whatΒ evenΒ wasΒ formal?Β allΒ herΒ life,Β zaraΒ hadΒ beenΒ toldΒ whatΒ toΒ wearΒ wheneverΒ sheΒ steppedΒ outΒ intoΒ society,Β whenΒ sheΒ wasΒ expectedΒ toΒ presentΒ aΒ certainΒ image,Β whenΒ sheΒ wasΒ supposedΒ toΒ lookΒ aΒ certainΒ way.Β notΒ aΒ singleΒ strandΒ ofΒ hairΒ wasΒ everΒ allowedΒ toΒ fallΒ outΒ ofΒ placeΒ withoutΒ consequences.Β sheΒ hadΒ neverΒ trulyΒ chosenΒ herΒ ownΒ clothes;Β sheΒ hadΒ beenΒ likeΒ aΒ doll,Β alwaysΒ perfect,Β alwaysΒ pretty,Β alwaysΒ someoneΒ elseβsΒ carefullyΒ polishedΒ possession.Β forΒ aΒ while,Β sheΒ hadΒ experimentedΒ withΒ fashion,Β withΒ self-expression,Β withΒ tryingΒ toΒ lookΒ likeΒ everyoneΒ else,Β butΒ itΒ hadΒ mostlyΒ endedΒ inΒ embarrassment.Β itΒ stressedΒ herΒ farΒ moreΒ thanΒ sheΒ everΒ enjoyedΒ it,Β whichΒ wasΒ notΒ atΒ all,Β soΒ sheΒ hadΒ givenΒ upΒ quickly.Β simplicityΒ wasΒ easier.Β besides,Β sheΒ neverΒ reallyΒ neededΒ much.Β mostΒ ofΒ herΒ charmΒ andΒ eleganceΒ sheΒ carriedΒ effortlesslyΒ onΒ herΒ own.Β sheΒ hadΒ thatΒ rareΒ kindΒ ofΒ presenceΒ thatΒ couldΒ makeΒ herΒ walkΒ intoΒ aΒ roomΒ andΒ leaveΒ everyoneΒ smiling.
soΒ whateverΒ theyΒ hadΒ meantΒ whenΒ theyΒ wroteΒ formalΒ onΒ tonightβsΒ galaΒ invitationΒ madeΒ noΒ senseΒ toΒ her.Β sheΒ hadΒ seenΒ whatΒ theΒ otherΒ womenΒ wereΒ buying,Β hadΒ consideredΒ itΒ herself,Β butΒ noneΒ ofΒ itΒ clicked.Β sheΒ hadΒ thoughtΒ aboutΒ askingΒ someoneΒ forΒ help,Β butΒ thatΒ wouldΒ haveΒ feltΒ tooΒ muchΒ likeΒ beingΒ dressedΒ upΒ allΒ overΒ again.Β noΒ matterΒ whatΒ sheΒ triedΒ on,Β nothingΒ feltΒ likeΒ her.Β notΒ untilΒ sheΒ happenedΒ toΒ passΒ aΒ smallΒ boutiqueΒ windowΒ filledΒ withΒ southΒ asianΒ clothing.Β herΒ gazeΒ hadΒ caughtΒ onΒ oneΒ sariΒ inΒ particular.Β itΒ remindedΒ herΒ instantlyΒ ofΒ herΒ mother,Β ofΒ theΒ olderΒ womenΒ inΒ herΒ in-lawsβΒ family.Β herΒ husbandΒ hadΒ hatedΒ them.Β sheΒ hadΒ alwaysΒ beenΒ forcedΒ intoΒ westernΒ clothes,Β anotherΒ wayΒ forΒ himΒ toΒ displayΒ herΒ exactlyΒ asΒ heΒ wanted.Β everyΒ timeΒ sheΒ hadΒ asked,Β justΒ once,Β toΒ wearΒ aΒ sari,Β evenΒ backΒ whenΒ sheΒ wasΒ littleΒ andΒ onlyΒ wantedΒ toΒ playΒ dress-up,Β sheΒ hadΒ beenΒ metΒ withΒ violence.Β eventually,Β sheΒ hadΒ stoppedΒ asking.Β theΒ thoughtΒ ofΒ everΒ wearingΒ oneΒ againΒ hadΒ neverΒ crossedΒ herΒ mind.Β sheΒ hadΒ longΒ stoppedΒ dreamingΒ ofΒ becomingΒ anyoneβsΒ princess.Β survivingΒ hadΒ becomeΒ enough.
andΒ yetΒ now,Β standingΒ beforeΒ theΒ mirrorΒ asΒ sheΒ gotΒ ready,Β sheΒ hadΒ neverΒ feltΒ moreΒ dressedΒ upΒ inΒ herΒ life.Β itΒ wasΒ alsoΒ theΒ firstΒ timeΒ sheΒ hadΒ everΒ actuallyΒ wornΒ one,Β notΒ borrowedΒ inΒ secretΒ asΒ aΒ child,Β notΒ heldΒ longinglyΒ againstΒ herselfΒ inΒ frontΒ ofΒ aΒ mirror,Β butΒ trulyΒ worn,Β drapedΒ aroundΒ herΒ byΒ herΒ ownΒ hands. sheΒ hadΒ askedΒ jay,Β whoΒ hadΒ arrivedΒ hoursΒ earlierΒ alreadyΒ lookingΒ unfairlyΒ dashing,Β toΒ putΒ aimeeΒ toΒ bedΒ whileΒ sheΒ finished.Β whenΒ heΒ hadΒ askedΒ herΒ toΒ beΒ hisΒ date,Β itΒ hadΒ feltΒ absurdlyΒ likeΒ theΒ promΒ invitationΒ sheΒ hadΒ neverΒ gotten,Β andΒ theΒ thoughtΒ hadΒ madeΒ herΒ laugh.Β especiallyΒ consideringΒ their...Β situationshipΒ wasΒ stillΒ balancingΒ onΒ fragileΒ legs.Β well,Β sheΒ wasΒ theΒ fragileΒ leg.Β commitmentΒ stillΒ terrifiedΒ her.Β notΒ commitmentΒ toΒ him.Β toΒ him,Β sheΒ suspectedΒ sheΒ wouldΒ haveΒ committedΒ immediately,Β perhapsΒ alreadyΒ had.Β itΒ wasΒ commitmentΒ toΒ theΒ ideaΒ ofΒ aΒ relationshipΒ itselfΒ whereΒ theΒ fearΒ lived.Β evenΒ so,Β sheΒ hadΒ saidΒ yes.Β sheΒ hadΒ agreedΒ toΒ goΒ withΒ him,Β despiteΒ theΒ factΒ thatΒ theyΒ bothΒ wouldΒ haveΒ hadΒ toΒ attendΒ eitherΒ way.
sheΒ stoodΒ beforeΒ theΒ mirrorΒ asΒ thoughΒ itΒ wereΒ quietlyΒ accusingΒ her,Β fingersΒ fidgetingΒ withΒ theΒ edgeΒ ofΒ herΒ whiteΒ saree,Β theΒ fabricΒ softΒ andΒ flowingΒ aroundΒ herΒ frame,Β scatteredΒ withΒ brightΒ redΒ flowersΒ thatΒ lookedΒ almostΒ tooΒ boldΒ againstΒ itsΒ delicateΒ elegance.Β pearlΒ earringsΒ brushedΒ herΒ neckΒ whenΒ sheΒ tiltedΒ herΒ head,Β herΒ braceletΒ chimingΒ faintlyΒ asΒ sheΒ reachedΒ upΒ toΒ smoothΒ downΒ strandsΒ ofΒ hairΒ thatΒ refusedΒ toΒ stayΒ inΒ place.Β herΒ hairΒ wasΒ open,Β fullyΒ open,Β darkΒ wavesΒ spillingΒ overΒ herΒ shouldersΒ andΒ downΒ herΒ backΒ inΒ aΒ wayΒ sheΒ hadΒ neverΒ wornΒ itΒ before.Β sheΒ keptΒ staringΒ atΒ herΒ reflection,Β uncertain,Β herΒ browsΒ knittingΒ togetherΒ asΒ ifΒ theΒ womanΒ lookingΒ backΒ atΒ herΒ wasΒ someoneΒ sheΒ didΒ notΒ quiteΒ recognize.Β βi-iΒ lookΒ ridiculous,βΒ sheΒ mutteredΒ underΒ herΒ breath,Β nervouslyΒ tuckingΒ aΒ strandΒ behindΒ herΒ earΒ onlyΒ forΒ itΒ toΒ slipΒ looseΒ again.Β herΒ fingersΒ fussedΒ withΒ herΒ pallu,Β adjustedΒ anΒ alreadyΒ perfectΒ pleat,Β thenΒ movedΒ toΒ fixΒ aΒ curlΒ thatΒ neededΒ noΒ fixingΒ atΒ all.Β βmaybeΒ iΒ shouldΒ justΒ change...Β thisΒ isΒ probablyΒ stupid.β
thenΒ sheΒ turned,Β andΒ herΒ hairΒ followedΒ aΒ heartbeatΒ later,Β sweepingΒ throughΒ theΒ airΒ inΒ aΒ softΒ arcΒ beforeΒ settlingΒ againstΒ herΒ back.Β theΒ movementΒ drewΒ hisΒ attentionΒ instantly,Β andΒ whenΒ herΒ eyesΒ metΒ his,Β herΒ breathΒ caught.Β heΒ wasΒ stillΒ standingΒ there,Β stillΒ lookingΒ soΒ unfairly,Β distractinglyΒ goodΒ thatΒ heatΒ rushedΒ toΒ herΒ cheeksΒ beforeΒ sheΒ couldΒ stopΒ it.Β sheΒ froze,Β herΒ handΒ flyingΒ awkwardlyΒ toΒ herΒ hairΒ againΒ asΒ thoughΒ sheΒ couldΒ somehowΒ hideΒ behindΒ it.Β βi-iΒ mean...Β itβsΒ not,Β um...βΒ sheΒ stammered,Β glancingΒ downΒ asΒ herΒ blushΒ deepened.Β βitβsΒ probablyΒ tooΒ much,Β right?Β iΒ can...Β iΒ canΒ goΒ changeΒ ifΒ itΒ looksΒ weirdΒ orΒ something.βΒ herΒ voiceΒ cameΒ outΒ smallerΒ thanΒ sheΒ meantΒ itΒ to,Β andΒ sheΒ shiftedΒ underΒ hisΒ gaze,Β tryingΒ toΒ smoothΒ anΒ invisibleΒ creaseΒ fromΒ herΒ saree,Β tooΒ flusteredΒ toΒ noticeΒ thereΒ wasΒ nothingΒ atΒ allΒ thatΒ neededΒ fixing. ( @angcltouched )
