Yes, as surprising as it might be for you, you are the first boy I’ve ever loved. Guess what? I even wanted to marry you. My mum tells me that every little girl wants to marry her father. I loved it when you played with my hair, or when you would let me play your guitar and your drums. I loved it when you ate your breakfast eggs and made me some as well.
I’m not a morning person. I got it from you, to he honest, cause mum always wakes up early and is ready to do stuff. We’re both lazy people that would rather stay in and watch a movie or two instead of doing stuff.
God, whenever I saw you it was like no one mattered but you. It was like you brought joy and like you wrapped up the whole universe, put a bow on it and gave it to me as a present. Your name alone brought galaxies of happiness to my life.
Dad, you were the first boy I’ve ever loved. And you were the first one to break my heart too. 10 years later, you still somehow manage to shatter it. You broke my heart when I was 6 years old.
I remember how I got home one day from kindergarten and you were not there. All of your stuff was gone, and my grandpa stood sad on the couch. He didn’t know how to tell me, or my mum, that you left. And it didn’t seem like you were coming back.
I remember how you didn’t answer any of my calls for six months. I was 5 and I missed my father. The house was empty and my mother was sad and I just wanted us to be a family again.
At my birthday, when I turned 6, I cried half of the party because I didn’t know if you were going to show up. I had no idea how to answer ‘where is your dad’, because you weren’t talking to me. So when you showed up, right before they were about to sing happy birthday, I couldn’t stop sobbing because of how much I missed you. How happy I was to see you again and how scared I was to lose you again.
When you moved to another country I was miserable because I thought I’d never see or hear from you ever again.
You broke my heart so many times and it amazes me how I would still act like everything was fine around you. How I would say or do things just because I thought you liked them only to make you stay in my life and never disappear again.
No one can break my heart more than you did.
I don’t expect you to call anymore. I lost all my hope that you will change and be a bigger part of my life. So that’s why when you show up for my birthday or when you call me just because you missed me I am surprised.
I know you love me more than anyone and I know you simply don’t know how to show it… But I am sick and tired of living my life as a pretend version of myself just to please you.
Dad, I miss you… Please call more…
izzy806
turnnoffyourmind
yousharknotpass
pixelskylines
theartofmadeline
