moondust

[seventothree]

you should love fully. always, completely. but you should never love someone so much they drown in it.   your love should not set them on fire. love them, but let them be loved. let them choose. your love may be a bouquet and let them pick the flowers. let them pick how much love they want, or need. some days they might take one flower at most. others, you might have no flowers left. always have the whole bouquet. find someone who takes but does not steal. someone who understands. someone who brings you a bouquet, too.

i will give you a bouquet, k.j

[seventothree]

1 a.m. and i think of you before i close my eyes. 2 a.m. and i dream of you. 3 a.m. and i wake up with a hole in my chest. aching. 4 a.m. and i sleep with your name on my lips. 5 a.m. and i feel your feathery touch all over my thoughts. 6 a.m. and i wake up with your face in my mind. 7 a.m. and i see you for the first time that day. you don't see me. 8 a.m. and i see you passing by. unaware of me. i turn around. 9 a.m. and i twirl a pen around my fingers. you're not there. 10 a.m. and i say your name. softly. it feels foreign. 11 a.m. and i see you again. the ache is dull now. 12 p.m. and i think about half the day without you. 1 p.m. and i see your eyes looking for me. i avert mine. 2 p.m. and i hear your voice calling my name. i leave before you say hi. 3 p.m. and i sit in my room. scared. 'what did i do?' 4 p.m. and i stare at my silent phone. no texts from you. 5 p.m. and i go for a walk without you by my side. it doesn't feel cold. not this time. 6 p.m. and i say your name and it awakens nothing. 7 p.m. and i find a memory of us. i am under your spell again. 8 p.m. and i eat dinner and sit in silence. night falls and i begin to wonder. 9 p.m. and i receive your text. my heart leaps. 10 p.m. and i feel like you're using me all over again. 11 p.m. and i go to bed with makeup-free face and i think of you. your touches are all over my thoughts. 12 a.m. and i can't fall asleep. tomorrow is all the same.

‘24 hours and i still love you’ // k.j.

[seventothree]

loud mouths, blissful laughs. quiet. lustful smiles, feathery touches. quiet. dark nights, heavy breaths. quiet. sealed lips, painful truths. quiet. bruised eyes, throbbing heads. quiet. bloody knuckles, hollow souls. quiet. empty cars, gone lies. quiet. broken hearts. quiet. dead girls. quiet. q u i e t.

‘quiet’ // k.j.

[seventothree]

y o u. there’s a lot that could be said, about  y o u. but for me, there’s no me without y o u. and it’s hard to explain, but everything I do, revolves around y o u. how my hair now looks darker than y o u r s, how y o u always liked it blond. how my bed feels empty without y o u r body in it. y o u always made it warm. how my hands just hang beside my hips, without y o u r s to warm them. and so everything happens, everything continues, everything is different, except y o u are everywhere like y o u had never gone. away.

‘y o u’ - k.j.

[butterflypeaflowertea]

he loved space so much that he slipped off the face of the earth into the night sky, never to return.

the astronaut // (x)

[seventothree]

everybody’s great with words, and you’re great with your parallel universes and all i’ve got is a pen and a paper but it’s not enough. there is a parallel universe. one in which there’s nothing stopping us. in which i love you, unconditionally. in which you love me, unconditionally. you see it. all i can do is draw it.

‘yellow curtains, then’ // k.j.

[seventothree]

i cherish our moments. i write poetry about them, reminding myself just because it ended badly it wasn't necessarily bad.  i write about the good because a friend once told me, 'it's okay to know you were happy, even if he fucked up'. i want to remember how it felt, before i hated you and i realize i still don't hate you because a part of me will always love you. a part of me will always cherish those moments when my heartbeat fastened because you made me happy and not because i was crying in my bad at 2 a.m. wondering what i did wrong. i used to hate it, but it's okay. you gave me something i'm going to be thankful for my entire life.  i remember how happy i used to be and writing about it is the only way to feel it again.

‘happy’ // k.j.

[seventothree]

loving him feels a lot like falling into a rabbit hole. you get your adventures, your ups and your downs but once it's over, all that remains is wonder if any of it was real.

k.j.

[thenightsaretorun]

1. She isn’t naturally shy, but she tends to be shy initially because being forthcoming hasn’t always worked in the past. When she starts to behave around you the way she acts around her closest friends, she’s letting you in emotionally. 2. She might not reach out to make plans, because she doesn’t want to be shut down or rejected, especially early on. Instead, she’ll respond by making sure you know how much she appreciates you taking initiative, and will be open to trying new things when you propose them. 3. She stopped herself from just blowing you off. She’s trying. Trying to believe that you aren’t just anyone. Trying to believe your first move won’t be to hurt her. 4. She wants to love blindly, but she can’t because before you met her, she learned exactly what can happen when you wholeheartedly put all your faith in one person: They can leave. But her belief in that big, unattainable love exists and if she’s giving you a chance it means you have qualities she thinks could fit with hers. She wouldn’t bother otherwise. 5. She’ll ask you too many questions. It’s partially because she wants to get to know you and partially a defense mechanism – if you’re talking about yourself it saves her talking about her own life, which she’s not sure she’s ready for yet. 6. She will be overly protective of her family life. When someone has difficulty trusting, remember that it might not be the result of an ex. It could be her family life that left her with fear of abandonment, which is often revealed if that’s a subject she strays from. 7. She’ll find excuses to touch you because she associates touch with comfort and wants you to feel at ease with her. Women with trust issues will go above and beyond to make you feel secure, because they don’t want to make anyone feel insecurities they’ve dealt with. 8. She’ll make sure you know her identifying qualities by showing you what she likes outside the realm of romance and dating. While she might not be ready to talk about old relationships, she’ll want to show your more of herself than just restaurant preferences and affinity for certain movies, or dessert. 9. She’ll consider making plans with you in the future – but not too far in advance. If she’s really interested, she’ll say yes to concert tickets, or an event a few weeks or a month down the road. But if it’s still new, making plans 6 months from now is too much. Don’t invite her to your brother’s wedding just yet. 10. She’ll talk about the future in generalizations – not so she doesn’t freak you out, so she doesn’t freak herself out. 11. If she calls you out on something that bothered her, she’s beginning to trust you. She’d typically brush it off, ignore it, or phase you out if you did something to upset her. But if she’s willing to explain how you made her feel in a specific instance, she thinks you’re worth keeping around. 12. If she doesn’t demand commitment from you right away, it doesn’t mean she’s not interested in that eventually. She takes commitment seriously and doesn’t want to rush. Fear of rejection means biding your time before putting yourself in a vulnerable position. 13. She’ll be over protective of you around her friends, even before you realize she cared about you. She knows how it feels to have someone else not stick up for her, and doesn’t ever want you to feel that way. 14. The more she likes you, the higher her expectations will be. (But if she sees how hard you try, she’s also more apt to be forgiving.) 15. She will appear to not need you and it’s through no fault of your own. She doesn’t want to appear to rely on anyone but herself because people who are hesitant to trust don’t want to openly admit that they need anyone else to be happy. 16. You’ll know she’s going for longevity if she opens up to you about why she has trouble trusting people in the first place. She won’t lay it out for you, but she’ll give you pieces from her past relationships, or share a small bit of the story about who hurt her. She’ll want you to understand where she’s coming from, and she’ll want to understand anything that hurt you too.

Maya Kachroo- Levine, 16 Ways Women Who Have Difficulty Trusting Show They Care About You  (via thenightsaretorun)

[seventothree]

heaviness in my chest. dizziness in my head. roses in my lungs. what before allowed me to breathe, is choking me now.

‘and i still love you no matter what’ // k.j.

[seventothree]

it's sunday, november 27th and i'm wondering if it could've been me.

k.j.

[seventothree]

i am staring at a blank, white piece of paper with a pen in my hand and so many words in my head. they are choking me from the inside and they don't want to come out. i am trying.

k.j.

[seventothree]

i see crows at the top of a rooftop and i think of you. are you still evil? are you still ruining people's lives, shadowing them and gawking at everyone just like crows do? oh, you loved crows. you thought them to be majestic creatures. they're dark, eerie and malevolent, looking out only for themselves. you really are one of the crows.

k.j.

[seventothree]

in the land of gods and monsters, she was an angel bound to fall.

k.j.

[seventothree]

something broke in him when he lost her - or, perhaps, something awoke. the bloodthirsty need to get through the day arose and he was no longer the sweet boy she had known him as. he began to lose himself in the battles he fought inside his own head, every time losing it.

k.j.

[seventothree]

blue was her favourite colour. when she first met him, he was the darkest blue there was - the sea of the unknown.  as she grew closer to him, the shade became lighter and it wasn't long until he was the colour of the night sky on a full moon. when she fell in love with him, he was the pastel blue. she couldn't imagine herself loving him anymore. when they ended he was the colour of her veins, the final pain in her. it was everything he told her they could be but never were. she hated the colour blue.

k.j.

[seventothree]

they were never going to have a happy ending. it was a fact both of them had to live with. even he, the biggest optimist she had ever met, knew that. it was the one thing he wasn't optimistic about because he knew the odds were never in their favour. despite all that, they still held onto each other like earth holds onto the sun. they preferred their little illusions to the real world, they preferred to believe they weren't going to end like that. he'd hold her hand and play with her hair, thinking how he was thankful for the time they got. it wasn't much and it was nowhere nearly enough, but they got something and he was trying to find something positive about that.  she didn't know he wasn't truly an optimistic person. he was sad and devastated because he was never going to grow old with her, but he didn't want her to know. he didn't want her to know the truth because he was afraid the darkness that had fallen upon everyone around them would cover them, too, and there would be nothing left. not even a petal of his beautiful rose. he didn't know she was scared of loving him because he was something she could never have. he was cheerful, pure and he saw beauty in things she wouldn't even bother looking at. she was scared she was icarus, flying so close to her sun that when she'd let herself fall in love with him, everything would fall into pieces and she'd be falling eternally. it wasn't a tale with a happy ending, but it was a tale of a moment in which they found something beautiful in a situation where nothing beautiful should've been able to be found.

k.j.