stories want to be told.

[serpentmass]

𝐒𝐄𝐑𝐏𝐄𝐍𝐓𝐌𝐀𝐒𝐒 / a  private, minimalistic  and  highly selective  multimuse  blog  for  various original creations of mine, inspired by everything paranormal, supernatural, mythical ⅋ mystical. drawn from tales, folklore, mythologies ⅋ horrors stories. read my rules before following or i wont follow back. no exception. iconless. gif enthusiast. mutuals  only  and  heavily  plot  driven. for writers twenty-one+ only.  personal blogs  do  not  interact.   / codex. exposé. prompts. blogroll.

[maidavika]

🤍

[serpentmass]

their  fingers  were  laced  together  the  entire  time,  not  once  giving  each  other’s  skin  a  break,  not  for  a  second  apart.  and  still,  when  they  finally  took  just  a  moment  for  themselves,  no  longer  walking,  no  longer  having  to  focus  on  anything  but  each  other,  they  just  stood  there,  her  arms  quickly  wrapping  around  his  middle  again,  her  nose  nuzzling  against  his  jaw, as she always did,  as  her  body  sought,  craved,  demanded  the  warmth  of  his.  as  the  warm  evening  wind  messed  with  her  hair  and  his  arms  wrapped  around  her,  the  world  was  perfect  again.  it  always  was  with  him  around.

«  if  he  says  something  on  monday,  you  call  me  and  i  will  come  in  and  beat  him  up!  »  despite  her  voice  being  nothing  more  than  a  muffle,  despite  her  barely  reaching  his  chin,  she  was  dead  serious.  she  would  kill  for  him,  without  a  second  of  questioning  why.  «  he  arrested  me  three  times,  for no reason at all, i  have  plenty  of  reasons  to  do  so  on  my  own  accord! no proof that will lead back to you.  »  despite  her  serious  words,  and  the  very  serious  intent  behind  them,  the  way  her  nose  wrinkled  when  she  looked  back  up  at  him,  arms  wrapped  around  him  beneath  his  jacket,  made  it  seem  like  a  love  confession.  and  the  way  she  looked  at  him,  like  she  had  just  fallen  in  love  with  him  all  over  again.  and  honestly?  she  did,  every  single  time  he  looked  at  her. @angcltouched

[crimeunits]

zara  sat  beautifully.  that  was  probably  the  first  mistake.  she  carried  herself  with  too  much  grace,  too  much  trained  posture,  because  that  was  what  all  of  this  was:  trained.  she  was  not  slumped,  not  folded  in  on  herself,  not  shaking  with  the  kind  of  theatrical  terror  people  expected  from  women  brought  into  a  room  like  this,  with  blood  still  dried  under  one  fingernail  and  a  dead  husband  waiting  somewhere  behind  the  neat,  clinical  language  of  reports  and  evidence  bags.  she  sat  with  her  spine  straight  against  the  back  of  the  chair,  ankles  crossed  beneath  the  metal  table,  hands  laid  one  over  the  other  in  her  lap  like  someone  had  arranged  her  and  forgotten  to  come  back  for  the  rest.

the  room  was  cold  in  the  way  police  rooms  always  tried  to  be  cold,  forcefully  so.  bad  fluorescent  light,  scuffed  floor,  the  smell  of  old  coffee  and  heated  plastic  and  too  many  people  having  lain  in  here  before  her.  the  mirror  took  up  half  the  wall  across  from  her  and  gave  nothing  back  except  the  pale  oval  of  her  face,  the  clean  line  of  her  mouth,  the  dark  sweep  of  her  hair  pulled  back  too  carefully  for  a  woman  who  had  supposedly  been  found  at  a  crime  scene  in  the  middle  of  the  night. she wore an unnatural amount of make up. but not in the sense so it would benefit her in the way make does. the opposite. in a way she wanted to be unseen.

she  had  done  a  good  job.  that  was  the  second  mistake.  the  bruise  beneath  her  jaw  was  gone  under  makeup.  the  yellowing  one  near  her  temple  had  been  softened  until  it  looked  like  poor  sleep,  maybe  bad  lighting,  maybe  nothing  at  all.  the  marks  at  her  wrists  were  covered  by  sleeves,  folded  just  low  enough.  there  was  a  split  on  the  inside  of  her  cheek  she  kept  tasting  whenever  her  tongue  moved  wrong,  copper  blooming  and  disappearing  before  it  could  reach  her  lips.  her  ribs  were  the  harder  thing.  ribs  did  not  care  about  discipline,  about  training,  about  posture,  about  how  much  of  a  woman’s  life  had  been  spent  learning  to  become  furniture  with  a  pulse.

do  not  speak.  do  not  look.  do  not  ask.  exist  prettily  enough  that  no  one  remembers  you  are  there,  but  not  so  prettily  that  anyone  decides  to  punish  you  for  taking  up  space.  keep  your  shoulders  down.  keep  your  breathing  shallow  if  deep  breaths  hurt.  keep  your  eyes  lowered,  but  not  so  low  it  looks  like  insolence.  hold  the  body  still  until  the  body  understands  that  stillness  is  safer  than  pain.  zara  had  learned  that  long  before  anyone  in  this  building  had  learned  how  to  make  a  suspect  uncomfortable.

one  of  the  officers  before  had  tried  yelling.  another  had  slammed  his  fist  against  the  desk  hard  enough  that  the  cheap  metal  legs  gave  a  thin,  ringing  shudder  through  the  floor.  the  sound  had  moved  through  her  shoes,  up  through  bone,  found  the  fracture  line  in  her  side  and  pressed  there  with  a  sharp,  bright  cruelty  that  made  the  room  tilt  white  for  less  than  a  second.  less  than  a  second  was  manageable.  less  than  a  second  could  be  hidden.  she  did  not  like  loud  noises.  even  as  a  child  they  had  terrified  her,  made  her  brain  go  out  in  silence.  she  hated  it  when  people  yelled,  especially  at  her,  yet  she  had  blinked  once.  that  had  been  all.  she  had  trained  herself  too  long,  too  hard,  not  to  move  when  yelled  at.  to  shut  off.  endure.  eventually  it  stopped.  everything  did,  if  you  were  still  enough.

no  lawyer.  no  statement.  no  explanation.  not  even  confusion,  not  in  a  way  they  could  use.  she  had  been  asked  things  she  understood  and  things  she  did  not,  words  moving  too  quickly  around  her,  legal  shapes  and  procedural  threats  and  men  becoming  louder  when  silence  did  not  open  for  them.  she  had  watched  their  mouths  without  quite  watching  their  faces,  the  way  she  had  been  taught,  reading  tone  from  breath  and  temper  from  hands  and  impatience  from  the  little  pulse  beneath  a  jaw.  fear  had  built  itself  a  tiny  corner  at  the  back  of  her  head,  and  when  someone  yelled  at  her,  she  knew  how  to  lock  herself  inside  it.  somewhere  small.  somewhere  dark.  somewhere  the  outside  world  could  still  hurt  her,  but  the  inside  of  her  stayed  unreachable.

she  could  not  have  said  whether  refusing  a  lawyer  made  her  look  guilty.  she  had  not  refused  exactly.  she  had  simply  not  answered.  there  was  a  difference,  even  if  nobody  in  the  room  cared  enough  to  find  it.  the  door  outside  opened  somewhere  down  the  hall.  voices  passed.  a  phone  rang  and  stopped.  someone  laughed  once,  too  loud,  then  remembered  where  they  were  and  swallowed  it  back  into  professionalism.  the  clock  above  the  door  ticked  with  the  dull  confidence  of  something  that  had  never  been  afraid  of  being  touched.

zara  kept  her  gaze  on  the  table.  not  the  mirror,  not  the  door,  not  her  reflection.  the  table  had  a  scratch  near  the  edge,  thin  and  jagged,  probably  from  a  ring  or  a  key  or  somebody  worrying  at  the  metal  with  their  thumbnail  until  the  surface  gave  way.  she  counted  the  breaks  in  the  line.  five.  then  seven,  if  she  included  the  smaller  ones.  then  five  again,  because  her  concentration  kept  slipping  whenever  her  body  insisted  on  becoming  relevant.

that  was  the  strange  thing  about  being  asked,  again  and  again,  what  happened.  the  question  had  shape,  but  no  place  to  land.  her  mind  kept  walking  around  it  like  a  locked  room.  there  were  flashes,  maybe,  or  pieces  pretending  to  be  flashes.  the  floor.  the  sound  of  her  own  breath.  a  sleeve  torn  wrong.  the  smell  of  iron.  something  too  loud  and  then  nothing  loud  enough.  every  time  she  reached  for  it,  her  body  arrived  first  and  shut  the  door  from  the  inside.

breathing  had  become  a  negotiation.  in  through  the  nose,  shallow  enough  not  to  stretch  the  left  side  too  much.  hold.  out  through  the  mouth,  but  not  visibly.  not  enough  to  fog  the  air  or  lift  the  chest.  not  enough  to  give  anyone  a  thing  to  point  at.  she  had  been  sitting  too  long.  that  was  the  problem.  pain  liked  time.  it  did  not  need  drama,  did  not  need  violence,  only  duration.  it  settled  in,  made  itself  domestic,  arranged  itself  along  the  bones  like  it  had  every  right  to  live  there.

her  left  hand  twitched.  zara  let  her  fingers  curl,  then  relaxed  them  one  by  one.  carefully.  index,  middle,  ring,  little.  the  movement  was  so  slight  it  could  have  been  boredom.  impatience.  cold.  a  woman  too  composed  for  her  circumstances  trying  to  pass  the  time.  except  she  was  not  bored.  she  did  not  know  what  she  was.

another  breath  caught  halfway,  and  this  time  she  did  not  cover  it  quickly  enough.  the  air  stopped  in  her  throat,  snagged  against  the  broken  place  beneath  her  ribs,  and  for  a  fraction  of  a  second  her  posture  changed.  not  much.  her  shoulder  lowered  a  little  too  carefully.  her  chin  angled  down.  her  hand  pressed  once  against  the  seam  of  her  skirt,  not  clutching,  not  guarding,  but  close  enough  for  the  lie  of  her  stillness  to  thin  at  the  edges.  then  it  was  gone.  she  sat  straight  again,  pretty,  contained,  unreadable.

the  sleeve  of  her  blouse  shifted  when  she  corrected  herself,  a  soft  drag  of  fabric  over  skin,  and  there  it  was  for  a  moment:  a  faint  blue  line  climbing  above  the  cuff,  not  quite  hidden,  not  quite  visible.  then  another.  higher.  darker.  the  kind  of  mark  that  did  not  belong  to  a  single  careless  grip,  but  to  fingers  closing  too  hard,  too  often,  in  the  same  place  until  the  skin  had  learned  the  shape  of  them.  zara  noticed  it  at  once.  of  course  she  did.  zara  noticed  everything  that  might  become  dangerous.  she  moved  her  wrist  back  beneath  the  table,  slowly,  with  the  kind  of  care  that  came  from  knowing  sudden  movements  could  become  reasons.

but  the  body  was  tired  of  obeying  her,  and  once  the  eye  found  that  first  mistake,  the  rest  of  her  became  harder  to  believe.  the  careful  powder  at  her  throat,  the  uneven  shadows  beneath  the  collar,  the  way  barely  one  place  on  her  skin  seemed  to  match  the  next  except  by  a  few  degrees  of  colour,  all  of  it  arranged  so  precisely  that  even  a  trained  eye  might  have  passed  over  it  until  it  knew  what  it  was  looking  at.  after  that,  it  was  impossible  not  to  see  the  bruised  skin  waiting  beneath  every  careful  layer.  the  image  was  only  perfect  as  long  as  it  was  able  to  sit  still.

the  door  handle  turned.  zara  did  not  lift  her  head  at  first.  she  listened  to  the  hinge,  the  air  changing,  the  shift  of  a  body  entering  the  room.  heavier  than  the  last  woman.  steadier  than  the  officer  who  had  shouted.  no  immediate  performance  of  anger,  no  cheap  impact  of  palm  on  metal,  no  chair  scraped  back  for  intimidation  before  the  person  had  even  sat  down.  that  told  her  very  little  and  too  much  at  once.

footsteps  came  closer.  when  she  shifted  her  shoulder,  only  slightly,  the  collar  of  her  blouse  pulled  wrong  against  her  throat,  and  a  bruise  near  the  base  of  her  neck  surfaced  in  the  thin  police-room  light.  yellow  at  the  edges,  purple  at  the  centre,  powdered  over  carefully  but  not  carefully  enough  anymore.  sweat  had  started  to  loosen  the  makeup  there,  just  enough  for  the  truth  to  breathe  through.  her  hair  had  been  arranged  to  fall  over  it.  it  had  worked  for  hours.

then  she  breathed  in  too  sharply.  the  broken  rib  caught.  her  head  dipped  before  she  could  stop  it,  and  the  curtain  of  her  hair  slipped  forward,  showing  the  shadow  beneath  her  jaw,  the  one  she  had  softened  earlier  until  it  looked  like  poor  sleep,  maybe  bad  lighting,  maybe  a  woman  who  bruised  easily  if  nobody  wanted  to  ask  too  many  questions.  zara  lifted  her  hand  to  tuck  her  hair  back,  then  stopped  halfway.  too  late.  the  movement  showed  the  inside  of  her  forearm  where  the  sleeve  had  ridden  up  again,  a  mess  of  healing  colour,  blue  fading  into  green,  green  into  yellow,  older  marks  under  newer  ones  like  badly  buried  history.  some  were  small.  some  were  not.  one  sat  just  above  the  wrist  in  the  shape  of  a  thumb,  ugly  in  how  recognisable  it  was.  another  curved  around  the  bone  as  if  someone  had  held  her  there  long  enough  to  make  a  point.

she  lowered  her  hand.  her  fingers  settled  in  her  lap  again,  one  over  the  other,  hiding  the  tremor  by  pressing  down  until  the  knuckles  paled.  pretty.  contained.  unreadable.  just  this  time  not  completely.  not  anymore.  the  chair  across  from  her  shifted,  and  she  did  not  flinch  at  the  sound,  not  properly.  only  the  smallest  thing  happened  in  her  shoulders,  a  correction  before  reaction  could  become  visible,  a  tiny  locking  of  muscle  under  fabric.  the  bruise  at  her  throat  darkened  when  she  swallowed.  the  one  on  her  wrist  disappeared  beneath  her  sleeve  again  as  if  it  had  never  been  there.

only  then  did  she  look  up.  not  fully.  just  enough.  her  eyes  found  the  space  beside  him  before  they  found  him,  the  habit  of  not  meeting  men  directly  so  old  it  felt  less  like  fear  now  and  more  like  muscle  memory  pretending  to  be  manners.  then,  slowly,  with  the  kind  of  calm  that  looked  wrong  because  it  had  been  built  out  of  too  many  wrong  things,  she  let  her  gaze  settle.

she  did  not  know  him.  not  really.  not  in  any  way  that  mattered  on  paper.  but  paper  had  always  been  a  poor  place  to  put  truth,  and  she  had  learned  to  read  the  things  people  forgot  could  speak.  posture.  hands.  old  injuries.  the  way  someone  entered  a  room  with  violence  behind  them  but  not  spilling  out  carelessly.  his  body  did  not  move  like  the  others.  not  softer.  not  safer  in  any  obvious  way.  just  controlled  differently,  as  if  his  anger  had  rules  and  his  patience  knew  how  to  stand  guard  over  it.  whenever  someone  else  entered,  she  got  scared,  she  did  not  show  it,  not  in  the  slightest,  but  she  immeditaly  went  into  the  safe  corner  in  her  head  again,  hiding.  when  they  entered  it  felt  like  all  good  was  like  the  world  had  goten  even  darker,  the  room  even  colder.  but  his  steps  were  smooth,  he  did  not  demand,  he  did  not  have  to.  when  he  entered  it  felt  like  a  little  ray  of  sunshine  had  finally  broke  through  her  clouds.

she  just  no  longer  was  used  to  light.  it  hurt  looking  at  it.  her  gaze  dropped  before  it  could  stay  too  long,  to  his  hands  briefly,  then  the  line  of  one  sleeve,  then  the  table  again.  her  ribs  burned  so  sharply  her  vision  narrowed  at  the  corners,  but  her  hands  stayed  folded,  one  over  the  other,  and  if  one  finger  pressed  too  hard  against  the  bone  of  her  own  knuckle,  if  the  pulse  in  her  throat  moved  too  quickly  beneath  carefully  covered  skin,  if  the  breath  she  took  came  in  uneven  despite  the  discipline  wrapped  around  it,  those  were  small  betrayals.  small  enough  for  most  people  to  miss.  but  maybe  not  him.

her  lips  parted  as  though  she  might  speak,  then  closed  again  because  speech  still  had  to  climb  through  too  many  years  of  consequence  before  it  became  sound.  silence  settled  between  them.  zara  looked  down  at  her  own  hands,  at  the  faint  crescent  where  her  thumbnail  had  pressed  too  hard  into  her  palm,  and  swallowed  carefully  around  the  taste  of  blood  from  inside  her  cheek.  «  am  i  allowed,  »  she  asked  at  last,  voice  low,  even,  almost  too  calm  for  the  room,  ,  her  voice  not  trained  to  speak,  it  was  the  first  time  she  had  spoken  today,  the  first  time  in  probably  weeks,  «  to  ask  whether  he  is  really  dead?  »

@angcltouched

[aananasjuice]

janhvi kapoor 💜

[edenhusk]

BLOGROLL !

edenhusk. the devil herself and the first woman to ever exist. based on jewish myth. serpentmass. multi for originals, inspired by horror, sorcery and the supernatural. unholyrites. canon multi. based on myth, horror stories & everything paranormal.

on hiatus: katana (dc). constantine. (dc and reevesverse). mantis (marvel). catwoman (dc). all to be found on unholyrites until the end of summer.

activity level: still on vacation and moving countries right after, so sporadic everywhere. most active on serpentmass with the q running, while it is currently being filled on Lilith. unholyrites queue is currently being sorted, and work on it to come next week.

[angcltouched]

jay didn't move until she had finished patching him up, even when it burned he did not pull away until she was done. he simply sat there quietly beside her, allowing zara to clean the cuts across his knuckles with careful hands. every now and then the sting made the muscles in his jaw tighten slighlty again, but he never complained. if anything, the pain grounded him, reminded him that she was here, safe inside his apartment instead of back in that house with him. a soft smile slowly found jay's lips when she spoke, his eyes lowering for a second as if the words had caught him more deeply than he expected.

they had shared so much time together already, and only now, sitting there in the quiet after all the chaos, did he truly realize for how long he had been trying to save her. how many times she had pushed him away, refused his help, lied straight to his face while still silently asking him not to give up on her. and somehow he never had. there had always been something inside him telling him to keep trying, to keep fighting for her even when everyone else would have walked away. maybe because deep down jay had always known she deserved better than the life she had been trapped in. deserved better than fear and bruises and looking over her shoulder every second of the day.

and now this was finally the moment he had waited for. the moment she had trusted him enough to let him in completely. he didn't care about the bruises forming over his hands or the blood still drying against his skin. that was nothing compared to what she had endured for years. if this was the price for getting her out of there, for making sure that monster never touched her again, then jay would pay it a thousand times over without regret.

❝ well it seems you know me better than i thought. i will let you change it. ❞ his voice stayed calm and warm, softer than it usually was at work, softer than most people ever got to hear from him. if taking care of him helped distract her mind from everything that had happened tonight, then he would let her do it for as long as she needed. right now all he cared about was making sure she felt safe here, that she understood no one was going to hurt her anymore.

then she moved away from him and his eyes followed her without meaning to. he watched in silence while she dried her hair, the oversized shirt hanging loosely against her skin, still damp from the shower. there was something painfully beautiful about her standing there like this, vulnerable but trying so hard not to show it. jay hated how quickly his chest tightened at the thought of her leaving already, trying to disappear from his life again before she had even had the chance to breathe.

everything about her drew him in without effort. the quiet strength she carried despite everything she had survived, the sadness hidden behind her eyes, the way she still apologized for taking up space when she had every right to be there. jay had never seen anyone as beautiful as her. and maybe that was exactly why he forced himself not to move closer right away, not to reach for her even when every part of him wanted to. she had spent too much of her life having things taken from her. he would never become another person demanding something from her she wasn't ready to give. still, when she spoke about finding somewhere else to stay the next day, something inside him immediately rejected the idea.

❝ no, don't think about that. you will stay here. i don't mind and i would rather have you stay here than risk your life. ❞ he finally pushed himself to his feet and slowly approached her again, stopping only when he stood close enough to feel the warmth still lingering from the shower around her skin. but even then he didn't touch her. didn't force comfort onto her. he simply stood there in front of her, blue eyes fixed softly on hers while his hands remained at his sides.

❝ just stay here and let me help you. ❞ his voice came quieter now, almost tired, because this wasn't just about the case anymore and maybe both of them knew that already. jay didn't want her disappearing again. didn't want to wake up tomorrow wondering if she was safe or hurting or alone somewhere thinking she had no one left. and standing there before her now, all he truly wanted was for her to let him carry at least some of the weight she had been carrying alone for far too long. jay reached for her hand carefully. ❝ stay here, i want you to. ❞ @serpentmass

[serpentmass]

❝  it is weird to suddenly having to think about your life when you never had one... let alone the freedom to chose your own future. i  don't  even  know  what  to  do  with  myself now. i have nothing, nothing off my own, no achievments, no education... ❞ a frown drew upon her forehead, embarassed saying it.   ❝  i  barely  know  how  to  read  and  write,  if I remember at all, the last time I held a book,  was in the night before they wedding,  the last happy thing I remember... me hiding under the table reading  that book about dinoaurs while they prepared my wedding dress... the following night i was no longer a child, he made sure to show me as he threw it into the fire right before...  ❞  her eyes closed as she had to take a deep breath, that night was was the first time she realised that she no longer was allowed to be a child, but had to be a wife. she was barley eleven.

❝  like really, i  would  offer  to  cook,  but  really,  for the sake of both of our health and life, we should not go there. we surivived today, we do not need yet another suicide mission.   ❞  housework,  chores,  cooking,  it  might  have  seemed  like  it  was  something  she  would  have  done  at  home,  but  even that,  she  was  not allowed to do.  anything  that  could  give  her  an  advantage,  knowledge,  education,  no  matter  how  stupid  it  was,  he  would  not  allow  it, everything that could make her shine, that could give her a voice, was out of question. the abuse was easy to handle. the constant silence, silence felt heavier when you had nothing to fill it with. that was the true torture. the nothing. ❝  i  don't  really  know  how  i  would  pay  you  back i really am not good in anyth-  ❞

but  before she could even finish, his  presence  came  closer,  and she became silent, all bad thoughts immeditaly leaving her mind as his  warmth  was radiating  upon  her.  usually, her  body  would  have  reacted  out  of  instinct  already,  no  matter  who  it  was,  she  would  have  immediately  stepped  back,  but she did not. a  protection  mechanism  trained  by  nature  rather  than  logic,  because  there  was  no  logic  behind  it,  that man  would  have  still  found  a  reason  to  leave  her  skin  bruised.  she could have gone a hundred steps back, and she would have been beaten for not doing a hundred and one. but  jay  was  different.  she did not step back. did not want to. he  didn't  scare  her.  he  didn't  make  her  feel  like  she  had  to  flee,  didn't  give  her  the  feeling  of  standing  in  the  way.

❝ even though i would love to know everything about you... i hardly know myself really. it's just easy to predict people when you know their scars. you don't really take care of your wounds. you are like me, you are too used to getting hurt. but you hardly took care of the big ones so you really never bothered to waste your time on the small ones.   i  just  can  tell  by  the  few  other  small  scars  you  have...  you  probably  don't  even  know  you  have  them.  ❞  she  shook  her  head  slowly,  most  people  did  not  notice  it,  but  she  did,  the  scar  might  be  as  faint  or  as  small,  barely  visible  to  the  eye,  but  she  would  be  able  to  tell  how  old  it  was,  how  well  it  was  taken  care  of  and  how  it  ended  up  making  perfect  skin  flawed.  ❝  i  was  never  allowed  to  talk  with  anyone.  even  my  maids  were  not  allowed  to  address  me.  i don't even know how my own name sounds like. i hate it anyways. it was only ever yelled at me while ... and i  was  only  ever  allowed  to  talk  when  he  asked  me  something  and  a word too much and...  ❞  she  had  never  truly  realised  how  abnormal  her  life  was,  how  lonely  it  was,  for  her  it  had  always  been  like  that.  her  childhood  had  been  nothing  but  a  faint  memory,  it  always  seemed  like  a  dream  which  was  never  really  true,  she  was  not even sure  if  it  was  ever  true to begin with.  but  now  speaking  it  aloud,  it  did  hurt  more  than  she  wanted  to  admit. 

❝  a bird in a cage. just there to look pretty, to entertain, not allowed a single distraction to escape it's prison for a while. the abuse was easy to handle really. you hold still. you endure. you don't complain. you lay there, hold still... and you don't fight back... you learn how to endure pain, how to make it hurt less, but silence you cannot turn off, the constant nothing, the quietness ... emptiness feels a lot heavier when you have nothing to silence it with, life is much harder to endure when all you do is exist... you constantly feel like you are suffocating, day after day, month after month, year after year. your mind is always working and that is so much more cruel than any broken bone. you only stand there and listen. caged in your mind. not allowed a voice. an opinion. anything. so when you are not allowed to  look  anybody  in   the  face,  you learn to read them differently. people's  scars  were  the  only  way  for  me  to  know  their  story.  and  when  you  do  everything  in  your  power  to  avoid  scars,  to dress your own wounds, hoping that this time it would look less obvious... you  start learn  a  lot  about  bruised skin,  how  it  heals,  how  scars  look,  what  wound marks you  which  way...  we all hurt differently, but the healing process is the same. so you start to puzzle the stories together. people have so many scars, they arent even aware of most of them... but a trained eye sees them still.   your scars... they make you an open book ... you  have  this  scar,  close  to  your  eyebrow,  i  am  pretty  sure  your  brother  was  responsible  for  it  because  he  has  one  above his lip, which is the  exact  same  age  as  yours... same cause, same circumstances, same violence it was inflicted by... i immeditaly knew you both were responsible for each the second i learnt you were siblings. ❞ 

she  could  not  help  but  laugh,  and  that laugh did something it very  rarley did,  while it  still  did  not  fully  reach  her eyes, it managed to colour them in some joy only jay managed to bring out in her.  her  eyes  now  fixed  upon  his  fingers  in  hers which he had placed in her hand,  her  fingerprints  tracing  along  the  soft  of  his  skin,  as  if  she  was  following  a  road  on  a  map, how good it felt to be finally touch someone. not be touched. but to touch. ❝  you  have  a  lot  of  burn  scars  on  your  fingers.  skin used to changing  bullets  from  a  gun, burn marks from  still  too  metal, too hot for touch,  but  you  were  too  eager  to  change  them,  whatever  the  reason,  the  hot  shells  torched  your  skin,  you  can  be  very  impatient,  especially  when  it's  something  you  think  is  right  to  fight  for.  but also very stubborn. you don't like to be told what to do, even if it is your body reminding you to rest. or especially then. your fingertips, dulled by the tapping of your fingers on things all the time. your mind is always restless. it is easy to know why. you  have  scars  from scratches up  your  arms,  combat,  knives,  sand,  stones,  crawling over uneven and rough ground. most  of  them  should  have  healed  without  a  mark,  but  your  skin  was  too  dry,  too  exposed  to  an  unusual  amount  of  sun  your  body  was  not  used  to.  heat,  sand  and  sweat...  ❞

❝ it  opened  the  scratches  over  and  over  again  and  the  uv  light  darkens  the  skin.  which  just  shows  your  loyalty,  you  cared  more  about  duty  and  your  partners  than  the  uncomfortable  feeling  of  salt  in  your  wounds.  but even aside of those, you have too  many  little  scars  so obvious from  combat,  but  healed too  dirtied  for  simple  police  work.  you  are  not  afraid  to  get  dirty.  you  look  out  for  your  people above yourself.  you  are  protective,  you  took  wounds  for  others  without  mentioning  it,  a  lot  of  times  you  didn't  even  show  it,  or  else  these  two  scars  on  your  side wouldn't  be  there....  they showed  when  you  reached  for  that  book  for  me, when you claimed to have run into me again in the market, when all you did was to question me... those scars...  whoever  they  were  taken  for,  would  they  have  seen  them,  they  would  have  helped  you  dress  them,  because  dear  god,  you  would have needed that help.  that shows you  are  selfless,  you  are  courageous...  really careless and absurdly reckless at times. i  knew  the  second  i  first  saw  you  that  you  were  in  active  duty  once.  from there it's simple logic. you have no accent, not even inheriated, so you are born american, at least third for fourth generation. you  are  too  young  for  iraq, too old for syria.  the scars on your arms. rangers  often  carry  them,  too  little  time  to  invest,  too  little  fear  to  care.  you  spent  a  lot  of  time  on  your  stomach,  up  on  your  elbows  the worn off skin clearly  show  that. but also your  muscles in your lower arms, they  are  trained  in a way,  the scars grew with that. you had to train to hold still with the weight upon your arms, for a long period of time. too  skilled  for  a  police  officer.  afghanistan.  ranger.  sniper.  ❞

she clearly had not only misjudged her knowledge about him, but also her knowledge about things most people didn't even think about. the way she connected the dots. the way she could read people, especially him. ❝  it's not just ones skin though, the heart, ones morals, ones self image, ones consciousness or humanity they all scar... but you wear them differently, those are the ones you usually try to hide. they are harder to notice, one has to watch you and look for them. you see them in the way someone moves.  it's hard to explain. i just met too many people who i had no permission of knowing. after some times you just start to notice patterns. and you have that one pattern. its only  those  who  saw  someone dying right next to them, who do that.  it's  that  certain  light  that  is missing  their.  it's  the  way  you pretend to look at someone, but in your mind you  stare  into  the  distance, it's not coping, it is a way to avoid getting too close to someone else thinking they might die too if you blink one too many times.  i  have  seen  too  many people coming from  civil  wars,  too  many  terrorists,  too  many  soldiers,  too many heroes, too many villains, who is who depends on who you ask...  being  the  wife  of  my  husband  i  met  a  lot  of heroes and villains.  and  it  doesn't  matter  who  they thought was the right person to fight for,  when death  comes unnatural and that very close to you, it changes  you. ❞

❝ especially  the  death  you  give  yourself  the  fault  for.  you  do  that. a lot. your  fingers...  slight  scarring  around  your  nails,  usually  signs  of  anxiety,  most  of  the  time  either  unnoticed  or...  forcefully  hidden...  supressed... but you can not turn them off, they find you evntually... nightmares...  ❞  she  suddenly  felt like  she  had  gone  too  far,  however unsure if it was herself she had revealed too much off or him. either way she forced herself to clear  her  throat  a  little.  it was bizare really. that she thought  of  herself  as  stupid,  as  close  to  illiterate,  as  useless,  but  her  knowing  all  of  that,  just  at  the  top  of  her  head,  just  by  studying  and  watching  the  few  things  her  husband  could  not  forbid  her  to  look  at.  she  was  already  able  to  profile  someone  by  looking  at  their  skin,  no  wonder  she  would  one  day  join  the  fbi  as  a  profiler.  this  woman  was  everything  but  stupid  or  slow.  she  had  always  been  too  smart  for  her  own  good.  at  least  until  now.  but  she  would  not  see  it.

❝  you  also  have  this  very  faint  scar  on  your  left  jaw,  men  usually  have  them  but  yours...  it  seems  like  you  kept  on  shaving  on  top  of  it  over  and  over  and  over  again  because  you  were  too  stubborn  to  just  patch  it  up,  either  because  someone  told  you  so  or  because  you  refused  to  get  out  of  your  way  for  something  so  stupid.  it  was  the  first  scar  i  noticed  about  you.  i  remember  when  you  walked  into  that  room  that  day,  your  brother  called  you,  despite  both  of  you  still  claiming  he  did  not.  he  is  a  horrible  liar,  really.  worse  than  i  am.  but  i  was  so  caught  off  guard  as  you  walked  into  that  room,  it  was  like  time  suddenly  stopped  and...  you  refused  to  just  let  me  look  away.  you  forced  me  to  look  into  your  eyes  without  having  to  do  anything...  it  was  the  first  time  i  remember  having  seen  anyone's  eyes  really...  i  suddenly  felt  like  i  saw  light  for  the  first  time  in  my  life,  like...  so  much  weight  fell  off  my  shoulders...  like  i  was  finally  able  to  breathe...  it  scared  me  so  much  i  immediately  had  to  look  away  and...  i  noticed  that  scar... it imeditaly told me everything about you I needed to know.  ❞

she  had  always  carried  her  heart  on  her  tongue,  that until she no longer was allowed to speak. but even with her voice take, she always was too  good  of  a  person  for  this  world,  especially  in  that  kind  of  world  she  had  lived  in.  she  was  like  a  moth  captured  in  utter  darkness  when  all  it  wanted  was  to  seek  light.  and  when  he  entered  her  life,  she  had  seen  light  for  the  first  time  in  her  life.   ❝  i  don't  know  how  long  i  would  have  been  able  to  hold  on.  ❞  her  eyes  veiled  with  tears  but  she  did  not  drop  a  single  one  of  them,  not  only  because  she  was  too  good,  too  trained  in  holding  them  back,  crying was never something she allowed herself, even now where it finally felt like she could allow herself.  ❝  i  only  now  realise  how  exhausted  i  was...  how  tired  i  am...  how  tired  everyone  else  was  about  me.  everyone  but  not  you.  you  never  got  tired  of  me.  you  never  gave  up  on  me.  never  got  mad  at  me.  when  i  did  all  of  that.  ❞

for  any  other  man  she  would  have  guessed  them  expecting  her  to  pay  back  with  her  body,  but  not  for  one  second  did  she  even  consider  that  he  might  think  that.  everyone  in  this  world  had  bad  thoughts  behind  their  motives,  and  she  would  second-guess  everyone's  every  single  step,  everyone  in  this  world,  but  never  his.  which made it the more confusing, as to why he was doing this. so  her  she  was,  confused,  helpless,  unsure.  she  wanted  to  immediately  prove  herself  useful  again.  accepting  someone  being  nice  to  her…  she  did  not  know  how  to.

❝  all  my  life  i  have  wanted  to  be  invisible,  for  nobody  to  see  me.  to  just  exist  without  living.  but  you  make  it  so  easy  to  want  to  be  seen...  ❞   she  shook  her  head,  that  was  not  quite  right,  her  eyes  shut  tightly,  her  fingers  gently  lacing  with  his,  experimenting,  trying,  exploring,  testing  how  deep  she  was  able  to  dip  into  the  water.   ❝  no,  no  that  is  not  quite  it.  you  make  me  want  to  be  seen  by  you...  ❞  she  was  unable  to  look  at  him,  her  teeth  sinking  into  her  lower  lip  and  she  did  not  know  why  she  blushed,  but  she  did,  her  gaze  drifting  everywhere  but  back  to  him  as  her  heart  was  pounding  against  her  chest,  ❝  you  are  the  first  person  to  look  at  me  not  like  i  am  either  an  absolute  burden  or  a  complete  pitiful  failure...  not  with  pity  or  disgust.  you...  see  me,  just  me,  and  make  me  feel  like  i  am  enough.  ❞

her  breath  trembled  as  her  small  hand  held  onto  his,  it  took  her  a  lot  of  courage  to  look  back  at  him  again,  a  lot  of  strength  she  actually  no  longer  had  to  ask  him  that,  ❝  why?  ❞   she  whispered,  looking  at  him,  standing  so  close  to  him,  without  wanting  to  back  off,  without  wanting  to  flee,  no,  instead  wanting  to  fly  closer  to  the  warm  light  he  radiated.  both  of  them  probably  already  knew  why,  they  probably  knew  the  second  they  first  laid  eyes  upon  one  another,  but  neither  of  them  brave  enough  to  say.  anxiety  started  to  feed  upon  her  and  her  teeth  dug  deeper  into  her  lower  lip,  ripping  open  skin  which  had  just  started  to  heal,  she  didn't  even  flinch;  she  was  used  to  the  feeling  of  skin  tearing  open.  but  her  body  had  enough,  as she suddenly realised the true weight of his words. her  entire  body  suddenly  shuddered,  shivering wild,  was  it  not only  now  realising  how  cold  it  had  felt  all  this  time,  and  how  utterly  tired  it  really  was, but also the realisation settling in; nothing of this was over. not even close. ❝  he will come after me, won't he?  ❞ nobody should ever turn as pale as she just did, especially not someone of her complexion. ❝  he will come after everything that means something to me, he will come after you.  ❞

[angcltouched]

there was a smile dancing on his lips, one that lingered a little longer than it should, one that carried something deeper than simple amusement. it wasn't just about winning this little game between them, it was about the way she reacted to him, the way she let him get this close when no one else ever could. jay knew exactly what he was doing, and more dangerously, he knew exactly what she was doing to him too. it wasn't one sided, never had been. every glance, ever word, every breath shared between them felt charged with something neither of them could escape, nor truly wanted to.

❝ of course it doesn't mean you did it, i would never think you could do something like this. ❞ his tone held that same balance between seriousness and something teasing underneath, his eyes never leaving hers, reading every shift in her expression as if it was second nature to him. because it was. he knew her too well, in ways that went beyond logic, beyond reason. and maybe that was what made this so dangerous ... and so addictive.

he leaned closer again, slowly this time, giving her enough space to pull away if she wanted, but knowing she wouldn't. his lips hovered just near hers, close enough that her breath mixed with his, that he could feel the warmth of her skin without even touching it. ❝ but if we do find those diamonds ... well, i will have to make this clear. ❞ his voice dropped into something softer, something that didn't belong in an interrogation room, something meant only for her.

when he pulled back and moved toward the door, it almost felt like a test, like he was giving her the chance to stop this, to end whatever this was before it went too far. but the moment she followed him, the moment she pressed herself against him, that thin line between control and instinct shattered completely. a deep breath escaped him, heavier now, as if his body had been holding it in this whole time. every part of him reacted to her without permission. it wasn't just desire, it was something much deeper, something that felt rooted inside him, something that demanded closeness, that demanded her.

❝ so here they are. ❞ his whispered, his voice rougher now, almost strained, as her hands revealed the diamonds. he barely spared them a glance, because they didn't matter. not compared to her, not compared to this. his arms moved before his mind could catch up, wrapping around her and pulling her flush against him, eliminating any space left between their bodies. their lips met with a hunger that had been building for far too long, something unrestrained, something that carried every unspoken thought, every suppressed feeling. the kiss wasn't gentle, it wasn't careful. it was desperate, claiming.

the bag of diamonds was tossed aside without a second thought, hitting the table with a dull sound that neither of them acknowledged. nothing else existed in that moment. not the case, not the station, not the people outside that door. just them. he lifted her easily, as if it was the most natural thing in the world, her body fitting against his like it had always belonged there. his steps were quick, purposeful, carrying her away from prying eyes, away from anything that could interrupt what had already gone too far to stop. the door shut behind them with a quiet thud, sealing them into that space where the rest of the world no longer mattered.

❝ now i will have to teach you a lesson for all this trouble. ❞ his words brushed against her lips, barely spoken before they were lost again in another kiss, just as intense, just as consuming. his hands didn't hesitate, moving beneath the fabric of her dress, needing to feel her skin, needing to ground himself in something real before he lost himself completely in his. because that's what she did to him, she made him forget everything else.

[serpentmass]

she  wanted  to  devour  the  very  essence  of  him,  to  lose  herself  in  the  messy,  beautiful  reality  of  what  they  were  doing.  that  pull,  that  endless  love  story  which  had  lasted  for  millennia  and  was  yet  so  short-lived.  her  whole  life  she  had  been  wandering  through  the  desert  so  restlessly  just  for  him  to  finally  offer  her  shade,  all  her  life  she  had  been  wandering,  unable  to  be  homesick  because  she  simply  never  had  a  home  to  come  home  to.  but  now  he  was.  and  everything  else  wasn't.  for  her,  the  entire  universe's  creation  only  ever  happened  to  give  birth  to  him,  and  nothing  else  made  sense.

mrs.  halstead.  the  memory  of  his  name  addressing  her,  spoken  by  his  lips,  his  voice  still  echoing  within  her  mind  as  she  clung  to  him,  pressing  her  body  against  his  while  stumbling  backwards  to  wherever  he  was  leading  her.  that name sounded like the most perfect creation this universe could have offered. how her body ached to be called like this, how her core was craving to carry his name, how every inch of her biology, screamed to be claimed by him. in everything which could brandmark her as his. beginnging with carrying his name. she  had  never  cared  about  who  was  watching  when  she  once  more  showcased  how  disgustingly  deep  she  was  obsessed  with  him,  adored  him,  loved  him,  needed  him.  in  every  second  of  her  life.  but  now  so,  even  less.  shall  they  watch.  shall  the  entire  world  watch.  shall  they  know  that  sebnem  loved  jay  and  that  she  would  rip  each  of  their  throats  and  the  entire  universe  down  for  this  man  without  even  asking  why.

her  lips  were  so  hungry,  her  body  still  so  starved  of  touch,  even  two  years  into  their  relationship,  her  body  still  had  to  catch  up  with  almost  a  thousand  years  of  loneliness,  had  to  bathe  in  his  warmth  every  day  and  night,  or  else  she  simply  no  longer  was  whole.  it  was  like  both  knew  what  the  other  was  thinking,  did  she  jump  up  into  his  arms  when  his  strong  arms  lifted  her  up,  arms  wrapping  around  his  neck  while  his  mouth  drowned  from  her  moans.

her  back  crashed  against  a  wall,  her  feet  kicking  the  door  closed,  things  falling  down,  wherever  she  tried  to  hold  onto  things  fell  down,  no  matter  which  way  she  moved  towards,  she  hit  a  limb  or  two  but  all  of  this  she  would  endure  a  million  times  over  if  it  just  meant  kissing  him.  she  had  no  idea  where  she  was,  only  that  he  was  right  there,  with  him.  that  they  barely  had  space  to  move  but  that  made  it  all  the  better.  she  let  herself  glide  to  the  ground  once  more,  unwilling  to  wait  just  one  second  more  than  needed,  to  finally  have  him,  to  finally  be  claimed  by  him.  her  walls  already  tightening  at  the  sheer  thought  of  it.

the  way  she  moaned  as  his  hands  touched  her  bare  skin,  her  head  dropping  backwards  while  her  body  trembled,  fingers  tugging  at  the  shirt  in  his  pants,  pulling  on  it  eagerly  before  fully  giving  up,  groaning  in  frustration  but  drowning  that  once  more  in  his  lips  before  pulling  away,  barely  any  room  to  move  as  she  turned  in  his  arms,  fingers  moving  upwards,  busy  to  rid  herself  of  ties  and  zips  and  finally  after  seconds  that  felt  like  a  millennia,  her  dress  fell  to  the  ground,  giving  free  more  of  her  skin  for  him  to  claim,  as  she  stood  right  in  front  of  him  clad  in nothing but  dark  blue  lace  which  hugged  her  every  curve  so  perfectly, a sight only for him, and he knew that, he knew that this all was his.

❝  then  let  me  warn  you  mr.  halstead,  i  will  not  be  quiet,  i  won't  even  try.  ❞  she  whispered  as  her  head  leaned  back  against  his  shoulder,  her  butt  pressed  against  the  growing  bulge  in  his  pants  and  she  immediately  knew  how  to  move  her  hips,  how  to  press  her  body  against  his,  how  to  tease  him,  drive  him  wild,  make  him  go  mad.  ❝  are  these  your  handcuffs  i  am  feeling  there  detective?  i  think  i  have  a  confession  to  make  detective,  it  was  me,  all  of  it.  the  diamonds,  the  heist,  the  cracked  safe  with  all  the  money,  i  took  it  all,  all  of  it.  i  think  i  need  to  be  severely  punished  for  it  no?  ❞  wait-  what  heist?  which safe?  but  she  didn't  give  him  any  chance  to  think,  did  she  press  her  butt  further  into  his  crotch,  hand  grabbing  into  his  hair  as  she  pulled  him  back  against  her  lips,  hungrily,  needily,  messily,  aggressively,  so  utterly  perfectly.

[serpentmass]

what  even  was  formal?  all  her  life,  zara  had  been  told  what  to  wear  whenever  she  stepped  out  into  society,  when  she  was  expected  to  present  a  certain  image,  when  she  was  supposed  to  look  a  certain  way.  not  a  single  strand  of  hair  was  ever  allowed  to  fall  out  of  place  without  consequences.  she  had  never  truly  chosen  her  own  clothes;  she  had  been  like  a  doll,  always  perfect,  always  pretty,  always  someone  else’s  carefully  polished  possession.  for  a  while,  she  had  experimented  with  fashion,  with  self-expression,  with  trying  to  look  like  everyone  else,  but  it  had  mostly  ended  in  embarrassment.  it  stressed  her  far  more  than  she  ever  enjoyed  it,  which  was  not  at  all,  so  she  had  given  up  quickly.  simplicity  was  easier.  besides,  she  never  really  needed  much.  most  of  her  charm  and  elegance  she  carried  effortlessly  on  her  own.  she  had  that  rare  kind  of  presence  that  could  make  her  walk  into  a  room  and  leave  everyone  smiling.

so  whatever  they  had  meant  when  they  wrote  formal  on  tonight’s  gala  invitation  made  no  sense  to  her.  she  had  seen  what  the  other  women  were  buying,  had  considered  it  herself,  but  none  of  it  clicked.  she  had  thought  about  asking  someone  for  help,  but  that  would  have  felt  too  much  like  being  dressed  up  all  over  again.  no  matter  what  she  tried  on,  nothing  felt  like  her.  not  until  she  happened  to  pass  a  small  boutique  window  filled  with  south  asian  clothing.  her  gaze  had  caught  on  one  sari  in  particular.  it  reminded  her  instantly  of  her  mother,  of  the  older  women  in  her  in-laws’  family.  her  husband  had  hated  them.  she  had  always  been  forced  into  western  clothes,  another  way  for  him  to  display  her  exactly  as  he  wanted.  every  time  she  had  asked,  just  once,  to  wear  a  sari,  even  back  when  she  was  little  and  only  wanted  to  play  dress-up,  she  had  been  met  with  violence.  eventually,  she  had  stopped  asking.  the  thought  of  ever  wearing  one  again  had  never  crossed  her  mind.  she  had  long  stopped  dreaming  of  becoming  anyone’s  princess.  surviving  had  become  enough.

and  yet  now,  standing  before  the  mirror  as  she  got  ready,  she  had  never  felt  more  dressed  up  in  her  life.  it  was  also  the  first  time  she  had  ever  actually  worn  one,  not  borrowed  in  secret  as  a  child,  not  held  longingly  against  herself  in  front  of  a  mirror,  but  truly  worn,  draped  around  her  by  her  own  hands. she  had  asked  jay,  who  had  arrived  hours  earlier  already  looking  unfairly  dashing,  to  put  aimee  to  bed  while  she  finished.  when  he  had  asked  her  to  be  his  date,  it  had  felt  absurdly  like  the  prom  invitation  she  had  never  gotten,  and  the  thought  had  made  her  laugh.  especially  considering  their...  situationship  was  still  balancing  on  fragile  legs.  well,  she  was  the  fragile  leg.  commitment  still  terrified  her.  not  commitment  to  him.  to  him,  she  suspected  she  would  have  committed  immediately,  perhaps  already  had.  it  was  commitment  to  the  idea  of  a  relationship  itself  where  the  fear  lived.  even  so,  she  had  said  yes.  she  had  agreed  to  go  with  him,  despite  the  fact  that  they  both  would  have  had  to  attend  either  way.

she  stood  before  the  mirror  as  though  it  were  quietly  accusing  her,  fingers  fidgeting  with  the  shimmering  edge  of  her  saree.  the  soft  blush-pink  fabric  draped  around  her  like  liquid  silk,  catching  the  light  with  every  nervous  shift  she  made,  while  delicate  gold  embroidery  traced  along  the  border  in  intricate  patterns  that  looked  far  too  regal  for  someone  who  felt  this  unsure.  the  matching  blouse  hugged  her  frame,  its  sleeveless  cut  and  ornate  detailing  making  her  feel  far  more  exposed  than  she  was  used  to,  though  there  was  nothing  improper  about  it.  a  delicate  choker  rested  against  her  collarbone,  tiny  stones  glinting  each  time  she  moved,  with  matching  earrings  brushing  softly  against  her  neck.  even  the  ring  on  her  finger  felt  unfamiliar  somehow,  as  though  tonight  every  little  detail  had  been  chosen  for  a  version  of  herself  she  was  only  just  meeting.  her  hair  was  open,  fully  open,  dark  waves  falling  freely  over  her  shoulders  and  down  her  back  in  a  way  she  had  never  worn  it  before,  the  loose  strands  framing  her  face  and  softening  her  already  delicate  features.  she  kept  staring  at  her  reflection,  uncertain,  her  brows  knitting  together  as  if  the  woman  looking  back  at  her  was  someone  she  did  not  quite  recognize.  “i-i  look  ridiculous,”  she  muttered  under  her  breath,  nervously  reaching  to  adjust  the  pallu  draped  across  her  shoulder,  then  smoothing  invisible  wrinkles  from  the  fabric  before  fixing  a  strand  of  hair  that  had  no  need  of  fixing.  “maybe  i  should  just  change...  this  is  probably  stupid.”

it  was  almost  startling,  the  contrast  of  it.  usually,  zara  carried  a  quieter  kind  of  beauty,  effortless  and  unassuming,  the  sort  that  settled  gently  into  a  room  until  people  found  themselves  smiling  without  knowing  why.  this  was  different.  tonight,  she  looked  luminous,  like  something  carefully  unfolding  beneath  sunlight.  as  if  she  had  somehow  bloomed  into  an  entirely  new  version  of  herself,  despite  already  having  been  a  flower  all  along.  both  versions  of  her  were  breathtaking,  only  in  different  ways.  one  was  soft  ease  and  quiet  warmth,  the  other  all  polished  grace  and  radiant  elegance.

then  she  turned,  and  her  hair  followed  a  heartbeat  later,  sweeping  through  the  air  in  a  soft  arc  before  settling  against  her  back.  the  movement  drew  his  attention  instantly,  and  when  her  eyes  met  his,  her  breath  caught.  he  was  still  standing  there,  still  looking  so  unfairly,  distractingly  good  that  heat  rushed  to  her  cheeks  before  she  could  stop  it.  she  froze,  her  hand  flying  awkwardly  to  her  hair  again  as  though  she  could  somehow  hide  behind  it.  “i-i  mean...  it’s  not,  um...”  she  stammered,  glancing  down  as  her  blush  deepened.  “it’s  probably  too  much,  right?  i  can...  i  can  go  change  if  it  looks  weird  or  something.”  her  voice  came  out  smaller  than  she  meant  it  to,  and  she  shifted  under  his  gaze,  trying  to  smooth  an  invisible  crease  from  her  saree,  too  flustered  to  notice  there  was  nothing  at  all  that  needed  fixing. ( @angcltouched )

[rubysunnday]

random jay halstead gifs bc i miss him and fancy the pants off him

[angcltouched]

he let himself sink into that moment with her, letting everything else fall away like it had never mattered in the first place. the mess at home, the long day, the weight of everything he carried on his shoulders ... none of it existed now that she was there, now that her arms were around his and her lips had just left that burning trail against his neck. it was like his whole body reacted to her without asking permission, like every nerve was tuned only to her presence, to her touch, to the way she breathed against his skin. his hands didn't loosen around her, if anything they pulled her closer, as if there was still space between them that he couldn't stand. ❝ but i'm indeed surprised. ❞

his eyes wandered for a second, taking in what she had done, the effort, the care, the way she had turned something simple into something that felt like it belonged only to them. and there was that small, soft smile again, something warmer, something quieter beneath everything else that burned between them. she had done this ... for him. but the moment never stayed there for long. because when her lips found his, when her hands moved under his clothes, that warmth turned into something deeper, something heavier that settled low in his chest and spread through his whole body.

a soft groan left him before he could stop it, his head tilting just slightly as his grip on her tightened, fingers pressing into her like he needed to make sure she was real, that she wasn't going to disappear the second he let go. ❝ as much as i love you i'm sure mrs.halstead ... ❞ his voice came low, rougher now, barely more than a whisper against her lips, but there was something steady in it too, something certain. the kind of certainty that didn't come from thinking, but from feeling. from knowing.

he followed her lead without hesitation, his hands moving quickly, almost impatient now as he pulled his shirt over his head and let it fall somewhere behind him without a second thought. nothing mattered except her, nothing mattered except closing that distance she kept undoing between them. his fingers worked at his belt, at the button of his pants, movements quick, practiced, but driven by something far less controlled than he would ever admit out loud. ❝ but right now all i care about is having you. right now. ❞

his words barely had time to settle before she pulled him with her, and he let himself fall, let himself be guided, his body moving with hers like it was the only thing that made sense. his lips found hers again the second he could, deeper this time, more desperate, like he had been holding back all day and now there was no reason to anymore. his hands moved to her again, sliding along her legs, finding the fabric of her dress and pushing it up slowly, inch by inch, like he was relearning her through touch alone. every movement carried that same need, that same hunger that had been building for far too long, the kind that didn't ask, didn't wait, only pulled him closer and closer to her.

[serpentmass]

a  groan  of  complaint  left  her  lips  as  she  had  to  pull  away  for  even  just  a  second,  her  body  immediately  punishing  her  with  that  intense  ache  of  longing  as  she  opened  the  dress  at  the  back,  and  even  before  it  could  fall  to  the  ground,  her  lips  were  already  back  against  his.  hungry.  needy.  demanding.  her  skin  finally  allowed  to  be  pressed  against  his,  welcomed  with  a  gentle  gasp,  followed  by  a  moan  as  her  entire  body  melted  into  him.  all  those  hundreds  of  years  without  him,  without  him  by  her  side,  had  left  her  so  starved  of  touch,  she  could  not  bear  even  the  thought  of  not  touching  him  or  being  touched  by  him,  not  even  for  a  second.

❝  you  have  no  idea  what  you  are  doing  to  me  when  you  call  me  like  that.  ❞  she  muttered  against  his  lips,  her  arms  quickly  finding  their  way  back  around  his  neck,  her  bra  already  on  the  ground,  her  feet  kicking  away  her  underwear  before  she  pulled  him  along,  welcoming  him  between  her  thighs,  fully  naked  beneath  him,  ready  for  him.  her  hands  ran  through  his  hair,  pulling  him  in,  closer,  even  though  it  was  impossible  to  get  any  closer,  her  entire  body  already  pressed  against  his,  her  tongue  slipping  past  his  lips,  tasting  him  while  his  name  escaped  hers.

gently  but  demanding,  her  nails  dragged  down  his  back,  not  to  break  skin,  not  to  harm,  just  to  make  sure  he  knew  who  he  belonged  to.  her  lips  greedily  moved  from  his  mouth,  down  his  jawline  towards  his  neck.  oh  she  would  make  sure  everyone  knew  he  was  hers  as  well.  her  lips  sucked  at  his  skin  between  soft  kisses  along  his  neck,  every  other  one  leaving  a  deep  red  mark  behind,  her  teeth  sinking  into  him  at  times,  just  like  that  one  night  two  years  ago,  when  she  had  marked  him  and  he  had  marked  her.  the  thought  alone  made  her  mind  spin,  made  her  walls  clench,  craving  him,  begging  to  be  touched  by  him.  ❝  then  what  are  you  waiting  for.  i  couldn’t  think  about  anything  but  you  inside  me  all  day  long.  ❞

she  said  it  between  two  bites  against  his  skin  while  her  hands  eagerly  moved  down,  helping  him  with  that  annoying  belt,  opening  his  trousers  even  faster.  she  was  not  lying,  she  was  always  thinking  about  him,  either  about  how  much  she  loved  him  or  how  much  she  wanted  him.  her  body  ached  when  she  could  not  have  him  at  least  twice  a  day,  and  most  of  the  time  it  was  more  than  that.  sebnem  was  demanding  in  that  way,  with  no  filter  whatsoever  about  who  could  hear,  who  would  know,  or  where  they  were.  she  wanted  him  all  the  time.  no  matter  where  they  were,  she  always  had  to  touch  him,  her  hand  never  leaving  his  without  complaint,  her  lips  on  his  most  of  the  time,  only  under  protest  letting  him  pull  away.  the  second  they  were  anywhere  even  slightly  suitable,  her  body  pressed  against  his,  legs  and  arms  intertwined,  and  the  moment  they  were  alone,  she  would  tug  at  his  clothes  and  claim  what  was  already  hers.

her  body  made  it  very  clear  how  badly  she  wanted  him,  she  was  unable  to  hide  it  at  any  point.  he  had  her  wrapped  around  his  little  finger,  he  knew  how  to  use  it  against  her  and  she  always  lost,  every  single  time.  but  she  also  knew  he  wanted  her  just  as  much,  he  was  just  better  at  controlling  it.  no,  not  better,  she  simply  did  not  try  to  control  herself,  she  unapologetically  loved  and  desired  him  every  second  of  their  lives.  ❝  this  fucking  belt.  ❞  she  cursed  against  his  lips  as  she  once  more  greedily  claimed  them  until  she  finally  managed  to  open  it,  her  body  pressed  against  his,  back  arching  and  her  legs  wrapping  around  his  waist,  her  entire  body  ready  for  him.

[angcltouched]

he watched her reacting to him, every small shift, every breath, every look. he knew the power he held over sebnem, he could see it in the way she responded, in the way her body reacted to his presence alone. but it went both ways. it always had, didn't matter that in that moment he seemed more in control, more grounded, he felt it just as deeply as she did. maybe even more, because this was all new to him. she had grown up knowing something like this could exist, that a bond like this could happen. jay hadn't. he had never imagined it was possible to feel something this intense, this consuming. to the point where everything else in his life took a second place ... and she stood first, above everything.

still, this situation had to be handled, she had done something wrong. and there were consequences. even if those consequences were ... different when it came to her. jay knew the moment voight had let him walk into that room, she was already out of trouble. nothing was going to happen to her. ( and you wouldn't let anyone take her away anyway ) that thought settled easily in his mind. but that didn't mean she would just walk out of this without learning something.

it was pointless for her to try and fool him. he knew her too well by now. knew how her mind worked, what drove her, what she wanted. ❝ i know you didn't go there just to say hello ... you can't trick me that easy. ❞ his voice stayed low, meant only for her, his body now leaning casually against the table behind him as if none of this was serious, as if they weren't being watched. and maybe there were. maybe people were listening, watching every movement, every word. but he didn't care.

all he could think about was her, about how much he wanted her back in his arms. about how much he needed to make her understand that this kind of behavior would always lead her into trouble ... even if part of him almost enjoyed it. ❝ now it's not cheap when you use the same kind of weapons on me. ❞ there was something different in his tone now. softer, but sharper at the same time. his hand moved slowly, sliding up her thigh, just enough to feel the warmth beneath his fingertips but not enough to cross the line. hidden by the table, by his own body, a private moment in a room that wasn't private at all.

his touch was deliberate and controlled. dangerous in the way it lingered just enough. ❝ now you don't need a lawyer ... it won't make any difference in this moment. i know you have them ... just tell me where. ❞ his blue eyes never left hers, not for a second. holding her there, reading her, while his fingers tapped lightly against her skin, teasing more than demanding. enough to distract. and then she said it. a faint smile touched the corner of his lips, slow, as he leaned closer to her. ❝ i will check your pockets now ... ❞

the words were quiet, almost amused, like he had already won. the knock on the glass broke the moment. pulling him back as reality settled in again. jay straightened slightly, glancing over his shoulder toward the window, aware again of where they were, who was watching. his expression shifted, not fully, but enough to pass. ❝ it's fine ... we will leave the diamonds here and you can come collect them. ❞ his tone was more neutral now, more like the detective everyone expected him to be. but the smile never fully left his lips.

and when his eyes returned to hers, that look was still there. ❝ leave the diamonds ... and i'll give you what you want. ❞ the words carried weight, even if they sounded simple. even if only she would understand what he truly meant. jay pushed himself back to his full height, stepping away just enough to create space again, offering her his hand, palm open, waiting. he was confident, almost as if he already knew she wouldn't refuse him.

[serpentmass]

❝  trick  you?  i  would  never  trick  anyone,  really.  ❞  she  whispered,  almost  sounding  like  a  whisper  while  her  eyes  were  staring  at  his  lips,  her  body  revolting  because  she  was  not  allowed  to  just  kiss  him  right  here  and  right  now.  she  had  zero  care  for  who  was  watching  or  who  wasn't,  had  zero  care  for  what  was  appropriate  for  this  room  or  what  would  cross  the  line.  in  general,  lines  were  always  very  flexible  in  her  opinion.

however,  if  one  thought  this  would  teach  her  a  lesson,  one  would  not  know  her  very  well.  the  only  takeaway  she  would  take  from  this  was,  just  like  he  said,  she  could  no  longer  get  caught.  her  hips  almost  buckled  as  he  came  closer  and  closer,  her  body  set  aflame  when  his  hand  suddenly  touched  her  skin  and  she  no  longer  knew  what  was  happening  to  her.

❝  really?  i  have  the  power  to  drive  you  as  crazy  as  you  just  drive  me?  ❞  sebnem  was  very  little  aware  of  the  world  around  her,  it  confused  her,  gave  her  headaches,  and  all  she  cared  about  was  him  anyway.  but  that  also  meant  reading  people,  which  became  more  and  more  difficult  the  more  time  passed.  but  still,  even  after  all  those  years  alive,  she  could  not  make  out  how  his  body  was  craving  hers  just  as  much  as  hers  did  his.  and  that  was  uncontrollably  intense,  well  at  least  when  it  came  to  her.  he  always  seemed  able  to  control  himself,  maybe  that  was  why  she  was  so  oblivious  to  it.

she  couldn't  hold  back  anymore,  she  had  to  have  him,  had  to  kiss  him.  the  way  he  touched  her  made  her  incredibly  needy,  incredibly  unable  to  think  clearly,  and  incredibly  vulnerable  to  any  of  his  commands.  she  was  immediately  ready  to  submit,  immediately  ready  to  give  him  all  control  in  her  life,  and  she  would  enjoy  it,  oh  how  she  would  enjoy  it.  ❝  yeah,  you  are  right,  i  don't  need  a  lawyer...  ❞  she  repeated  after  him,  curious  if  his  unfair  interrogation  methods  would  even  hold  up  in  court,  as  she  was  clearly  being  coerced  into  talking.

❝  if  we  happen  to  find  them  in  my  pocket,  of  course  i  have  no  idea  if  they  are  there  or  how  they  could  have  gotten  there,  you  know  i  really  am  innocent,  i  think  someone  might  have  placed  them  there  to  frame  me...  ❞  oh  she  was  everything  but  innocent.  but  her  magic  was  already  doing  its  work,  her  charms  spreading  everywhere,  making  everyone  in  the  building  believe  her  immediately.  well,  everyone  but  him.  but  thinking  about  how  he  used  the  handcuffs  last  night,  she  would,  with  pleasure,  play  his  culprit  if  that  only  meant  being  close  to  him.

❝  i mean i am mrs. halstead right? many would want to see me get into trouble just to hurt you. so i could impossibly have anything to do with this right? so  if  we  happen  to  find  them,  will  you  bring  the  handcuffs  again  tonight?  ❞  her  teeth  sank  into  her  lower  lip,  her  body  leaning  into  his  heat,  her  legs  involuntarily  parting  as  his  touch  lingered.  how wet she already was at only the thought of him. oh  she  wanted  him,  she  wanted  him  badly,  that  much  was  clear.  but  then,  just  as  she  was  about  to  lean  in,  to  finally  claim  him,  to  press  her  lips  against  his,  someone  knocked  at  the  door  and  she  was  immediately  ripped  out  of  her  fantasy,  dragged  straight  back  into  reality.

but  she  was  not  willing  to  let  that  craving  go,  was  not  willing  to  deny  him  just  because  people  were  watching,  so  she  growled  dangerously  towards  the  door,  lights  flickering  outside  the  room.  ❝  get  lost!  ❞  she  yelled  angrily,  almost  jumping  up  to  throw  her  chair,  but  this  time  she  managed  to  hold  back.  if  she  threw  the  chair  now,  he  would  deny  her  all  sorts  of  things  for  a  while,  and  her  body  was  not  willing  to  let  go  of  its  needs.

but  oh  did  she  hate  him  right  now  for  pulling  away.  she  wanted  to  dig  her  claws  into  him  and  climb  him  right  here.  so  out  of  protest,  she  did  not  fight,  did  not  argue,  did  not  talk  back.  instead  she  stood  up  and  followed  him,  not  a  single  care  in  the  world  for  who  might  see,  immediately  melting  into  his  arms,  her  nose  brushing  against  his  neck,  she always did that when she wanted to mark her territory. and she was very territorial. maybe a little too much for a normal humans liking. but jay was not a normal human, he was her mate. souls which belonged together. and all she wanted was claiming  him  all  over  again.  he  didn’t  even  have  to  finish  his  sentence  before  she  acted,  her  hand  already  slipping  into  her  pocket  to  pull  out  a  small  bag  filled  with  diamonds  and  other  shiny  things.

but  that  is  not  where  she  stopped.  her  arms  immediately  wrapped  around  him,  her  body  seeking  his  warmth,  and  the  second  he  finished  speaking,  her  lips  were  already  pressed  against  his,  demanding,  needy,  greedy.  she  kept  her  part  of  the  bargain  and  now  she  wanted  him  to  do  the  same.  and  one  thing  was  clear,  she  would  not  wait  until  they  were  home  for  that.

[angcltouched]

it should have been a surprise to him, but by now, whenever he saw sebnem being brought into the station in handcuffs, it wasn't a surprise at all. it had become almost ... routine. jay already knew what she was, knew that irresistible pull she had towards anything that shined, anything that caught the light just right. that love of hers would always get her into trouble, and this was just another one of those times. normally, after their first encounter, jay had chosen to ignore it for as long as he could. because he had seen it himself, how easily she slipped out of situations like this, how she could twist words, bend them, make people believe whatever she wanted. he didn't understand how she did it, didn't even try to anymore. but he knew she could.

and that was exactly why he had let it go. until now. for a moment, when he first saw her, his mind didn't think like a detective. it didn't follow protocol, didn't see a suspect. it saw her, and for a second, he thought she had come to see him. her kisses were welcomed without hesitation, his hands finding her waist instinctively, pulling her closer like it was the most natural things in the world. but then her hands moved behind his neck, and the cold metal of the handcuffs brushed against his skin. that cold touch snapped something back into place inside him. reality came crashing back in, fast and unforgiving.

his expression changed instantly. ❝ again ? ❞ the word barely left his lips before she was pulled away from him, taken from his arms and guided toward the interrogation room. jay didn't move right away. he stayed there, watching, his jaw tightening slightly as voight stepped beside him. it only took five minutes for everything to be explained. five minutes for jay to understand exactly what had happened. and for a second ... he almost let it go again.

almost, but this time was different. this time, something in him refused. sebnem needed to understand. she couldn't keep doing this, couldn't keep getting caught, couldn't keep putting him in this position. not when things between them had gone this far. not when he felt what he felt for her. even if he loved her the way he did ... he couldn't ignore it anymore.

jay asked voight to let him go in. it wasn't exactly by the book, but voight knew something the others didn't, jay was the only one who wasn't affected by her the same way. the only one who could stand in front of her and still see clearly, the only one who could read right through her. the file was handed to him, and without wasting time, jay made his way to the room. he stepped inside, the door closing behind him with a quiet sound, and placed the file down in front of her without a word at first. his posture was different now, controlled and grounded.

❝ well ... things are not fair all the time. ❞ his voice had changed, that tone. the one she knew so well, the one he used when he was working. the one that didn't bend. ❝ you will not lie to me, now we are going to talk. and you will give those diamonds back, miss halstead. ❞ his eyes locked with hers, steady, unwavering. he had used his last name on her, and for him ... it made sense. maybe he had been avoiding it for too long. avoiding what this really was, what she really meant to him. but even now, standing there, playing this role, trying to be the detective first, jay knew.

she was it, the woman he would love for the rest of his life. the woman he wanted to make his wife. slowly, he stepped around the table that separated them, his eyes never leaving hers for even a second. every movement was deliberate, controlled, until he stopped close to her. close enough that the space between them disappeared, close enough that only she could hear him. close enough that he could feel her, her scent.

that same pull hitting him again, making his thoughts blur for just a second, making him crave her in a way that didn't belong in that room. he leaned in slightly, his voice dropping just enough to stay between them. ❝ if you don't do as i say ... i will have to use those handcuffs again. ❞ a pause, his breath brushing against her skin. ❝ and not like last night. ❞

[serpentmass]

her  eyes  squinted  as  she  glared  at  him.  oh  she  hated  it  when  he  knew  exactly  how  to  play  her,  and  she  hated  even  more  that  he  knew  she  would  never  be  able  to  stay  mad  at  him  for  long.  still,  that  low,  dangerous,  almost  feral  growl  slipped  from  her  throat.  he  might  have  tamed  her  a  little,  but  the  wildness  in  her  had  never  really  left.  especially  not  when  she  could  turn  it  against  him.  it  always  ended  the  same  way,  tangled  up  in  each  other,  messy  and  heated,  but  that  was  what  kept  them  alive,  wasn’t  it?  the  chaos,  the  unpredictability,  the  way  everything  between  them  burned  a  little  too  bright.

❝  so  you  are  playing  foul  now,  hm?  ❞  she  crossed  her  arms  over  her  chest,  a  scoff  slipping  from  her  lips  as  he  spoke  to  her  like  that.  it  sent  a  shiver  through  her  anyway,  every  nerve  lighting  up,  but  she  kept  pretending,  pretending  it  had  no  effect  on  her.  ❝  so  you  want  diamonds,  huh?  well,  detective...  ❞  the  word  left  her  mouth  like  a  challenge,  almost  a  threat.  ❝  before  you  throw  around  accusations,  how  about  you  give  me  some  actual  proof  that  I  was  involved?  ❞

oh  she  tried  to  fight  it,  the  pull,  the  need  to  be  close  to  him,  the  urge  to  wrap  her  arms  around  him  like  she  had  the  night  before,  before  he  had  used  those  handcuffs  to  pin  her  to  the  bed.  she  swallowed  at  the  memory,  could  still  feel  the  ghost  of  his  touch  on  her  skin,  his  kisses  burning  into  her.  she  tried,  she  really  did,  to  stay  indifferent,  but  she  knew  he  could  see  right  through  it,  knew  exactly  what  she  wanted,  what  she  craved.  and  god,  she  hated  him  for  that.

❝  I  did  not  do  anything,  I-  ❞  at  first  she  did  not  catch  it,  not  properly,  too  caught  up  in  pushing  back,  in  trying  to  stay  one  step  ahead.  but  then  it  hit.  mrs.  halstead.

her  eyes  met  his  again,  and  something  shifted  instantly.  the  defiance  faltered,  softened,  her  breath  catching  as  if  the  words  had  reached  somewhere  far  deeper  than  she  was  willing  to  admit.  her  fingers  tightened  around  the  fabric  of  her  dress,  grounding  herself  before  the  reaction  became  too  obvious.  god,  she  did  not  want  that  to  be  a  slip.  she  wanted  it  to  be  real.

sebnem  was  proud,  stubborn,  never  one  to  back  down,  not  from  anyone,  not  even  when  she  should.  but  the  way  he  looked  at  her  now,  steady,  demanding,  it  unraveled  something  in  her.  made  her  forget  every  instinct  that  told  her  to  fight.  for  a  second,  she  wanted  to  give  in,  to  drop  everything,  just  to  stay  there  with  him.  mrs.  halstead.  sebnem  halstead.  why  did  it  sound  so  right?

(  focus,  sebnem.  focus.  )

❝  I  just  stumbled  into  the  crime  scene,  really.  I  wanted  to  say  hi  to  voight,  but  they  just  slapped  handcuffs  on  me  and...  ❞

she  kept  going,  because  that  was  what  she  did.  she  fought,  even  when  she  was  losing.  ❝  really now,  mr.  halstead?  do  you  actually  have  to  use  your body to  get  to  me? a little cheap don't you think?  ❞

and  it  worked.  of  course  it  did.  the  closer  he  stepped,  the  faster  her  heart  raced,  skipping  beats  as  his  presence  pressed  in  around  her.  when  his  breath  brushed  her  ear,  she  was  gone,  completely  caught,  completely  his.  the  fight  was  still  there,  but  no  longer  against  him,  only  against  herself. (  oh  please  don’t  check  my  pockets.  )

❝  w-well,  I  really  don’t  remember  last  night.  are  you  sure  it  was  me?  I  think  I  might  need  a  reminder.  ❞  her  voice  dropped,  unsteady  now,  her  hands  gripping  her  dress  like  it  was  the  only  thing  holding  her  together.  ❝  so  unless  you  can  provide  me  with  those  diamonds  you  claim  I  have,  I  think  I  should  talk  to  my  law-  lawy-  ❞ he  was  too  close.  her  mind  went  blank  the  second  his  scent  filled  her  lungs. (  if  he  checks  my  pockets,  I  am  dead. oh god please check my pockets, I cant handle this anymore, use those damn handcuffs on me again.   )

❝ I should talk to my lawy- ❞ she swallowed, turning her head towards him, and that was a mistake. oh that was the worst mistake. she was immediately caught in those blue eyes, their lips only inches apart, so close, too close, why was he so close. ❝ if I tell you they are in my pocket, can we please have sex then? right now? ❞ she did not even care who might have heard them. ❝ I mean, I don’t know, I just think they could be in my pocket, it was not me of course, I have no idea how they got there… if they are there, I mean… do you know how they could have ended up there? ❞

oh she couldnt tell her name anymore even if her life depended on it right in this moment. ( using your body to lure me is such a cheap trick detective. )

[angcltouched]

jay had made it clear to her, or at least he thought he had. leaving was always hard for him, it felt like a part of him stayed behind with her every single time he walked out that door. and in truth ... it did. there was a part of him that never really left her side. at first, it had been hard to understand, even harder to accept, what was happening between them. that pull, that constant need, that quiet emptiness that settled in his chest whenever she wasn't near. but over time, he had learned how to manage it, how to live with it, even if it never truly went away. it came from their bond, and even being who he was, grounded, rational ... he felt it just as deeply as she did.

still, he had left that morning to do his job. and after a long day, after a case that had drained him more than usual, jay came home tired, his body heavy, his mind still trying to let go of everything he had seen. all he wanted was simple, to have sebnem in his arms, to feel her close, to let that quiet settle back into him. maybe some decent food, maybe just her presence. that was enough.

but the moment he stepped inside the apartment ... all of that stopped. chaos everywhere. everything was out of place, nothing where he had left it. objects moved, things scattered, like a storm had passed through the place. jay stood there for a second, taking it all in, a slow breath leaving his lips as realization settled in. he had told her no, and of course ... she had taken it as a challenge. he should have known. ❝ sebnem ? ❞

he called out, his voice carrying through the apartment. when no answer came, he moved further inside, his steps quick but controlled, his eyes scanning every room until he found her exactly where he expected. trying to fix something. his eyes landed on her as she struggled to plug in the lights, the room completely different from the rest of the apartment, almost unrecognizable. but none of that mattered the moment the chair beneath her shifted, gave in.

jay didn't think. he moved, instinct took over before reason could even catch up, his body reacting faster than his mind ever could. he reached her just in time, catching her as she fell, pulling her safety into his arms before she could hit the ground. her body settled against his, and the moment she buried her face into his neck ... everything else faded and a soft smile found his lips. he should be mad, he should say something. but he didn't.

❝ well ... it was lucky that i came home when i did, huh ? ❞ there was amusement in his voice, light and warm. like none of the mess around them mattered anymore. and truthfully, it didn't. not when she was there, safe in his arms. he pulled her closer without thinking, holding her against him like that was where she belonged. ❝ what are you up to here ? ❞ his voice dropped into a whisper now, softer, more intimate as his hand moved to the back of her neck, guiding her gently so she would look at him. his touch was careful, never forcing, always giving her space even when he held her close.

❝ i come home to find you trying to kill yourself ? are you done with me ? ❞ there was a teasing edge to his words, but underneath it something more real. something that lingered. he didn't give her time to answer. didn't want to, not when she was this close. jay leaned in, closing the distance between them, his lips finding hers with a need that had been building the entire day. not rushed, not rough ... but desperate in its own quiet way.

[serpentmass]

❝   i  wanted  to  suprise  you.   ❞  she  whispered  against  his  neck,  her  nose  stubbing  against  his  neck  repeatly.  sometimes  it  was  really  obvious  that  this  woman  had  an  animal  soul  within  her,  the  way  she  behaved,  her  mannerism,  her  way  of  deaing  with  things.  especially  with  him  it  came  through.  because  around  him,  she  could  be  whoever  she  was,  without  hiding,  without  forcing  herself  to  fit  in.  with  him  she  was  complete.  with  him  she  would  always  be  save.  ❝   i  knew  you  would  save  me.   ❞  she  chuckled,  leaving  gentle  kisses  along  his  neck.

the  way  his  hand  wrapped  around  her  neck,  guiding  her  motion,  not  forcing  but  still  demanding,  made  her  body  even  weaker  than  it  already  was  whenever  he  was  close.  her  teeth  sank  into  her  lower  lip  as  she  looked  up  at  him  through  long  lashes,  shaking  her  head,  mischief  gleaming  in  her  eyes.  she  did  not  have  to  say  anything,  would  not  say  anything,  her  eyes  spoke  for  her.  the  way  his  scent  hit  her  immediately,  the  way  he  pulled  her  in,  the  way  that  small,  dominant  edge  slipped  through  him,  (  god,  i  love  it  when  he  does  that  )  he  barely  ever  did  it,  but  when  he  did,  her  knees  weakened  at  once.  the  way  his  body  reacted  to  hers  made  it  impossible  for  her  to  gather  a  single  thought  she  could  put  into  words.

so  aside  from  that  slight  shake  of  her  head,  she  could  not  process  anything,  and  she  did  not  need  to,  his  lips  already  claiming  hers,  and  thank  the  gods  above,  because  she  would  not  have  lasted  another  second  without  kissing  him.  her  mind  slipped  away  around  him,  but  her  body  made  it  clear  there  was  no  need  for  thought,  the  only  thing  she  needed  was  him.  her  tongue  slipped  past  his  lips,  hungry,  greedy,  as  if  she  had  not  seen  him  in  years  and  was  finally  allowed  to  have  him  again.  and  for  her,  it  felt  exactly  like  that.  as  if  nothing  in  this  world  mattered  but  him. ❝ i will never be done with you.  ❞

despite  having  worked  on  this  surprise  the  entire  day,  despite  being  so  proud  of  how  it  had  turned  out,  there  would  be  time  later  to  admire  it,  somewhere  between  round  three  and  four,  but  there  would  never  be  enough  time  for  this,  for  them,  to  be  together,  to  kiss,  to  feel,  to  love.  how  she  hated  that  life  dared  to  separate  them  for  so  many  hours  of  the  day.  though  somehow,  her  way  of  securing  their  living  expenses  did  not  make  him  nearly  as  happy  as  it  did  her.

but  as  long  as  he  came  back  to  her  every  single  day,  as  long  as  he  kissed  her  like  this,  held  her  like  this,  touched  her  like  this,  she  would  endure.  and  enduring  was  already  more  than  she  was  capable  of  when  it  came  to  him,  even  when  she  tried.  and  she  had  to  show  him,  once  again,  how  much  she  had  missed  him.  her  hands  moved  eagerly,  pulling  at  his  gear,  his  jacket  falling  to  the  ground,  her  fingers  impatient  as  they  gripped  the  fabric  of  his  shirt,  not  stopping  until  it  was  freed  from  his  trousers  and  her  hands  could  slip  beneath  it, feeling the soft skin of his back,  a  soft,  breathless  sound  leaving  her  lips  into  his  mouth  as  she  finally  felt  his  skin  against  hers.

in  between  gentle  movements,  the  cold  metal  of  her  wedding  band  brushed  against  his  skin.  ❝  do  you  know  much  I  love  you  mr.  halstead?  ❞  she  whispered,  tugging  lightly  at  his  lower  lip  with  her  teeth  while  the  fabric  of  her  dress  danced  in  the  wind.  at  the  same  time,  she  stumbled  backwards  towards  the  mountain  of  pillows  and  blankets,  right  beneath  the  fairy  lights  she  had  just  lit,  beneath  the  tent  she  had  built,  the  stars  stretching  wide  above  them,  and  she  pulled  him  down  with  her.  ❝  so  fucking  much.  ❞

[serpentmass]

          @angcltouched ( jay ) asked for ZARA  [ LOVE ]: sender tells receiver they love them during.

her  entire  life,  she  had  not  thought  that  any  of  this  would  ever  bring  her  joy,  pleasure,  happiness.  she  thought  she  was  too  scared  to  ever  be  able  to  enjoy  any  of  it.  never  had  she  imagined  that  the  heat  of  someone’s  body  against  hers  would  make  her  crave  more,  that  the  weight  of  a  man  above  her  would  make  her  melt  into  it,  never  expected  that  the  touch  of  someone  against  her  bare  skin  would  make  her  tremble,  that  her  fingertips  would  explore  someone’s  back  the  way  they  did  his,  that  her  lips  would  kiss  him  the  way  they  did  in  this  very  moment.  everything  had  seemed  impossible,  until  him.

caramel  skin  pressed  against  pale,  hungry  lips,  kissing  him  back  with  a  passion  that  almost  terrified  her,  almost,  if  it  did  not  leave  her  burning  the  way  his  kisses  did.  only  when  he  came  back  into  her  life  did  she  realise  how  starved  she  was,  of  touch,  of  love,  of  him.  he  had  always  been  the  only  one  whose  touch  she  could  bear,  whose  closeness  did  not  make  her  recoil,  whose  eyes  she  could  look  into  without  fear.  and  as  she  welcomed  him  between  her  thighs  night  after  night,  greedily  demanding  the  kisses  she  craved,  her  hands  exploring  his  skin  as  if  he  was  the  last  drop  of  water  in  a  desert,  she  finally  understood  why.  it  had  been  him.  it  had  always  been  him.

her  fingernails  dug  lightly  into  his  back,  not  to  harm  him,  pain  was  something  she  wanted  to  leave  behind,  she  had  known  far  too  much  of  it  already.  it  was  grounding,  a  way  to  pull  herself  back  into  reality,  to  not  let  herself  get  lost  in  this.  it  still  took  courage  to  let  him  this  close,  to  let  him  in,  to  let  him  touch  her  like  this.  he  was  always  gentle,  always  understanding.  nothing  about  it  felt  wrong,  everything  with  him  felt  pure,  almost  holy.  and  yet,  it  still  frightened  her  sometimes,  the  moment  she  felt  him  press  deeper  against  her,  a  brief  second  where  her  body  tensed,  muscles  tightening  as  if  expecting  something  to  go  wrong.  but  he  always  brought  her  back,  always  slowed,  always  made  sure  she  was  alright,  always  asked  again,  always  gave  her  the  choice,  but  tonight  he  did  more  than  that.

i  love  you.  her  eyes  slowly  opened  and  immediately  found  his.  three  small  words  she  had  never  truly  understood  before.  small,  yet  carrying  something  so  vast  it  almost  overwhelmed  her.  she  did  not  answer.  her  breath  trembled,  her  gaze  lost  in  his.  she  knew  what  to  say,  she  knew  what  she  felt,  she  knew  that  she  loved  him  too.  but  saying  it  felt  heavy,  like  something  she  was  not  yet  ready  to  hold  without  breaking.  she  hoped  he  knew.  her  hand  lifted,  gently  cupping  his  cheek  before  she  leaned  in  again,  kissing  him,  hungry,  desperate,  still  starved  for  him.

only  moments  later  did  she  realise  just  how  much  she  needed  him,  as  her  body  welcomed  him  again,  her  back  arching  slightly,  a  soft  sound  slipping  from  her  lips  into  his.  the  feeling  of  him  inside  her  still  overwhelmed  her  at  times,  did  her  head  fall  back  into  the  pillow,  eyes  closing  as  his  name  parted  from  her  lips  in  a  desperate  moan.  her  legs  wrapped  around  his  hips,  her  lips  parting  for  him,  for  his  breath,  for  his  kiss,  drawing  him  closer.  maybe  she  could  not  say  it  out  loud,  maybe  the  words  would  not  come,  but  everything  else  did.  the  way  she  held  him,  the  way  her  body  moved  with  his,  the  way  she  refused  to  let  him  go,  as  if  even  a  second  apart  would  be  too  much.  she  only  hoped  he  understood.  that  she  loved  him.  that  she  needed  him.  more  than  air  to  breathe.

[spacejams]

[serpentmass]

one  might  have  considered  it  a  visit  of  a  girlfriend  who  had  missed  her  boyfriend  so  much  that  she  ended  up  at  his  workplace  for  a  surprise  visit,  to  pick  him  up  for  lunch.  but  one  was  not  sebnem  and  jay.  as  she  suddenly  sat  down  in  his  lap  with  a  wide  smile  on  her  face,  bumping  her  nose  against  his  cheek  as  she  always  did,  a  fox  habit  she  had  tried  to  lay  off  in  public  but  never  quite  managed,  nobody  would  look  twice  at  it,  whether  they  found  it  cute  or  odd.  “  I  missed  you.  ”  she  chuckled,  pressing  several  gentle  kisses  to  his  lips,  not  caring  one  bit  who  was  around  them  or  who  could  see  them.

this  was  when  one  might  finally  notice  that  the  way  she  had  wrapped  her  arms  around  his  neck  was  not  very  usual,  and  only  then  would  the  cold  steel  of  the  handcuffs  around  her  wrists  brush  against  the  back  of  his  neck.  as  they  clicked  softly  when  she  accidentally  knocked  them  together,  she  froze,  shoulders  lifting  as  she  caught  the  look  on  his  face,  realising  what  was  happening...  again.

“  I  love  you,  you  know  that,  right?  don’t  worry,  I  will  be  out  of  here  before  your  shift  is  over.  whatever  they  are  saying,  I  am  innocent,  always  remember  that,  yes?  ”

oh  she  was  everything  but that. she  never  was,  aside  from  that  one  time  which  she  still  used  to  blackmail  him  with.  that  one  time  she  truly  was  innocent  and  he  did  not  believe  her,  about  two  years  ago,  when  they  first  met.  and  that  was  also  about  the  only  time  she  had  not  done  what  she  was  accused  of.  but  the  way  she  carried  herself,  getting  up  from  his  lap,  walking  backwards  towards  the  interrogation  room,  greeting  literally  everyone  by  name  who  then  just  looked  straight  at  jay,  she  was  far  too  sure,  far  too  smug.  as  if  she  already  knew  she  would  be  out  of  here  almost  immediately.  well,  at  least  that  was  usually  the  case  when  her  greed  for  sparkly  things  got  the  better  of  her  again.

so  when  she  sat  in  that  room,  already  playing  with  the  handcuffs  which  seconds  later  lay  on  the  table  rather  than  around  her  wrists,  when  she  grabbed  one  of  the  massive  three  coffees  with  far  too  much  sugar,  when  she  opened  the  bag  she  had  filled  from  the  snack  machine  just  minutes  ago,  she  prepared  for  anyone  to  walk  in.  whoever  it  was,  it  would  be  easy  to  talk  her  way  out  of  it,  so  she  took  a  big  sip  of  the  coffee  and  bit  into  the  liquorice  she  had  just  bought,  her  eyes  already  lifting  to  see  who  her  next  victim  would  be.

until  her  grin  faded.  until her very own and very thick file was thrown on the table in front of her. that smugness? certainty that she would walk out right away? it  was  gone.  her  eyes  blinked.  once.  twice.  three  times.  oh  no,  he  would  not  dare.  oh,  he  would.  she  knew  exactly  what  he  wanted  from  her  and  oh  how  unfair  that  was.  “  you  are  cheating!  you  know  I  can’t  use  my  tricks  on  you  and  now  you  want  to  take  away  my  diamonds!  that’s  cheating,  jay!  ...  jay!  ”   she  whined,  her  feet  kicking  like  those  of  a  child  denied  christmas  presents.  she  had  a  very  strange  idea  of  what  “fair”  or  “cheating”  meant.  but  nothing  about  this  woman  was  ever  normal.  “  i  didn’t  do  anything  and  nobody  of  you  can  prove  it!  ” ( @angcltouched )