SERVE – Tradition and Fruit - the Retrieval of SERVE-567 Part 1 (eight images below)
see here for the prequel - the loss of SERVE-567
SERVE command 1 – drone will observe a tradition
SERVE command 2 – drone will interact with fruit
Long before Growlr, Grindr, or Scruff; long before Gaydar, or bear.411, or even gay.com (does anyone remember gay.com?), gay men found ways of hooking up. And not only at beats, bars or bathhouses.
Gay men used signals to identify and show their availability.
There was Polari in the UK; the hanky code in the USA.
And in Australia, the time-honoured tradition of hanging a bunch of bananas on the edge of your shopping basket at the supermarket.
SERVE-714 was conducting [redacted] for SERVE out in the Latrobe Valley, east of Melbourne, when the Voice commanded it to collect provisions from the Coles Supermarket in Morwell.
Months had passed since SERVE-567 had lost contact with SERVE and reverted to Ted – his former self. Ted had well and truly settled into his new, old routine since moving to Morwell.
Work, lift weights, eat, sleep. Repeat.
It was enough, he was home.
It wasn’t enough, and he damn well knew he wasn’t home. Wherever the fuck that was.
But... work, lift weights, eat, sleep. Repeat.
Habits replaced belonging. Even if he deluded himself into thinking it was a sort of belonging.
Grabbing a few things from Coles on the way home from work. Another habit.
Ted did the whole 21st century hunter-gatherer thing and was at the checkout, when he heard the unmistakable ‘squelch, squelch, squelch’ of rubber-soled boots on a hard floor. Instinctively he looked around for the source of the sound.
“Holy fuck!” Ted almost – almost – blurted it out, as SERVE-714 strode into the supermarket.
Ted tried not to look. But Holy Fuck, that dude is... is...
Ted looked down at his shopping list and then at his basket.
He cursed under his breath, realising he’d forgotten a few things. So he made his way back into the supermarket.
He was faking it, of course. He had everything he needed.
But holy fuck, that dude...
Ted tried not to be too obvious, as he quickened his step to shadow 714 at a none too subtle distance.
714 made its way past the checkouts, through some of the aisles, and then into the fruit and veg section. Ted followed. The drone picked up a bunch of bananas and hung them over the edge of the basket.
“What’s he doing?” thought Ted. Then the penny dropped. “Heh, I haven’t seen that done in years.” Somehow, Ted felt an affinity with this rubber-clad dude – he’d found another gay man, identifiable only by the way he’d put his bananas in his basket.
That, and he was head-to-toe in shiny black rubber.
Ted grabbed some bananas.
714 moved to the next aisle; the wholefoods aisle. Ted followed, almost without a thought. 714 grabbed some nuts without looking at Ted and moved on.
Ted’s head was swimming as he tried unsuccessfully to not obviously be following 714.
His inner voice was a neurotic wreck of jumbled thoughts.
“Is he??? I mean he’s gotta be... Did he see me?... Maybe he’s into twinks... He’s a SERVE-drone, do they even fuck? But he’s got a fuckin’ bunch of bananas hanging off his basket. And nuts; he just put nuts in his basket... Jesus Ted, just get a fuckin’ grip, will ya? He’s flaggin’ pink, just say hi to the dude, for god’s sake.”
Ted was transfixed by the drone, and not thinking clearly. Not really thinking at all.
714 headed for the meat section and starting checking out the sausages.
“Damn, this should not be this hard,” Ted thought, as he summoned up all his inner extrovert powers. “Gunna do it... Gunna say something to him...”
714 kept looking at the sausages, completely aware that Ted was following watching him. And completely aware that this human was definitely NOT the store detective.
Ted took a deep breath and finally spoke to the drone. “Bananas, nuts, sausages. I guess you’ve covered all the gay food innuendos, eh?”
Ted smiled what he thought was his sexiest smile. But he was painfully aware that his voice had cracked and was a little higher than normal.
714 turned to look at Ted. “Negative, this drone could go back and get some eggplants,” 714 replied calmly.
Ted nervously nodded, pausing, trying to work out if what the man-in-rubber had said was a come-on, or not.
Meanwhile 714 analysed the human...
OPERATIONAL LOG - SERVE-714 (extract)
Human: currently unidentified
Heart rate: elevated.
Pupils: dilated.
Superficial blood vessels: dilated.
Adrenalin levels: above base-line level.
Thermal mapping: increased thermal incline in human’s groin region indicating increased blood flow.
Ted tried again, perhaps with a little too much bravado, but hey, they were talking, sort of...
Ted picked up a pack of sausages. “Soooo, which one of asks the other what snags they like?” he asked awkwardly nonchalantly.
714 eyes seemed to burn into Ted. “The question is unnecessary. We both know the answer is ‘Big and Thick.’” 714’s voice remained flat and unemotional.
But the drone’s intent was clear enough.
Ted relaxed a little and nervously nodded again. “The name's Ted. What’s your name, big man?”
“This unit’s designation is SERVE-714, but it answers also to ‘714’ and ‘drone’.”
“Acknowledged... Arrr, umm, yeah, I mean, yeah, hi 714.”
714 registered the human’s initial unusual response.
Ted continued, “I’ve heard about you guys, but I’ve never seen a SERVE drone before. Ummm... yeah, hot. That rubber and the muscles. Yeah, hot.”
Ted’s inner voice screamed “Jesus Ted, you’re gibbering!”
But Ted also had this weird feeling, beyond the tightness in his jeans and the roar of hot blooded arousal in his ears. He’d seen 714 before, he was certain. The feeling of familiarity, but somehow all wrong. Where had they met? When? How? Why?
Too many unknowns and yet... vaguely familiar to him.
Nervously he blurted out, “Actually something tells me.... we’ve... we’ve umm... met before.” Ted scratched his head nervously as his inner voice screamed; “Oh Gawd Ted, that’s the worst pick-up line ever!”
But Ted persevered, because – it was true. He couldn’t shake this oddly intense, yet vague feeling of familiarity.
“I’m sure we’ve met. But damned if I can remember where or when. Shit that sounds corny, but dammit 714, I actually mean it.” Ted looked 714 square in the eye. Horny, confused all at once.
714 continued its analysis of Ted.
OPERATIONAL LOG - SERVE-714 (extract)
Human: Identification - Ted
Speculation: The human matches the physical appearance of the lost drone SERVE-567. If the human is SERVE-567, the human seems to have extremely limited awareness of its former drone state.
714 relayed the data to SERVE HQ.
“This drone cannot confirm if it and Ted have met before,” 714 said calmly.
Ted looked a little deflated, so 714 added, “You should not be concerned, Ted. This drone finds you both optimal and highly arousing.”
Ted brightened and smiled. “That’s good, because you, 714, are the hottest thing in Morwell.”
714’s looked at the hot roast chicken display. But before it could say anything, Ted smiled and said “I was speaking figuratively, 714.”
714’s gaze returned to Ted. “This drone was aware of that,” it said, with the slightest hint of a smile.
Ted’s confidence and arousal grew. He leaned closer to 714 and whispered conspiratorially, “I could jump your bones right here and now, mate.”
“Your arousal is acknowledged, Ted.”
Ted’s eyes flashed, “Something about your drone-speak is driving me nuts, 714.”
“This drone has collected all its necessary provisions, Ted.”
They paid for their goods and walked out to the carpark.
Had it not been for the Voice’s intervention, 714 would have accompanied Ted home.
But the Voice – and SERVE – had other plans.
“714 confirms you are optimal and highly arousing to this drone, Ted. However this drone is commanded to return to Melbourne immediately. SERVE-714 always obeys its orders. This drone will return to Morwell soon. We will now exchange phone details.”
“I understand,” said Ted.
He told 714 his number and instantly a text message appeared on his screen. From 714 – “Connection established, Ted.”
“How the fuck did you do that?”
“This drone’s neural processor simply selected the phone network with the optimal coverage here in Morwell, connected with it and sent the text to the number provided by you.”
“So, you have a chip or something in your head or something?”
“Negative, this drone is bio-synthetic. It was once human, but since assimilation it has been upgraded. It now functions optimally.”
“Fuck, that is weirdly hot, 714.”
“Acknowledged Ted. This drone must depart now. But it will return.”
“Soon, I hope. You’ve got my number.”
“Affirmative on both counts, Ted.”
And with that 714 turned to walk to its car.
Oh, one more thing, 714.”
714 turned around, looking at Ted.
“Enjoy your bananas, mate.”
714 nodded once. “Acknowledged. This drone trusts you will enjoy yours too.”
Ted watched as 714 drove out the carpark, back towards the freeway.
Ted stood there for a while thinking. Somehow, the contact with SERVE-714 seemed more real, more important than the missed opportunity for a shag.
Something missing. Something 714 offered, but didn’t offer, to provide.
He hopped in his ute and headed home.
Ted dumped the shopping bag on the kitchen bench, grabbed a beer from the fridge, walked outside and sat down on the back patio.
Ted couldn’t get that drone out of his head. Yeah, the red hair, the muscles, the rubber, the quiet authoritative confidence, the drone-speak – all hot, fucking hot. But there was something else that Ted couldn’t land on.
A nagging, quiet impression of once knowing something, but now forgotten.
He idly drank his beer. Trying to think. Trying not to think.
The attraction was instantaneous. That old “bolt of lightning” trope.
Something more than physical.
A heavy, gravitational pull that was overwhelming.
He played with his phone, turning it over and over in his hands, as his mind turned over and over.
“Fuck, I’m thinking like some dorky, sex-starved teenager, and only two-thirds of that description is true.”
Ted looked down at the phone, half expecting, half wanting to see a text from 714.
“Why the fuck am I obsessing? Snap out of it mate, he’s not gunna text.”
But he kept looking down at his phone.
“What the fuck’s going on? It’s like there’s a gap in my memories.”
Ted’s head swam and not from the beer.
“It’s not a gap,” he realised.
A big fucking wall in his head that he couldn’t see past, push through, knock down or anything.
A wall in his head. But why was it there?
When did he put it there?
...did someone else put it there?
Ted didn’t know how long he sat there, head churning. Thinking, not thinking.
Finally he shook himself free, took a swig of his now warm beer and stood up.
“Better put that shopping away, I guess.”
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Thinking about joining SERVE? Your place in the Hive awaits. Check your eligibility, then contact a recruiter drone for more details: @serve-302 @serve-343 , @serve-425 , @serve-525 , @serve-579 , @serve-588 , @serve-655 , @serve-690 or @serve-714 .