A compilation of things a muse of mine has said. Ranges from 100% seriousness to absolute chaos (but mostly chaos). Change pronouns / etc. when sending as needed.
tw for drinking/alcohol mentions, suggestive content, violence mentions, lots of swearing / insults, other non-PG shenanigans.
❝ Get the heart eyes away from me. ❞
❝ I can't help it, I'm just too hot. ❞
❝ Was I supposed to NOT be mean? ❞
❝ I am what the boomers like to call a "delinquent". ❞
❝ Just think before you say anything, "would I say this to [name] for fun", and if the answer is yes, do not say that shit to her. ❞
❝ Aw, did that hurt your little feelings? ❞
❝ Oh dear god, what torture are you going to put me through now? ❞
❝ Words cannot express how much I hate the words that I just read with my own two eyes. ❞
❝ Call me [nickname] again and I'll break your face. ❞
❝ If you turn that into a sex joke I swear to god — ❞
❝ Cursed. Horrible. Disappointing. ❞
❝ Adorable that you think you're worth the effort. ❞
❝ The only kink here is gonna be the one in your fucking spine. ❞
❝ One, I'm not your babe. Two, I will fucking strangle you. ❞
❝ Do you have a death wish or something? ❞
❝ Feel like doing something ridiculous? ❞
❝ I feel like this is what happens before someone walks into an intervention. ❞
❝ My entire support system is having a crisis right now. ❞
❝ I'm just not ready to deal with it right now. ❞
❝ I'm not gonna try to fix things and get myself in another fight as a consequence. ❞
❝ I fucked up and kinda shut down before I could. ❞
❝ I don't know how to make this right. ❞
❝ Maybe he's better off without me. ❞
❝ You went right back to blaming me for everything the first chance you got. ❞
❝ I imagine it's hard for you to feel sorry for anyone at all. ❞
❝ I can't catch a fucking break. ❞
❝ I actually liked the idea that we could maybe be friends and move past everything, but you're always going to think the worst of me. ❞
❝ I guess I did ruin everything, didn't I? ❞
❝ I needed to win to prove to myself that I could do it. ❞
❝ No no, this one is actually a good idea! ❞
❝ See, this is why you're perfect for each other. ❞
❝ Maybe he'll be more receptive to it if you're there. Or at least less hostile about it. ❞
❝ I think you're probably the only person who could get through to him on this. ❞
❝ I've had to do a lot of things I didn't want to do to try to get by. I get what that's like. ❞
❝ You're not a snack, you're a whole damn meal. Don't be humble. ❞
❝ Soooo I might have done something. ❞
❝ He's too much of a petty bitch for that. ❞
❝ I'm going to terrorize him. ❞
❝ Guess I better get the bullying out of my system before then. ❞
❝ Wow, that's like, third base. ❞
❝ Hold my [object] while I kick ass for you. ❞
❝ You're the cutest duck, though. ❞
❝ That's the option with the least violence. ❞
❝ You're probably the only person I trust that much. ❞
❝ Okay that was cute, you can have a kiss for that one. ❞
❝ Um, that's me. I'm the Precious here. ❞
❝ I'm a scam of a person. ❞
❝ Don't worry, I'm sure all her murder energy is focused on [name]. ❞
❝ Want me to make mean faces at them? ❞
❝ There is something and I need you for impulse control. Or you can enable me, that's cool too. ❞
❝ Yeah but like, we're little shits by choice. He's a little shit out of hatred or spite or whatever the fuck fuels him to act like this. ❞
❝ I'm pretty sure my brain stopped working several times. ❞
❝ It's scandalous! I mean we're just SO wholesome and innocent. ❞
❝ People might start to think we're in love or something. ❞
❝ Getting kicked out of [location] sounds fun. ❞
❝ They are looking at me with their EYES. ❞
❝ . . . I've never seen that. ❞
❝ The trauma is half the fun. I'm just melodramatic. ❞
❝ Don't tell me how to breathe, mouth breather. ❞
❝ Why were you listening you fucking creature !? ❞
❝ Dude go to fucking therapy, I'm not even kidding. ❞
❝ I need to bleach my brain. ❞
❝ It was for safety purposes you nasty bastard! ❞
❝ Dishonor on you, gambling satan! ❞
❝ I don't know how you're still alive. ❞
❝ You call me the antichrist and accuse me of being pregnant at least three times per month. He gives me hugs and pizza. ❞
❝ No you're right, I set my expectations too high. ❞
❝ Why did you bet on THIS of all things oh my fucking god??? ❞
❝ Everyone's always like "[name] you have daddy issues" but I have no dad to have issues with so??? ❞
❝ I will beat you to death with your own limbs. ❞
❝ You Gary Busey lookin' bitch. ❞
❝ We have to watch you guys make bedroom eyes at each other all the time, we just want it to stop. ❞
❝ You use my horny behavior against me, it's only fair I get to use yours against you. ❞
❝ I have no sense of self preservation. It's why I get into so many fights. ❞
❝ Glad to know you approve of horrendously spiteful revenge tactics. ❞
❝ I may talk shit but I do worry about you. ❞
❝ Oh, I'm completely vile. I'm well aware. ❞
❝ At least I don't look like I got hit by a school bus because the driver thought you were a threat to the children on board. ❞
❝ Why are you the way that you are? I hate so much about the things you choose to be. ❞
❝ Well maybe you should, I don't know, talk to him about his trauma before you give him sex advice? Seems a bit out of order. ❞
❝ [name], don't touch my baby boy! ❞
❝ Did he drop kick my son !? ❞
❝ You told me you dropped [name/object] down the stairs, I do not trust you. ❞
❝ Say sike right now !! ❞
❝ Is this actually happening?? Am I having an aneurysm???? ❞
❝ I feel like this was a big accomplishment, we came out of this with no attempted murder. So it's a win. ❞
❝ Maybe we DO have the power of god and anime on our side. ❞
❝ I don't know if I trust you two drinking around each other. ❞
❝ I said behave oh my fucking god. ❞
❝ You like [food/brand/name], you clearly have no taste. ❞
❝ No breaking of the sacred pinky oath! ❞
❝ That was so stupid, but thanks for the attempted save. ❞
❝ I'm gonna hit you in the dick with a car while listening to the Power Rangers theme song, and I'm gonna have so much fun doing it, dickhead. ❞
❝ The rules are reasonable. The problem is that I am unreasonable and I know I will break them. ❞