This Vessel is a Lie

Severus Snape // Slytherin Alumni // He/him // 27 // Campaign Manager // It isn't cutthroat, it's calculated

[babil6]

[severelyseverust]

@rodolphuslcstrange

[severelyseverust]

Lily, Mary, Severus // Sins and Redemption

Severus had always been a decisive man. When we was seven he decided his fate was his own, and in Hogwarts he proved that to be true. He worked harder than anyone he knew, he mastered anything he set his mind to, and he was loyal to no one but himself. After all, no one had been loyal to him his entire life, and he wasn’t foolish enough to think otherwise. That had all changed when he was assigned to take care of Mary. Her and Nikolaus had taught Severus more about himself than he ever knew, and he wasn’t sure that was a good thing yet. He knew that his unwavering personality came to hesitate and soon to decide Rodolphus was now nothing more than a depleted resource. Once he had been perfect, the face for a revolution, charming and smart, but he had gotten too comfortable and became nothing more than a cocky man with more mistakes than virtues. Severus made sure all his mistakes, shady deals, and fears stayed under the carpet, and he did his job well, he was the brains where Rodolphus was the face, since Severus always preferred the shadows, and he was sure that was what his life would be, until Nikolaus was born. Severus had had enough, had seen enough wreckage, pain, and disaster that Rodolphus left in his wake, and how he didn’t even notice how he destroyed those he called dear. First it was his own brother, who he claimed to save and instead destroyed, then Severus, his heart and his love for Josephine, then it was Josephine, to this day still looking at him with large eyes, then Mary, Evan, Helena, Narcissa, you name it. Rodolphus had probably hurt them and not even noticed his own selfish need left him alone. With no one but Emmeline Vance, a woman who barely had her own head on right. 

That’s why he was here today, sitting in Mary’s house with Lily Evans of all people in front of him. All sitting like they were some type of fucking friends having tea. They weren’t, his dislike for Rodolphus now didn’t mean he liked Evans, oh no, he still disliked her, but he respected her. Perhaps more now than he ever had, because of Mary, because of Helena and Alecto. Nik was asleep, just put down by Mary in his crib as she entered the deadly quiet room where she had left Lily and Severus who didn’t speak in fear that he’d end up saying something to anger her, instead waiting for the moment that Mary returned to speak. “Right, then,” Severus said as Mary entered and he looked at her and then Lily. “As I’ve said before... This isn’t a social visit,” He said as he cleared his throat, trying to relax. He usually was so relaxed around Mary, and now he was... stiff, composed, with a small frown on his face. “I imagine we don’t have to tell you the truth since it’s likely you already know it, and were waiting for the moment that Mary told you, but... I... We have come to the decision to share this with you, because as...” Severus strained himself as he looked at Lily and he felt bile rise in his throat. “As much as I... do not see your point of view, I believe you are the... correct person to trust with this... I trust you, with this,” He nearly choked out as he leaned back in his chair. “Merlin I’ve finally gone mad, I knew this day would come, I knew that this would happen...” He whispered to himself. “Mary... If you’d like to be the one to tell Evans.”

@fiercelily-evans

[severelyseverust]

Rod, Severus, Mary // The Weight of My Mistakes

Severus thought it was strange, to be in Mary’s room with Nikolaus in his arms. He was rocking back and forth with him laying on his chest. He was quiet, not quite asleep, but not crying either. Mary sat on the bed, she needed to rest, and he was here to make sure she rested as much as possible, ready to be at her beck and call and help wherever he could. It was all so surreal, everything had happened so quickly that Severus had barely had time to wrap his head around it, but he was here, feeling as if his chest was wide open and his heart was visible to all in the little body in his arms. He didn’t know something could be so innocent, so pure, and so loved only with a few hours of life. This was what family was like, and the emotions that stirred in him had never stirred in hims before, a want and a need for this. His own family, his own life, it was dangerous territory. It was more than Severus had ever wanted. He never had a family to call his own, Rodolphus was the closest thing before this that he knew as family, and even then it was more like a business than a comfort. He never let Rodolphus see him hesitate, see him vulnerable, he was always the perfect soldier, ready to do what needed to be done and get what was necessary for their success. Rodolphus, in many ways, knew little of the man Severus was, because Severus had never allowed himself to be that man. 

He looked at Mary, his face softening as he pushed the dark thought from his mind and kissed Nik’s head. “Are you sure you’re alright? Don’t... need anything?” He asked before he gave her a sheepish smile. “Sorry, I know I keep asking... I don’t mean to fuss over you,” He said just as there was a cut clear crack in the air and Severus knew the time had come. The pop of apparition was one he knew well, and when the door of the house turned downstairs and he heard footsteps come up the stairs he felt his stomach twist in anticipation. The cruel realisation that this family, as much as he loved it, would never be his, like everything he ever loved, it was Rodolphus’. He owned nothing, because at the end of the day Severus was nothing. Just as his mother had told him. This time, it was his own doing. 

@expectantmary

[severelyseverust]

underneathsilk:

Josephine’s heart thudded in her chest as he spoke, and she could feel her mask - already made fragile - beginning to crumble. “Sev… don’t, please.” she said, her voice soft, just above a whisper. She shut her eyes, shaking her head slowly. “You don’t… You don’t know what you\re talking about.”

“Don’t I?” He said, and he wished his voice didn’t sound so soft... So vulnerable. “I know your eyes because they mirror mine, Josephine,” He said, and there it was, her full name he so rarely used. The name came like a confession of sin, and was it not? To have fallen in love with her was sin. To admit vulnerability, to admit he felt, it made him feel sick. “We all knew you two were the ones meant to be, that’s why...” He thought for a moment, if her name was a confession then he might as well. “I once was in love with you, hell at times I think I might still be,” He said breathlessly as if the words coming out of his mouth were a weight lifted from his chest. “I tried to be a better man, a man that became something when he came from nothing, for you who I looked at as if... you were something unattainable, so pure and beautiful and yet so fierce and elegant, you leave me in awe more moments than not, speechless when I’m the one with the words for every moment life has brought me,” He said as he looked towards the window at the night sky. “I wanted to be a worthy man, not some poor half-blood that grew up between streets riddled with dirt,” He scoffed at the image of his younger self. “But I waited too long, and by the time I thought perhaps I’d have the courage to ask you you were with the man I admired the most of all...” He said as if everything he hoped to have was stolen inches from his grasp. “I don’t blame you for any of this, of course, I was never sincere about my feelings for you, and even if I had I doubt I’d be the sort of man you’d end up with, sometimes it isn’t... that simple... But I tell you this because I know you’re hurting...” He said turning to her as he hesitated a moment. 

“He’s an utter fool, to have let you go willingly... Of all the women he’s hurt, you are the one that angers me most he hurt...” He said as he pursed his lips. “And I’m sorry... And I hope you can one day come to love again and be loved in return just as much... I didn’t believe in love, not truly, not until... Recently,” He admitted as he cleared his throat. “But if someone deserves it it’s you, and you should know that... You are magnificent, you’re not even one in a million, there are millions of people in this world but I doubt one could even come close to who you are... You are brilliant, and nothing should dull your shine, but even then... You need to break down now and then... And know, I know your pain, though I imagine yours differs in some aspects, but know that... I’m here for you, as I’ve always been.”

[severelyseverust]

rodolphuslcstrange:

“Ah yes, Ms. MacDonald!” Rodolphus exclaimed. “How is she - resting at home, I hope?” They both knew the answer to that, and Rodolphus was sure that Severus could read his disapproval in his eyes. How odd, that over the years they had grown so close to one another that entire conversations could be held without a single word spoken between them. But lately he had felt a divide, a distancing and a disapproval in the other man’s eyes that Rodolphus found unsettling and worrisome. He will be like his mother, and no one else. Rodolphus would never admit to it, but he wished the same for his child’s fate. May he never be as easily swayed, as manipulated, and as selfish as his father. The smile on his face remained tight, and the tension between the two men grew more and more palpable. “Narcissa always looks stunning - I wasn’t lying when I said that she is my much, much better half,” he remarked, more to the others still gathered around them than to Severus himself. “But the real question is when will we get to see you dance? Surely with a child in your arms all night, you must take the moment to enjoy yourself as well.” Rodolphus wished his eyes did not flicker down to Nik at just that moment. He prayed that Severus would not read into the movement as greed, as desire. Even so, as soon as he saw his eyes mirrored back in his son’s, he felt a possessive tendril wrap around his throat, and his palms itched by his sides to touch his newborn’s soft skin again.

“No, she said she’d like to come and so she has, I’m sure we’ll leave sooner rather than later, but I had to be here, didn’t I?” He said as he rocked the baby strapped to his chest, the movements showing that this wasn’t the first time he did this, and he knew how to do it well. “You are truly lucky to have each other,” Severus complimented the pair, but there was a bite to his words. Remember your role, they said. “I am dancing as is, I’m sure you wouldn’t mind offering Mary a room in case she needs it since you are so kind, and then perhaps I’ll dance,” He said as his mind flashed to Alecto for a moment and he felt his heartbeat jump for a moment but he pushed it down, the moment having him miss the flicker of Rodolphus’ eyes down to the baby. “I’m sure you have more people to attend to, the evening is about to commence after all.”

[severelyseverust]

underneathsilk:

“That we do.” Josephine smiled, taking a sip of her latte. She chuckled lightly as he spoke, shaking her head. “You work too hard Severus. You deserve a chance to breathe as well” Her words were sincere. He was a friend of hers, after all.

Severus laughed at that, shaking his head with a large smile. “Breathe? I’m not sure I know the word, I’d think you don’t know my boss, without me, the Ministry will burn to ash, and I don’t mean that as I’m clever and better, I mean that as in I left him alone once in my room and I came back to a small fire on my floor,” He smiled. “I’m not even sure I remember how to relax, Josie,” He said with a small shrug. 

[severelyseverust]

underneathsilk:

Josephine wondered what had happened. Had a patron pulled out? Some scandal had been unearthed? A dealing made public? But as he spoke, her eyebrows knitted together. She knew what he was referring to, but why?  “Severus I appreciate the concern, but I don’t know what you’re talking about.” she answered.

“You can act all you like, but after several years of knowing you, I can read your face like an open book,” Severus said with an unamused chuckle. “I’m sorry that he hurts you... Unaware he’s doing it... I wish I could somehow... help,” He said with a sigh. “Trust me, I wish he loved you and not... her, it’d be a lot easier then, and a lot... more just... But the world isn’t on your shoulders alone and I’m sorry... That any of this ever happened to you, you of all people.” 

[severelyseverust]

calamityofagirl:

“Good to know.” She said with a small smirk, following him inside the bar. “It was fun to watch the chaos on both sides after the official announcement.” she added as they approached the bar. “Obviously that shock won’t last forever, so,” she gave a small shrug “let the games begin”

“Let them begin, indeed,” He said as he sat down at the bar and waved the bartender over. “Consider me intrigued, I’m wondering what you’ll do from now on,” He said as he ordered a whiskey for himself. “Do you think you can honestly do it? Lead a whole... society on your own? Beyond the werewolves and people dilema? I’m not doubting you, but I am curious.”

[hummely]

[severelyseverust]

@expectantmary

[peraltalinetti]

[severelyseverust]

@evnrcsicr

[baawri]

[severelyseverust]

@underneathsilk

[delevingned-deactivated20151023]

[severelyseverust]

underneathsilk:

Josephine’s mask was back, smiling politely at anyone who passed her way. But her destination for the drinks table was clear, until she was stopped. For a split second she thought maybe a drunk patron had latched onto her. But she saw a kind face - Severus. Her friend. She smiled back, although confused, “Of course.” she answered, nodding, before she let him lead her away.

He guided them through the crowd, the bidding was just starting and people were no longer truly paying attention to who was there and who wasn’t. He took them down a hallway and out a door into one of the Lestrange’s smaller libraries, this one had a balcony. He opened the door, leading them inside before he closed it behind them. “I’m sorry,” He said first, as he walked inside the library and turned to look at her. “That he hurts you... I’m sorry... You don’t deserve it, not you.”

[severelyseverust]

alvctc:

Of course Rodolphus wouldn’t approve, but she was beginning to think that didn’t matter anymore. The more he spoke the less she believed rod would win. He seemed angry, with his friend and the man he believed in and she understood, Remus was crashing and burning too and so many uprising members were at their breaking point with him. “Is he okay? The baby I mean, and Mary. I mean I don’t know her really but Lily does so…I hope she’s okay is all. But Severus, does that mean you have to play along for years?” The thought made her uncomfortable for some reason and she pushed those feelings away, this conversation was too important.

“Why wouldn’t they be safe?” She couldn’t imagine Rod hurting his own child. “I won’t tell Lily then, I trust you to keep your word.” She said seriously, hoping she wasn’t wasting that precious trust. If he broke it, with her, there was no way to mend it. “You’re right, you shouldn’t. But I shouldn’t either and I do. This is more than just a difference in politics though, none of that matters here.” she gestured to his home. “This is so much bigger so we have to be too, bigger people, less confined in tiny boxes of stereotypical bullshit.” she had no idea where that came from. “No it’s just—so normal, so muggle, it’s—unsettling in a way.”

She almost laughed but she did crack a smile at that. She nodded though and she was eager to feel better tonight than last time. “Oh, yeah. Well I like all kinds of stuff, I’m not really a picky eater. I have a bit of a sweet tooth but after moons it’s all about protein and carbs. Kind of like when I’m on my period but then it’s sugar and carbs. Not that you needed to know that—” she blushed a light rose. She followed him down the stairs and felt more at ease once in the basement, where she went to sit on the couch, taking off her shoes and socks before settling in. “What do you like to eat?”

He moved to a stool like chair nearby one of the tables in the basement, a cauldron in front of him as he sat down. “The baby and Mary are both fine, Mary and I feel like we’ve been run over a truck but... it’s worth it... I never truly... thought of having children before...” He caught himself, “Sorry, that’s... too much information,” He said as he blushed a light pink - what was it about her that brought out all his thoughts out, pouring onto her lap. “But no, I doubt I’ll have to keep the act up for long, it’s likely someone will find out sooner rather than alter, but even then, I’d like to help Mary where I can... Once more, too much information, but... my mother was a single mother, and she... I don’t like talking about her or my family, but she hated me for it, I hope I can prevent that even if Mary doesn’t seem the type to hate her child,” He said as he looked down at the book neatly laid beside the cauldron as he opened cabinets next to the table and began taking out ingredients, moving to make this potion like second nature. 

“Rodolphus, as you know though, is not exactly the most well liked man, his father is the biggest threat, along with Amycus, and perhaps people I haven’t even considered yet, people who want revenge for what I must admit I played a part in,” He said with a sigh, was he... did he regret it? Now of all times? He was glad to know she trusted him. He didn’t know how far that trust went, but it did make him feel... relieved. “It is very muggle, perhaps it could use some renovating to it... In time,” He said, and he wondered if he was welcoming her once more to change things as she saw fit. 

He couldn’t help but chuckle slightly at her comment on her appetite during the moon and on her period. Perhaps it was because he was a man of science that conversing about her period didn’t make him grossed out or shy away. He’d dealt with worse in Mary’s pregnancy. He’d seen it all at this point. “I’ll keep them in mind,” He said trying to keep the amusement out of his voice but it was hard. He liked seeing her there, he realized, relaxed on the couch, it seemed... fitting. Like a missing piece that was added. “I... like to eat pretty much everything,” He admitted. “I didn’t get the chance to be picky when I was young, which I am grateful for now since I can enjoy almost anything, though I do dislike mushrooms quite a bit... I do love sushi, and steak, and I have quite the sweet tooth too, especially for ice cream, all the time, not just with the moon,” He said and now he truly did chuckle. “I hate mint and chocolate, though, and mint overall, makes me feel like I’m brushing my teeth and eating at the same time,” He shook his head as he dropped some ingredients in and stirred the cauldron. 

[severelyseverust]

alvctc:

She was fake infuriated he took her hand without asking, so much for a gentlemanly way of doing so. “Stop calling me that, this isn’t the eighteen hundreds Mr. Snape.” she snapped, pulling her hand away. But then he asked her to dance and she—-wanted to. The smile was overkill but she hadn’t seen one on him before so it was half refreshing half terrifying. She gave her hand back “Fine, one dance.” She narrowed her eyes but felt like laughing at the charade. Being so close suddenly made her blush, his hand on her back, holding her close. She did not like physical touch but found she craved affection desperately. A soft smile spread her lips as she leaned in so they could speak candidly without being overheard. “I was holding back, by the way.” She had been, it could have been so much worse. As they moved she let him lead with ease and found he was a surprisingly good dancer. “Where did you learn to dance?”

He was grateful that she came, her proximity making his face heat up. He hadn’t... really ever been this close to a woman before, not in this way. It felt... intimate. “Well I have given you the tools to hurt me, please be gentle,” He teased back with a soft laugh, his tight muscles relaxing under his suit after a night that seemed to have no end. “Hogwarts, I don’t really like being mediocre at things, and more people than I like asked me to dance at events like this, I rather be good at it if I’ll be submitted to do it,” He admitted with a half-smile that seemed to be ever present with her around. “Are you impressed?” He teased - and almost flirted, had he been more charming, perhaps. He twirled her then along with the music, before her body came back towards him and he pulled her close once more. “Has anyone actually been rude to you? I know you’re more than capable-” He said as he interrupted himself, what was he saying? He cleared his throat. “It’s a lot of opposing sides in one room, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop... This is... nice,” He said, referring to them. The dancing. Not them. Merlin.

[severelyseverust]

alvctc:

“It isn’t your home, your party. Seems odd you’d expect anyone, or not.” She didn’t know what she was saying, reverting to the asshole pureblood her father had always wanted her to become. She didn’t know how she’d make it up to him, but she’d try, after the ball. “That it is, I hope people will give from their hearts.” She said sincerely. “Again, not your business. I can take care of myself.” His air of authority intimidated her and her gut reaction was to be defiant, school flashbacks assaulting her memory. “Flattery, how quaint.” She gave a tight smile and headed off through the crowd, hoping he might follow, hoping they could actually talk without the masks. She couldn’t exactly ask him to dance though, he had an infant strapped to his chest.

She was cruel, her words cutting and hitting him right where it hurt, but rather than hurting they stung and more than that they made his body heat up with an unknown sensation and pulled at something inappropriate while he was carrying a child. He had barely been able to get a word out as she turned and began walking into the crowd and he was left there with his lips ajar and wanting. He stared after her, his eyes unconsciously drifting down her skirts before he felt his face heat up as he remembered who it was he was looking at. Just then he saw Mary and didn’t hesitate as he nearly ran over to her, heading Nick over, kissing her forehead and without a word darting off in the way he saw Alecto disappear. 

“My lady, I did feel I might have insulted you,” He said as he came up behind her and took her hand, not really meeting the eyes of anyone around her. Just her. “Dance with me, perhaps that can make up for my rudeness,” He said as he gave her a charming smile, mostly for the sake of those around them and less for her, though he had to admit he felt giddy in this charade where they acted like strangers and he did crave more talk with her beyond this game. He pulled her with him taking a step back onto the dance floor as he pulled her close, his hand on the small of her back, strong and determined as he joined along with the crowd. “I knew you had a bite, but that even surprised me,” He whispered low into her ear, not wanting anyone to over hear as they danced. Severus wasn’t good at many things, but dancing was one of the few his true confidence shined in. 

[severelyseverust]

underneathsilk:

Josephine chuckled, thinking of the younger man. “I’ll smooth things over if necessary.” she said with a laugh. Closing up her briefcase and setting it aside, she smiled as he sat down. “I’ve been well. Work has been a little more chaotic than usual, given recent events. But it does finally seem to be slowing down again.” she answered “And yourself? I haven’t seen you in a little while.”

What had she said? He wasn’t sure, he could hardly hear her over the drumming of his heartbeat in his ears. “I am glad it is then, we all need a moment to breathe,” He said with a smile before it faltered after her question. Ah yes it’s because I’ve been avoiding you because of my childish crush, he thought. “What can I say? There’s no rest for the wicked,” He said with a chuckle.